Sorry for the wait, but making you all suffer is my pride and joy.
Oh, and thanks to aqiel for messaging me, telling me to update. This is for you, because you called me handsome. I bet you regret calling me humble now!
They both woke up way earlier than they wanted to. That always happened when Sanji drank too much, he woke up with a start and images of the stupid shit he did all came in terrible floods of regret and self pity. Of course, he didn't wake up because of that. Sanji stirred when he heard the sound of an alarm going off. He heard Zoro grumble, turning it off.
He looked at Zoro through beady eyes, most of his hair was covering his face. "What the fuck?" he muttered.
"Sorry, I set my alarm so I can go running in the mornings."
Sanji grumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. The fucking sun wasn't even up yet, and holy shit did his back hurt from sleeping on the couch. He remembered what he had done last night and looked over at Zoro. He wasn't acting weird, which he didn't know if it was a good sign or not.
He kept looking over at Zoro, unsure of what the hell to say to him. This was the reason Sanji hated drinking, but he supposed that was probably the lamest excuse he could use. Besides, it would just come out wrong. Saying, 'sorry, I drank myself into bisexuality again' didn't sound quite right and would probably freak Zoro out.
Yeah, he was defiantly sticking to awkward silence, he rather have that than to explain himself. He was so screwed, and not in a good way. He tried to look at Zoro's face, trying to get a read on the man but Zoro was unflappable.
It didn't help that he was suffering from a hangover, even worst when they had playing the drinking game to The Room. It had been Zoro's idea to drink whenever there was a scenery scene of San Francisco, every time Johnny said oh hai, every time a football was thrown, and whenever you felt awkward. He was pretty much drunk the first five minutes because of all the shots of San Francisco and because the sex scene between Johnny and Lisa had to be the most awkward thing Sanji had ever fucking seen.
So yeah, he had a worst hang over than that time. They both looked down at the streets, and even though it was dark there were three little kids, no older than thirteen walking around. Usually Zoro would make a comment about motherless children walking around but he only grunted at the sight. He rubbed his eyes and looked out his balcony.
"Sleep well?" he asked for lack of knowing just what to say.
Zoro nodded. "Yup."
"You gonna go and exercise or you wanna stay and have breakfast?"
"Depends," Zoro said, titling his head to eye Sanji. "What are you cooking if I stay?"
Sanji shrugged, not knowing exactly what to feel since Zoro was actually willing to hang around him a little longer. "What do you like?"
"Right," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "I can make French toast-"
"Shut the fuck up, I don't make cracks about your Asian-ness."
"Like I would care."
"Whatever. I can make French toast and some eggs. I have a mild hangover so don't ask for more than that."
"Sure, I'll settle for your French toast."
"You're not settling for anything asswipe. You're gonna get the best goddamn French toast of your life."
"Bread mixed with eggs and milk, you're right, it sounds like the best fucking thing ever."
"You know how to make French toast?" Sanji asked, rubbing at his temple. Zoro was helping in decreasing the pain in his head.
Zoro snorted. "Like it's hard."
"Whatever, my French toast is more than that, it's fucking delicious."
"Right, right, just go make it already," he yawned, scratching his stomach. "I'm hungry."
Sanji stood on wobbly legs like when a baby deer took its first walk, and stood still for a moment to let the terrible headache slide. He rubbed his temple again and walked inside, heading towards his kitchen. He had taken out all the things needed for making breakfast when Zoro came in, settling himself on of the kitchen stools, just staring at him.
Sanji prepared breakfast and went about his business like nothing happened between them. He was thankful Zoro hadn't done anything, well, said anything so far but it also made him uncomfortable because he didn't know how he felt about the whole damn thing. Hopefully he had a mild case of short-term memory loss and had completely forgotten the whole thing.
He knew it was just wishful thinking because Zoro could out drink the average drunkard lying on the street corner, but he had to do something to keep his hopes up. Deciding that avoiding the problem until it eventually went away was the best solution, he settled on changing the subject.
"You run at this hour?" he asked.
Zoro nodded while yawning. "Less people around," he said after he finished yawning.
"Whatever. Less talking, more cooking."
He swayed again and Zoro gave him a concerned look. "You need to throw up?"
Sanji glared. "No."
"If you do I can always hold your hair for you," Zoro said with a smirk. "Wouldn't want you getting puke on your precious goldie locks."
Sanji hit him across the face with his spatula in response.
He didn't have to help Sanji throw up, though he was pretty sure he was still sporting a massive hangover when he left and probably threw up all by himself as soon as he left his apartment. Which was fine by Zoro, he didn't really want to help that badly. He had had his fair share of helping others throw up and wasn't in a rush to go through it again.
After breakfast he went home to work out until he was so sweaty he was slippery and Perona complained about him looking like he had been working out for weeks. Even he had limits to lack of hygiene and stopped his exercises. He took a shower and went on with his day. He didn't talk to Sanji, not that that was weird because they barely talked outside of hanging out and visits to each other's work anyways because neither were the texting type. At least he wasn't and the asshole cook was nice enough to leave him be. From time to time.
Mihawk asked him where the hell he was last night, not that the old man cared; he just thought it was stupid of him to pay monthly rent if he barely spelt at his place. At least that's what he kept saying. Zoro ignored his complaints, simply stating that he had been 'out.'
Perona made it worst by asking if he got laid.
Sanji was working on Monday, the dullest day to work. He set his mind to cooking and trying not to think of the stupid shit he had done. Of all the times he had to fuck up, he had to do it with the cabbage head. Worst, while drinking. Not only did he look a fool, he looked like a drunken fool, which was easily ten times worst.
