Uh... Sorry for the delay. I've been really busy, and have had NO. TIME. Until now, because I was ill. I'm currently DYING! (Yay, drama.)

Anyway, I don't own Naruto. I also do NOT condone giving 10-year-olds alcohol. Blame Hidan for that, since he's an idiot.


Naruto Uzumaki: Son of the Akatsuki

Chapter 8: Flashback no Jutsu: Deidara's 10th Birthday

Clay dragons being ridden by puppets flew through the electric blue sky, exploding in showers of bright colour. Deidara sat there, watching in awe, his Danna by his side.

"Deidara..." Sasori began. The blonde turned, smiling.

"What, Sasori-no-danna?"


The environment swirled, and went black.

"DEI-CHAN! WAKE THE FUCK UP!" yelled the voice of Hidan. Deidara mentally cursed, slowly opening his eyes. Hidan and Naruto stood there, grinning. Sasori was sat down on the other bed, watching the scene.

"Why'd you have to wake me up, un?" He murmured. Sasori smirked.

"Dei-chan! Happy birthday!" cheered Naruto. He stared at the other blonde in shock. He'd completely forgotten.

"Ahahaha, Blondie forgot his own birthday! Happy birthday, Dei-chan!" laughed Hidan. Deidara grinned, before reaching over to the side of his bed. He picked up a clay bird that he'd made the night before, and threw it at them.

"KATSU! That's for waking me up, un!" The bird exploded, covering both Naruto and Hidan in clay dust. He picked up another bird.

"Ack! Okay, okay! We're going!" Hidan said, dragging Naruto out of the room before the bomb-loving terrorist could try to blow them up again. Sasori chuckled softly.

"Happy birthday, brat. Here." Sasori handed a beautifully-wrapped present to the blonde. He carefully unwrapped it, not wanting to tear the pretty paper (it had pictures of clay birds and explosions on it. How Sasori got this paper will forever remain a secret unless a certain bluenette decides to tell you). Inside was a flamethrower. His face lit up.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, DANNA!" He yelled, hugging Sasori tightly.

"I may not need to breathe, but I still do not appreciate being crushed, brat." Sasori said. Deidara blushed and let go.

"Sorry, un." He began to get out of bed, but Sasori pushed him back down.

"Stay in bed. I'll go get some breakfast for you, as a birthday treat."

"W-what?" Sasori was not normally this nice. Last year, he had helped Hidan drag Deidara downstairs where they had blindfolded the blonde and made him try to find his presents. Zetsu had accidently turned off the power halfway through, and Deidara had somehow found his way into the kitchen, where he had fallen face-first into the birthday cake that Konan had baked. Sasori had a picture of the cake-covered Deidara up on his shelves. He had blown up the picture many times, but Sasori always managed to replace it.

"Do I need to repeat myself, brat? You get breakfast in bed today. Enjoy it. I'll be back in a few minutes." He was stunned. This was so different to his birthdays in Iwa. He shuddered, remembering his sixth birthday.

Flashback within a Flashback no jutsu! (Wait, what?)


His mother's hand connected with the sleeping boy's face, waking him up. He opened his eyes, staring up at the angry woman.

"Get up, freak! Your father and I want our breakfasts!" she yelled, before storming out of the room. He sighed, before quickly getting out of bed. He didn't want to know what would happen if he refused them. It took him a few minutes to get dressed before he ran downstairs, straight into the kitchen. He stopped when he saw the date on the calendar.

May 5th. His birthday. He was six today.

Smiling slightly, he began to cook breakfast for his parents. Bacon, eggs, and sausages with a glass of orange juice for each of his parents. The breakfast had to be made to perfection or he'd be beaten.

"FREAK! What's taking so long!" bellowed the voice of his father. Deidara flinched, almost dropping the plate that he was holding. He quickly walked into the dining room, placing his parents' meals in front of them before quickly leaving. He went back into the kitchen, and took a slice of bread from the breadbin. This would have to fill him until he got the chance to steal some at a later time.

A few minutes later, Deidara was dressed and ready to go to school. As he began to leave, his father moved in front of him, blocking the doorway.

"O-otousama... Please, I need to go to school, un..." he murmured, looking at the face of his father with pleading eyes. School was his only chance to get away from the house without being punished.

"My bacon was overcooked, freak." Deidara's eyes widened. 'Crap... Otousama doesn't accept anything less than perfection.'

"I-I'm sorry, otousama! It won't happen again, un!" he gasped out, backing away. His father's face contorted into an angry snarl.

