I do not own anything twilight!
It was mother's day today; and also Saturday. Edward was picking me up early this morning, I put my clothes for the day in my book bag and just wore my PJ's to his house; Charlie had all ready left to go fishing—only five minutes ago—he had no idea I was awake and ready to go out the door for just after he left.
I had all ready gotten my stuff together the night before so I was ready to go for when Edward got here. I quickly ran out the door into the still dark and chilly morning; into Edward's car, promising me instant warmth, I quickly shut the door behind me.
"Good morning my love." Edward's musical voice said softly beside me leaning in to kiss the top of my head. "Go back to sleep love, I will drive a little slower, so you can fall asleep before we get back home."
"It is a very good morning—now that you are here—but you're right I could use some more sleep. I just could not stay away from you any longer; three days was pure agony." I mumbled sadly.
Edward had been 'camping' as the Cullen's called it, when the sun was out and shining in all of its bright glory. It used to make me happy to see the sun—I looked forward to it all the time, I loved the sun—then I met Edward and the sun was more my enemy now than a friend.
"It is all behind us now love..." Edward was saying but the rest was a blur as sleep was washing over me once again. Before I knew it I was out cold. That is until I heard a booming voice; it stirred me a little; but not enough to wake me completely.
"Morning my belly bear!" Emmett's voice boomed though my stupor.
"Emmett!" Edward hissed furious "Can you not see Bella is sleeping still; you almost woke her up."
"Such an idiot!" I heard Rosalie hiss. I would have giggled if I was not half asleep.
I remember stirring in Edward's arms to see everyone sitting in the living room; I let out a small sigh and snuggled deeper into Edward's stone embrace.
"Sleep my only love." Was all Edward say before he started to hum my lullaby and I once more drifted into a deep sleep.
When I woke up I was tightly snuggled into Edward's arms, completely and utterly happy in his arms. I moved a little so he would release his embrace so I could stretch out.
"I had the weirdest dream." I stated "I dreamt that you were mad at Emmett for trying to wake me up and that Rosalie was mad at him for waking me up...it was so bizarre!"
Edward chuckled lightly shaking his head as if he had not heard what I said in my sleep; then I heard Emmett and Jasper killing were themselves laughing down stairs.
"I guess it wasn't a dream after all." I mumbled feeling embarrassed and stupid; I blushed scarlet. "It's not funny!" I snapped at Edward; I got out of bed going straight to the shower. I was beyond embarrassed—I was mortified—stupid vampires.
Silent tears flowed down my cheeks and my breathing hitched in my throat—clearly giving away that I was crying—and almost choked on the air that tried to exit my lungs.
Almost instantly there was a knock on the door.
"Bella...are...you..." Edward asked anxiously.
"I'm fine, now go away!" I snapped angry again. I sat in the shower for another five minutes before I washed my hair and body before I got out and dried myself off. I put my hair in a towel then padded off towards Edward's bedroom fighting tears the whole way.
I had not told Edward that this day—mother's day—was a bad day for me. After the year I turned eight I lost my mother but gained a best friend. I never ever did show Renee how much it hurt me to lose her in that sense; to stopped being cared for and have to drop my childhood so she could run along her merry way and have her resurrected twenties life back. Mother's day was a dark day for me indeed; but when I met Esme that slowly started to change. I tried as hard as I could some days to let Esme take care of me but it was so engrained into me that I was not a child and never have been—that I was the parent instead.
As I was getting dressed I thought about the time Esme had been gone and that I was left without a mother again. I pulled on my shirt on last and then sank down onto the floor beside the bed; crying.
"Mommy!" I cried at the top of my lungs; it took Esme all of two seconds to get to me and cradle me in her arms. The tears broke free like they were hiding behind an overflowing dam; I clutched onto her blouse with all of my strength and refused to let go.
"Bella! Honey, what's wrong?" Esme asked me frightened by my sudden outburst—I had not called Esme 'mommy' in months; ever since I knew she was for sure not going to leave me again. That my second mother would not abandon me like Renee had.
"Please don't leave me mommy...please!" I cried; I was utterly terrified that Esme would leave me as Renee had all those years ago.
