Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles belongs to CLAMP
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Warnings: language, adult concepts and situations
The opening scene to this story was written by the incomparable Mikkeneko and is being included with her permission. My portion of the story is my attempt to follow up her wonderful scene. Thank you so much for challenging me to write this Mikkeneko. I had a lot of fun figuring out how I wanted to write it.
In addition to being my attempt to follow Mikke's scene I snuck in some nods to a couple of Uakari's fics and a drabble written by UMV. I can't remember who, but someone gave me the link to a request where someone wanted a story where specific safe words were used and I used one of those words. This is in no way an answer to that request, I just like the safe words they wanted used.
-Birds, Bees, and BDSM-
Syaoran returned from his errand with a bustling bag of groceries in his arms, heavy with the weight of cooking and household paraphernalia that they inevitably accrued when they stayed in one world for more than a few days. He placed the heavy sacks on the porch beside him and lifted his hand to the front door, then hesitated.
Fai and Kurogane had been alone together for over an hour since Syaoran had left on his shopping trip, and Syaoran had learned far too well during this journey what that meant. Too many times to count he had either walked in on or been awakened by Fai's loud, breathy moans and the rattle of furniture against the floor, and he was not going to subject himself to that again. Taking a deep breath, Syaoran raised his fist to the door and knocked firmly.
No one answered. Frowning, Syaoran put his ear to the door and listened. The door was thick, and he could just barely make out the cadences of Kurogane's voice, although he could not catch the words. He didn't hear Fai at all, and that was a good sign… wasn't it? The first thing he'd learned from these little incidents was that Fai was a screamer.
Syaoran frowned, chewing his lip as he rocked back and forth on his heels in indecision. No one had answered his knock, and yet Kurogane at least was definitely home. The signals were mixed, but what could he do? He couldn't stay out on the porch all night with a bag of hardware and groceries.
Making up his mind suddenly, he nodded his determination. He wasn't going to live his life with fear, and that was that! They were all companions on this journey together, and none of them had anything to be ashamed of. And even if he did walk in on them having sex, so what? Sex was natural, comfortable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Syaoran was an adult and he wasn't going to let it bother him.
With his newfound resolution, Syaoran reached out and boldly flung open the door, then stopped in his tracks.
He hadn't heard Fai's voice through the door this time because Fai was gagged, a large rubber ball held in place by a leather strap the wrapped around his head. They were on the table, the *kitchen table* for God's sake, with Fai kneeling on the flat wooden surface with his legs spread. His arms stretched over his head, bound together at the wrist and suspended from a chain from the chandelier fixture overhead.
Golden hair tumbled down his back from his head which was thrown back, arching his chest and barring his neck. Shiny black leather straps crisscrossed his chest and torso, with livid red marks raising between them; Kurogane was crouching in front of him, his face hidden from view as he bit and worried at one of Fai's nipples. The bigger man was only half-naked; bare-chested but with his pants undone as he moved his hips steadily between Fai's spread knees.
Without Fai's piercing vocal soundtrack to get in the way, Kurogane's voice was able to raise into the air without obstruction, and Syaoran learned a new fact about his traveling companions: Kurogane was a grunter.
Syaoran closed the front door, then quickly turned around and started down the steps. He'd forgotten to get something during his last trip to the store: bleach. Enough bleach to last him a lifetime.
Syaoran was hovering outside the front door, staring at the wood grains and shuffling his feet indecisively. His earlier resolve that he was an adult and therefore capable of ignoring his two traveling companions' sexual activities as being a normal manifestation of their relationship had crumbled. In the hour he had been walking the darkening streets those crumbs had been blown away by reoccurring images of Fai's bound body flashing through his mind.
The red wheals decorating Fai's skin had obviously been placed there by Kurogane and Syaoran was having difficulty understanding why Kurogane would hurt Fai and more to the point why Fai would let him. He was not sure he was ready to face them. Should he confront Kurogane about his abuse of Fai? Even if Fai said it was alright was it really alright for Kurogane to intentionally hurt the blond? And if Fai did want Kurogane to hurt him did that mean that Fai was incapable of making decisions regarding his own safety? What kind of twisted person did that make Kurogane that he would take pleasure in hurting Fai?
Kurogane ran his fingers lightly through Fai's hair slowly working the strands back so he could secure them once more in a ponytail at the base of the mage's neck. Fai gave a soft cooing sound that always reminded him of a sleepy and contented kitten's mewlings. Smiling he laid a gentle kiss to Fai's bare shoulder stroking his hands over Fai's arms and giving a low rumble of pleasure as Fai settled comfortably against his chest.
