Title: "Naptime"
Author: Legal Assasin
Summary: You know your morning's off to a bad start when the guy that hates you is sleeping with you.
Pairing: Not really any pairing…but if you squint and look reeeeaaallll hard, you'll find some AndersXFenris (Or Fenders, as many lovingly call it)
Disclaimer: See the author name? Does it say Bioware? No? Then I claim no ownership of Dragon Age II or the characters involved (so don't magic fist me, Fenris!)
Rating: T since this is a little low-key for a DA story but still has things the kiddies may not want to see.
WARNING! This contains two guys cuddling. Don't like, don't read.
Before I begin… YES! I'm alive!

Shiki: Not for long. (He decapitates Legal Assasin, who then re-grows her head.)

Well, sorry if my muse took a long vacation!

Shiki: You sure your obsession with these games isn't the real cause?

Fine! Maybe I got a little too into it! I swear I'll finish "My Fair Lady" soon! Just stop killing me!

(Clears throat) So…this is a fill I wrote for the DA kink meme, which requested something similar to an episode of Friends in which Joey and Ross end up napping together. And who better to have than two certain characters who hate each other? This is the result.



Anders stirred, eyes starting to open a little. He wasn't sure what happened, but he had fallen asleep. Not that he was complaining; for the past few days, he had been working at the clinic or helping Hawke while running on a few hours of sleep. Deciding that maybe he could spare a few more minutes, he closed his eyes and snuggled into the pillow under his head.

Except it didn't feel right.

The healer frowned. Whatever his head was resting on, it was firm and seemed to radiate warmth. His cheek was pressed to something that felt and smelled like leather; last time he checked, pillows weren't made of leather. There was also something lying on his arm

Opening his eyes again, Anders's still groggy mind realized that his surroundings looked nothing like his clinic. Even though it was in Darktown, he still kept it somewhat clean; he couldn't risk his patients getting infected. But this place-whatever it was-smelled dusty and there were spider webs nearly everywhere.

He heard someone mumble something incoherent. Something shifted slightly underneath him.

A person?

Did Anders fall asleep with someone?

A little more awake now, he turned his head.

Light brown met moss green.

Both men leapt off the bed with a shout and stared at each other.

The Make must've had a twisted sense of humor, or he was simply thinking of ways to torture helpless mortals for roasting (and skewering) his beloved. Of all the people Anders could have fallen asleep with, it had to be Fenris. Fenris, who made it no secret how much he despised the mage, who took any opportunity to antagonize him, who now looked nothing like the stoic warrior Anders was used to seeing in battle and more like a cat that got water dumped on him.

"What…happened?" Fenris demanded. Rather than the slight growl his voice held whenever angry-never raised to a shout-he sounded flustered. He looked flustered, too.

"I don't…" Anders started, then stopped as he remembered. Their group was ambushed by bandits on the way back from Sundermount. While they sincerely regretted taking on a swift rogue, a possessed mage, a lyrium-coated elf, and Bianca by the end of the battle, Fenris was wounded by a trap Hawke and Varric missed. Rather than let someone heal him there, the blighted elf decided to limp home and take care of it himself. Anders was sent after him by Hawke ("If you don't help him, that stubborn fool will be crippled for life. And that won't help anyone, mostly himself."), and after much prodding Fenris finally relented and let him take care of the injury.

But the fight, the walk down the mountain into Kirkwall and up to Hightown, and the healing process itself had taken a lot out of Anders and he must have passed out. Likewise, Fenris must have also fallen asleep after exerting himself and losing blood.

Anders relayed all of this to the elf, who relaxed once he learned the cause.

"So nothing else happened?" Fenris asked, back to his usual broody self.

"We're both fully clothed, aren't we?" Anders joked, then looked over the warrior and realized his armor was off and the tunic he wore underneath was opened enough to show his chest. "…well, enough that nothing else could have happened, at least."

The former slave nodded a little. "Right; we both fell asleep." He muttered. "Nothing more."