He hated himself more than he had ever hated before. He was bi, sure. But Zoro? The only thing he ever saw him care about was his booze, that and the white sword he kept in his room, hanging like a prized possession. What was worst was that he still unsure about Zoro's sexual preferences. For all he knew Zoro could be the type to get off by watching snuff films.
Sanji shuddered. He wasn't going there.
Zeff was looking at him oddly, but so far hadn't said anything. Sanji was grateful for that because he didn't think he was ever going to be in the mood to tell his old man just how big of a fuck up he was when it came to romancing. His old man would laugh, call him an idiot, and say 'I told you so' or something equally as annoying. Sanji didn't need that shit at all.
Really, it had been a miracle those assholes Patty and Carne weren't saying shit to him. Those two were like hawks, always watching him, picking up on any discomfort that Sanji showed, and they never failed to point out Sanji's mistakes to him and make him go from barely contained anger to full blown homicidal rage in seconds.
He looked up, shifting his eyes to scan why Patty and Carne weren't paying any attention to him at all. Sanji realized half the cooks were crowded around the back exit to the kitchen, in the alleyway where he often had to dump the garbage. Sanji raised an eyebrow. He looked at Zeff, the only chef still focused on the work at hand.
"What are they doing?"
Zeff rolled his eyes. "Being morons."
"I get that, but why are they all there? They having a meeting or something?"
"I don't know," he started off calmly, then started to raise his voice. "BUT IF THEY DON'T GET IN HERE I'M FIRING ALL OF THEM!"
Carne turned around, looking beyond amused. "You have to come out here." He said, beckoning them over with a wave of his hand.
Zeff narrowed his eyes. "You're fired."
Carne gave a pout. "Boss man, you're no fun." Deciding he wasn't going to change his mind anytime soon, he turned his efforts on Sanji. "Get over here, you have to see this."
Sanji narrowed his eyes, rolling up his sleeves as he stomped to him. "This better be good."
The other cooks made way for him see. There, in the alley was the cat that he had told Zoro about. It was swatting, hovering over bits of food that Sanji could only guess the kind hearted new Sous Chef threw out for him. There were other cats outside was well, three strays, trying to get some of the fish, but the cat crouched down on its haunches, hissing at all the other cats. When they made no move to leave, the cat gobbled down the food before any of them could get any. The greedy cat.
The rookie made a whining noise in the back of his throat, obviously upset that the other cats didn't get anything to eat anything. Poor guy, even after he made the effort to toss the food outside. Sanji frowned, upset as well. He never did like anyone going hungry, even if it was helpless alley cats under the rule of an evil cat.
He frowned at the cat. He looked at the rookie. "Hey, you still got some fish meat?"
The guy nodded, looking at Sanji with a dopey expression. Sanji stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Ok, I'll get the cat out of the way, feed the other cats."
Before the pimply new kid could say anything, Sanji stepped out into the alley, heading towards the cat.
"Hey Sanji! What are you doing man! It'll rip your balls off."
Somewhere he heard Patty snort and say he didn't have any to begin with, but he ignored them, making his way towards the cat who was already hissing at him.
The blond chef sat in his car, watching the cat as it tried to tear away at the leather seats of his car. Asshole cat. He had kicked its head in warning not to fuck shit up and for the most part it obeyed, except when it clawed at the upholstery and glared at Sanji with creepy yellow eyes that reminded him of someone.
His cell was in his hand and he had been having a staring contest with the cat while trying to decide if he should grow a pair and call Zoro. The cat hissed at him again, quiet upset and Sanji decided he couldn't put up with its shit any longer. He sighed and dialed Zoro's cell phone number, finally giving in because Sanji was anything but a coward.
"Cook," came the dullest voice Sanji ever had the displeasure of hearing on the other end.
"You busy?" he asked, getting right to the chase.
"Just at home. Why, what's up?"
"Mind if I stop by? I'm kinda out, just driving around," he didn't want to admit to the fact that he had been sitting in the parking lot of the Baratie for the past fifteen minutes, thinking about calling the marimo. "Thought I could swing by your place, if you're not busy."
Zoro paused on the other end, saying silent for a really long time. Sanji got the wrong idea from the pause. "Sorry, I should have known you were busy, I'll-"
"No it's not that," Zoro cut him off. "It's just that my roommates are home. If you don't mind them then you can come over."
Sanji snorted. "They can't be that bad." At the silence he felt nervous all over again. "Umm, whatever I'll be there like in ten minutes."
He got there in six minutes but no one was keeping track. At least, he hoped Zoro wasn't, or else he would look rather desperate. Sanji was just grateful Zoro didn't ask about it when he ringed the doorbell. Zoro's eyes had widened a fraction when he saw what was in his hands, and Sanji was sure that was as surprised a look as Zoro's face could manage because it seemed his face didn't like to move too much beyond occasional twitches.
"Cook?" Zoro asked, pointing to his scratched up arms, angry red lines visible on his pale skin. "Did he scratch your arm?"
"It's a she actually."
"So all females hate you do they?" he asked, leaning against the doorway, barely able to contain himself.
Sanji grinned. "Is Mihawk here?"
Zoro raised an eyebrow. It was unlike the cook to not say anything in retort, but he answered him anyways. "Yeah."
Sanji continued to smile. Zoro's face began to fall when he realized why Sanji had brought the seed of evil – or at least that's how Zoro viewed all cats – to his doorway. His face went from shock, to a look of betrayal, to anger. "The fuck cook, you come over for this?"
"For what Roronoa?" Mihawk asked, coming down the stairs.
