Woo! Another 4851. As you can see... this is my OTP. /squeee
Music is good inspiration, so this one's pretty short, but I enjoyed writing it even if it's not that good. I never look at how good my work is. Lame, I know. I just...type. XD
Contains a bit of fluff... but there's more angst/hurt/regret than anything else... Bawww.
Disclaimer: I don't own Katekyo Hitman REBORN!. I don't own Spanner. I don't own Shoichi.
The song I used here is Fix You by Coldplay. Lovely song. ouo Always gets to me. I DO NOT OWWWWWWN.
Anywhoo~ Enjoy. :3
When you try your best but you don't succeed…
Visible in the dim light of the lamp on their bedside table, next to a pair of neatly placed glasses, the silhouette of the two lost lovers could be seen. Shoichi was sitting on the bed, his legs pushed up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them. He set his chin down on his knees and stared at the empty wall in front of him. All computer screens had been shut down, all Mosca's had been switched off, all controls, all wires had been disconnected. Everything had… given up.
When you get what you want but not what you need…
Spanner was sitting next to him, leaning against the headboard and tiredly fumbling with the plastic wrapper of an already consumed lollipop. He glanced in the direction of the redhead with a silent sigh.
Shoichi's fragile figure sent an unpleasant chill down the blonde's spine. He looked… dead. Dark circles had formed underneath the other man's sockets, hollow outlines appearing along his jaw, his thin lips dehydrated and pale. He missed the days when he was able listen to the sound of Shoichi's calm breathing occupying the space at night.
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse…
This was the night he was going to try again. He was going to try and bring that peaceful smile to Shoichi's lips. He was going to try the hardest he's ever tried. Harder than what it took him to confess his love for him one month ago. Spanner crawled over to his best friend until he was directly in front of him. Shoichi didn't look up. He didn't move. It was as if he had turned into stone, as if everything inside and outside him had frozen. As if time had come to a halt. All Spanner did was stare into the redhead's void eyes. Shoichi stared back, but it was difficult to tell if there were any sort of emotions captured in those pupils. They had become so dejected. Too dejected… What happened?
And the tears come streaming down your face...
There was a tense atmosphere about them, but this didn't stop Spanner. He was done with waiting. He brought his hands up to cup the man's face and bring it towards his own. Whether this was probably Shoichi's response to avoid his face or not, Spanner felt his heart sink at the sight of his lover's lids finally closing before him. Slowly, hesitantly, he tilted his head to the side and pressed a gentle kiss against Shoichi's lips. He was quick to pull away, unsure of how the redhead would react. They had only kissed once, and that was on the first day he had permission to call him his 'boyfriend'. Shoichi opened his eyes and looked up at the blonde, who was now peeking through the space between his fingers, hiding his face behind his hand in regret. This didn't last long, though, when he noticed a tear rolling down the redhead's cheek, and briskly slid closer to him to wipe it away with his thumb, brows furrowing.
When you lose something you can't replace…
Shoichi was confused. Confused about his feelings. Confused about what he was supposed to do, how to act. He had forgotten how to /love/, as if he could never find that word in any dictionary, as if it never even existed in his complex brain anymore. He had convinced himself that a nerd, a technophile like him could never fall in love. Impossible. He had too much work, as the Millefiore White Spell 2nd Rose Squad Captain, to get involved with such complications. It was only one mistake… one mistake he had made… saying "Yes" to his best friend. But… was it really a mistake? Does it really matter?
When you love someone but it goes to waste… could it be worse?
Guilt had struck him. He had not eaten. He had not slept. This was when he began to perceive the fact that there was only one thing on his mind ever since the two of them stopped speaking to eachother; and that was his boyfriend. Yes, his boyfriend. He had to come to accept that as a fact. He was his boyfriend, and, once upon a time, he had fallen in love with him. Yet… he was confused. The blonde had kissed him just now, breaking the stillness. Maybe… maybe Spanner was thinking what he was thinking… maybe Spanner was just as reluctant to try again as he had been. Maybe… Spanner had felt this way about him all along, and locked his senses up inside him, all because of the way his best friend had been acting; all because of how Shoichi had rejected him for so long, unwilling and unprepared to start a proper relationship. Was there really any point in starting over again? Could it be any different than it was before?
Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones…
Shoichi didn't think so… that was, until the blonde suddenly but tenderly embraced him. It was as if his body was speaking, calling out to him; comforting him and convincing him that everything was going to be alright. As if his arms were a shield around the anxiety and fear the redhead had been caged inside all this time, enveloping him… saving him… The grip wasn't too firm. He could tell that Spanner was only offering, not forcing. As if Spanner was only trying to help him, even though he was unsure of what help his best friend needed. He just wanted to be… /there/ for him. That would be enough for him to understand… To let him know that he will never be alone. Even if they will never be able to discover the courage to speak properly to eachother, their hearts can speak for them. A timid smile tugged at Shoichi's lips as he pressed his face against Spanner's chest. Spanner gently stroked Shoichi's back. And when the room fell silent, he could hear it. He could hear the steady, soothing breathing of his lover, and the blonde learned to smile once again.
They were both new to this, confused… and they had no idea where this was going to take them. But it was a start… it was a start for them to answer eachother's thoughts. To find eachother again.
… And I will try to fix you.