Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, not making any money off of 'em, so let me be.
Warnings: yaoi, cursing, slight sexual situations, and angry crabs.
Pairings: None other than TetSou!
Summary: What happens when Souichi and Tetsuhiro go to the beach for a little R&R? Nothing good, I assure you.
Notes: Got this idea when I was playing The Sims 2 (yes, I made Souichi and Tetsu on there. I'm a dork…). I sent the pair in question on vacation to the Twikii Island beach destination. This is their story. Besides, I needed to write something fun for the summer! Enjoy, and try to get into that vacation mood (even if you're like me, and have to take a vacation vicariously through The Sims…) ^_^
Chapter 1: Let's All Go on Vacation!
"I said no, dammit!"
Souichi turned his face away from his kouhai, who was now looking stricken and very upset. The only reason he didn't get up from the table and walk away was that the meal Tetsuhiro had prepared was too good, though the irritated man would never admit that. If anything, Souichi felt he had himself to blame for the current situation. He had let himself get suckered into eating what Tetsuhiro served, despite his better judgment. He had known that the younger man was up to something when he'd brought out every single one of Souichi's favorite dishes…
Now Souichi chewed determinedly and a little guiltily, trying to ignore the pointed looks he was getting. "It's his fault anyway," he thought, savoring a particularly tasty morsel, "He should have known that I'd say no!"
"But it would be really…"
"Do you listen at all?" Souichi shouted, finally turning his head to glare at Tetsuhiro, "I said we weren't going! No means NO!"
"There are lots of reasons."
"Like what?" Tetsuhiro crossed his arms, frowning "You just not feeling like going is not 'lots of reasons,' Senpai."
"That's not it!"
"Then what is it?"
"First of all, I don't feel like sitting around some crowded, noisy beach where I won't be able to concentrate on my studies…"
Tetsuhiro cut Souichi off before he could move on to his next point. "But it's summer vacation! We have two months, and we'll be back in less than two weeks! You can take a break for two weeks, right?"
"Hmph! That's not the only reason! Reason number two is that I don't care to watch my little brother be fondled by that pervert! Being at the beach, they'd have plenty of opportunity to eye each other in swimsuits, and I don't want to see any of it!"
"Your brother and Kurokawa both agreed to tone down the affectionate displays when around you, remember?"
"Well, there's another reason," Souichi scoffed, trying to come up with another reason, "I… I don't want to take advantage of Isogai's kindness!"
"What are you talking about? You've been saying this whole time that he owes you for the karaoke fiasco… And besides, I doubt he'd care about the extra expense. He is the one who invited us, after all."
Souichi remained silent for a moment, mentally scrambling for another excuse. It was true that Isogai had invited them both, a gesture of goodwill to share the large amount of money he had recently won in the lottery. He had called the previous day, asking Souichi and Tetsuhiro to come help him celebrate in Hawaii. He had also invited Tomoe, Kurokawa, and Kanako. Of course, Souichi had declined at once and tried to drop the subject. The first two reasons were the main ones he had had for not wanting to go, but now he was being boxed into a corner by his excited kouhai.
"Senpai, why can't we just go?"
"Why don't you go without me?" Souichi shot back.
"I don't want to go on vacation without you!" Tetsuhiro said, "Besides, Isogai and I don't exactly get along very well… And, well, everyone else who's going to be there is connected to you and not me…"
The long-haired man groaned inwardly. There was that pained expression again. The green eyes dimmed with sorrow, and Tetsuhiro's demeanor seemed to droop a bit. Souichi wondered if he really did feel lonely at the mention of their comparable family situations, or if he only did that to make Souichi feel sorry for him. Either way, it was working and Souichi mentally raged about the fact that he was getting so soft.
"Never mind," Souichi said, "But another reason I don't want to go is that I feel embarrassed in swim trunks." Technically, he wasn't lying. He really did feel awkward when he had to go swimming, which was why he rarely went swimming.
"Senpai, I think you're cute in them!" Tetsuhiro beamed, which only added fuel to Souichi's flaring temper.
