Author's Note: As the description states, this is a companion piece, of sorts, to RadiantBeam's Shadowverse one-shot 'It Never Hurts With You'. So if you haven't read that, what are you doing here? Go, go!
And yes... this is canon Shadowverse. She said it is, she can't un-say it!
"Happy Eighteen, Corona!" Rio Wesley cheered.
"Guys! Guys!" Vivio hushed frantically, trying to contain her laughter as the three girls walked into the darkened office where Vivio served as a data specialist for the TSAB. "We're not supposed to be in here after hours anyway, and this isa library."
"Sorry, sorry, just that waiting for Coro to turn the big 1-8 has been a nightmare, Viv! I've been waiting for this forever!" Rio cheered, a bit louder if anything.
"Rio… this is a bit much…" Corona said softly. She did most things softly.
"A three-person birthday party is not a bit much, Coro. It's the far less than a bit much. It is the oppositeof much." Rio protested.
"I could lose my job if we're caught." Vivio offered.
"Okay, yeah, that helps, but it could be better." Rio agreed. "So! A rite of passage. A key point in the development of all teens!"
"Learning how to drive?" Corona asked.
The silence was thick indeed.
"I… don't think so, Coro." Vivio said delicately.
"Because I'm looking forward to that." Corona said cheerfully.
"… … … … right." Rio said. She set down the small backpack she carried and withdrew from it three tall, glass bottles filled with amber-colored liquid. "How about instead, we break intothese?"
"Rio, is that…?"
"Genuine." Rio said with a catlike smile. "McFerrarri's Old Reserve. The finestsingle-malt whiskey available on Mid, if my dad is to be believed."
"You raided your dad's liquor cabinet?" Vivio asked in amused disbelief.
"Hey, we only turn eighteen once, and now that we're all here, we might as well enjoy some of the stuff we're allowed to do, right?" Rio said mischievously.
"Well… maybe a taste. It is a party." Vivio said, giggling.
"Um… I… I don't…" Corona said. She took a deep breath. "Okay. Just a taste."
Rio smiled and removed three glasses from the bag. "Okay! One drink each. To celebrate!"
She uncorked the bottle and poured three shots, smiling. She slid one glass across Vivio's desk to the girl in question, and handed the other to the slightly nervous Corona. "To adulthood!" She said, hoisting her own glass.
"To adulthood!" The three friends chorused, and poured the liquid down their throats.
Then, as one, they collapsed into hacking fits.
"Gaaack!" Corona said.
"It… *cough, cough* burns!" Vivio gasped.
"Geeez, dad! That's 'good'?" Rio said.
Silence fell briefly.
"… so, anyone want another?"
"It was awful!" Corona said.
"It was like drinking lava!" Vivio said.
"… maybe it gets better after another?" Rio suggested. "Let's try."
Ten minutes later…
"Anudder!" Vivio said, setting down her glass. "This stuff burnsh pretty cool."
"Alla you Vivios needa stop drinkin'. You're taking it from Corona anna cats." Rio groused.
"Not cat. Eleffant." Corona muttered.
"Righ', righ' the ellfant… elepha… thing needsa drinks too. Don't take alla drinks, Vivivivivivi." Rio slurred.
"I'm older than you. I'm eighteen for… like… a lotta months. I'm pract'ly fiffy. So since I'm twice's ol' as you, I need twice a drinks."
"Not twice." Corona grumbled. "Five times. Need five a glassesh."
"What she shaid." Vivio said.
Rio threw away the empty bottle of whiskey and uncorked a new one, pouring a shot where she believed Vivio's glass to be. She had seven targets to hit, and she did get the right one eventually. "Bah! You aint speshul. You aint tha' old. You ain't… speciold."
Vivio and Corona gasped. This was a challenge that Vivio could not simply ignore, clearly.
"I am sho." Vivio said.
Rio rocked back on her heels. Then back onto the rest of her feet. Then back on her heels. She swayed a bit, is the key point here.
"Oh really?" Rio said, the ultimate comeback.
"Yeah, really." Vivio countered, the soul of eloquence.
The gauntlet had been thrown.
At this point, a minor explanation is in order. You see, McFerrarri's Old Reserve is roughly 160 proof, or about 80% alcohol. It was really not meant for amateur drinkers… hardened barhoppers would have had trouble holding the amount that Vivio and co. had drained so far. ('Drained', not drunk. Each of them had only drank about three shots. Most of the bottle was on the floor.) They were simply too inexperienced to realize how hammered they were, and were likely on their way from their first drink to their first passing out to their first hangover and, by extension, their first prayer for death in surprisingly short order.
Not short enough, for some people.
In her office, on the other side of the station, Lutecia Alphine filled out paperwork, humming a little tune.
"I…" Rio said. "Can drivea car."
"I can flya car." Vivio countered.
"I can fly a drive."
"I canna thing a do a." Corona said. She wasn't part of the 'argument', she just didn't want to be left out.
"I… you… you know a thing?" Rio said. "A thing. A thing?"
"I do that."
"I fighta bear!" Vivio proclaimed.
"I fight your mom." Rio said.
"… … … I fight two bearsh."
"Hee hee... eleffant." Corona giggled.
Vivio leaned forward, preparing the ultimate statement to prove her supreme adulthood once and for all. Her left hand clicked a small button in the corner of her desk as she did so.
This will be important shortly.
"You wanna know what I did?" Vivio said, her voice seeming to boom from the very heavens with authority. Really, really booming. Way louder than it should have been.
"I," Vivio proclaimed in a tone that brooked no argument. "Had shex."
