Oh well, I just have to write this while I still have the inspiration. Hope you'll enjoy!

R & R

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, no copyright infringement intended.


Dreams Don't Turn to Dust

Chapter 1 – A Mother

I just came home from work when I received a phone call from the person that I thought wouldn't ever bother me again.

"Hello, who's this?" I asked curiously.

"Bella," she started. I quickly recognized the voice. It was Esme, my ex-boyfriend's mother. She sounded like she was crying.

"How did you know my number?" I asked angrily.

"We've been searching for you. I got your number from the bookstore that you're working at," she answered.

"What do you want from me?"

"You need to go here. Your daughter—"

"I told you, I don't care about her," I said coldly, cutting her off.

She sobbed through the phone. I couldn't take it anymore. If she was going to beg me again to come to them, then I didn't want to hear anything from her. It had been two years since she last called. I thought she'd let me have a peaceful life.

I was about to hang up my phone, but she suddenly spoke.

"Nessie is in the hospital right now. They said that she needs to undergo heart transplant as soon as possible or else she'll not live long. We've been looking for a heart compatible to hers, but we can't find any. I…I don't want her to die. I love her, and I know that you also do. Even if you left her, she told me that she loves you. She's—oh, please just come here. She had been crying for you all night," she cried.

I knew that she had congenital heart disease, but I didn't know that it would be this worse. I didn't know that it would come to this point.

Before Esme could even make me feel guiltier, I hang up the phone.

I knew what you were all thinking right now. I am evil, I am ruthless, I am crazy, and heartless. Most moms say that they don't know what they would do if ever they lost their child. They said that their baby was the best thing that's ever happened to them. Well, they were right. That was also what I was feeling right now.

It's just that I am afraid of having responsibility and I'm not yet ready to become a mom. Another thing, I don't think that we would survive if I brought my daughter with me. I honestly don't know how to become a mother. I don't know what a mother is since I had never had one. I had never experience how to be taken care of.

My pregnancy was unexpected, just like to other teenagers. I was just a naïve teenager who was blinded by love. I believed that he loved me. I believed that he would never leave me, that he would be honest to me. He brought me to a world of euphoria and fairytales. I believed in happily ever afters and I believed that I was in the fairytale with him. Oh yeah, I just believed without even thinking twice.

My father disowned me when he knew that I was pregnant. That time, the Cullens offered me to stay with them since I was carrying the child of their family member. They were really kind to me and I really felt loved and belonged. Esme and Carlisle were almost like parents to me, and Alice and Emmett treated me as their own sibling.

He, the father of my daughter, was really supportive of me. He told me that he will be there for me and my baby. He told me that we would finish college, he would be a doctor, we would get married and many other plans for the future. Well, I believed him. He was there throughout my pregnancy, and he really showed me how he loved me and our daughter.

It was until he started college. He had to go to Harvard with Emmett, his brother. I didn't know what course I wanted to take that time, so I decided that I will just study college next year. So Nessie and I were left with Esme, Carlisle and Alice. My days without him were very excruciating. I missed him so much, and I could tell that Nessie does to. Even though he calls every day, it was still different from him being with us.

During his birthday, I decided that Nessie and I would be visiting him to surprise him. I was so excited that day; I would finally get to see him after four months. When I got to his apartment, I didn't even bother to knock, because I know that he wouldn't mind. So when I came in, there were numerous people inside. He was having a party. He never mentioned to me that he was going to have one. When the people there started asking me who I was, I told them that I was his girlfriend. They all laughed at me when I told them that. I asked them what was so funny with what I had said, but they didn't say anything; they just sent me their good lucks. I was confused, so I just ignored them.

So with Nessie in my arms, I searched for him. I went to all places in his apartment, and the last place that I entered was his bedroom. I knocked, but he didn't open. I just considered that he didn't hear because of the loud music surrounding his apartment. When I opened the door, I was struck with what I saw.

He was on the bed with a blonde girl and they were both naked. They were currently on a heavy make-out session when I cleared my throat loudly. They stopped and he looked at my direction. Fear was all over his features. Without even thinking, I stormed out of his apartment.

What hurt me the most was he didn't follow me. He didn't even try to explain. He made me believe with all his promises and his lies. I was so broken at that time. It felt so bad to be cheated and betrayed by the person that loved the most, by the person who you thought gave meaning to your life, by the person that you trust the most, and by the person who made you believe in yourself.

I was so determined to leave him, to forget him. I knew that we, my daughter and I, deserve something more. But I'd got nothing to offer her. So I decided that I would just leave her to her grandparents and with him. I knew that he might hurt me, but not our daughter. He wouldn't dare.

When I left, they had done so many things to find me. And because of that, I had been to so many places. I'm currently at Santa Monica right now. Hell, they even hired a detective. They were just wasting their money on me, because whatever they do, I won't come back there anymore. After a year, they had decided to give up on the search for me, which was what I thought. They found me now, and I know that they'll be here in no time. So I have to move out of here soon. But I don't think that my money will suffice me if I move out again. I need to think of something else. He had hurt me so much that I can't even say his name without my chest tightening. He had done a permanent damage in my heart.

I really want to go back to Seattle for Nessie. I want to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, that she would be fine. Maybe she was afraid now. Maybe she wanted me to be there with her. Oh God, I miss her so much. I wonder how tall now Nessie was. I wonder how she looked like. What was her voice like…? All I have are pictures of her when she was just an infant.

I'm just afraid that if ever I go there, he would be there. I don't think I could bear seeing him again.


Should I continue?

Thanks for reading!

-ishi:)