Speak of the devil and he shall appear, Zoro thought miserably. To his horror, Mihawk was wearing another one of his extra fuzzy bathrobes, a piss yellow one to make things worst, and if Zoro's nose was betraying him, he had just gotten finished having his bubble bath. He usually reeked of vanilla and femininity when he got out of the bath.
"Nothing!" Zoro said quickly, in a higher pitch that he would ever admit, blocking Sanji with his body, trying to hide him from Mihawk.
"Boy, get out of the way," Mihawk said, narrowing his eyes.
Zoro's eyes went wide with panic and he did the only reasonable thing he could think of. He slammed the door shut on Sanji, not caring if he might have broken his nose in the process, and grinned madly at Mihawk. He knew his smile was probably as heart warming as Patrick Bateman's smile, but it was the only thing his face could manage at the moment. "That shit cook was just leaving, why don't you go into the kitchen. I can make tea!" he exclaimed. "Hell, I'm in a good mood! I'll even bake those cupcakes that you like. How does that sound old man?"
Mihawk's eyebrows furrowed. "That smile is creepy. Get it off your face now." If Zoro wasn't mistaken, Mihawk actually looked disgusted by him. He pushed at Zoro's shoulders, moving him out of the way. "And get out of the way, you're being rude."
He opened the door, and much to Zoro's disappointment, Sanji was still there, the cat in his arms, glaring at Zoro. The only good thing was that Zoro didn't break his nose, though, since he was still there, cat in arms, he was considering breaking the cook's nose himself.
"Asshole," Sanji gritted his teeth, glaring at Zoro, probably thinking similar thoughts about him. He turned to Mihawk, anger leaving his face, replaced with mild nervousness. "Um, hi. Zoro told me about your cat. I, uh, brought this little guy. Or girl, I should say." Zoro would have laughed at the cook's timid act towards Mihawk if he weren't so focused at directing bad vibes towards him. "I thought you might want him."
"It has rabies," Zoro cut in quickly. "Don't touch it old man! The cook's a freak, you can't trust him."
Mihawk ignored him, staring straight at the cat. Zoro and Sanji both were silent as they watched a silent exchange between Mihawk and the other yellow-eyed creep. Zoro knew no one would believe him, but Mihawk had actually stared down a cat. That never fucking happens.
The bundle of evil purred when Mihawk reached out to take it from Sanji's arms. The cat gave in, nestling into his chest. Then, Mihawk smiled. Actually smiled. Mihawk hadn't smiled since Satan's cat had died. Zoro supposed he was happy because he now had something in his life that he could lavish with affection and be generally less creepy around. Well, besides Shanks, but Zoro didn't want to think about that.
Mihawk looked away from his new cat, staring down at Sanji even while his hand was still caressing the cat. "You got her for me?"
"Yeah, well, she's always stopping by the Baratie and attacking the cooks when they offer tuna. I figured you would want her."
Mihawk's expression didn't give away anything and it sort of made Sanji uncomfortable. He didn't know how Zoro could live with a guy like that, but he remembered the marimo was almost as boring and expressionless as the man before him. Finally, though, Mihawk did break the silence. "Thank you."
He walked off with his cat, looking happier than Zoro had seen the man in months. Zoro frowned, after weeks of misery now he was back to his semi content self. Well, at least he didn't have to try and be nice to Mihawk or whatever Perona had said in the morning. He sighed, turning back to look at Sanji, still standing awkwardly in the doorway. "Uh, thanks cook. I guess, unless that thing starts attacking me."
Sanji grinned. "It's a win-win for me, your landlord is happy and you get to suffer."
"Right," Zoro nodded. "As a thank you I'd FedEx you a box of spiders
"Asshole! I said we were never to talk about it!" he yelled. "There's a special place in hell for you I'm sure."
Zoro smirked. "Don't act like you're not going there either." He opened the door wider. "Come inside already cook, your freaking me out with your lurking." Sanji huffed, pushing his way inside, making a point to bump shoulders with Zoro as he strolled past him. Zoro snorted, shutting the door after him. "You want something to drink?"
"As long as it's not alcohol, then yes."
"Lightweight," he grinned, moving to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, making a face. "We have water and orange juice."
"Water's fine," Sanji said, pulling out a chair from the kitchen table, taking a seat. Zoro joined him, sitting in front of him, handing Sanji a bottle of water, popping open own can of beer, grinning at Sanji.
Sanji rolled his eyes. "How you can still drink is beyond me marimo," he said, taking a sip of his water. "You damn alcoholic."
Zoro smirked at him. "Yeah, well, I drink too much to give it up."
"I could refer some recovery programs for you."
Zoro shrugged. "I don't see you quitting smoking anytime soon. Takes more lives than drinking you know."
"Yeah, I know that grandpa."
They sat around for a while, doing nothing but throwing insults at each other. Sanji couldn't really bring himself to saying the reason why he was actually there. The cat had been a sort of coincidence. When he got the cat he planned on taking it to a shelter or somewhere where the cat wouldn't fuck up any more of his cooks.
When he had managed to wrestle the cat to the ground and capture it, he had thought of the idea of giving it to Mihawk. Making Zoro suffer was an added bonus, but he had gone to his place to talk to him. So far, he had only managed on pissing him off by calling him unflattering names and occasionally kicking him under the table.
They were in the middle of punching and kicking each other when they heard someone clear their throat. They looked over, seeing Perona standing there staring at them, looking unamused by their antics. Zoro put the chair down that he had raised over his head, he had planned o knocking out the cook with. He cleared his own throat, thinking he might have gone too far with that. Though Sanji did threaten to stab him with his knives.