"It had fucking well better not!" He yelled, slamming Deidara into the wall. "You'd better get back on time, brat... if not, you'll make it even worse for yourself. You understand, yeah?"

"H-hai, un!" He jumped up, running out of the door. It took half an hour to get to school, since Deidara's house was on the opposite side of Iwa. He always left two hours before started, because occasionally he'd run into some trouble.

Like today. He ran straight into an extremely strong, muscular chuunin, and the latter's friends. Deidara backed away, terrified. He knew what was going to happen.

"Where the fuck d'you think you're going, freak?" one of them said.

"None of your business, un." He answered, glaring towards them. They smiled sadistically, and began to attack.

"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" yelled a very familiar voice. A tall man in samurai armour stormed up to them, snatching Deidara away from them.

"Han...sensei...?" whispered the blonde. Han often taught him when he ran away from school. Han was also a good medic, and healed Deidara's wounds often. He knew about the beatings, but since Deidara's father was on the council, he couldn't tell the Tsuchikage for fear of death.

"It's okay, Deidara. Stay here for a few minutes. I'll deal with these punks." Deidara nodded, watching as Han advanced on the group of chuunin. They all seemed to be scared of him, for some reason. As Deidara slipped into unconsciousness, steam began to surround Han.

Deidara slowly opened his eyes a few minutes later to see Han standing over him.

"C'mon kid, get up. Hey, happy birthday!" said the older man, his eyes showing happiness. "I healed you already. Oh, right, present time!" Han rummaged around in his armour for a few moments, before withdrawing a package. "Sorry it isn't wrapped, I suck at wrapping presents." Deidara took the package, beaming. It was a perfectly clean, sharp set of clay working tools.

"Thank you so much, Han-sensei!" he yelled, hugging the man. Han chuckled, checking his watch.

"Shouldn't you be heading to school?" Deidara's eyes widened.

"Oh,crap..." he muttered. Han grabbed the blonde, and started running at an incredible speed towards the school. They were there within minutes. Deidara blushed. "T-thanks, Han-sensei, un!"

"No problem, kid. You're Roshi's nephew and my student, it's the least I can do." said Han, disappearing in a blast of warm steam. Deidara smiled, walking into the school.

A few hours later, school was finally over. He hated school. He had hardly any friends there, because of their prejudice. His only real friends that were around his age, Akatsuchi and Kurotsuchi, didn't go to school – they were trained privately by the Tsuchikage. Sighing, Deidara began to leave, hoping that he didn't run into trouble on the way home.

Well, he didn't run into trouble, but he ran into someone. Literally.

"Hey, if it isn't Deidara, yeah! Happy birthday!" said the tall, red-haired man, grinning. "Han told me what happened this morning. Those assholes won't come after you again, yeah."

"Roshi-ojisan? What're you doing here? Not that I don't want to see you, un!" asked Deidara. Roshi's smile widenened.

"I came to give you your present, yeah! Here!" He passed a small package to Deidara. "Go on, open it!" Deidara eagerly tore off the paper. He gaped at what it contained.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH, ROSHI-JISAN!" The package held an annual pass to Iwa's famed clay mines. His uncle and he both loved to model with clay, and were alike in that the only reason they weren't completely despised was because of their art. He hugged Roshi, enjoying the older man's embrace.

"Deidara?" His voice had changed. He sounded a little worried.

"What, un?"

"Be careful, yeah... if my brother tries to hurt you, get out of there, yeah."

"H-how did you-"

"I'm not stupid, yeah. I grew up with him. Me and Han'll be looking out for ya." Roshi ruffled his nephew's hair, and left. Deidara frowned. He knew. Sighing, he walked slowly back to his house, entering through his window. He reached down and pulled on one of the wooden floorboards, revealing a hidden compartment. The clay tools and annual pass were placed inside, along with a few other things such as clay, toys, and a small wooden doll that Akatsuchi had given him. He heard footsteps, and hastily closed the hidden compartment. The door was slammed open. His father stood there, smelling of alcohol. Deidara flinched, pressing his small body against the furthest wall. He knew what this meant.

"YOU FUCKING SLUT!" roared the muscular man, striding towards Deidara and picking him up by the collar. "How fucking dare you? You got that demon scum to help you again! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING GO NEAR THEM! And you RUINED my breakfast this morning, bitch!"

"I-I'm sorry, otousan.." whispered the blonde, looking at his father with terrified eyes. The man punched him against the wall, before picking him up again.

"Oh, you're not sorry. Yet. But you fucking will be!" Slap. Punch. Kick. After a few minutes, his mother joined in the beating. Both yelled at him for things that were out of his control. Both hurt him for no reason. Eventually, it stopped.