"I am not going to leave you Bella; I would never leave you...ever. Bella...why would you ever think I would leave you?" Esme's voice sounded like someone was trying to strangle her. "I love you like my own daughter; you found a place in my heart as soon as I knew Edward loved you. I promise you that will never, ever, ever change."
I couldn't speak yet; I was consumed in sadness and tears, so I just clung to her tightly until the tears finally calmed down and then finally I cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up I was still in Esme's arms; she must have wrapped me up in a blanket. Because I was warm and toasty, and finally ready to talk; I didn't move, she would know I was awake by my breathing. I could also feel Edward in the room but out of sight.
"I was afraid." I whispered with fresh tears in my voice and my now wet eyelashes. "When I was eight years old; I lost my mother, but gained a best friend" I paused to remember the day I lost my mother to my best friend. "I don't know if Edward ever told you how I came to be such an adult in such a short amount of time. I became an adult faster than any child should; six months. Six months is how long it took me to discipline myself into a daily routine of a parent. To get up at four in the morning during the weekdays, so Renee had her breakfast and lunch ready for her. Then I went to school for the day, came home to clean and cook and do homework. I made sure all of the bills were paid, made sure that I paid the mortgage, that there was food in the fridge and the freezer was stock piled. I did all of the accounting and bookkeeping and I still managed to be a daughter to a mother that only wanted a best friend."
"Bella, I had no idea, I thought it was just your...nature to be the way you are now; not because you were forced into adulthood so young. You poor child, that is no life for a child. This is why you had no friends growing up...why you don't fit in; in your world." I just nodded and Esme hugged me tighter.
"Renee tried to 'relive' her earlier years from when I was a baby or too young to be left alone or with a baby sitter. If it was not for me Renee and I would have been living out on the streets." I cried; Esme didn't say anything, she just rocked us both on the bed gently. "I became an expert at hiding these feelings from her and only cried when she was doing something on a pro-D day for work or one of the many weekends she was off with Phil or any of the other men she brought home as I grew up."I shuddered in Esme's arms. "Then before I knew it...I was coming here and leaving my mother, my best friend, 'my child' behind—the woman I raised—"Esme knew what I meant by 'my child' when you raise a person they become yours and yours alone. "I was so sad that I had all three stripped away at once and then...I met you. I tried and I do still try to let you mother me; but it just so hard." I whimpered and Esme clutched me tighter in her arms and started stroking my hair in comfort. "It is so hard when you look after someone for so long that now it's just part of who I am now. I tried so hard; but as I tried...you left me for those seven months and you left me without a mother; Renee doesn't know and will never know how to be a mother to me. Renee tried while you were gone...and I tried but I failed. It's mother's day today and I hate it because every mother's day I never had one."
"But I am here now." Esme pointed out gently.
"Yes, you are." I agreed. "But I am so afraid; you have no idea how frightened I am that you will want me as your best friend too and not a daughter. I am terrified that if I let you mother me...you too will not want me like a mother should...that I could be no one's daughter."
"My poor baby, my sweet, sweet Bella!" Esme broke out into a dry sob. "I will always love you as a daughter and so does your mother Bella; I cannot imagine how hard it was growing up like that...alone. I promise you, I swear to you that I will be nothing more than your mother; if that is what you want. I will never, ever leave you again and if our family does move on...we will take you with us. I will not leave behind a daughter that needs me so much. My other children they...well they needed more guidance and love than anything—but you—you are still a child to me. A very strong, selfless, beautiful, loving, trusting, independent woman; you put everyone before yourself and I know and understand—better—how that came to be and it saddens me Bella." Esme had moved me so I was facing her now; but still talking to me like a mother would to a child. "It saddens me that you were robbed of your childhood to someone who was just a child when you were born—I am not saying that Renee is a bad mother. I now understand why you clung onto me so tightly when we came home for you and it hurts me to no end that you—out of all the people in the world—could be hurt the way you were. The sweetest and kindest and most accepting and loving young woman—person—I will ever know." Esme promised me; I could hear the promise and her motherly tone laced together like two pieces of steel being welded together.
"I love you daughter." Esme whispered into my hair so softly it was almost like Edward humming my lullaby in my ear as I drifted to sleep in his arms.
"I love you to momma." I whispered; "Happy Mother's Day."
"Thank you my child...one of the best I have ever had."