It's Called 'Love'
So yeah hello, there it finally is; the real chapter 17.
I quickly want to thank all of you who replied my post containing questions and shit. It really helped/helps me and I will use all the advice to improve myself.
And lucky you guys; there WILL be a sequel! :D thanks to all your awesome help with telling me what you'd like to see in the sequel, I am able to think up something awesome!
I still have to fix a few lose ends on the plot, (if it's not going to end as a oneshots-collection-thingy) and make some decisions, but it'll be there!
I'm totally looking forward to writing it and all your support really made me feel even more motivated then ever! I will stop rambling now, might thank you guys more in the AN at the end, but please enjoy this chapter. It'll be the last chapter of this series, and since there's going to be this sequel I wont be adding an epilogue, but please look forward to it!
Thanks again for reading this for all this time, thanks for all kind comments and all help and please tell me if there's ANYTHING you want to ask or request. I can't promise stuff, but I can try! :D
Uuhm the full results of some of the votes are in the longer AN .
~Off we go
It was weird to see my dad again after such a long time. Well, a little over two weeks isn't that long, but because of all that'd happened I really felt like it's been at least a month.
I was surprised that I only felt a little bit nervous. Somewhere in my mind I kept getting the feeling of having to hide, to run away, making sure he couldn't hit me, but after having talked about my feelings more –though not everything yet- and knowing there was someone close who I could call if anything would go wrong, really made me feel calmer.
And also my dad really seemed to feel bad. I know I should be the last person on earth to forgive him, but it finally saw a glimpse of the man I always thought he was; a man, broken by the sorrow of losing his wife, forgotten by all of his elder sons, and terribly, terribly sorry about everything he'd done wrong.
It didn't mean I fully forgave him just yet -no he'd hurt me too much to do so-, but still I could feel a small bit of sympathy form in the very back of my brain.
It felt like I finally got my 'real' father back. Not the drunkard that'd hit me about everything, that'd not care if I was there or not, that would only want me to buy him food and liquor and then just vanish.
No, this man was different. This was my 'real' father; the man with feelings, the man that'd take care of his sons in these sad times, the man that seriously regretted everything he'd done in life. It was the man I've been hoping for to appear ever since my mum died.
He was talking now. I could see he was. His mouth moved, his eyes looked towards the door, towards the chair, towards the window and then back to me. He moved with his hands, trying to show he was really sorry. He didn't seem able to find the right words as he kept shaking his head, sighing, and then back to talking.
Tears that first only appeared in his eyes, now streamed down his face. When they started falling, he'd tried to hide them, but I'd seen them anyway, and it seemed he'd noticed. After that he just let them fall, let them make their sorrowful path down his cheeks and onto the floor.
I just listened. Listened to what he said, but not catching every full sentence.
Sometimes I could clearly hear a word. Such as 'mum', 'sorry', and 'regret' but most of the words were just one random mixture of sounds.
I don't think it was his fault though. It was just that my mind couldn't catch all the info at once. The situation was strange, the subject was strange… it was something I'd never prepared myself for, no matter if I had tried or not. It was something nobody would've expected.
The look in his eyes were all I focussed on.
I remember how my mum told me about being able to see people's true emotions in their eyes. For example, my mum had the same emerald eyes as I have, maybe a bit lighter, but her were always happy and nice. They were trustworthily and honest.
Ever since she'd told me about people's eyes I would look at them in order to see what people really felt.
Though I'd personally try to hide my own feelings by looking away or hiding somewhat behind my bangs and the like.
There's only been one person yet, aside from my mum, who has been able to actually notice my true emotions, and who'd looked me in the eye, honest because they were absolutely sure they had nothing to hide from me, since, as he'd say, 'heroes don't lie,'.
Only Alfred had clear and honest eyes. Only he could be honest about how he felt and only he was to be fully trusted.