"The kid has been standing outside the door for five minutes," Kurogane said, his breath such a soft stirring of the air that had his lips not been hovering over Fai's ear Fai wouldn't have heard his words.
"Mmmm," Fai murmured in response not ready to voice more elaborate vocalizations.
Giving a melancholy sigh, Kurogane slid his hands down Fai's arms until he could weave their fingers together and cross their arms, creating the illusion that he was embracing Fai when, in truth, he was the one being cradled. "You didn't see his expression… He thinks I am abusing you now," he told Fai after a pause, the words surprisingly upsetting to admit.
Kurogane's tone caught Fai's attention and a frown crossed his features. They had been traveling together for close to six years and the last four of those years they had traveled without Sakura. They were so closely interdependent on one another for emotional support that idea that Syaoran could think Kurogane would abuse him should be ludicrous, but… "I'll talk to him," Fai offered, tilting his head to give Kurogane a playful kiss on the side of his chin.
In answer Kurogane grunted, his lips giving a nearly imperceptible tug on Fai's lower lip as the tip of his tongue traced the contours of the magician's mouth.
Chuckling quietly Fai leaned his head further back, breaking off the kiss, before straightening in Kurogane's arms. "Syaoran-kun," he called, hoping that Mokona wouldn't wake up. The little creature had become worn out earlier in the day from helping them make the dilapidated house more habitable and Fai didn't want to deal with her inquires while explaining things to Syaoran, "please don't stand outside the door like that, someone will think you are a thief."
When Syaoran stepped into the room, Fai felt the tension increase in Kurogane and he restrained a sigh. It appeared Kurogane was correct in his assessment of Syaoran's reaction. The young man's expression was that of firm determination with a touch of confusion to soften the set of his jaw and add a bit of hesitancy to his stride.
Staving off whatever speech Syaoran had prepared himself to utter, Fai pointed at the scarred kitchen counter, "Could you bring that jar over here?" he asked, his voice purposefully airy.
Syaoran glanced from Fai who was nestled between Kurogane's legs on the living room floor and the kitchen area where the pair had been christening the dining table. The leather straps, rope, and flogger that stood out so harshly in his memory were gone. If it were not for the bags of groceries he had left abandoned just inside the doorway and the stripes of reddened flesh decorating Fai's torso he would be willing to believe the whole scene had been some twisted hallucination.
"Syaoran-kun, I would like to talk to you, but first could you please give Kuro-chan that jar?" Fai asked, repeating his request with more precise wording and the reassurance of answers to come.
Giving an unintentionally sharp nod of his head, Syaoran allowed the door to swing closed behind him, crossing the room in a few steps. The jar was a round squat thing made from a deep green glass, the sort of container used to hold lotions and salves. The handwritten label contained only two words, 'Arnica Cream'. His mouth turned down unhappily as he made his way toward Kurogane and Fai, the jar confirmed that their earlier activities were not an isolated incident. The jar was too light to be full and the cream inside was used to treat bruises and inflammation. Standing over them, he held the jar out to Kurogane. When the warrior grasped the container, Syaoran tightened his hold not willing to relinquish his grip before asking the question that consumed his thoughts, "Why?"
Fai touched the back of Syaoran's hand drawing his attention. "There are a few things we need to do first. Then I promise to answer your questions. Why don't you sit down for a minute?" Fai said soothingly.
For a time it appeared Syaoran would argue, but then he gave a silent nod and moved across the room to sit with his back against the wall, absently wishing that the house held more furniture than their beds and the table. As he watched Kurogane and Fai were abruptly no longer in the same room as him; so wrapped up in one another that they were oblivious to his presence. This was the sort of behavior that had caused him to be the embarrassed witness of more of their sex life than he cared to consider. As well as the witness to the sometimes tender and deeply personal moments between them that left his chest tight with longing for Sakura.
