Warrior Cats: the Movie: the fanfic

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS TOTALLY FAKE. NOTHING HAS BEEN CONFIRMED YET. THIS FANFIC WAS INSPIRED BY A POST ON THE WARRIOR CATS MESSAGE BOARD.

Company: DISNEY! (who else?)
Voice cast:
Firestar-Jesse McCartney
Bluestar-Selena Gomez
Graystripe-Nick Jonas
Tigerstar-Justin Bieber
Spottedleaf-Rebecca Black

Sandstorm-Miley Cyrus

Everyone else I didn't mention is voiced by some Disney channel, or some other artificially famous star with a relatively large hatedom.

This fanfic is a musical. Much like my HSM5, every piece of dialogue is sung, except for one, but only to differentiate it from an opera. Know what? Why not make this one an opera? This is also my first ever K rated fanfic.

The real "story":

Rusty was sitting there in his kitchen, being a cute little kittypet. He was lamenting about how he really wanted to live in the wild now. I want adventure, he thought in his cute little mind. He pelted through the cat flap and was greeted by smudge, the black cat who was sitting on the adjacent fence.

"Stay away from the forest, for there are big, wild, muscular cats who will call you nasty names," Smudge warned with his British accent. Rusty winced.

"I'm tired of living with my human housefolk. I want some adventure," Rusty sung. He went onward, venturing into the forest. Before he got a couple foxlengths inward, he was called a nasty name by a small, grey kitty.

"Ow, you hurt my feelings," Rusty pouted.

"I only just became an apprentice. This is nothing compared to what the warriors will do to you. By the way, I'm Greypaw" (AN: all this alleged name calling, no matter how mild, is replaced by a sound effect bleep. What are these insults? I'll leave it all to the imagination).

"Hi, Grewpaw," Rusty realized he misspoke as soon as the sound pelted out of his head hole. He clamped his cute little paws over his cute little mouth. Luckily Greypaw ignored him.

"A patrol is coming. You'd better go or else you'll be called even nastier names," Greypaw urged. Rusty did not have time to turn tail before a patrol of four cats (one bluish grey, one dark brown tabby, one with a snow white pelt, and one golden pelt with a mane like a lion). They began counting off.

"One," said the blue cat.

"Two," said the tabby.

"Three," said the white cat.

"Four," said the lion like cat.

"That is how you count from one to four. One two three four, sing it with me," the tiger dude said.

"Now you're ready to count to five. And beyond even. Rusty, will you join us? You did not seem fazed by Greypaw's verbal attack. Follow us to the camp," the blue cat sang. While on their way, they introduced themselves.

"I'm Bluestar, Clan leader," the blue cat sang.

"I'm Tigerclaw," the tabby sang.

"I'm Whitestorm," the white kitty sang.

"I'm Lionheart," the other one sang.

"Yes, I wanna join," Rusty sang. His chest muscle pounded with excitement, like someone getting a 36 on the ACT or an A in Calculus.

"Come here," Bluestar beckoned. Rusty padded over to a spot in front of a raised rock where the sun was shining. "You are roughly six moons old. It is time to become an apprentice. You are known as Firepaw now." The crowd of cats meowed with excitement and called him by his new name. "Firepaw, Firepaw."

"If you want to be an apprentice, you must learn to count. How many hackles do I have raised up?" Tigerclaw meowed. Firepaw did not know how to count that high.

"ummm... Twenty Three?" Firepaw guessed. Tigerclaw face-pawed.

"The correct answer is 2OH!2." Tigerclaw insisted. "time for me to teach you your numbers." A pretty she-cat with a tortoiseshell pelt made this musical number a duet.

"Greetings, Firepaw. My name is Spottedleaf, and I'm the ThunderClan medicine cat, but since no one ever gets sick or injured, ever, I am not needed, but just in case one of these days." Spottedleaf continued singing in a voice so dulcet that it made Sarah McLachlan look like one of those manufactured auto-tune artists. Just kidding! The way Spottedleaf and Tigerclaw sang was like Rebecca Black's Friday song, but instead of teaching days of the week, it was about teaching how to count (if you look at the voice list, you'll rather be called the worst name ever).

"Now you're ready for subtraction with borrowing, followed by multiplication, division, and the most advanced of all, elementary, basic algebra," Tigerclaw insisted. He etched some numbers on the soil with one of his claws. "You see this number at the top? Well, since 3 is on top and 7 is on the bottom, we cross out the 3 and put 13 and cross out the 4 and put a 3. Now we're ready for the actual subtraction." Firepaw was enjoying his mathematics lesson. Firepaw tried a problem on his own. He seemed to be mastering it pretty well, being a fast learner and all.

