Twishite: The Musical

ACT I
SCENE ONE

(Everything is dark. There are four chairs set up facing the audience. JESSICA and MIKE are sitting together on the right and BELLA and EDWARD are sitting together on the left. EDWARD has a clothes pin on his nose.)

BELLA
God. My life sucks so much. I can't believe that I'm going to have to live in this stupid hick town. It's cold here. I hate the cold. I think I should also complain about the rain. Constantly. Sure, I chose to come here, but it was just to prove a point to my mom. It's not like a actually wanted to spend time in this dreary little hell hole.
I can't believe, I'm stuck at Forks.
The entire town, is filled with dorks.
I chose to come here, I'll admit it, I did.
But my hair is curling because it's so humid!
It rains nonstop, like twenty-three hours a day.
It would be sunshine and happiness, if I had my way.
My dad Charlie, he's kind of cool.
He's a cop, so he makes all the rules.
(she trips)
I'm really clumsy, but the boys think it's cute.
'Sept for pale-face over here, I make him puke.
Everyone loves me, even though I kind of suck.
But maybe it's because I'm a really good

(JESSICA throws a paper ball at BELLA's head.)

BELLA
Duck!
Maybe I'll finally meet my dream guy…
Even if he is a curse in disguise…
Do you know what foreshadowing is? No? I guess we don't use that literary devise in this story.
So here I am, at Forks High School,
Where everyone thinks I'm just so cool.
It'll be a great year, I can tell.
Even though high school is like your own personal hell.
Maybe I'll meet new friends, and eat with them
But that wouldn't happen, if I don't pass Chem
And if everyone could see how I see me,
They'd be falling down on their hands and knees

EDWARD
But you know, it won't be all fun and games here
We've got to study hard, and hunt for deer.
Maybe something interesting, will go down,
Or maybe Bella will go to prom, and win the crown.

JESSICA
Yeah right, did you see that girl? Get real.
She's a downright skank, that's the way I feel.
Why aren't all the guys, lookin' at me?
At Forks High School, I'm the queen bee.
Maybe I'll befriend her, and lure her into a trap.
Oh the other hand, it's science class, so I could take a nap.

MIKE
(singing to a different tune)
Bella… you are so beautiful…
I love your hair…
And how you fall over your chair…

BELLA
Moving to Forks makes me depressed; sullen
But lucky for me I sit next to the hot guy; Cullen.
I'll copy off his test, 'cause he looks smart,
But why's that look on his face? Did I fart?

MIKE
Did you see that new girl? She's like, smoking. She's kind of pale, and trips a lot, and her hair is kind of like oh my god, what crawled on top of her head, but she's still my dream girl. In fact, I'm going to make her the star of my sexual fantasies.

(EDWARD cringes in pain.)

EDWARD
Oh, god.

JESSICA
That Edward Cullen is so hot. I'd like to lick him. I wonder why he isn't bowing at my feet.

MIKE
'Cause, Jess, you're a bitch.

JESSICA
Shut up, Mike, or I'll tell everyone about that time in summer camp.

MIKE
The time where I… or the time when you

JESSICA
The time when you-

MIKE
Right! Shutting up!

(EDWARD is leaning away from BELLA and looking nauseous.)

EDWARD
Could you move over a bit?

BELLA
Like this?

(BELLA moves closer to him.)

EDWARD
Oh, no. No! Away! Move away!

BELLA
Like this?

(BELLA sits in his lap.)

EDWARD
Oh, I'm going to be sick!

(EDWARD runs away after throwing BELLA to the floor.)

BELLA
Was it something I said?

(JESSICA stands up and sits in EDWARD's seat.)

JESSICA
Don't worry about it, Izzy, he doesn't like girls. At all. I'm talking serious guy on guy action.

BELLA
Really?

JESSICA
Yeah. His family is a fruit cake. Emmett and Jasper are together, and while you would never guess, Jasper wears the pants in the relationship…

(JASPER and EMMETT walk past. JASPER smacks EMMETT's butt.)

JESSICA
There they are now. Also, Alice and Rosalie are together, but they're always fighting. I think it's because Rosalie has a thing for Edward, which is pointless because he doesn't like blondes.

ALICE (O.S.)
You bitch!

BELLA
Interesting.

JESSICA
Yeah. Also, their parents look like, younger than they do. I would love to get some beauty tips from Mrs. Cullen, but every time I approach her, she bares her teeth at me.

