A/N: I'm not usually a fan of the dark stuff, but every now and then I get in that kind of mood. This idea just occurred to me today, and even though it's been done before, I wanted to put my twist on it. What happens after the end is all up to the reader.
What a great fucking twenty-first birthday. I should be at a party with friends, getting drunk, having fun, but instead, I'm freezing my ass off on a street corner wearing next to nothing, waiting for some dumbass to drive by and think it's worth the forty dollars for a quick fuck.
My high was wearing off way too fast and my stash was just about gone. I wished someone would hurry the hell up so I could at least get into a warm car.
Speak of the devil, a shiny new car had just pulled up and the passenger window rolled down.
"Hey baby, you need a… holy fuck. You're fucking kidding me!" There was no way this was happening. I must be more stoned than I thought. There is no way Edward-fucking-Cullen is here.
"Get in," he said, like he was pissed. He had no right to be pissed with me. I just stood up straight and started to walk away.
Before I could take three steps, he was standing in front of me giving me a death-glare. "I said get in the car, Bella."
"I must be hallucinating again." I didn't say a word, but turned around and got into the car. If I was lucky, maybe whoever this was, was a serial killer who liked to kill hookers and I could end this once and for all, since I never had the guts to do it myself.
He started driving and I had no idea what to say. I didn't know where I was going or if this was even really happening.
That's it, I must be dreaming. That's the only way this illusion could know my name. As long as I'm dreaming, I may as well have a little fun.
"So, whaddya' into? For the right price, we can get as freaky as you want."
"Shut up, please. Just be quiet 'til we get to where we're going." He didn't look at me, he just kept driving. He looked so mad, his jaw was clenched tight and he looked like he might even be grinding his teeth.
I kept staring, looking for anything that would prove to me that it wasn't him, but the longer I stared, the more I started to think it could really be him. "Impossible."
Why the hell would he be here? He left me. Three years ago to the week, he left me, lying on the ground, crying and dying. He had lied to me, every time he told me he loved me was a lie. How dare he come and find me now!
"Edward?" He finally turned to look at me. Fuck, it must be him.
"Bella, please, just wait. We'll be there soon." I was dumbfounded, I didn't know what to do, so I turned to stare out the window. There was a hotel not far away, maybe that's where he was taking me.
Sure enough, after a few minutes, we pulled into the parking lot of a much nicer hotel than what I was used to. I doubted they'd let me in the front door with the way I looked; a strung out crack-whore. Just the kind of clientele they were looking for, I'm sure.
Fortunately the doors to the rooms were outside. He had parked right in front of his door, so he unlocked the door and we went in.
"My God, Bella, what happened?" Oh, now he feels sorry for me? I don't fucking think so!
"What the fuck do you care? What are you doing here, anyway?" I tried to look as mean as I could, but it wasn't easy. He was still beautiful and I had a killer headache coming on. I wondered if I had anything in my purse I could take. "I just need a few percs."
"Jesus, Bella, I'm here for you. I came looking for you. Why are you living like this?" He sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. He almost looked like he was about to cry. I was having none of it.
"Here for me? Why? I don't belong in your world, remember? I'm not good for you, remember? You don't want me! You sure as hell wouldn't want me now! I'm fucking leaving! I have to make some money tonight!"
I turned to storm out the door, but his stupid vampire speed, he was blocking the door. "Don't leave. Bella… I lied. It was a lie, the most blasphemous kind of lie. When I said I didn't love you, and you believed me… I came to find you because I can't live without you any longer. Please don't push me away."
That pissed me off. "Are you fucking kidding? You expect me to believe that? It took you three years to figure that out? Get the fuck away from me! I swear to God, if you don't get out of my way, I'll start screaming and someone will come running!"
I saw the fury in his eyes and it scared me. "What? You're going to tell whoever it would be that I tried to rape you? Is that it? Like anyone would believe you dressed like that! You're a fucking whore, Bella!"
I slapped him as hard as I could and immediately regretted it. Not because he didn't deserve it, but because I think I broke my wrist.
"Fuck! Oh, shit! That fucking hurts! Get away from me!" I stumbled into the desk and fell to the floor, screaming and crying.