Resigned to waiting, Syaoran settled himself to observing the two men, seeking answers in their actions, though this quickly generated more questions. The dark-haired man, who had caused the welts that marred Fai's skin, now appeared to treat the same flesh as though it were fine porcelain as he applied the cream to the pink remnants of their activities. For his part Fai frequently stroked the sides of Kurogane's face whispering words that Syaoran was only able to pick up in broken pieces, but were all affirmations of the wizard's feelings for Kurogane or those of reassurance that he had not been harmed. Kurogane didn't speak as often as Fai, but his words seemed to be filled more with quires as to Fai's wellbeing and occasional praises as to how well Fai handled certain aspects of what they had done. Syaoran could sense Kurogane's love for Fai in the undercurrent of emotion in his words and with a tenderness that seemed incongruous with Kurogane's normally gruff exterior, the warrior helped Fai dress. Shaking his head, Syaoran tried to reconcile what he knew and what he was witnessing with the scene that had led to the uncomfortable situation he now found himself in.
"I'm going to shower," Kurogane announced abruptly as he stood, leaving Fai sitting on the floor hugging his knees with a contented smile. Narrowing his eyes, Kurogane addressed Syaoran for the first time. "He'll explain things, but if you still aren't satisfied after that, you come to me," he commanded and Syaoran understood that Kurogane was warning him not to say something that would hurt Fai.
"Alright," he agreed easily, ignoring Fai's exaggerated eye roll that he saw from the corner of his eye.
Several minutes later Fai was seated at the kitchen table a handful of elegantly wrapped sweets in a bowl at his elbow and a mug of fruit juice cradled in his hands. Setting the cup aside Fai unwrapped one of the candies and slipped it into his mouth, his expression that of a euphoric bliss.
Syaoran having watched Fai preform this ritual with three prior chocolates wished desperately that the mage would hurry up and start talking because watching Fai consume the treats felt overly similar to voyeurism. "Fai-san, you said you would explain things?" he prompted, wondering if the magician was attempting to avoid the discussion with his display.
Fai raised an eyebrow at Syaoran who was leaning against the kitchen counter, the young man's expression stern. "Have you had sex?" Fai asked, startling him with the question.
"W-w-what?" Syaoran stuttered. "What does that have to do with this?"
Tilting his head to one side Fai gave him a small smile. "Well it would let me know where to start," he answered.
"I know about sex," Syaoran answered defensively.
"I meant have you experienced sex?" Fai asked lightly. "Having knowledge of sexual activities is very different from having personal experience with the physical sensations of sex."
Syaoran felt his eyes narrow. On the surface Fai's question seemed perfectly acceptable, but he had to wonder if his friend wasn't testing his ability to discuss the topic. "I've had sex," he told Fai, accepting that he couldn't behave like a teenager caught peeking at dirty pictures and expect Fai to treat him as an adult during their conversation.
If Fai was surprised by Syaoran's answer he gave no indication, delving directly into his next question. "Have you had oral sex?"
"Hmmm, this will be easier than I thought," Fai mused out loud. "Have you had sex with a man, a woman, or both?"
Syaoran opened his mouth to answer and promptly closed it. Fai's eyes held the familiar twinkle that was the mage's tell whenever he was teasing. "Ah, why don't you just explain to me why I shouldn't be trying to beat the crap out Kurogane-san for what he did to you and sending you to someone to get your head fixed?" he asked instead, his voice dry.
Sighing Fai shook his head, "Relax Syaoran-kun sex is about pleasure."
"That's not what it looked like to me and those marks on your body don't look pleasurable," Syaoran snapped back his patience wearing thin.
"Alright let's start there then," Fai said decisively. "Have you ever left a love mark on a partner or received one?"
Syaoran's brows creased together and Fai fought the urge to comment on how greatly he resembled Kurogane as he doubted the comparison would be appreciated.
"I have left a couple and had some," Syaoran answered willing to see where Fai was going with his questions for the time being.
"And it felt good while it was happening right?" Fai continued.
"There is a significant difference between a love bite and being whipped," Syaoran snapped at Fai irritated that the other seemed to be speaking down to him.
"Sorry, you're right. I'm just not sure how to explain," Fai apologized, resting his chin on an upturned palm. "How about we start over?"
Syaoran made no move silently waiting. Unless Kurogane planned to spend the entire night in the bathroom they would have made no progress in this supposed talk by the time the ninja finished bathing. "I trust Kuro-lin with my life," Fai said continuing when it became apparent that Syaoran wasn't going to say anything.
"What does-" Syaoran started to protest, his words halted by Fai's raised hand.
Tossing Syaoran one of the remaining chocolates Fai gave him a somewhat strained smile, "Syaoran-kun, this isn't actually an easy conversation for me. After all I never thought I would need to discuss the birds and bees with you at this age."