"That's right." Anders agreed. (Wait; they actually agreed on something? Granted, they just agreed that nothing more than a nap had occurred between them, but they still agreed on something nonetheless.) "I'd…better get back to the clinic. It's probably been closed too long."

"That it has." Fenris looked around for his discarded armor while Anders headed for the door. "We never speak of this again, mage."

"Don't have to tell me that."

He didn't spend a moment longer than he needed to in the run down manor. Within a minute, Anders was out the door and heading back down to Darktown. It occurred to him later that the very short conversation between him and Fenris was actually civil compared to how they normally treated each other.


"Maker's breath, how did you get this?"

The younger male Anders was currently examining shrugged despite the deep cut in his side. "Got ambushed by thugs" was all he said.

He reminded the healer of a certain mage-hating elf with his cold attitude, slender yet muscular body, and eyes that seemed to burn even when he wasn't angry. But Anders could deal with his demeanor; while Fenris seemed ready to lash out at any moment, his patient was more intent on keeping calm for the sake of his friend hovering nearby.

"Is it something you can heal?" Unlike his wounded friend, the other male's droopy brown eyes and the way he looked between both patient and healer was very similar to Hawke's Mabari hound Cujo. His voice was filled with concern.

"Kay, it isn't fatal." The grey-haired male sighed. "I'll live."

"But, Aki! You got-"

"There. All done." Anders announced. While the two of them were talking he had healed up the wound. "No internal organs were harmed, so I just had to close it up and stop the bleeding."

The brown-haired male, Kay, smiled. "Thank the Maker. Oh! And you too, Ser."

"You over react too much." Aki told Kay, getting up and fixing his shirt. "It wasn't that bad." He headed for the door while Kay turned to Anders and smiled apologetically.

"Sorry about Aki; he treats everyone like that if it makes you feel better." He explained. "But he seems grateful. Otherwise he would've been angry."

"I have experience with people like him." Anders said. "It's something I've gotten used to."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hawke, Aveline, and Fenris enter the clinic. Speak of the devil; the very person he was thinking about just walked through his door. As Kay ran off to meet with his friend, Anders turned to the group.

"We're heading to the Bone Pit tomorrow; apparently there are more problems going on." Hawke explained. "Are you free tomorrow?"

"More dragons?" Anders asked. "I thought we cleared them out."

"Hopefully not." Hawke said. "So, can you come? Or will you be running the clinic?"

"I'll come." Anders confirmed. "See you tomorrow."

As the group began to leave, the healer thought for a moment then called out. "Fenris; a moment, please?"

The elf looked over at him, frowning. Aveline and Hawke looked confused as well. After all, someone just asked to have a word with someone whom he hated and who hated him back. But they said nothing except that they'd go on ahead and meet Fenris at the docks.

"Is there something you wanted, Anders?" Fenris asked, a little annoyed.

"I wanted to talk about what happened before." Anders began. The events of that morning days ago were on his mind for awhile.

The former slave crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. "Did we not agree to never speak of that again?" he asked. "There's nothing else about it."

"Yes there is." Anders argued. "That was the best nap I've had in ages. I've never felt so refreshed afterwards and Justice didn't even prod me awake." He didn't add that the lyrium brands covering Fenris may have something to do with it; the last thing the healer needed was him storming off.

Fenris raised an eyebrow. "I…I don't know what you're talking about." He said while checking for imaginary rips or cracks in his armor, trying to keep his composure.

"Admit it, bloody stubborn elf." Anders pressed. "That was the best nap you ever had!"

"I've had better…" Fenris muttered half-heartedly.

"Really?" Anders walked up to him and glared him in the eye. "When was that?"

It was his will working against Fenris's, and by the Maker Anders would keep this up until Fenris admitted it.

Finally the warrior sighed in defeat. "Alright! It was the best nap I've ever had! But we're still not going to speak of it again!" He glared at the mage.

"I want to do it again." Anders said bluntly.

"We can't do it again!" Fenris growled.

"Why not?"

"Because we can't!"

Stupid, thick-headed elf…Anders thought, then relented. "Fine. Want something to drink?"

"What do you have?"

"Warm milk and valerian." Anders's eyebrows went up suggestively.

