A/N: Yes, I know that I have many other projects that I'm supposed to be updating (from my YouTube channel Lupina09 to the 'Hetalia, ROTA' project that is on this site) but this will not leave me alone!

Surely some of us have heard of the class-based shooting game Team Fortress 2? Well, if you haven't go look up the character trailers, it is so funny (but seeing as how it's made by the same group who made Portal/Portal 2, it can't not be awesome)!

And with each character being a different nationality (kind of like a certain anime we all know and love) it was a perfect fit.

I just hope that I can get the comedy across right.

And to anyone who asks 'Why isn't this classified as a crossover?' I already have an understanding with the site because anytime I tried to put a story in the crossover section in the past, it would get corrupted to the point that the site just told me to forget it.

Oh, to those who don't know about TF2, some quick background:

There are two teams: the Red Team, and the Blue Team. The characters in each team are basically the same but it only depends on which team they're on. Also, they are referred to by what their class is. For example: A red Scout vs a blue Scout or a Red Soldier vs a Blue Soldier.

Main Characters who appear in this chapter:

America as The Soldier

Romano as The Scout

Russia as The Heavy (Heavy Weapons Specialist)

France as The Spy

Germania as The Infiltrator (made-up class just for the sake of this chapter)

Pairings that will be in this story: RussAme, FrUk, GerIta, PruCan… and I'll specify as time goes on.

Other characters have brief mentions but you guys can have fun recognizing them.

Let's read!

Situated in the middle of a desert, were two fortresses that sat facing each other across a river. They were both identical to each other in every way, except one was blue and one was red. Those who worked in each of these fortresses had an ongoing war, so to speak, with the members of the other fortress. It was a powder-keg of a situation that could be ignited with two simple words.

"Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert!" The voice of a Ukrainian woman announced, sirens and alarm-lights going off like crazy. "There is a Red Infiltrator in the base!" Standing in front of a large computer display, a young man dressed in blue-toned camouflauge with short blonde hair adjusted his glasses as he read the words on the main screen,

"A Red Infiltrator?" The American Soldier choked before growling, "Oh, not in my base!" He quickly grabbed the weapon closest to him, a missile-launcher, and made sure that he had a back-up pistol in his pocket before rushing through the fortress, calling out, "Hut-two, hut-two! Move people, MOVE!" The Ukrainian woman's voice spoke from the speakers again,

"Protect the briefcase!"

"Y'all heard the girl!" The blonde Soldier yelled as he ran, refilling his ammo as he went, "Protect the damn briefcase!" He was briefly wondering where everyone was as he turned a corner and saw a young man, Italian, with chocolate brown hair dressed in a blue shirt and black pants, tugging at the door at the end of the hall. The cap on his head and the crowbar attached to his back gave away his occupation: Scout. He glanced back and narrowed his eyes, calling over,

"Hey!" He gave one more pull, "A little help here?"

"Freaking Italians…" The blonde adjusted his glasses after he moved the brunette to the side, "Let me see…" He surveyed the keypad for a moment before he typed in, "1-1-1-1…Um… 1!"

A loud buzzing revealed that he was wrong, the blonde Soldier clenching his fist, "Son of a…"

"Please to be moving out of way!" A deep, Russian-accented voice called from the front of the hallway. Both the Soldier and Scout gulped and turned around to see a cream-haired, tall, broadly built man dressed in a blue over-coat holding a large gattling gun as he charged towards them. The two younger men screamed as the Russian Heavy Weapons specialist crashed into them, all three crashed through the door before quickly standing up and giving a battle-cry of,

"RAH!", before they quickly realizied that the room was empty aside from the blue suitcase sitting on the center table. The Scout quickly walked over to the case and announced,

"Hey, it's still here!"

"Alright then." The Russian smiled, playing with the blonde soldier's hair. "You were worrying for nothing, dorogoy." The Soldier growled, he always hated the older man's over-affectionate ways,

"Get offa me, you Commie bastard…" The sound of someone clearing their throat caused them all to turn towards the door and see a man with wavy blonde hair that seemed to dance in the nonexistent breeze despite it being covered in a blue beret. His chin was covered in slight stubble and his clothing, a well-pressed suit, was the same shade as his beret. He was currently carrying a body over his shoulder as he addressed those in the room,


Meet the French Spy!