BELLA
Weird…

JESSICA
I know, right?

(JESSICA goes back to her seat and EDWARD and TEACHER enter.)

TEACHER
Alight class! Quiet down! Class is about to begin!

BELLA
Ew, we're drawing blood today. I could totally handle like a gang of supernatural creatures coming after me, but not this. Faint.

(BELLA falls off her chair. EDWARD kneels down and cradles her hand.)

TEACHER
Oh, that stupid girl. That's the sixteenth person who's fainted today! Cullen, take her to the office.

EDWARD
Oh, right. I'll- um, take her to the bat cave- I mean nurses office, so I can devour, I mean help! I'm going to help her!

(EDWARD starts to pick BELLA up as the lights go down. BELLA is now laying down in an empty field. EDWARD is perched like a cat a few feet away.)

BELLA
Wha-? Where am I? I'm in a meadow? Oh, that's cool. I don't really care about being carried unconsciously for long distances while I'm supposed to be in class. I wonder if that Cullen kid over there is an ax murderer, or something.

EDWARD
Oh no. Not an ax murderer. It's worse. Much worse.

BELLA
Oh? You're a serial rapist?
(provocatively)
Oh, please, don't rape me…

(BELLA sprawls out on the floor suggestively and crawls towards EDWARD.)

EDWARD
Ew. No. Never. NO. I don't want any of that. No, it's worse than even that. Bella, I- I have to tell you something.

(EDWARD takes off his shirt and sparkles.)

BELLA
Let's see, you're cold, you're sparkling, and you talk funny… I've got it!

EDWARD
Go ahead. Say it.

BELLA
You're gay! Don't worry, I've always wanted a gay friend. We can go shopping, and stuff.

EDWARD
Actually, not gay. I'm a vampire. Not gay.

BELLA
And we can buy shoes, and I can do your hair…

EDWARD
Didn't you hear me? I'm not gay. I'm a fearsome creature of the night. Who sparkles. A little. But! only in the daylight.

BELLA
We can watch My Girl, and we can paint our nails…

EDWARD
Okay, listen. I'm a vampire, not your gay Barbie doll.

BELLA
And we can complain about our boyfriends, that is, if anyone out of the millions of boys at Forks High School will date me…

EDWARD
Do you have hearing problems? I am a ferocious beast. I hunt Bambi. To suck his blood.

BELLA
So… no sleepovers?

EDWARD
No, because only one of us would be sleeping…

BELLA
Oh, would you watch me sleep?

EDWARD
How did you know? Are you a mind reader? Oh, wait, that's my magical power…

BELLA
Well, I don't care if you're a vampire. I still want to be with you.

EDWARD
No. It's better if we're not even friends. Trust me.

BELLA
But I don't care if you're gay. I mean, a vampire.

EDWARD
It's not just that. I also have a very strong urge to kill you.

BELLA
Why? Because my blood smells so sweet that I'm like a drug to you?

EDWARD
No, that's a stupid example. I want to kill you because you smell so bad. I feel that if I kill you, the stench of death would overpower your current scent, and I could take this clothespin off.

BELLA
So just because I smell, you don't want to be friends?

EDWARD
I said that it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I don't want to be.

BELLA
Fine. Let's cuddle then.

(EDWARD takes a deep breath and hugs BELLA.)

EDWARD
Yeah… this is… great…

(JAMES and VICTORIA walk on the opposite side of the field.)

VICTORIA
Heh. I'm gonna eats you alls.

JAMES
Oh yes, my sweet. We are going to get that sexy vampire…

VICTORIA
What? No. I meant the girl. The human? The one who has delicious smelling blood that doesn't quite manage to cover her B.O?

JAMES
Oh, alright. We'll eat the girl!

VICTORIA
Hear that Bella? We're coming for you…

JAMES
And you, you sexy vampire!

VICTORIA
Shut up, we're not going to kill the other vampire.

JAMES
Not even a little?

VICTORIA
Fine, we can kill him too.

JAMES
Yes!


The story (musical) is broken up into acts, then scenes. On my other site I have it just broken up by acts, but I feel like it overwhelmed some people, and plus I have to fight with the spacing on here to make it easy to read.
If you were wondering, the song doesn't have a real tune. The rest of them do, don't worry. And yes, it is called Twishite, but I figured that putting that in the actual title would get me in trouble.
Don't forget to review!