"Darling, leave." Deidara's heart skipped a beat. Oh no... he thought, wishing that his uncle or sensei would save him. His mother left, closing the door behind her. His father began to rip off clothing, and he felt himself falling...

Two hours of torture. Two entire hours. That's how long it went on for, before Deidara's father decided that he'd had enough. The body was thrown out of the window. If Roshi hadn't been walking by, then Deidara would have died.

"Shit!" cursed the redheaded man. "That... that asshole! He's gone too far." Roshi's voice had never been this full of anger. He carefully lifted up the broken body of his nephew, and ran. It was a five-minute journey to Roshi's house. He only hoped that Deidara had more than five minutes left. As soon as he arrived, he laid Deidara on the sofa, and grabbed a small box from the table. It contained a number of strange green beans. He picked up one of the beans and force-fed it to Deidara. The effect was incredible: the wounds disappeared instantly, leaving Deidara completely healed. His eyes twitched, and snapped open.

"What...?" he murmured, looking at Roshi. He'd expected to be lying in the gutter or something. Roshi looked angry, too. He wondered what he'd done this time.

"You're never going back there. Ever." snapped the redhead. Deidara blinked. "I am going to get the Tsuchikage to have those motherfuckers killed!" He had never heard Roshi sound so angry.

"B-but, ojisan! Otousan's your brother!"

"Not anymore. Not after what he did to you. You're incredibly lucky that I had some senzu beans with me .You... you'd be dead otherwise, yeah." Deidara was silent. He didn't know that he'd been that bad. "Tomorrow, we'll go to the Tsuchikage. For now, go to sleep, yeah. Night, Deidara."

"Night, ojisan, un." The lights went off, and Deidara slowly fell asleep. He dreamt of explosions, fire, and a lot of red.

Flashback within a Flashback no Jutsu: Kai!

"Brat?" Sasori waved his hand in front of Deidara's face. The latter had completely zoned out by the time Sasori had come back with breakfast. "Are you okay?"

"Uh? Oh, sorry, danna! I was just remembering something, un." A flash of pain crossed his face for a moment, before he grinned widely. Sasori raised an eyebrow, deciding not to ask.

"Okay... Anyway, I brought breakfast." He put the plate down on Deidara's bedside table. Deidara took this opportunity to hug his danna.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" he yelled. Sasori chuckled, ruffling Deidara's long hair.

About an hour later, the two started to argue about art again.

"Art is not eternal, danna! It's fleeting – a brief glimpse of beauty, that is imprinted in the memory of all those who see it!"

"Tch. Art is eternal. It is meant to last forever, to share its beauty with all. What's the point of something that disappears as soon as it's created?" They kept arguing as they walked downstairs, finally leaving Deidara's room. They quickly reached the living room, and Deidara flung open the door.

"SURPRISE!" Deidara fell over at the sight, causing everyone to laugh at him. The entire Akatsuki had set up a birthday party. There was a huge cake in the middle of the room, surrounded by presents.

"Caaake..." he drooled. Sasori rolled his eyes, and led the younger ninja into the room. The rest of the night was filled with food-fights, presents, fireworks, and lots of crazy games.

"I dare you to give Kakuzu a lap dance!" Itachi slurred to Tobi. The masked man jumped up and did just that, scarring everybody else.

"I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WOOORLD!" Pein yelled into a microphone, swaying slightly before falling off the stage.

"Why do I have to go to bed?" pouted Naruto. Kisame chuckled and dragged the blonde out of the room.

"The others are drunk, and I don't want you being scarred for life. Well, I was a bit late for that, but still. Go to sleep."

"WHEEEEE! FAIRIES!" shrieked Deidara. Konan exchanged a glance with Kakuzu.

"WHO THE HELL GAVE THE TEN-YEAR-OLD ALCOHOL?" they roared. Hidan mooned them. Konan groaned, slamming her head against the table.

"Yeah, bitch! Moan for me!" Hidan was always scared of Konan after that night.

"Dannaaaaa~ Danna danna danna danna dannaaa~" Deidara said, hugging Sasori. The puppet, being unable to get drunk, glared at his partner.

"I'm going to kill Hidan."

The Next Morning

"WHERE THE HELL'S MY DICK? WHY AM I NAKED? WHY AM I HANGING UPSIDE-DOWN FROM THE CEILING? HELLOOOO?" Everybody ignored Hidan – they were too busy trying to cope with their hangovers.


Yeah... it's not very good, I know. I got writers block and had to try and write SOMETHING.

Review, or Tobi will eat your brain.