"I see zat the briefcase is safe." The Spy nodded as he walked into the room with his heavy burden, the Soldier puffing himself up in pride,

"Safe and sound!"

"See with your own eyes.", The Scout added.

"Hm…" The Frenchman regarded the suitcase with a brief glance before he asked, "Ah, tell me, did anyone happen to kill a Red Spy or Red Infiltrator on ze way here?" The Russian Heavy gave a shrug,


"I see." The Spy nodded before he snapped, "Then we still have a problem!", then tossed the body on his shoulder onto the table. The deceased was an Australian dressed in blue, their cause of death a knife embedded in his back.

"Ooh~! Big fucking deal!" The Italian Scout huffed as he pulled out the knife and began twirling it around, "I've killed plenty of Spies: dime a dozen back-stabbing scum-bag bastards…" He turned to the Frenchman and smirked, "Like you—Ow!", just before he cut his finger.

"If you managed to kill them, zen I assure you zat they are nothing like me…" The Spy began as he took the knife, effortlessly spinning it, "And nothing like ze creature zat is loose in this building.", before he tossed it up into the air and it landed back in the Scout's hands without harm.

"Che palle!" The Italian laughed, "What are you, president of his fan club?" As everyone laughed, the Spy chuckled as well, a heart-breaking smile on his lips,

"Non my friend…" He brought out a manila folder from behind him before shaking his head, "Non… Zat would be your father!" The blonde spy slammed the folder against the table, glossy polaroid pictures spilling out: all of them depicting a man who looked like an older version of the Scout in various arousing positions with another man who had long, golden hair with a bit of it braided to the side: The Infiltrator.

"Ah-!" The Scout sputtered as he looked at a photo of his dad making out with the Infiltrator.

"What the-?" He choked as he saw an image of the two going to bed.

"Huh?" He yelled as one picture showed both men in the nude, drenched in sweat from their actions, his father riding the other's lap. As the Italian stood there in shock, the Soldier and the Heavy Weapons specialist looked at the picture; the latter commenting,

"Nice technique…"

"Indeed." The Spy spoke up before he rushed to the table, slamming his hands against the cluttered table, "And now he's here to FUCK us!" The Frenchman sighed, digging into his coat for a silver case. He opened it, revealing neat rows of cigarettes, one of which he took and pressed between his lips, "So listen up, boy! Or pornography starring your father will be the second worse thing to happen to you today!"

The Scout wanted to say something (or, better yet, punch the Spy in the face) but he settled for gathering the pictures up. The American and Russia were still looking at them, however, the young soldier even whistling as he looked at the more provacative shots. "Damn Lovino, you Italians sure look good in bed, huh?"

"Bastardo! Give me that!" The brunette Scout snapped, ripping the pictures from the hands of the two voyeurs. But the French Spy was looking intently at the security map on the wall behind them; the lights blinking brightly. He lit the cigarette and took a deep drag, exhaling the ash-filled smoke in the form of the words, "The Infiltrator has already breached past our best defences…"

The Red Infiltrator, called such because of his red uniform, was rushing down the darkened hallways of the fortress, stopping behind a corner to make sure that his gun was loaded and to get a survey of the land. The Germanic man's blue eyes narrowed as they saw a young blonde man, probably English, working on a sentry: a motion sensitive gun-system, to protect the area.

The Infiltrator waited until the English Engineer stood and wiped a smudge of oil from his cheek, "There we are."

In an instant, the Infiltrator dug into his pocket and tossed a small device towards the sentry. It slid underneath the machine, the magnets in it causing the sentry to short-circuit; sparks of electricity flying everywhere.

"Ah!" The young Engineer groaned, shielding his eyes. He quickly reached into his pocket for his walkie-talkie, yelling, "Sentry down!" He was about to unlatch his shot-gun from his belt when a loud boom heralded the bullet that had just embedded itself in his skull.

After his body slumped to the door, the Infiltrator kicked it away and moved on; placing his own gun back into his pocket.

"You see what he has done to our colleagues!" The Spy shouted, gesturing to the dead Australian on the table.