"How the hell would you know?" he demanded, slamming his fist on the table and nearly overturning his can of beer.
"I saw a picture of you and your family at a pool when I was in your old house once," Tetsuhiro explained, trying his best to keep a happy face despite the danger he knew he was in, "I thought you looked cute!"
That did it. Souichi bellowed his discontent at the top of his lungs while reaching across the table for Tetsuhiro, who ducked as fast as he could. "Say that again!" Souichi dared, leaping as Tetsuhiro made a break for it with a panicked cry. The taller man made it to his bedroom before Souichi could catch him, and hurriedly closed and locked the door.
"Senpai, it's true!" Tetsuhiro cried, trying to hold the door against Souichi's kicks and punches, "I do think you're c- er, you look good! Don't you think it's irrational to be mad at someone who compliments you?"
"You only did it because you were having those kinds of thoughts!" Souichi shouted, though he stopped his assault on the door. It was no wonder that all their next-door neighbors had moved away.
"I wasn't!" Tetsuhiro said, "I was just giving you a compliment… Senpai, I still hope you can change your mind about the trip. It'll be fun!"
"I don't like fun," Souichi grumbled, going to sit on the couch as Tetsuhiro cautiously opened the door.
There was silence in the apartment for a while, and then Tetsuhiro sat next to his senpai. "I guess you're right," he sighed dramatically, causing Souichi to roll his eyes, "We should stay here all summer long. Just you and me. You, me, and the couch. Nothing but the two of us, together. Alone." Souichi's eyes widened as he realized what Tetsuhiro was getting at. "Nobody else around. Nobody to bother us… Nobody but you and me…" When Souichi looked back over at his kouhai, he was leaning towards him with a devilish look on his face. "Aaaaaaaallll summer long… We have nowhere to go… Nowhere but…" a sly look at the bedroom told Souichi all he needed to know.
"Well, time to start packing," he said, getting up and heading for his room. Though he had given in, Souichi didn't feel like he had been defeated. Anything was better than staying cooped up in the apartment with a horny Tetsuhiro.
Grinning on the couch, Tetsuhiro couldn't help but feel just a bit disappointed, though.
I have no idea when I'll update, but I still appreciate feedback!
BONUS PARODY WRITTEN BY MY HUSBAND
OK, I have a lot to explain here… A while ago I wrote, posted, and deleted a fanfic called "Souichi Tatsumi and the Quest for His Kouhai" formerly known as "Fly Away". I deleted it because I lost track of where the story was going after about three or four chapters. Anyway, the plot basically was that when the whole Masaki fiasco happened, Souichi witnessed Tetsuhiro being taken back home by Masaki. Home happened to be a heaven-like realm, and Tetsuhiro and Masaki turned out to be angels. Anyway, a feather falls, Souichi grabs it, and bam, he's in angel land.
Well, my husband – who doubles as my beta reader – read it and then wrote a parody trailer of it. He's also read bits of the manga, plus what I tell him, so he'd started to form the parody in his head, but he centered it around my fic because he likes to make fun of my writing! I like it when he does, though. I think his parody is funny, but some of you may take offence at it. Sorry in advance! You don't have to have read the fic to know anything about the parody, since I just summed up all you need to know. Oh, and he mentions a character named Hiroshi. He was the villain in my other fic, "Angel". That's all you should need to know about him. My husband thought he was awesome, and should have come back after his death as a flying cyborg head that shoots lasers out of his dental fillings. Yeah, he's got a zany sense of humor! Also, I have to add that he meant the title to be pronounced "cow-hai". It's how he says "kouhai".
I added this here because I don't think it could be its own fanfic, and I just happened to be writing this story so I thought I'd tack his parody onto the end. Now, without further ado and with great pleasure, I turn it over to my husband!
*Bonus Movie Trailer*
They were good friends…
T: "Hey senpai! Let's go grab a drink-"
They attended school together…
S: "DAMN ALL THESE SMILING FACES! YOU!" (points to freshman girl) "WHY ARE YOU SMILING?" (she runs away, crying; Tetsuhiro grabs Souichi's arm before he could tackle her)
T: "Senpai!" (hugs Souichi's arm) "She's new here, the last thing she needs-"
S: "I HATE HER! SHE MUST BE AMERICAN! THAT'S IT, I'M GOING THERE NOW! WHERE'S MY POTATO LAUNCHER?" (offscreen- T: "What potato launcher?")