Syaoran looked from the candy in his hand to Fai. "If the next words out of your mouth are, 'When two people love each other', I am going to tell Mokona where you hide your candy."
Widening his eyes Fai gave the ceiling an imploring look, "Ne, I don't remember raising such a cruel son! What had happened to my sweet earnest child?"
"He saw his 'mother' being flogged on the kitchen table by his 'father'," Syaoran deadpanned.
Fai blinked then snorted in amusement. "The reason I told you I trust Kuro-chuu with my life is because I want you to appreciate the importance of what I am going to say and it is easier start with such an extreme and classically romanticized statement."
Giving a low sigh Syaoran was once more reminded why Kurogane could become so infuriated while speaking with the mage.
Catching the sigh, Fai grinned. "I do trust him with my life and I trust him not to do something I don't want and to stop if I wish."
"So you get turned on if someone ties you up?" Syaoran asked, his thoughts tripping over themselves as the part of him that thrilled in the study and discovery of new things came to the forefront of his conscious.
Fai's smile dimmed a little and his voice lost much of its characteristic lilt, "Syaoran-kun, that is a very insulting question. You feel happy and aroused whenever Sakura-chan gives you a kiss, even if it is just on the cheek, correct?"
Syaoran repressed a conditioned urge to apologize. He was attempting to understand. There were times when once a person knew the answer to the question they asked that it became apparent that the question had been rude, but if the questions were never asked then how would they know? "Yes, but-" he answered, Fai cutting him off before he could explain.
"Listen," Fai ordered firmly. "Would you feel the same if a stranger came up and kissed your cheek or if it was Tomoyo-chan. What if I did?"
"Of course not!" Syaoran answered annoyed that Fai would even ask such an absurd question.
Fai gave a knowing nod, "Exactly. What if it were an enemy, someone who meant you harm and they kissed you against your will?"
Syaoran gave Fai an abashed look as the significance of his words sank in, "I'm sorry."
"Syaoran-kun, come sit down. You're making me nervous standing over there like a disapproving governess," Fai said his voice teasing as he crocked a finger to beckon the young man closer. "Come and sit with me. I'll share my sweets with you while we talk," he told Syaoran flirtatiously.
"I… uh…" Syaoran managed to stutter out as he moved to sit across from Fai; internally cursing his uncontrolled blush and that for reasons he wasn't up to analyzing at the moment Fai could trigger them almost easily as the Clow High Priest, Yukito.
"It's alright Syaoran-kun, but consent, context, and the person makes all the difference," Fai said, returning to the previous topic.
"Fai-san, I'm sorry if my questions are rude, but I'm trying to understand," Syaoran told the amused looking blonde before asking his next question, "Did it feel good when Kurogane-san hit you?"
The smile that lit Fai's face bore a striking resemblance to Sakura's smiles after they made love. It was also a smile Syaoran had seen the magician wear on more than one occasion. However, it was not an expression he thought he would see Fai wear because he was remembering being struck by Kurogane.
"Yes, it felt good and before you ask remember context is everything. Though I enjoyed what we did very much if Kuro-pu were to come up behind me and use the flogger at this moment it would have the opposite effect." Fai said, wagging his finger in Syaoran's direction.
"Fai-san why do you think it feels good?" Syaoran asked his voice holding a touch of sadness that bordered on pity.
"Ah, now that is… Hmmm, how to say this," Fai said thoughtfully, leaning back in his chair and looking reflectively at the ceiling. "We perceive things differently when we are in intimate situations, especially during sexually laden ones. Your partner's nails running over your flesh feels good when normally it would not. For me the sensations of pleasure and pain become intermingled to a greater degree, when that happens everything becomes magnified. I can give myself over to Kuro-rin and let those sensations overwhelm me. It is a release that I need from time to time. Though that doesn't mean that all pain will feel good and there are limits to what I enjoy, but I trust Kuro-puppy to tone things down or stop if I say so."
Syaoran set the chocolate Fai had given him earlier on the table top, pushing it gently with one finger as he thought. "I think I know what you are saying," he said slowly, "but I am not sure that I understand. However, I think that may be part of the point. What do you mean if you say so? You were gagged how could you tell him anything?"
"I'll show you," Fai said as he hopped up from the table to disappear into his bedroom only to reappear seconds later tossing a palm sized ball up in the air. Each time the ball was caught a series of colorful lights would flash and few musical notes would be emitted. Syaoran recognized the ball as a children's toy Fai had made a fuss over the first time they were in Piffle. "See," he said happily holding the ball up. "If I can't speak I hold onto this and if I want to stop things I let it go."
