I originally wrote this story in the year 2000. "Third Watch" was on it's second season, and I was a Bobby/Kim 'shipper. His death on the show will always be so memorable to me. I blubbered like a baby, and still think about it when I hear that damn Enya song on the radio. "Third Watch" was such a wonderful show. I felt never got it's due. And, they did one of the most amazing tributes to September 11th that I ever saw. This show was about New York City police, fire and rescue. They filmed on the streets of NY, and were filming when it happened. They lost friends and co-workers, and the tribute they put together and the subsequent episides of the show dealing with the terrorist attack were amazing. Definitely a show to check out from Netflix!

The following characters and situations belong to NBC and John Well Productions. No infringement is intended.

"I am..."

The streets of New York whiz by as my partner and I continue our rounds, waiting for the next unfortunate soul who may need our help.

Sipping my coffee, I glance out of the corner of my eye, only turning my head enough to catch a glimpse of her reflection in the window.

It never ceases to amaze me. Whether it be the dead heat of summer or the bone chilling cold of winter, she always looks so beautiful.

She doesn't mean to.. no, let me rephrase that. She doesn't 'try' to. She wears very little make-up, when she bothers with any at all. And there's that adorable strand of hair that insists on never staying put.

The autumn air is a bit chilled tonight and she rubs her hands together for warmth.

Taking the hint, I reach forward to turn on the heater, hoping that this city vehicle will have heart enough to give us a little warm air.

She turns her head towards me nodding a bit in appreciation. I acknowledge without words or movement, as our relationship is just this way.

We continue to ride in silence, which is very odd for us. In the 'old days', we would spend almost our whole eight hours together, filling each other in on every little mundane aspects of our lives.

However now those moments seem so few and far between. It just hasn't been the same since-...

And I'll admit, I miss that. I miss her.

Of course we still talk. She fills me in on the newest 'fads' going through the elementary schools and I fill her in on what my Uncle Anthony did when he had too many beers.

But, there is a wall there. It's different now... we're different now. Unfortunately, I fear we'll never be the same again.

We can't take it back. And to be completely honest, I don't want to take it back. She may have decided to forget that night, but I'll never forget.

Maybe there's a five step program that can help me.

No, not a five step program, a support group is more like it.

Yeah, that would be real nice.

"Hi, I'm Bobby Caffey and I'm in love with my partner."

Maybe they'll even give me a big blue and white name tag to wear.

I'm sure the guys at the station house would get a kick out of seeing that. Especially Jimmy Doherty, that would just make his day.

Jimmy.. the love of Kim's life. Even though they'd been divorced for over a year, Kim has always wanted to keep him right there by her side.

He had hurt her bad. Not only did he cheat on Kim with her own sister, but he'd gotten himself head over heels in debt with a bookie.

But really deep down, Jimmy's not such a bad guy. He's made his mistakes, sure. But, he's a good father to Joey, most of the time anyway.

I cannot for the life of me understand the hold Jimmy has over Kim. It's not just Joey, there's just something about the two of them Kim will not let go.

I thought she had a while ago. After what I'd gone through with my brother, I didn't dare go to talk to my Mom. I couldn't stand to hear her say "I told you so."

So, I went to the one person on this planet that I have always been able to turn to. The one women whom I've loved for so long, I can't remember not loving her.

All she did was open the door to her apartment, and welcomed me in late that night, knowing that I needed her just by the look on my face.

As I sat on the couch crying on her shoulder she wrapped herself around me. And before I knew it, I felt her lips on mine and just as quickly, my tears of remorse for everything that my brother could have been became tears of joy for everything that was to come for Kim and I.

We made love several times, and laid in each other's arms for hours as we slept. When I awoke that way the next morning, my entire body was so full of joy that I thought I'd burst at the seams.

I was finally able to say to her "I love you". I had so many plans, starting with a wonderful weekend getaway for the two of us and Joey.

But in the blink of an eye, she ripped my heart out and stomped it into the ground. Maybe I scared her... actually, I'm sure I scared her.

The last time she freely gave her love to someone was Jimmy, and that turned out to be a total disaster save for the son they created together.

So in my typical macho way, I went to a bar and picked up the first woman who batted her eyelashes at me.

But Kim knew.. she knew that I only did that to get back at her. At least now she knows... knows that I would walk over hot coals for her and Joey. I'd go to the end of the Earth for either one of them.

Now, the only thing I can hope for is to be given the chance to do that one day.

I can't believe that our one night together was born from pity. We'd had so many moments where something could have happened... ALMOST happened that I'd lost count.

Even now, I catch her watching me. She watched me so thoughtfully back when we found that little four year old homeless boy that she seemed to be in a completely different world.

I wonder what she could be thinking, or even if she might have some regrets.

No, I can't think like that. Not now. I see what's happening between her and Jimmy. And if they do decide to work things out, and give their relationship a second chance, I hope he doesn't hurt her again.

But, if he does, I hope it's my shoulder she'll cry on this time.

Not that I wish that on her. I could never wish bad things to happen to Kim. But still... my chance will only come if Jimmy isn't in the picture.

Jimmy will always be in her life. He is Joey's father, I can accept that. I just want to be a bigger part of her life too. I could step up the plate, be a stepfather to Joey. I love that kid, we get along great.

But, I'm not Jimmy. I can't break into that little part of her heart that seems to be reserved for only him.

So, I'll just sit and wait. Would it make me a bad person to hope she and Jimmy don't make it this time? Would it really be like me to wish that pain on Kim?

No, I can't do that. I want her happy, no matter what or who it's with.

But, I want it to be with me.

"Did you hear a word I said?" I hear her voice as it rips me out of my reverie.

"What?" Is all I can manage.

She shakes her head and smiles. "You looked like you were a million miles away Bobby. What's up?" She asks.

I sip my now tepid coffee and continue to watch the road in front of us. Realizing that she's still watching me, I need to come up with an answer.

"I'm never that far away Kim. I'm always here." I say.

She looks at me confused, and is about to speak with dispatch interrupts.

"Adam 55, report to a motor vehicle accident at the corner of McHenry and Spruce. Possible victims trapped."

We both reach for our seatbelts and lock ourselves in as the red lights and siren clear the way for us.

Finally, I hear her say,"I think there's something you're not telling me. You know I'll get it out of you one way or the other."

"Someday Kim... Maybe someday." I hope.

The End