Of course we'd not told everything about ourselves yet, since everyone has secrets that are so secret they shouldn't be told to anyone, but around him you could be yourself. The air would feel happy and light, and you knew that whatever you said would be taken seriously.
It's not like he'd not laugh at me when I'd draw small fairies on my notes and tell him they were real –since really they are!- but it wasn't a mocking laugh.
It was a laugh filled with happiness, with honesty and with emotions I could only wish I'd feel so often as he did.
And whenever he'd laugh like that, I'd feel my heart beat faster and my body feel all warm. He didn't know himself, but he was able to brighten up people, he was able to take away their sorrow and pain, he was able to make me feel…
I realised I was starting to get off to my own world, and I quickly got myself to listen to my father again and look into his eyes. His eyes that proved that he meant it when he said sorry.
"…-Sorry Arthur, please, please believe me, I really am sorry!" tears kept falling over his cheeks as he continued, "…really,"
He fell silent. I didn't know what to do actually. I could've comforted him, or I could've tried to loosen up the atmosphere but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Suddenly he started talking again. It's not been long since he'd stopped, but it was something I didn't expect.
"Alfred is a good friend,"
I lifted up my head to look at him. I could feel how my face was filled with surprise, for once exactly the same emotion as how I felt, and I met my father's eyes.
"He really is Arthur. Keep him close,"
It was only then that I felt like I was able to talk.
"Why…?" I asked. My voice hoarse from the long silence of me. I didn't get why my dad would bring up Alfred. I knew Alfred had talked to him, since he'd said so himself, but I didn't think it was important enough to bring him up in the conversation.
"He's the one who talked me to my senses," my dad mumbled. He looked down at the floor as he continued, "He might seem dense, but he's a good friend. He can protect you from any more harm,"
For a moment I find it odd he brought up Alfred and tried to assure me he could keep me save and all, but I realised he was right.
Over the past weeks and days I'd really felt like Alfred was the spark of hope and happiness I needed in order to recover, in order to actually feel better. Life might have been crap, but I was finally able to see the happy parts of it.
"…I know," I answered.
My dad looked me in the eyes again and we continued to talk…
We'd talked about a lot of things. When I got more talk-active my dad started to become a bit calmer, knowing I was believing him and listening to him, instead of ignoring him.
When I'd left the room the last I saw from his was a man. A sad, deeply sad man, filled with despair, but also determination.
Determination to overcome his addiction to alcohol, to go to rehab and make his life better and show his sons he wasn't fully lost yet.
Both he and I knew it'd be a long way. I still didn't know if he'd make it or not, since a lot of people eventually gave up and got addicted again, but at least he would try. And I'd give him a chance.
I don't believe I can ever fully trust my dad again, but I won't tell him. He seems to try hard to improve himself and I wont do anything to take him down. It might be too soon to get along with him again as if nothing ever happened, since I knew it's not something you can just toss aside and pretend it has never even been there, but seeing him work on it sure gave me some hope.
Some people might call me naïve or anything, but it felt right the way it was now.
That's been about three weeks ago now.
At the moment I made my way down the hall and back to my and Alfred's room.
Alfred was probably bored by now, annoying the nurses by telling them he wanted something to do or anything, and I figured it'd be the best to go down there as soon as possible.
I'd been taking a walk outside for a bit. I still stayed in the hospital for now, since recovering was somewhat slow after all the incidents, and I think they also tried to keep Alfred somewhat less bored.
They had removed his brace about a week ago, but he still needed to take it slow and let the wound heal.
Sometimes he had to have some type of rehab for walking, since his spine wasn't fully hit but still it got a lot of impact on his body, but since he was stubborn and masculine, the training really went well.
We'd be allowed to go out of the hospital again in about one or two weeks, depending on how fast we'd be fully recovered, but for now life was still peaceful.
Our homeroom teacher had made his way towards the hospital to tell us about the amount of school we'd missed. It turned out that we'd have to already start studying while being in the hospital and continue so in the winter holidays, so we'd be able to get back in class again after them.