Perona shook her head. "I should have known all the noise was because of you guys."
"Sorry," they both grumbled, sitting back down, trying to pretend nothing happened.
Perona huffed, moving to sit next to Zoro, punching the back of his head. "You're not here to drink are you?" she asked Sanji.
Sanji shook his head. "No my dear, I'm not as much as an alcoholic as the marimo."
Perona eyed Zoro, then realization hit her. "Oh God, you got him drunk last night didn't you?"
Zoro noticed how Sanji visibly tensed. So he did remember. "Yeah, but it's not so bad. He doesn't throw up like you do."
"Shut up!" she yelled, slapping him across the face.
Zoro grumbled, rubbing at his cheek where a nasty red face was etched on his face. He could tell Sanji was trying hard not to laugh. He threw him a glare, then Sanji lost it, laughing hard and holding his stomach. The other two sat in silence, watching as the blond laughed hysterically. They didn't join in because they knew Mihawk had a weird thing against laughter in his house. It was a wonder Shanks was even let inside.
When Sanji's laughter died down he looked at them, embarrassed over having been the only one laughing at the marimo's behalf. They got to talking for a bit. Perona mostly asked Sanji about how drunk he had gotten and called Zoro a monster. Perona exchanged more embarrassing stories about Zoro, such as the time he slept through an earthquake, even if the entirety of his bookshelf over his bed fell on him. Zoro got back at her, telling the story of how she broke her arm falling down the stairs when she thought she saw a cockroach.
Perona looked at Sanji after a bit. "I bet Zoro didn't ask because he's rude, but do you want to stay for dinner?"
"That sounds nice darling, but I must get going," Sanji said, standing from his seat. "My old man wants me to work the dinner shift tonight. One of the new guys caught a cold or something."
They nodded, standing and seeing him to the door. They stood there, watching him leave, backing his car out of the driveway, driving out of their neighborhood. Perona and Zoro were left staring as they watched the cook cuss at some guy who honked at him. From where they were they could see him ahead roll down his window and flick someone else off.
"I'm surrounded by homosexuals," Perona said. "First Mihawk, now you."
"Shut it Perona," Zoro said, stepping back inside the house. He headed upstairs, planning on going to his room and doing something that didn't involve being around Perona. He grumbled when he heard her following him. He would have walked faster but she would have probably jumped on his back and make him carry her.
"When are you gonna ask him out, Zoro?"
"The day your laugh doesn't scare children."
"My laugh doesn't scare children!" she argued.
"Whatever, now leave me alone, I have working out to do," he said, heading towards his room where he planned on doing ass loads of push up and sit ups until his muscles ached and his body odor became a problem.
"Zoro! You're so boring!" she whined, hitting his arm and moving to sit on his bed before he could slam on the door on her face. "Start dating someone so we have double dates," she smiled, kicking her skinny legs in the leg, looking as mature as Luffy.
"That will never, ever happen," he said, settling on the floor, bending his legs at the knee, planning on doing sit ups even if she was bugging him.
"Come on, it'll be fun."
"At least get some nookie."
He stopped in the middle of his thirtieth sit up, looking at her. "This because of Buggy?"
She grinned. "Yes."
"How long are you going to stay mad at me?"
"Until the day I get married."
"That is if I don't warn the poor bastard about what he's getting into," he muttered going back to his exercises. He planned on getting extra sweaty, thus driving her out of his room. It just sucked that it tended to take a while for his body to actually start to sweat.
"Shut it!" she yelled. She flopped herself on his bed, staring at the ceiling, her pink hair surrounding her pale head. "Come on, double dates will be fun," she said, trying to convince him, even if a double date with her sounded almost as much fun as being forced to go to a spa with Mihawk. It was a good thing Mihawk promised he wouldn't make him go there ever again.
"Go on one with Mihawk and Shanks!" he said. "If you want to go on a double date so bad, just ask him. I'm sure Shanks would say yes."
"No! Shanks always wants to get me drunk."
"If he wasn't so gay I would call the cops on him."
"Zoro, quit picking on Perona," Mihawk called from somewhere in the house. His voice calling out like the raging voice of an angry God. "And don't talk that way about Shanks, however true it may be."
Perona smiled, sticking her tongue out at him. It took every iota of control he had not to kill Perona. He hated when Mihawk took her side. It was the reason she was so spoiled.
His Black Flag CD was playing, and of course Perona was complaining that she hated Black Flag. That only made him up the volume to drown out her nagging, which was even worst in the mornings. He had no tolerance for her bullshit just fresh from sleep, especially not when he was on his way to work.
"Driver picks the music. Passenger can shove it."
Eventually she gave up and crossed her arms, trying to look intimidating, but she just managed to look constipated. Zoro was just happy she had finally shut the hell up. Ever since Buggy she had been giving him hell. No matter how many times he told her he did her a favor by stopping her from dating a fucking clown her anger didn't seem to subside.
We've got nothing better to do than watch TV and have ourselves a brew.
"Christ, this song is like the anthem for you and Sanji. All you do it watch movies and drink."
He shuddered at the thought but really couldn't argue with her. It was more accurate than he would ever admit to though. They got to work after ten minutes of silence. During that time Slip It In was on and made them both uncomfortable so he quickly turned off his radio.
Perona gave him a look. "Pervert."
"Get the hell out of my car."
After setting up the place and cleaning it up a bit, Perona went in the back to do her thing, turning on the radio and blasting shitty music. Zoro grumbled, checking to see what flowers needed to be arranged. As usual, there were flower orders from the Fullbody guy. Lately, the Duval guy had been making orders out for himself. Last time Zoro went to see him the guy kept asking him if he thought he was handsome. Zoro had muttered a half assed agreement and the guy had given him a huge tip so Zoro didn't mind.