They even lived together…
S: "BOOZE! WHERE'S MY BEER, WOMAN-MAN?" (throws empty bottle at Tetsuhiro who gets hit in the head)
T: "Ow! Senpai, you should stop drinking so much!"
S: "WIMP! HOMOS ARE WIMPS! THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE HARD STUFF! hic" (holds up large empty white bleach bottle)
T: "Senpai, you drank bleach!"
S: "NO, YOU'RE THE BITCH! AND MY INSIDES BUUUURRRRRRRRN!"
T: "Hold on, I'll call the medics! And use your inside voice or they'll evict me from the apartment again!"
S: "THIS IS MY INSIDE VOICE!" (T: "Yes, 911? Please send an ambulance, quick!"; Dispatch: "Aw, not again, what did he drink this time?")
But when the wings of fate take flight…
Masaki: "Come on, Tetsuhiro! You don't need this stress! Now come home! Hurry, before I break your toes with a hammer! And I'll make ya eat 'em, just for shits and giggles!"
T: "…You're right, Masaki. I'll come…"
(Souichi watches from a distance)
S: "HEY, I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT'S ALLOWED TO MAKE HIM EAT HIS TOES! TETSUHIROOOOO!" (runs towards them)
(Maaaaaaaaagical transformation scene; Souichi grabs on to Tetsuhiro as he transforms, all turns white)
Souichi's taken for a loop as his world turns…fowl…
S: (faceflat on ground, looks up at Tetsuhiro while holding on to his wing) "WHAT IN THE NAME OF JACK DANIELS…!
T: (a Canadian goose with a black mess of hair looks down at him) HONK!
This holiday season…
S: "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE A FUCKING GOOSE!"
T: HONK HONK!
S: "GO HONK YOURSELF!"
Or perhaps a bit before…
Inuit Medicine Man: "These are an ancient group of holy geese! They were cursed by the one known as Leeka-Pupu, and now they cannot return to their holy temple in the Yukon!"
S: "HOLY GEESE?- WAIT, DID YOU SAY YUKON? WHERE ARE WE?"
Inuit Medicine Man's Man Lover: (enters scene) "Hi there, sweet cheeks! I just got back from the hockey match. Stopped by the store, we got plenty of maple syrup now! Let's get hot n' sticky, baby!"
Inuit Medicine Man: "(smiles) I think my insurance will cover that…" (French kissing)
One man will find out…
S: (holding an injured Tetsuhiro after a hunting incident) "WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITHOUT ME, KOUHAI? YOU'RE USELESS!"
T: HONK (bites Souichi's nose)
That the warmth of love can be found…
S: (after holding up a bank) "TETSUHIRO…I NEED YOU…FOREVER" (caresses goose) "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU…"
T: HONK HON-HONK! (ruffles feathers with joy)
(kiss scene, tongue and all)
In one of the coldest places on Earth…
S: (on bottom, with the goose in between his legs) "AND YOU CALL THIS MOVE 'THE OSTRICH?'"
T: HONK! (nods head, then disappears between his legs)
Souichi running after a flock of geese as they take flight, all of which are shitting on him.
Souichi with Tetsuhiro on his arm, who is shaking his goose head as Souichi defiles a gay pride flag by wiping said shit on it from his face.
An Eskimo pulls out a spear and pulls the trigger, shooting Tetsuhiro.
S: "COME ON, TETSUHIRO…" (shows Souichi getting suited up) "LET'S GO HOME."
Souichi pilots a giant beer bottle spaceship and leads the geese across the Canadian sky to their holy temple.
FLY AWAY HOME, KOUHAI
(Hiroshi's floating head is crazy with laughter, eyes rolling back in his head and shooting lasers everywhere)
IN IMAX AND 4D