Matthew had stayed around for the past few weeks as well, but he'd soon have to return to Canada for his school. Alfred didn't seem all too happy about not being able to have spent more fun time with his brother.
Of course he was happy when he'd come around in the hospital, sometimes together with his parents and sometimes alone, but Alfred really wished for being able to do more 'fun stuff' as he'd call it.
When I asked him what 'fun stuff' was supposed to mean, he just kept rambling about videogames, comics and what not. Even more then usual. I quickly shut up about it.
Even though Alfred kept complaining about everything being 'boring' or 'annoying' I still found myself grow closed to him.
We'd always been good friends ever since the first day, but whenever I was around him now, I'd go nervous. I could feel all weird whenever he'd stare at me with that weird emotion of his in his blue eyes.
It was as if his eyes resembled what I felt. This weird feeling of confusing but also peacefulness. Of feeling happy and safe around someone, but also aware about everything you did. Wondering if it would be seen as something good or bad or...
"Artie!" Alfred's voice beamed through the room as I entered. I was sure it could be heard down the hall as well, but I decided not to say anything. Alfred would only start to ramble about how bored he was anyways.
"Hello, Alfred," I answered, trying to make clear to him my voice was a lot softer then his. I don't know if he realised though.
I walked towards my own bed. I was a bit nervous, but this time it was a different reason then that weird feeling; today I had to tell him something important, something that'd change our lives.
Maybe not too drastic, but it definitely would.
"Alfred," I started after a silent moment. Alfred was watching TV anyways.
"Yeah?" Alfred replied, not really looking away from the screen, but rotating his head to he somewhat faced me anyways.
"I…" I started off, but soon I could feel my voice stop talking. I didn't want to talk about this. I'd been preparing to tell him about this for the past weeks, ever since I had the conversation with my dad, but I couldn't bring myself to actually say it.
"…I" I started again, hoping it'd work now. Alfred's eyes were now fully focussed on me. I didn't want to look him in the eye and instead turned my head to lie down on the pillow and closed my eyes, "…There's something I need to tell you," I managed to say.
"…What is it?" Alfred asked with a curious but somewhat hesitant voice. He seemed to notice it was something I didn't want to tell, something that was important but not fun.
"I…" I started again, and I gave a sigh in order to pull myself together, "I'll have to live with one of my brothers. My dad's in rehab now, and as soon as I'm kicked out of the hospital I'll be moving to one of my brothers. I don't know which of them yet, but I'll have to change schools, move and…" I could feel a tear fall from my cheek.
Weird, to see how upset I got of it. I first expected I'd have been happy to move away from this place where I had lived all these sad years, but it hurt me more to move away then to actually stay here.
"…oh," Alfred replied. He was obviously unpleasantly surprised about this new information and still needed to think it all through, "But… Where do yer brothers live?" he asked.
"All over the country. Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland…" I replied, "I already sent a letter a few weeks ago, after I talked with my dad. I had to, I'm underage by law so I have to live with either of them, considering I don't want to go to some type of orphanage and I don't have any family left,"
I didn't want to talk anymore, and I was happy to already have my eyes shut. I tried to stop my tears and it seemed to work, but I knew that they'd start running again if I'd say anything else.
I could hear the movement of sheets and the chair next to my beak creaked. It seemed Alfred was sitting next to my bed now.
"Don't cry, 'kay Artie? I'll be all right," he said with a softer voice then usual.
I opened my eyes to look at him and met with his. He gave a smile; it was a bit of a sad one, but still it cheered me up.
And made me blush.
"I-I'm not crying!" I said, sitting up. I'd cried way too much over the past few weeks and it was time to become stronger and stop doing so.
"Yes, you are," he said, moving his hand up to my face. I could feel my stomach flutter and suddenly images of out kiss back in his house flashed in front of my eyes.
I could feel the tingling in my lips, the warmth spreading through me and my face heat up.