Zoro wrote down the orders and the disgustingly disturbing things those guys thought were romantic love letter and headed over to Perona. She smiled, barely able to contain herself. "Are any of them good?"
He shrugged. "Duval requested I call him sexy this time, but nothing other than that."
Her whole body arched back as he laughed, thoroughly enjoying the fact that he had to go around feeding that guy's ego. "Can I go with you today?"
"No. You can't remember?" he asked her. "Even if I could bring you with me, that answer is still no."
She frowned. "You suck." She started taking out the flowers she needed, and Zoro pulled a stool and watched her work. The mornings were usually slow, and after cleaning he really didn't have much to do expect man the place until Mihawk or Shanks showed up.
"Is he hot at least?" she asked, arranging the sunflower bouquet that Duval ordered for himself. The sunflowers reminded him of his sunny smile or some shit like that.
Zoro shrugged. "He's ok."
She grinned. "Is he a blond?"
He narrowed his eyes. "Yes, he is."
She started giggling, and Zoro had to control himself from throwing something at her. He sat in silence, watching her as she started to work on the bouquets and arrangements, frowning at some of the piles of flowers that were starting to brown around the petals.
Perona set those flowers to the side, planning on throwing those away. They usually died way faster than the others. When she was done with the arrangements, she wiped down the counter, throwing away those flowers. It was when they hit the trashcan that Zoro was hit with an idea.
Zoro picked them up, scooping them from the taste. "Hey Perona, do me a favor and tie these up for me will you?"
"They're dying," Perona said, giving him attitude. Then she threw him a glare. "Please tell me you're not going to put these on your mother's grave."
"It's not for that retard! What kind of shitty son do you think I am?" he asked. "It's for something else."
She gasped. "Don't put these on Dracula's grave, Mihawk will kill you."
"It's not for a grave idiot, I'm not that fucked up," he yelled. "Now fix them up, I want to take these with me before I leave."
She made a face, pursing her lips. "I have no idea what you're using these for, but I won't ask. Not like I'll ever understand what goes on in that little head of yours."
He found the Baratie after about twenty minutes of driving through downtown like a common tourist boob. Zoro was still mad about the stupid city, the damn buildings seemed to move on their own. He had to park his car about two blocks away from the shitty restaurant because the fucking place was so damn crowded, and it didn't help that the Baratie was in downtown, where parking was always a bitch.
Zoro walked through the doors and the place was just as fancy as Sanji described. The place was nice enough; thick marble pillars against the walls, obviously ocean themed, if the giant fish outside wasn't enough of a hint. There were paintings of the sea were on every fucking wall, and all the accents were blue. The napkins, and table cloths, everything was freaking blue.
Above his head were nice looking chandeliers. He looked back down at the tables, noticing that even the fucking utensils looked more expensive than his rent. He frowned. No wonder the cook was such a prissy bastard.
The guy in the front looked him up and down. He was dressed in a suit and a bow tie, his smile somewhere between pleasant and sorry. "Excuse me sir," he said sadly. "But the homeless shelter is down the street."
Zoro's eyes widened, then he looked down at himself. He wasn't that bad! "I'm not fucking homeless asshole," Zoro said, barely containing his hatred for the guy in check. "I'm looking for eyebrows."
"Eyebrows?" the man asked, leaning forward, making sure he wasn't hearing things. Or to make sure he wasn't actually a crazy homeless man.
"Sanji," Zoro quickly corrected himself. He always forgot eyebrows actually had a name besides prince and eyebrows. "I meant Sanji."
"Who's looking for Sanji?"
Zoro turned around and saw some tall dude with a shaved, smirking at him. He had the waiter's uniform on but had an apron on as well. He seemed vaguely amused by Zoro's eyebrow comment. "I am," Zoro said.
The guy looked him up and down and Zoro was getting sick of that. What the hell was wrong with him? Sure he wasn't in a suit but it wasn't like he actually dressed like a homeless guy. The guy settled on his head, then broke into a smile. "You're the marimo guy!"
"Excuse me?" Zoro asked, gripping the near dead flowers tightly in his hand, making some petals fall to the ground. He briefly wondered if he hit the guy hard enough if it would hurt. He doubted it, considering his only weapon was a bouquet.
"Sanji mentioned you once," the guy said, continuing to smile and inspect Zoro another time. "Yeah, he told me you dressed funny too."
Zoro growled, narrowing his eyes at the asshole. Was everyone that worked at the Baratie a complete tumbling dick weed? "Is he here or what?"
The guy smirked. "Yeah, he's working in the back, follow me."
He started walking off, past the tables with customers and Zoro followed him. It was the first time he had gone to visit Sanji at his work and he was already starting to regret it. The guy kept looking over his shoulder to smirk at him. "What's your name anyways?"
"Ah. You are him," he began to chuckle. "I thought so, not many guys dye their hair green."
"Done picking on my style or you wanna take a crack about my face too?" he asked.
"Touchy," he said, shaking his head, even if his smirk betrayed that he was mildly amused. "Though I was about to mention your eye-"
Zoro groaned. Fucking asshole, he had been sarcastic. He tried tuning him out when he began to mention his earrings and asking why they were all on one side. Zoro had been walking behind the guy for twenty seconds and he already wanted to kill him. He hoped the kitchen was close.
Carne was standing by the kitchen door, looking through the porthole. He saw Patty walking towards the kitchen, some punk in tow. He already knew who he was and was grinning so wide Zeff made a mental note to do a drug test soon. "Patty's bringing a guy in here!" he exclaimed.