"Very good, Firepaw. Now it's time for us to go on our hunting patrol," Bluestar called. Firepaw was excited to finally taste mouse until...

"We will invade Twoleg place and become porch cats so they'll have to feed us some cat food." Firepaw's jaw dropped. He waited for Bluestar to say 'April Fools.' She didn't. Some of the ThunderClan cats made their way into Twoleg place and picked houses to go to. Some of them had bowls of cat food out on the porch. Each Clan cat was assigned to a different porch. The Twoleg owners didn't seem to mind. (AN: In real life, my house, as well as a few others on the block, place cat food out on the porch because we've had a history of stray cats coming onto our porches) Firepaw was hunting for mice instead of enjoying one of the cat food bowls on one of the porches. When he caught one...

"NO! YOU PUT THAT DOWN!" Bluestar scolded. Firepaw put down his mouse. "NOW YOU GO ON ONE OF THE PORCHES AND EAT YOUR SHARE!" Bluestar's anger had receded, and she began in a calmer tone. "After we eat, it's time for you, Greypaw, and Sandpaw to learn your ABC's, which is vital if we wanna train you to become the best warrior you can be."

After their lunch break, Firepaw, Sandpaw, and Greypaw were in the training hollow learning their ABC's.

"A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z. Now you know your ABC's, won't you come and sing with me," Tigerclaw and Spottedleaf sang in their usual duet style. All three apprentices clapped. After that, Bluestar decided to show Firepaw and Greypaw around the forest, showing them ShadowClan, RiverClan, and WindClan. Bluestar asked them one final question before sending them off:

"How many Clans is that?"

"Four," Firepaw answered almost immediately.

"Yeah, I knew you could do it!" Bluestar praised. She touched noses with her favorite apprentice, the one with the flame colored pelt.

When they got back to ThunderClan camp, Tigerclaw was laughing at Firepaw and calling him names. Firepaw's feelings were hurt.

"Stop calling me names, you meanie!" Firepaw bossed.

"I've been here longer than you, so I am right," Tigerclaw laughed. "I'm big and you're small and I'm right and you're wrong and there's nothing you can do about it." Firepaw believed him. Tigerclaw's grin was all evil-icle. Let's see, sharp teeth would be too inappropriate for little kids, so what does he have? Hmmm. I guess picture a white cartoon thin rectangle, like in many Disney movies. Bulls-eye! A bunch of mean and scary looking cats were flanking Tigerclaw on either side. "I am going to become King of the Forest and there's nothing you can do about it. Bluestar, you're a ..." Firepaw cringed at the word. Bluestar looked shaken to the core.

"Bluestar, you're not gonna take it, are you?" Firepaw panicked. Bluestar did not say a word.

"He's right. I'm a _," she said meekly. Tigerclaw was leading his posse around the forest, calling cats bad names and winning the argument due to all the other cats submitting to his vast authority. Rusty's feelings were so hurt, he didn't feel like doing anything. But he was determined to not let his heroic BSOD weaken him. Finally Firepaw had to take action.

"TIGERCLAW! You're a _," Firepaw screeched. Tigerclaw winced.

"Strange. No one's ever had the nerve to call me a _ before," Tigerclaw was cowering in anger. All his cohorts gasped.

"Same thing goes for all of Tigerclaw's cohorts. I love you guys," Firepaw cooed. All of Tigerclaw's cohorts blushed.

The next day...

"Let all cats join here beneath the High Rock for a Clan meeting," Bluestar called.

"Firepaw, that was a brave thing you did, using the power of love to out bully Tigerclaw and drive him away from his goal of being the biggest bully in the forest. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit honor your bravery. It is time to receive your warrior name."

Twenty seconds later...

"Fireheart, Fireheart," the Clan chanted his new name. He and Spottedleaf touched noses.

"May God pave your path to heaven," Bluestar encouraged.

"Wanna be my mate?" Fireheart proposed.

"Yeah, sure," Spottedleaf agreed. And they were mates happily ever after while nothing bad ever happened to any of the Clans ever again.

(AN: If this was the actual Warriors movie if they decide to make one, I will say and do things not permissible in a K rated fanfic. This has got to be THE worst fanfic I've ever written, and it almost pained me to write such a disgrace to one of my favorite book series, but at the same time I just felt like it.)