"Artie," Alfred said, leaning forwards while giving me a deep stare with his sky-blue eyes.
I got nervous. I wanted to turn away, shake my head, snap out of it.
But I didn't .
Instead I let the boy in front of me lean forward, let my heart take over my body instead of my mind, let the feeling spread through my body.
I was sure now…
This feeling must be called….
There it was again. The small warmth on my lips that could fully heat me up inside. It made my stomach tingle more then ever and I could feel how I secretly lounged for more.
I didn't care about anything in the world for a moment. I didn't care about people seeing us, I didn't care about moving away, I didn't care about how I kissed back.
All I cared for was Alfred.
I could feel him slipping a hand around my waist, carefully to not hurt my ribs. I could feel how my own body moved its hand up to Alfred's hair, first one hand then two, as if it was controlled by someone else but myself.
I could feel how we got closer and closer with emotions and feelings without speaking words.
Yes, this feeling…it's called…
I could feel how Alfred moved away. I felt a bit sad about knowing it was over and I felt like kissing him again, right now, but I realised why he stopped.
We were both breathing heavily. We'd been so occupied by the kiss that we didn't realise we had to breath, had to get back to the real world, had to live on and weren't able to stick in this perfect world…
I moved my hand towards my lips. I could still feel Alfred's lips on my own. The warmth hadn't fully left my body yet and I started to catch up again with my brain…
"Artie," I hear the American boy say. I looked up, meeting his eyes for the thousand time. But this time it gave a different feeling. A feeling of…
"Artie, I," Oh, only if my heart would stop beating so hard I might would be able to hear him properly, "…I,"
It felt like all these books I'd read, all these moments where main characters would start to develop relationships, would realise their feelings and would… confess.
But this felt so much more real.
"What I feel for ya," Alfred continued. Suddenly I could hear his voice clearly, "It… It's called love,"
I could feel how my heart exploded from feelings. Feelings of happiness, so much happiness I couldn't bear it.
And feelings of love, so much love I couldn't express it…
For once I knew what true love was… and it felt wonderful.
There wasn't anything else to describe it but the word wonderful. And it seemed as if even that word didn't fully explain it.
Without thinking I moved forward again, my arms and hands moving back to their position before, my face getting closer to Alfred's, hungry for more of that feeling, more of that sensation, more of that love.
And that was the start of our relationship.
Wow… that's the end for this series?
It feels sad to know it'd ended, but hey, did you see that? IT'S A CLIFFY. And did you remember what I told you at the AN above?
IT'S GETTING A SEQUEL.
It'll either be a full story or a collection of oneshots filled with love about their life afterwards, but it'll be there! I don't know when though, since you all know I have to go back to school again this Monday, but at least you can be assured there will be one!
Uhgg I don't have much to tell about the story else but that, and I don't have anything to tell about myself but I DO HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL ALL YOU READERS;
Since really. I love you guys. You helped me write on with all your nice reviews, comments and fanart! You helped me stay motivated by all the alerts, watches, and favourites! You made me the happiest author ever by supporting me so much and always being there when I needed your help!
Please know that, no matter how sentimental this sounds, without you guys I could've never even thought of finishing this series!
I will now stop rambling about how awesome you guys are, but please keep it in mind that readers are the things authors like me drive to write on!
I enjoy it so much more when you are there to support me!
Oh and yeah please look forward to the steampunk AU fanfic I've been planning. I've been dying to write it, but I promised myself to finish ICL first XD hahaha
Please stay awesome and remember there will be a sequel! I don't know when I'll have the time to upload, but it'll appear someday!
THANKS SO MUCH. I CAN'T STOP THANKING YOU GUYS!
I do not own Hetalia or the characters, those belong to their rightful (awesome) creator, Hidekaz Himaruya
Results of questions (so far);
Lessen it down: 8
M or T rating:
And thanks so much for all your awesome suggestions! I will try making them come true in the sequel!