"Is it a health inspector? What does he look like?"
Carne grinned, holding up his cell phone. "Hey Sanji, it's Zoro. The marimo guy you nosebleed about."
"What?" Sanji asked, nearly dropping his knife. Normally he would have flung his knife at Carne for making such a comment, but he was still having trouble believing the moss ball was at the Baratie. He narrowed his eye, reading the text on Carne's phone. Sure enough, Patty texted him that Zoro was coming. "Seriously? Texting each other when you're fucking five meters away?"
"Zoro?" some of the cooks stared to ask, gasping a little. "We gotta see!"
They all ran to the door, all of them trying to peek through the small window. Not all of the cooks could see through the porthole so they settled for Carne and another cook to describe what Zoro looked like. "He has the Joker hair and the body of Brad Pitt, like in Fight Club." Carne said. "But he dresses like he's homeless."
Some of the cooks made a face, their faces scrunching up like they had tasted something sour. "That doesn't sound very attractive at all."
Sanji was leaning against the stove, sighing dramatically as he rubbed at his temples. Zoro couldn't have picked a worst time to visit him. He looked to his side, where Zeff continued to work, but was obviously paying attention.
"Heath Ledger hair?" one of the cooks asked hopefully.
Carne shook his head. "More like Cesar Romero hair."
The cooks faces became even more scrunched, to the point the all looked like walking raisins. One had the audacity to make a face at Sanji. "Sanji, why do you like this guy?"
Sanji furrowed his brows. "Why don't I fire you all? Get back to work!" he pointed to the unmanned stoves.
They all grumbled, moving back to their stations. It didn't matter though, Patty came bursting in with Zoro not a seconds later. The cooks all grinned at Zoro, which made a more than uncomfortable. It didn't help when Patty patted his shoulder. "Hey Sanji! Broccoli head is here!"
The two glared at him. Zoro rolled off the hand on his shoulder and walked towards Sanji, trying to ignore all the cooks staring at him. It was really starting to weird him out. Zeff eyed him. "Who the hell are you and why are you in my kitchen broccoli head?"
"I'm Zoro," he stuck out his hand. "I'm here for the curly brow."
Zeff took his offered hand while he eyed him. He was busying taking in his appearance, a little disturbed by his taste in clothing, not really getting what a fashion diva like his son was doing lusting after a homeless guy. The only upside was the he didn't smell like a homeless guy and he was actually shaven.
Zoro on the other hand was busy staring at his moustache. It was huge. And braided. His hat was even bigger, so big it looked like it had a life of it's own, like it was from Mars. He half expected Gene Hunt to pop out of nowhere and try to explore the damn thing.
Luckily, Sanji appeared by Zoro's side, saving them both from an awkward fumble of trying to start a conversation. "Hey, old man, this is Zoro. Zoro this is my old man." Before either man could say anything, Sanji was already pushing Zoro out the alleyway, away from everyone else. "Marimo, let's talk outside. Yes?"
Zoro offered a weak smile to Zeff before allowing himself to be dragged outside. Sanji shut the door after him, not quite shutting it quick enough to block out the cook's moans of disappointment. "You ever let them set outside for fresh air shit cook? I felt like they hadn't seen another human."
Sanji huffed, lighting a cigarette. "They were just surprised, they all thought the swamp thing was just a legend."
Zoro rolled his eyes, leaning against the brick wall. Sanji looked him up and down. He was wearing a t-shirt with another shark. He didn't know if the guy really had a thing for sharks or what, but he had seen him wear a shark shirt at least three times now, and they were never the same. The one he had one at the moment featured the shark screaming that he had no arms. Whenever Sanji asked where in hell did he find those shirts Zoro always said Bloomingdales, the sarcastic bastard. He looked down and noticed the flowers.
"What are the flowers for?" Zoro smirked, handing him a bouquet of Lilies. "What the fuck? I'm not a girl."
He snorted. "Debatable, but I thought you should have them. I saw them and thought of you."
Sanji brought the bouquet to his nose and smelled them. "So what's a white lily mean?"
"It symbolizes virginity."
The cook slapped Zoro with the lilies, catching Zoro off guard and using that to his advantage and kneeing him in the stomach. "Asshole, you come to bother me at work for this?"
"Thought you liked flowers," Zoro said, rubbing his stomach where Sanji had kneed him.
"This!" He yelled, waving the flowers in Zoro's face, "are not flowers! They'll be dead in two days!"
"It was either give them to you or throw them away. Look on the bright side, you can make potpourri out of them, I'm sure your flaming gay ass would enjoy that." He shrugged. "Plus, they grow out of the fucking ground, not like I could get you new ones when they die."
"That has got to be the least romantic thing I have ever heard," he said. "Plus, I'm not flaming gay!"
"Please, you're easily an eight on the Kinsey Scale."
"There is no eight on the Kinsey Scale!"
"Maybe a nine."
"That doesn't even make sense your moron," Sanji snapped. He didn't know if he should thank the bastard for taking time out of his day to make the least romantic gesture ever or to kick him again for being a complete tool. He was in the middle of trying to decide what to do when Zoro pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning on, giving Sanji a look.
"Anyways cook, I gotta get back to work. Mihawk will have my balls if I'm not back soon."
"Thank fucking Christ, I was beginning to wonder if you'll leave."
"Yeah, and you really should get back to manning the microwave." He made a show of sniffing the air. "Do I smell something burning?"
"Get lost asshole," Sanji said, pushing him back towards the kitchen. If the marimo tried to walk around the building he would get lost for sure. He wasn't all too surprised to find half the staff waiting by the door, obviously having been listening in to their conversation. Sanji was just grateful Zoro was running the hell out of the place.