Fenris's glare turned murderous. "Vishante kaffas!" he snapped, then turned and quickly walked towards the clinic exit. The door slammed behind him.

That would probably be a "no."


It turned out there was an infestation of spiders in the Bone Pit. Large, monstrous spiders. Some of them venomous.

Anders frowned in concentration as he worked on the bite wounds afflicting Aveline. The red-headed warrior had intentionally drawn the arachnids' attention to her during the battle due to her protective nature. He didn't usual complain since her guard-issued armor protected her from most damage and it was-from a pragmatic standpoint-better that their enemies attacked the sturdier members than him or Hawke.

But the venom from the spider bites was taking its toll on Aveline. Her eyelids were struggling to stay open and the area around the bites was discolored. Anders was sure that the venom wasn't the deadly kind; more likely it was meant to paralyze and disorient prey. He would be able to heal most of it, but what Aveline really needed was to sleep it off.

"Go home and get some rest." The healer instructed. "The venom needs to make its way out of your body. If you need to, have someone else take over your duties until you recover."

Hawke helped Aveline up and supported her while making their way to Hightown. Anders let out an exhausted sigh. Across from him, Fenris was checking over his equipment since he had no injuries that required medical attention.

"Well, I'm worn out." Anders said aloud. The warrior looked up, pausing the inspection of his sword. "I'm heading back to the clinic and taking a nap." He looked over at the other male.

"Is there a reason why you're telling me this, mage?" Fenris asked, wary.

Anders held his hands up in an "I'm innocent" gesture. "No reason; I'm only saying that's where I'll be if, say, you or Hawke need something from me." He got up and made his way to Darktown and his clinic, not once looking behind him. If everything went as he hoped, he wouldn't have to worry about Fenris.

Once there, Anders went into the back and collapsed onto his bed. Despite his weariness, he did his best to stay awake a little longer while pretending to sleep. Just a little longer…if nothing happened, then he would give up and get some rest.

He didn't have to wait too long; he resisted cracking a grin when he heard the soft padding of bare feet and straps being undone. A familiar warm body laid over his, soft hair tickling his chin. Anders heard a small sigh, then felt the other shift around for a comfortable position. He then let himself drift off into sleep.


A few hours later, both males woke up.

"Great nap." Anders commented, yawning.

"Mmm-hmm…" Fenris mumbled, still waking up.

Someone cleared their throat.

Both brown and green eyes shot open. Slowly, they rose their heads and looked over to the other side of the room. Hawke stood with his arms crossed, eyebrows raised. Isabela wore an expression similar to a small child who stumbled onto a hoard of sweets. Varric observed them with some interest. Merril looked between them with some confusion.

Oh sod; this wasn't good. Anders had to do something to save face and fast.

"What the Void are you doing?" He shouted, getting out of bed abruptly. Fenris managed to not fall out of bed, but he was still surprised by the sudden events. Before anyone could make a comment, Anders turned and walked into the room where he kept the medical supplies.

He doubted anyone was going to let him or Fenris live this down.


See! I'm still working! Maybe not on my Togainu stories, but I'm still working! (Shiki's katana is pointed at Legal Assasin's neck.) Annnd of course I'll return to "My Fair Lady" soon!

Akira: So I'll have to dress in-drag again soon? Great…

Anders: Wait; haven't I seen you before? (Akira points to the second section of the story) Oh, that's where.

(Legal Assasin clears her throat.) So…as those familiar with Togainu probably noticed, Akira and Keisuke made a brief appearance in this story due to my withdrawal. I changed their names a bit so they'd be more DA-ish.

Valerian is an herb that's used for insomnia. Since I don't know of any herbs in Thedas that would have the same effect, I used this.

I honestly have no clue at all what "vishante kaffas" means, but I'm going off the assumption that it's the Tevinter equivalent of "fuck you." Actually…where's Fenris?

Anders: He went to the bathroom.

Damn, I wanted to ask him. Oh well, can't blame a guy for taking care of his bodily needs.

Anyways, thanks for reading and listening to my ramblings! See you later!