"God Damn you! Fuck!" I grabbed my purse and frantically searched for anything to help ease the pain.
"Let me see your hand, let's see if anything's broken." I didn't want to, but I let him take my hand. His icy skin felt really good on my wrist. After a minute, he spoke again.
"Nothing's broken, but you're going to have a terrible bruise. Bella, I'm so sorry I said that, I was just… so mad. Please, please tell me why you live like this. What happened?"
I was pissed again. "What do you mean 'what happened'? You happened, asshole! You left! You lied to me! For a fucking year you lied to me! You made me believe you loved me! Then you left! I loved you so much and you treated me like shit! I hate you!"
I couldn't control the sobs anymore, so I let myself cry. I hadn't cried in a long time. I was usually too high, too numb to feel anything. I didn't want to feel, I wanted to be numb again. "I know I got some percs in here."
I finally found three percoset in my purse. I threw them in my mouth and chewed them up. That wasn't enough to affect me much, so I kept on digging.
"What was that? Oh my God, you're taking drugs, too. What the hell did I do?" I found two more and quickly threw them in my mouth, too.
"Yeah, well, it's better than facing reality. Today's my birthday, you know. I'm twenty-one, legal. Yippee! Hoo-fucking-rah! Now I can buy my own alcohol. What a fucking joke!"
I laughed and cried at the same time. Edward sat down on the floor next to me and started talking to me like I was three years old.
"Bella, what did you just take? Were you already high? What all have you been taking?" I started laughing again.
"Well, I just chewed up five percoset, I don't remember what I took earlier today. I smoked some stuff, meth I think, Jimmy helped me with the heroin, I was too shaky to hold the needle still enough. Um, maybe some other pills, I don't know. I take whatever I can find before I go to work. It makes it easier."
"Oh God. My God, Bella. You're not going back out there, you're coming with me." I looked up at him, the pain in my wrist feeling a little better already.
"Fuck you." I wasn't going anywhere with him. "I have to be back by four to give Jimmy my earnings. If I don't bring at least two hundred he'll start hitting me. I don't feel like getting the shit beat out of me again, so if you don't mind…"
I stood up and tried to walk to the door. Of course, I tripped over something, my own feet, probably. These hooker heels were going to kill me yet. Before I could hit the floor, Edward had me.
He held my arms tightly and I knew better than to even try to get loose. "You're not going back out there, Bella. You're staying with me tonight, even if you don't stay with me from now on, you're not going to continue like this."
When he looked into my eyes, all I could do was cry. He held me close and let me. He was nowhere near forgiven, but I couldn't think anymore. It felt so good to be in his arms again, it felt almost as if no time had passed at all, like maybe it was all just a horrible nightmare.
He felt so good, smelled exactly the way I remembered, even better. It was like I had gone back in time, back to when my life was good, normal. Well, as normal as my life had ever been.
It wasn't a nightmare though, it was my fucking life. I had to get out of here before I said something really stupid. "Edward, I can't stay."
"You can't leave, I won't let you." He still held me close and didn't give me even an inch to move.
"You really want to watch me detox? It's no fun, trust me. I'm feeling better, though, so we can talk if you want." I had finally given in when I heard my phone ringing. I knew by the ring tone it was Jimmy. "Fuck."
"Dammit, I don't want to talk to him right now. Maybe if I don't answer he'll think I'm with a john and making him some money."
Edward finally let me go and looked at me. "So, Jimmy's your pimp?" Gee, I always knew he was a smart guy.
"Yeah, he is. He has a wicked temper, too." Jimmy didn't beat me too many times, he rarely had a reason to, but sometimes I think he did just because he had no one else to beat at the moment.
Before I could say 'don't', Edward took my purse and dumped it on the bed. He grabbed the phone and crushed it. I quickly scanned what was laid out on the bed for any pills or bags. Unfortunately, there were none.
"Now, we can talk." He pulled me to sit down on the bed beside him. "When did this start? How long have you been living like this?"