He pushed Zoro towards the door. "Get out. I have work to do, since these assholes aren't doing jack shit!" he yelled, throwing looks at the cooks as he walked past them.
"Still on for drinking tonight shit cook?" Zoro asked, looking over his shoulder, since Sanji still had his hands on his back, pushing him out while still holding the bouquet.
"Yeah, fine, just get the fuck out."
He finally got him out the door - Zoro hadn't made an effort to walk on his own, making Sanji push him out – and watched him walk out the place, waving over his shoulder. "Oi! Shitty marimo, if you want to drink you bring your own alcohol! I ran out because of you!" he yelled after him.
"Whatever you say shit cook."
Sanji grumbled. Of all the times he had to call him shit cook, it had to be at his work. He frowned, hoping that Zoro would get lost outside and be extra late in going back to work. He headed to his station next to Zeff, thankful all the cooks were back at work, probably because of the old man.
Carne and Patty of course were the ones who broke the silence first, teasing him about the flowers and began to give him dating tips, which he really didn't need. If anything, the moss ball desperately needed them, not him. After Zeff barked orders for them to shut up, things got quiet again. Well, Patty and Carne went on to tease the new guy, which thankfully got the attention off of him.
Zeff eyed him as he worked. After some intense staring, Zeff whispered in a low voice so the others couldn't hear. "He seems nice," he said simply. After a while he added, "In a Ted Bundy sort of way."
Sanji sighed. "Great."
Zoro was let inside after three knocks and some threats. He had thought about breaking down the door but knew the cook would make him pay for the damages since he was such an asshole. When the cook did open the door he gave him a once over before heading to his balcony, saying he had interrupted his cigarette break.
Break from what, Zoro had no idea. Either way, he followed him out, noticing the flowers he had given him earlier were in a vase filled with water. He smirked and made his way outside where they both sat on the couch while Sanji re-lit his cigarette and smoked the rest, flicking it on his ashtray between puffs.
"Did you bring your own booze asshole? I told you I ran out, and I'm done supporting your alcoholic ways."
"I paid half of it last time asshole," he grumbled, sliding further down on the coach. "And no, I didn't bring any alcohol."
Zoro stayed silent. Sanji eyed him, but stayed silent at well, watching Zoro stare at the street with a blank expression. Sanji shrugged, taking a deep drag from his cigarette, deciding it was best to ignore him and let him be.
"Let's go out to dinner tonight."
Sanji almost choked on his cigarette, which was never good. After he was done coughing, he looked at Zoro. "Dinner? Like a date?"
"Yeah," Zoro rolled his eyes. "Like a date."
"Wait, you're asking me out?"
"No shit for brains, I just really like watching you choke on your cigarette."
"You say it like it's such an honor. Why don't you try asking me nicely ass-hat? God, you're so unromantic it's physically painful."
Zoro sighed. "Would you, blond shit cook, like to go out on a date with me?"
Sanji smirked and titled his head, exhaling a thin stream of smoke. "I don't know, I'll think about it."
"Agh, you girl."
Sanji smiled to himself as he stared at the cars below, watching some guy get out of his car to chase a pigeon out of the way so he wouldn't have to run it over. "If your gonna call me a girl you should treat me like one then. When you pick me up for out date I want flowers. Ones that aren't dying. You will open doors for me, pull out my chair and tell me how good I look in regulated five-minute intervals. Since you asked me out, you're paying. Those are the rules anyway. Also, I demand you put on something nice."
"You're a kinky bastard."
Sanji snorted. "Like you wouldn't believe," he said. "But I do expect you to act somewhat civilized in public. Asking you to be a gentleman would be too much for you."
"Zoro act like gentleman for eyebrow," he said in a deeper voice than usual, dragging out the words in a monotone.
"Oh, the caveman can joke. Charming."
"Could have fooled me. This is the first time I've heard you crack a joke, humorless marimo."
"Well, prepared to be charmed even more on our date shit for brains," he said, letting his head fall back on the couch's headrest. He closed his eyes, relaxing into the lumpy couch. "I'll be nice to you because you're forced to act way better than usual on first dates. You can talk endlessly about your work and I'll pretend to listen. Then I'll tell you a sad sob story about my past so I can land me some sex," he grinned. The bastard was grinning at his own jokes.
"You're actually a bigger douche than you lead on," Sanji laughed humorlessly to himself, crushing the last of his cigarette. "You know, I was supposed to ask all these things about you. Get to know you, because when my old man asked about you I realized I didn't know much about you expect where you work and that you're a hopeless alcoholic." He looked at Zoro's profile. "When I did ask you stuff, you never answered."
Zoro opened his eyes to look at him. "Well that's what dates are for, right? Getting to know me, behaving properly even if you're a mannerless ape." Zoro waved a hand in the air. "Pretending to care about things, being sensitive and all that crap."
"Speak for yourself, you're the only mannerless ape here," he said. He leaned back on his couch, sighing. "Especially with the shit you pulled a few days ago, leaving without telling me shit. I had no idea if you pissed off or what, I was suffering for days wondering if we were still ok."
"Sorry about that," Zoro said. He actually had the nerve to look like he was sorry. "It was a fucked up thing to do, I should have said something instead of leaving you hanging."
He looked at Zoro. "Hell yeah it was fucked up. For fuck's sake, will it kill you to have a few facial expressions? You're like a fucking Vulcan," he sighed under his breath. "That morning I seriously couldn't tell what you were thinking or anything."
