Totally random fic that just popped into my head. Rose and Scorpius are being forced into "relationship counseling" (or lack thereof) by Al.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I feel like people already know this, so why do we always have to say it?
"Welcome wizards and witches alike, to Counseling With Al!"
"Al, there's no one here besides me and ferret face over there. No need to make such a big production over this." Rose Weasley told her emerald eyed cousin. She looked very put out and it was clear that she did not want to be stuck in the room of requirement with Al and 'ferret face' aka Scorpius Malfoy.
"Seriously Al, and 'Counseling With Al'? Is that really the best you can think of?" Scorpius asked his best friend.
"Hey! You two promised that you would behave today!"
"Only because you threatened me with embarrassing family photos!" Rose growled, snarling at her favorite cousin.
"Yeah! What the ginger said!" Scorpius echoed. Rose glared at him, her chocolate eyes narrowing into slits.
"Shut it, albino."
"Are you gonna make me, Weasley?"
"Yeah, I am!"
"Both of you knock it off!" Al shouted over the racket. "I expect both of you to fulfill your promises. Now, Scorpius and Rose could both of you be so kind as to take a seat?" And with that, an oversized loveseat appeared and knocked both of them off their feet. His two best friends glowered at him as the couch brought them over to Al and when they realized how close they were sitting, they immediately sprang to opposite sides of the couch. A smirking Al was sitting in a large green armchair that matched his eyes. He was also holding a fake muggle microphone. Rose eyed the mic warily.
"That won't work here. It's electronic and electronics don't work in Hogwarts. I read that in Hogwarts a History." Scorpius looked very tempted to say something caustic at this point, but a sharp look from Al silenced him and the blonde settled on rolling his gray eyes instead.
"I know Rose, it's just a fake. You know, for dramatic purposes." Now it was Rose's turn to roll her eyes. If Al hadn't threatened to black mail her she would never be in this ridiculous situation. Al had decided that his two best friends should get along. Rose and Scorpius had argued mercilessly with each other since first year when Al and Scorpius had become friends. Al didn't really know why the two didn't like each other; they were both incredibly similar. They were both smart and sarcastic and shared a passionate love for Quidditch, but Rose maintained that Scorpius was an arrogant jerk, while Scorpius insisted that Rose was an irritating, bushy haired know-it-all. Al believed that they were both just stubborn.
Al tapped his microphone, pretending to test whether or not it was on.
"Hello everyone and welcome to The Al Potter Show!"
"Lame," Scorpius called and even Rose nodded, grudgingly agreeing with Scorpius. Al scowled and continued on, pretending that he didn't hear his blonde Slytherin friend.
"Anyway, today we will be talking to Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy, two of my closest friends. We are going to be working on their several relationship issues," Al told his pretend audience.
"Al," Rose said very slowly, as if she was explaining something very simple to a toddler. "We can't work on relationship issues because I would never have a relationship of any sort with Malfoy."
"Oh come on Weasley, you know you love me."
"I do not love you, Malfoy, far from it in fact-"
"Fine! We are going to be working on building a friendship between my two best mates. Better?" Rose shrugged and looked away. Al handed the two each a glass of water and then began the interview.
"Alrighty then, let's begin with defining the issue. Rose, tell us, what exactly is it that you hate about Scorpius?" Al held the microphone in front of Rose's mouth. She looked at the plastic toy with distaste and lightly pushed it out of the way.
"I hate that he's so cocky. Like, he thinks that he's so amazing, when really he's just the same as everyone else. I hate how he annoys me all the time even though he knows that it pisses me off. I hate that I have to listen to all of my dorm mates talk about him all the time, it gives me a headache. I hate that he's just as smart as I am. I hates that he thinks he's better than I am. I hate that he's able to catch all of the Quaffles I throw at him during Quidditch and I hate that he thinks I actually am desperate for his company," Rose replied monotonously, as if she was unable to stop. All of the sudden Rose's gaze snapped up to meet Al's.
"You put verituserum in the water didn't you?" She screeched. Scorpius looked at his half empty glass in horror.
"Holy shit!" He yelled and threw the cup across the room. Al held up his hands in what was supposed to be a calming and peaceful gesture.
"Calm down you two, just relax. It's not like either of you has anything to hide. And I swear I won't ask any really embarrassing questions. Sprout's honor." Al said solemnly trying to impersonate the Boy Scout solute.
"It's Scout's honor Al, not sprout's. Don't you remember when my mum forced Hugo through a year of muggle boy scouts?"
"Right. Anyway, it's your turn Scorpius. What do you hate about Rose?"
"Every-I hate how she is so smart. I can never beat her in anything; it's even hard to beat her in Quidditch. I hate how she also feels the need to rub it in my face, as if I'm not good enough or something. And I hate how she's the only girl in this whole bloody school who doesn't like me…" Rose gave Scorpius a bewildered look at this point. "Because I-I mean it's about pride," he concluded lamely.
"Okay," Al said, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. "Onto the next question. Rose, what are some of the things that you and Scorpius have in common that could lead to a friendship?" Rose thought about it for a moment before answering.
"Well, logically speaking we actually do have a lot in common," Rose said, a frown appearing on her face. "I mean, we both love Quidditch and chess. We share you as a mutual friend and we're both at the top of the class."
"You forgot to mention my amazingly good looks, charisma and my rapier wit," Scorpius included.
"Oh and I forgot to mention his incredible modesty," was Rose's sarcastic rejoinder.
"Stop! Okay, Scorpius, same question."
"Pretty much the same thing as Rose said, I guess." Al looked a little put out at Scorpius' lack of detail.
"Right, so Scorpius, yes or no question: would you be interested in being friends with Rose?" Scorpius paused a moment before answering. It looked like he was having difficulty suppressing the words that were bubbling up.
"N-yes," he finally answered. Al positively beamed.
"Yes," Rose mumbled quietly.
"Ah hah! I knew it! I knew it!" While Al was off doing his victory dance, Rose decided to do some questioning of her own.
"So why do you always make fun of me?"Rose asked.
"Because it gets your attention," Scorpius admitted embarrassedly. "Why do you always brag about your marks?"
"Because I want you to know that I'm smart and not stupid like you say I am."
"Why do you pretend to hate me?"
"Because I thought you hated me," Rose replied honestly.
"I don't," Scorpius said sincerely. Al, who had finally picked up on something, decided to ask one last question of his own.
"Scorpius? Why did you hex Rose's last boyfriend?" Scorpius, for what must have been the first time in his life, blushed beet red.
"Bcuaseiwsjelous," Scorpius blurted out quietly.
"Say it again, a bit slower this time." Scorpius glared at Al.
"I said it was because I was jealous."
"And why were you jealous?" Al asked teasingly. Scorpius sighed.
"I was jealous because I like Rose, happy?"
"Yeah, I am actually," but it wasn't Al who said this. Scorpius turned around to face Rose.
"Really?" He asked her.
"Yeah," Rose told him shyly. And Al, who was feeling incredibly awkward at this point, decided that it was time to wrap things up and get out of there.
"And thanks for watching today's episode of The Al Potter Show!"
Hope you liked it! Review?