Did I really want to go into this? Did I really want to re-live it? I guess I had to. I hoped I had enough drugs in my system that it wouldn't hurt too much.
"Fine. You really wanna know? After you left, I was depressed. No, depressed doesn't even come close. I wanted to die, but I was too chicken-shit to do it. I hung on for a few months, hoping you'd come back, but you didn't."
"After the new year, Charlie finally snapped. He tried to get me to go Florida and stay with my Mom. He was so pissed, we yelled and screamed at each other, and I took off. I had nowhere to go, so I went to Port Angeles."
"I slept in the truck, when I could actually sleep. That lasted a few days, then Charlie found me. He tried to make me come back home, but I just took off again. I went to Seattle and sold my truck so I wouldn't be so easy to find."
Edward listened intently, not interrupting. Why the hell I was spilling my guts, I couldn't figure out. I wanted him to know, though. I wanted him to know what he did to me, how I wanted to die, how I still wanted to die.
"What did you do then? Without a truck?" I laid down on the bed and continued my story.
"I slept in the park, public bathrooms, it was really cold so I tried to find places indoors. I stayed in shelters when I could. It didn't take long for my first pimp to find me, I don't even remember his name, but he thought I was pretty and could make him some money."
"He gave me a place to stay. I tried to get away with just oral for a while, but when the guy wanted to fuck, I couldn't exactly tell him no, I needed the money. So, it wasn't long before that was taken care of."
I felt Edward cringe. He pinched the bridge of his nose, then ran a hand through his hair, pulling on it.
"Oh Bella, God, you lost… to some stranger. I'm so, so sorry. If I had had any idea, if I had known…"
Again, he looked like he wanted to cry. Served him right, so I kept talking. "Well, another one of his girls, Brandi, Britney, or something, she was the one that gave me my first taste of heroin. It was the very first thing I did. I figured, what the hell. She told me it was easier with the johns when you were high, and she was right."
"You know me, I didn't even like to take Tylenol unless I absolutely had to, and here I was, letting some girl I didn't even know stick a needle in my arm. I had to trust that she was giving me what she said she was. Even if she hadn't, dying would have been fine with me."
"I actually tried to od once. I ate, smoked, and shot up everything I could find. Think I was up for about four days. All I could think of when I couldn't sleep that it was just like you. We were both awake, somewhere."
He lied down next to me and looked at me while I stared at the ceiling and told him my story. "So, after that is kind of a blur. I had a few different pimps. One would get killed or arrested, and there was always another one to take over the girls."
"Every night when I went out, I always hoped it would be my last, that maybe some psycho would pick me up, take me somewhere and kill me. I didn't even care if it hurt, physical pain was nothing. I always had enough drugs in my system to help numb it, but my heart always hurt. There was never any getting away from that."
I suddenly remembered the rest of his family. I had missed Alice so much, that was just something else he had taken from me. "So where's everyone else?" I seemed to have interrupted his thoughts.
"Oh, um, the last time I talked to Alice, they were in New York. That was almost a month ago. I assume they're still there. I left them a few weeks after we left Forks. It was… too hard to be around them. I was driving Jasper insane. He couldn't handle the way I was feeling, so I left. Enough about me, keep talking."
"No, that's all there is. So, Alice never saw any of this happening to me? I used to think that she probably did, but none of you cared enough to try to help me." I couldn't help the few tears that fell down my face.
That was the beginning of the end for me, thinking that they must know what had happened to me, but didn't care.
"No, no! If Alice had told me, there was no way I would have let this happen! I told Alice to stop looking for your future and she promised me she would. I wish to God I hadn't made her promise. I could have prevented all this."
He sat up and pulled me up to a sitting position. He held onto the tops of my arms and made me look at him.
"Bella, I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, human life. I thought you would find happiness without me, I thought it would be safer for you. I never, in a million years thought things would go wrong for you."
I started to giggle, then started to laugh. "Well you fucked up, didn't you? Know what? Why don't you just go ahead and put me out of my misery? I'm sure I don't smell as good as I used to, but you ought to get a great buzz from drinking my blood."
