Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.
For the wonderful Draches.
This is my first time writing One Piece. God knows what I was thinking.
It had been nothing out of the ordinary for the Strawhat Pirates. Being on their way across the Grand Line, sailing into a random Marineship was usually considered a minor annoyance these days. While it had long ago been a dramatical incident because they had feared for their ship – it was now merely annoying because it most often occurred either during dinner time or at night when people were sleeping.
What made today a little bit different, and what would soon lead to awkward confrontations, was the fact that Zoro had been knocked out cold by a random Marine – rank not even worth mentioning. Hell, later on he'd been disposed of as easily as any other of them. With a silent 'Clutch' and being shoved off deck afterwards, he'd met a nameless burial on the bottom of the sea.
"What the hell happened?" Sanji had yelled, outrageous. Everyone knew that both Sanji and Zoro could only communicate with each other through shouting and insulting. After having made sure the marimo had no life threatening wounds, the cook had nudged him in the side with his polished shoe. Zoro's response had been no insult or threat, but a forced exhale, like a pitiful cough, as if nothing else could be forced passed his pale lips. Manly tears twinkled in his eyes.
While Chopper had run around frantically yelling for a doctor and Usopp had carefully unrolled Zoro from his curled up position, Nico Robin stood silently, observing from a distance. She did not need all the pieces to put together a puzzle. In fact, she had already guessed what had occurred while she'd been busy carefully breaking an opponent's spine in half.
"Oh my god, he's not breathing!" Usopp had screamed in genuine terror. "Wait.. He is, sorry. But barely!"
"Zoro! Zoro! Talk to me!" Chopper hadn't been able to suppress his tears from falling.
While all Zoro's nakama had been fretting over him like he'd just been given a death blow, Robin had noted that Luffy was standing surprisingly far off. Catching his eye and offering him a small smile, the archeologist had moved over to her Captain.
Fidgeting with his rubber fingers, feet drawn a little bit more together than usual, Luffy's sad and guilty expression had travelled from the wooden deck to meet Robin's eyes. She had cast him another reassuring smile, making sure he'd know she meant no harm or accusation.
"What happened?" With patience and confidence, Robin had often been able to persuade Luffy into spilling the beans – be it having stolen a rather large amount of meat from Sanji's fridge, or having accidently lost a few of Nami's precious beli.
"Zoro was hit by that Marine!" the young Captain had spoken confidently. He stood there like a child trying to hide having stolen brownies while walking around with a face full of chocolate.
"So it seems, Sencho-san. Do you have any idea what might have caused Swordsman-san to fall for such a blatant attack?"
"Hnn, Robiiin!" Luffy had mumbled. "It was an accident! I was getting ready to use my Gomu Gomu no Pistol and just when I fired it, suddenly Zoro was in the way! And I- I hit him.. you know."
"Between the legs?" Robin had asked, face devoid of all emotion.
Luffy had nodded hesitantly and looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry."
Robin had cast her Captain another reassuring smile, her mature aura glowing around her. "You know, Sencho-san.. when you hurt someone, it is polite to say sorry to them. You should not apologize to me, but to Zoro."
After a few seconds of doubt and guilty pouting, Luffy had gotten that determined, ready-to-fight look in his eyes again and he had stood up straight before courageously striding to where Zoro lay on the ground. The swordsman was now obviously conscious but in a hell of a lot of pain. Usopp kept trying to pry his hands away from his crotch and Chopper kept yelling for him to say something – which he was currently unable to.
With a solid thump on the wooden deck from Luffy's flipflop, all eyes had suddenly diverted to his ominous, radiating presence. A battle cry would soon be coming from his mouth! Usopp had been expecting a death threat to anyone who had dared to hurt his first mate, to anyone who had dared trespass on-
"I'm sorry I hit your penis, Zoro!"
In the distance, a seagull wailed.
Robin had been sure, if Zoro had been able to utter a single word, he'd have asked anyone to just finish him off right then and there. Being a man of pride and honor, he'd have a hard time to live this one down.
All in all, nothing dramatical had occurred and Zoro had been able to walk normally again after a few days. Nami had given Luffy a black eye for groping people during a fight, how could they fight seriously when they had to watch their privates during a battle! – she would be sure to raise his debt when similarities happened in the future. Sanji had not stopped bursting out in laughter at the most random moments for an entire week. More than once, he'd had to leave the room when Zoro had walked in. Chopper had offered Zoro to perform a medical exam to ensure he would still be able to reproduce, but the swordsman had blatantly refused.
A few months later, when Franky and Brook had long joined the Strawhats, during the night of New Year, Franky had suggested for a serene moment between nakama. Sitting peacefully around the table, having eaten a wonderful dinner made by Sanji, with desserts still crowding the table – they would all take a moment to stand still and think about the precious friendship they shared. Each one of them would get a turn, wherein all would get the opportunity to thank another, and to apologize for something they had done wrong to another.
Usopp had just told his epic tale of Heartache but Gratitude to Franky, of how he had somehow helped to set Merry free, and Franky was in tears. Randomly, Luffy was seated next to Usopp and it was now his turn.
With the usual glare, Zoro's eyes perked up from behind his mug of beer.
"Zoro.. I'm still sorry that I hit your penis that one day. Chopper told me that maybe you won't be able to make babies anymore. I'm really sorry and I promise that if that happens, you can have one of my babies."
A single cricket's chirping could be heard all over the Grand Line. Just for a moment though, before utter chaos and destruction kicked in once more.