In her office, Lutecia's head shot up from requisition form 335-B at the quite sudden and unusually unwelcome sound of her girlfriend over the HQ intercom system.
" 'S right!" Vivio proclaimed over the loudspeaker, for the entire HQ to hear. "Shex. Because I am a growned woman. With urgesh."
"No way." Came the voice of Rio Wesley.
"Hee hee hee… eleffant." Said a voice that might have been Vivio's other friend Corona, and might have been a monkey on nitrous oxide.
" 'S true! Shex! Shexy shexy shex! With a pershon!" Vivio proclaimed.
"No. Noooooo, no no no…" Lutecia said, eyes widening.
"What pershon?" Rio asked, now seemingly in awe.
"NOOOOOOOO!" Lutecia screamed, leaping over her desk and sprinting for the door.
"MY GIRLFRIEND, LUTESHIA ALFINE!" Vivio screamed. As if the extra volume was needed.
In a way, it was a relief to Cia as she ran. It made things seem less 'real'. The disaster had happened, all that was left now was damage control.
"Wow, Vivio! You had shex with Luteshia? You an' Luteshia Alfine?" Rio gaped.
Stop saying my name! Lutecia thought frantically. She didn't speak because she needed the oxygen. People were already looking at her funny as she charged through the halls like a violet comet.
"Yesh! Me! And Luteshia Alfine. She'sh a Shadow, y'know. We had Shadow Shex." Vivio said, as if imparting a great secret.
Which Hall do I take to reach the Library fastest? WHICH HALL?Lutecia thought, shoving passerby aside and leaping guardrails. She wished the ceiling were higher to allow flight.
"You had shex... realshex!... wif Luteshia Alfine who works downa hall here?"
"Lotsh of shex! In all kindaways!" Vivio said. "Shome of them are…"
GAAAAAAAH! Lutecia thought. She couldn't really think in words at this point. Her blood burned in her ears, along with the increasing amount of laughter and jeers as she sprinted halfway across the damn station to tackle her girlfriend.
Lutecia had thought she didn't have many friends among the common TSAB soldiery. This was wrong, apparently, since it seemed that suddenly everyone on the damn station knew her by sight, and they all had a comment as she ran past.
"Whoo-hoo! Go Alphine!"
"Way to land yourself a Takamachi!"
"Don't piss off the mom, she'll kill ya!"
"Never knew you were that flexible, Lu!"
And behind it all, the ever-present, un-dying voice of Vivio. "And then, I lifted her leg up and did a thing wif a tongue and she shquealed…"
! Lutecia thought again. In fact, she just kept thinking that. It might keep the words out.
"And then she didda thing where her fingersh went down my pantsh and…"
Nope, nope, didn't help.
After a run that lasted approximately three hundred million years, Lutecia finally came upon the door to the Infinity Library's main entrance. And not a second too soon… Vivio was starting to talk about the thing they'd done in the storage closet and one of the things Cia had expressly told her about the thing in the storage closet was that nobody must ever know about the thing in the storage closet.
The door was locked.
The door wasn't locked.
"And then!" Vivio said. "She took me inna closhet and…"
"Noooooooooooooooo!" Lutecia screamed, leaping into a flying tackle that tore Vivio away from the intercom, finally clicking the damn thing shut.
"Viv… I…. Ooooooooo…" Lutecia growled, looking into the slightly confused eyes of her lover.
"Shia! I wash just talkin' about you." Vivio said cheerfully.
"Are you havin' shex now?" Rio asked. "Caush I don't wanna watch."
"Hee hee. Eleffant." Corona said, and passed out.
"She really likesh that elf… elaha… thing." Rio said.
Lutecia cast a disbelieving glance at the empty bottle. "How much of that did you drink?"
"Four." Vivio said, holding up seven fingers.
Lutecia sighed, the migraine growing so rapidly it was beyond belief. "Well, we need to get you out of here, befULF!"
AT this point, she was caught a little off-guard by Vivio's arms clamping around her neck and the much physically-stronger girl flipping them over so she was on top.
"Why?" Vivio purred. "It'sh a party. Why leave?"
"V-Vivio! I… this! Not the place! Not the pl… aaaaaaah…" She murmured, her protests dying as Vivio leaned down to kiss her neck.
"Mmmmmmm… don't you wanna… stay?" Vivio whispered.
"I… I… you're…" Lutecia whimpered. "N-no… you're way too drunk, and there's… there's people here, and… and we just can't! Vivio, it's supposed to be special! Not like this!"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmm…" Vivio murmured, pressing herself more tightly against Lutecia, nuzzling her softly.
"We… we… we…" Cia said softly, her willpower waning rapidly. Drunk Vivio was still Vivio, still soft, and warm, and Cia wasn't all that experienced with this sort of thing... or resisting this sort of thing... herself…
And the pressure on her body from the girl on top her altered slightly. The soft murmurs changed their tone as well, to something Lutecia was familiar with from their nights together, just not… in thatway.
Lutecia sighed at Vivio's soft snores next to her ear. "Oh, well. This changes everything. Pass out on top of me, you sexy, sexy beast. Pass out on top of me just like that. Mmmmmm, your passing out is soooogood."
"Shex." Rio said in awe.
"Could you help me move her?"
"Threeshome? No, no, I wanna get married!" Rio said, standing up to flee the temptress.
She collided head-on with the wall after about three steps, and collapsed to the floor.
The three unconscious girls and Lutecia sat there in relative silence for some time.
"Well," Cia said, finally. "At least we avoided the storage closet story."