Zoro rubbed at the back of his neck. "Well, I didn't kiss you back or say anything because I thought you were piss drunk. Then morning rolled around and I was pretty sure you didn't remember anything, so yeah."
"You could have brought it up! I was tripping balls man."
"How could I have brought it up? Say, shit cook, do you remember last night? When you slobbered all over my face? Oh, you don't? Just forget about it."
Sanji rolled his eyes. "I meant you could have asked in a more subtle way, but I can see why you didn't," he muttered. "It's fine anyways, I'm over it."
"Good," Zoro said. "I was worried you were going to start acting like a pansy."
"Make jokes," Sanji said glaring at Zoro. "My co-workers said you look like Cesar Romero because of your damn hair."
"Whatever, that's way better than what I used to get. I used to get called George Hamilton."
"Because of the tan?" Sanji asked.
"That too," Zoro said, almost as if he were in pain. "But my name doesn't help either."
"Oh! Because of Zoro."
"Yeah," Zoro muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Hey, going back to the topic of our date, where are you going to take me?"
"Burger King," he broke into a grin. "Only the best for you darling. I know how much you love fast food."
"Die in your sleep."
"Come on eyebrows, everyone knows if I go too fancy on the first date then you gotta put out."
"I have to put out shit!" he said, snarling his upper lip. "Girls gotta put out."
"You are kind of butch."
"Make one more girl joke and I'm going to land on you like a sumo wrestler."
"Sorry," Zoro muttered. "Lipstick, whatever."
"The way you're going, you'll never get laid dude."
"I don't have to worry about that, you've been wanting to shtup me or have me shtup you longer than I have."
"Say another smart ass comment and I'll kick your sorry ass off my balcony."
"Ok, ok. I'll stop. I wouldn't want you getting all worked up, I know how you smokers get." He saw Sanji glaring at him. Zoro sighed. "Ah come on, this is fun," he said with the biggest grin that ever graced his features.
Sanji patted down his pockets, taking out his cigarettes. He packed them on his palm before taking one out, putting the rest back in his pocket. After lighting his cigarette he exhaled away from Zoro, knowing he hated the smell. They sat there in silence for bit before a thought occurred to Sanji. "What made you ask me out on a date anyway?" he asked.
Zoro shrugged. "Sucker for flat chested blondes."
"Still being an asshole huh?"
Zoro lolled his head on his shoulder to look at him. "Us dating isn't going to change anything."
Sanji frowned around his cigarette. "How fucking romantic." He stepped on Zoro's foot. "But yes I know you colossal asshole." He exhaled. "You're the least romantic gay guy I have ever met."
"Bi," Zoro corrected. "And don't mention any of this to Perona."
"Wait, how come?"
Zoro gave him a look. "Perona already drags me to malls and makes me go to spas with her and Mihawk. If she even suspects that I'm the tiniest bit gay what else do you think she'll do to me? And I don't need her stupid questions." He ran a hand through his hair. "That's something I'm not prepared for." Sanji grinned, then starting laughing. "What?"
"I don't know how I didn't notice you were into guys sooner!" Sanji laughed. "A gay guy-"
"-working in a flower shop. How stereotypical can you be?" Sanji asked.
"Shut your mouth asshole."
"What? You couldn't get a job as a hair dresser?" he started to laugh some more. "I mean, not just that, but your best friend is a girl. I'm surprised you don't wear scarves."
Zoro narrowed his eyes and pushed the cook off the couch, making him land ungracefully with a loud thud. "Oops," he muttered.
Sanji was still laughing as he sat up, smiling like an idiot. Zoro rolled his eyes, ignoring the cook as he took a seat next to him, muttering and laughing all by himself. Zoro did snap at him to shut up but it didn't work, in fact, the cook laughed harder, kicking his feet in the air as he held his stomach, laughing uncontrollably. His only comfort was watching a woman give them a worried expression and start to tug her daughter along with her faster down the street.
"Hey cook, we've been out here for a few hours now. Go put on something nice so I can take your tit-less ass out to dinner."
"About time your marimo ass pay for something," he muttered putting out his cigarette. "And speak for yourself, Patty told me that the guy in front thought you were fucking homeless."
"Che, your workers are retarded." He heard Sanji snort but ignored him. "Whatever, hurry up cook, I'm starving."
After Sanji got his suit jacket they headed out, deciding to get in Zoro's truck because Zoro always complained about Sanji's driving, or lack of driving skills. That and Sanji didn't want to risk getting another ticket. Zoro started his car and Sanji reached over to turn on his radio. He had forgotten he had left his Black Flag CD in, and that it had been playing Slip It In right when the girl was moaning.
Sanji sat in his seat quietly for a bit, sniffing back the trail of blood that threatened to fall out from his nostrils. He turned towards Zoro to give him a look. "You can no longer call me a pervert."
Zoro snorted. "You listen to worse."
"I do not," Sanji argued, sounding offended.
"Benny Benassi," Zoro said, giving him a pointed look.
Sanji frowned. "Fine, you win."
Zoro smirked, pulling out of the parking lot of Sanji's apartment, planning on driving Sanji to Burger King just to piss him off. Sanji turned to look at him, almost as if he had read his mind. "What?"
"Hey marimo, don't crash."
"Che, I drive way better than you-" Zoro swerved the car and almost hit the car in the opposite lane when Sanji leaned over, placing a hand on his thigh and licked his ear. "The fuck cook!?"
Sanji sat back in his seat, shrugging. "Just a preview of what's to come if you behave yourself."
Zoro grumbled, hand wiping the saliva on his ear. He sighed. He was going to take the cook somewhere nicer for their date.
Yes, this is the end.