Syaoran gave a quick nod of his head, not trusting himself to speak clearly. If he remembered correctly Sakura had purchased one of those balls at the same time as Fai and the two had spent an inordinate amount of time whispering and giggling during the process.
Oblivious to Syaoran's thoughts Fai continued his explanation, "If my speech isn't restricted then there are a couple of verbal signals we use. If I don't want to stop, but I want Kuro-tan to change what he is doing, I say 'yellow'. If I want everything to stop immediately, I say 'apple'."
"Yellow, apple?" Syaoran asked puzzled.
"MmmHmm," Fai said as he returned to his seat and set the ball down, "two words that wouldn't accidentally come up in that situation and don't have any relation to each for Kuro-ron or I."
"Apples are yellow in Clow," Syaoran said unthinkingly.
Fai's nature wouldn't allow him to pass up such and obvious opening and he gave Syaoran a wink, "Then if you ever play with us we'll have to come up with different safe words."
Syaoran's eyes widened and his skin took on a decidedly magenta cast. "W-w-what NO!" he said comically flustered, "I didn't mean-"
Fai's laughter cut off his protests the mage's chortles filling the room.
"Oi, what are you doing mage?" Kurogane demanded as he entered the room, his hair still damp from his bath.
"I am answering our son's questions about sex," Fai answered primly.
"Still?" Kurogane asked as he stuck his head into the refrigerator and pulled out a drink. "It's not like you're a virgin, kid."
"Whaaa, Kuro-tan you knew our children were no longer chaste and you didn't say anything?" Fai cried, throwing himself at the warrior and gripping his shirt.
Growling Kurogane tried to push the magician away.
"Kurogane-san," Syaoran said attempting to forestall their evening routine a few minutes longer, "Fai-san tried to explain why he enjoys what you were doing, but…" he paused momentarily before plunging onward with his question. "Why do you?"
Fai stood up glancing from Kurogane to Syaoran. "Sya-," he started to say before being stopped by Kurogane's hand resting on his shoulder.
When Kurogane began to speak his voice was low rumble, "The to answer that question starts with control. For me it isn't about releasing control or gaining it. It is a different kind of control than what I experience in battle or at any other time. It is the control of his pleasure and coaxing him and his body to more complex and intense forms of pleasure. It's about taking what should be painful and creating something sensual. When he is bound by the ropes I have used to constrain his body, he becomes sensuous in a way that can make it difficult to breathe. While there is aesthetic pleasure from seeing him restrained, it is through the marriage of his pain to his pleasure that the sensuous becomes the sensual and all the senses are satiated and drowned in the complexity."
"Kuro-pon," Fai exclaimed, "that is almost poetic!"
"What are you talking about idiot? He asked me why I like it," Kurogane grumbled. "Che, stop acting like I'm some barbarian who can't string more than three words together!"
"But, Kuro-ru, you usually answer things like that with 'None of your damn business' or if you are feeling expressive 'Because I like it' while scratching your balls or some other manly activity," Fai said as he tapped the side of his cheek.
"What the hell kind of nonsense are you spouting?" Kurogane snarled.
Syaoran smiled quietly to himself as he unwrapped and ate his candy. He might not fully understand why they did some of the things they did, but this marriage of pain and pleasure they shared was one more aspect of their relationship. A relationship he admired and so with a roll of his shoulders, he donned his most unyielding expression, "Alright I am going to lay down some rules. The first rule is to be more discreet when you are having sex. I am tired of looking up to see one you of riding the other like they're a jockey in a race. The second is at least tie a sock onto the door handle for crying out loud! Which brings me to the third rule Fai-san, you're a wizard do something so that the sounds don't leave the room. I know both the neighbors and I would REALLY appreciate it. It is disturbing to be dreaming and suddenly Sakura is calling for Big Doggie to ride her harder in your voice. Now if you don't mind I'm going to shower." he said pushing back his chair and leaving the now silent duo alone.
"Daddy, I think our son became all grown up when we weren't looking," Fai whispered.
"Feh, the kid has some more growing to do so don't get all weepy or I really will throw you outside like a cat," Kurogane said as he wrapped his arms around Fai and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
'Kuro-sama is soo mean," Fai whined with a giggle.