"How about it? We can both get what we've wanted for so long. I'm sure I've probably got AIDS or hepatitis or something, so I'm probably dying anyway. Why don't you just help me out? I don't want to hurt anymore, just help me, just once."
Edward continued to look into my eyes. I would have thought my words might have hurt him, just a little, but they didn't seem to. I really wanted to hurt him and I couldn't physically, but I wanted him to feel guilty.
It was all his fault. We could have been so happy, if he would have just changed me, if he would have just loved me the way I loved him, everything would have been perfect.
"Bella, even if I could kill you, I wouldn't. I love you, I can't let you go now. I know you know that. There's no way you're going back to that life. If you don't want me, fine, but you're going to detox, then rehab, then you're going to finish school and go to college, and I won't let you argue with me. You're too good for this Bella. This isn't what you were meant to be."
He was crazy, there was no way I would let him do all that. I didn't want to live. "So, you're saying you love me? You always loved me?"
He smiled slightly. "Yes, Bella. I love you. I always have and I always will. I came to find you and beg your forgiveness. I had no idea that you'd be living like this. I was going to find you, but if you were happy, I'd have left you alone. You aren't happy though, and I need you. I need you so much, there's no way I can convey just how much I need you. Please, please come with me. I'll change you, if you want. I'll do whatever you want. It's all up to you."
I felt a few more tears fall. They were such pretty words, but I couldn't trust them. "I'm not the same anymore. I'm used up, ruined, broken. How could you possibly want me? Me, and I don't know how many men, have abused my body. I've poisoned myself with I don't know how many kinds of drugs, and I'm worthless now."
"I'll never be good enough for you. Please, just put me out of my misery. I'll always be an addict. I can't survive without these drugs. I'm a horrible, terrible person. I've let everyone down. Charlie, Mom, all my friends, even you. Just… I can't do this anymore."
Edward pulled me close again and held me as I sobbed. I could never deserve him, even if he thought I did. He was so fucking wrong. "No, don't say that. I love you, I'll prove it. You say you're not good enough for me and I say I'm not good enough for you. There's no point in arguing. I love you. Do you still love me?"
He let me go and we stared at each other for a few minutes, or a few hours, I didn't know. What a stupid question! Of course I loved him, but could I tell him that? Would he really change me? Did I really want that?
Maybe I would let fate decide. I couldn't think any more, so I decided that whatever happened, happened. I had a knife I kept in my boot in case of emergencies, and I would use it now. Apparently, he still couldn't read my mind, otherwise he would have stopped me.
"Edward… I need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?"
"Alright, love. I'll be here." I got off of the bed and headed toward the bathroom.
I had never had the guts before, but I was determined now. He was here and this was my last chance. I was sure I would die soon anyway, either from a drug overdose, a psycho john, or a psycho pimp. I would have the guts tonight.
I knew as soon as I broke my flesh, he would smell it, so I had to make it count the first time. I closed the bathroom door and took the switchblade from my boot. I flicked it open and felt the edge of the knife, it was very sharp and it made me smile.
Tonight would be the end, no matter what happened. Either he would drain me dry, or I would wake up a vampire, I didn't care which. I couldn't live this way anymore. All I had been focusing on for years now was where my next fix would come from, and I didn't want to do it anymore.
I held up my good wrist and looked at my arm. I saw all the little holes that were now scars, all the bruises from various people for various reasons, and knew I was doing the right thing.
I took a deep breath, took the knife in my sore hand, and with all the strength I had left, I pushed the blade into my skin, right between the tendons where I could feel my pulse.
Before I even felt the pain, I screamed. I screamed in anger, in sorrow, in joy that it was finally over.
The bathroom door flew open as I watched the blood pour down my arm.
"Bella! What have you done?" All I could do was laugh.
"Here! Take it! I don't want it anymore! Take it all! Just kill me! Please!" I felt Edward pick me up and carry me to the bed as I laughed and cried.
I laughed because I was so happy I had finally done it, I cried because I loved Edward so much and this might be the last time I ever saw him.
I felt myself get light-headed, I was about to pass out. It was time to die, finally there would be peace.
"I… I love you, Edward." Everything went black and I was finally at peace.
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