"Damn intruder alerts…" The Australian Sniper groaned, scratching at the bandage on the bridge of his nose, "Always ruining my concentration…" He was completely quiet as he looked around, keeping his rifle steady. But when a shift in the air caused his messy brown hair to shift, he quickly turned and saw the Infiltrator, knife in hand. "Oh no ya don't!" The Sniper grinned, grabbing for the machete he kept on the small crate in his hiding place.

However, he received a firm kick to the chest, strong enough that when he crashed against the wall, he left an indent. Still a bit dazed, the Sniper tried to attack the intruder the Infiltrator smirked and whipped his hand forward, nicking the young Aussie on the cheek.

The Sniper seethed as he felt blood stinging his cheek, accidentally giving the other the room to cut across his stomach and, when the younger doubled over from pain, he embedded his blade into the Sniper's spine before kicking the body over the staircase.

"But worst of all," The Spy stated, lighting another cigarette as he finished the previous one off, "He could be any one of us…"

"Damn you!" The German Medic, with his slicked back blonde hair and blue scrubs, roared out as he tried to force his trusty bone-saw into the Infiltrator's chest. But the Red Infiltrator merely dodged the weapon and seized the younger's arm, pressing it behind the Medic's chest before he proceeded to show off one of his and the Spy's most prominent abilities. He smirked before his appearance shifted into an exact replica of the Medic he was fighting. "Scheisse…" The Medic gritted out before the Infiltrator wrapped his hands around his head and gave a quick snap to the side, breaking the German's neck; not before ripping away the silver cross from his neck and placing it around his own.

"He could even be in zis very room!" The French Spy added on, "He could be you! He could be me! He could even be -!" Boom! The Spy was cut off when a bullet rushed forward into his skull, causing him to collapse, dead, to the floor.

"Ay Dio Caro (Oh Dear God)!" The Scout yelled when the Spy's head wound began spouting blood.

"Dorogoy," The Heavy Weapons specialist sighed as if he were talking about the weather, "Why did you do that?" The Soldier merely cocked his gun and gave a shrug of his shoulders,

"What? It was obvious that he was the Red Infiltrator!" The Russian and the American stepped forward and looked at the Frenchman's body, "Watch," The blonde huffed, "He'll change into his red self any moment now!" They watched for a moment before the Soldier gave the dead spy a kick with his foot, "Any moment now…"

As they watched the body, they were completely oblivious to the Scout walking up behind them: murder in his eyes and the knife from earlier in his hand.

"Hah! See, red!" The Soldier announced but as he looked closely he frowned, "No, wait. That's more blood."

"So we are still having problem." The Heavy Weapon specialist stated, the Soldier nodding,


They were still regarding the body, so they didn't notice when the Italian Blue Scout shifted shape into the Germanic Red Infiltrator.

"Alrighty then," The young blonde announced, checking his gun, "Who's ready to go find this sonuva bitch?" Both blue-clad men flinched when they felt hands on their shoulders accompanied by a gruff voice saying,

"Right behind you." The American gulped,


"Shit!" The Russian finished right before they were both subjected to the Infiltrator's vicious attack: the sounds of stabs and gunshots audible throughout the fortress.

Francis Bonnefoy

Age 25

Birthplace: Paris, France

Birthdate: July 14th

Occupation: Spy

When all was said and done, the Germanic Infiltrator fished through the table covered in blood and photos for one in particular: it was of him and the Scout's father taking a walk through a local park.

"Oh Julius," He smiled, "Such a charmer." He placed the picture into his shirt for safe-keeping before he picked up the suitcase that he had come for and proceeded to leave the room, stepping over blood and dead bodies on his way.

Aldric Beilschmidt

Age 55

Birthplace: Unknown

Birthdate: Uknown

Occupation: Infiltrator


Germania's bio doesn't have that much to it because, well, if you've been unfortunate enough to meet him, chances are you're kind of… well, dead. And not able to write down any info about him.

This was inspired by the 'Meet the Spy' trailer for Team Fortress 2, look it up on YouTube if you're interested.

Don't worry, no one in this story stays dead longer than the duration of a chapter.

If you didn't think that this was God-awful (it was a quick write), please leave a review. I write for feedback people!

Next class: The English Engineer

-Tyranno's girl.