NOTE: Welcome, welcome. This fic is a bit different for me. Each chapter will feature the POV of a different character. Rate M for issues that happen during the fic. If you're a Tezuka fan, you'll probably dislike me strongly. Chapters will be titled with whose POV they're in. I do not own these characters or the Prince of Tennis. Enjoy~
Innocence of the Stars
I remember when I once held this high towards him.
My mind has become so clouded with this as of late.
A hero stands tall even in his weakest moments, and because of this, I continued to go to tennis practice every morning and every afternoon. I pushed myself beyond these limits that were set even though I was scared every time he stared me down.
Could he see beyond my clothes? Was he scanning me down to my skin and bone… waiting to touch me again?
"Push forward, Ryoma."
That's what I keep telling myself.
At first, I didn't understand what was going on. I was just trying to change and leave from the clubhouse. I just wanted to go home and see Karupin. It was just the two of him standing in the room. Him in the corner doing some paperwork while I took off my tennis shirt; changing back to my school uniform. Even when I tried to fight him off, it was of no use… he truly was too strong.
I became the victim at that moment of a crime I didn't wish to talk about. In an instant, I remember, my clothes were striped… and my body was raped of all its innocence. How could he do this? The captain I held so much respect for had caused me to feel the rage of anger. To be aroused in such a time of horrifying treatment… I am ashamed. Never once do I wish to speak of what happened. Though, to hold this all in may do worse. My captain that I let teach me so much when it came to tennis taught me something else that day. He taught me how it felt to become the lowest person on the chain of life. I felt worthless… I still do.
Naïve. It's a word many people use to describe me. Now that I think back to that time, maybe it's true. I'm just this naïve child that allowed himself to be so violently abused. I could have learned to love someone like him, my captain, but he changed ever thought towards him. There is not an ounce of love in this body that will be given to him. Never. I will never allow him to touch me again.
Even though I say that, there are still days where his fingers creep across my skin causing me to shiver. I feel my body changing… I can't sleep at night. My mind is in a fog. My screams weren't heard and no one saved me. Now I cry out in the middle of the night in a panic. What is this out sensation I feel? I'm scared of what is happening. What has he done to me?
Let me go back and think about what he did.
I tried to blur it out, but it was of no use. My shirtless chest, he gently rubbed his fingers again. Pulling at my shorts, they were taken off. What were those words he uttered before he tore me apart?
"Echizen, you have nothing to worry about."
That was his lie of the day.
He entered my body and so violently he moved… a painful thrust. I didn't understand what was going on as my front twitched as if it was calling for more. Why was this? My tears streamed down my cheeks and I cried out for pain yet my body yearned for more. I was too young at the moment to understand.
It was an act that never once crossed my mind.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't have to look up what happened.
To be raped of my innocence.
To be raped of my virginity.
I am ashamed.
He had kissed my lips, I remember that much. He told me to not say a word to others or he'd hurt me more. Even if I wanted to, I don't think I'd be able to speak of the acts that were done to me. This body has been tainted and is no longer in its sweet, ripe state. My fruit was taken off its vine and eaten in one bite.
I hate all I've become.
Yet I allow these feelings to emerge in this bubbling heat.
My body continues to long for some sort of sick touch. That's what my dreams keep telling me as I wake in a sweat… covered in some substance below that I still don't know much about.
Is this growing up?
I'd rather go back to being the naïve child I was.
"Push forward, Ryoma."
How many more times can I tell myself that before I break and crumble to nothing?
I failed myself as a man… to give into my body's disgusting emotions. That heat it felt. That desire he placed in me. My heart is pounding.
A victim of rape, I became.
A boy of lust, my body demands for it.
Pick a side. Be a victim or ask for more.
A fault I cannot understand.
I'm scared… because I truly don't know what is going on with me.
He took away my sweet core and placed bitterness inside.
This body cannot be loved.
I cannot be proud of what has happened.
Each day, I come back to this place and shake as he walks by and caress my body.
Can no one see what he's doing to me?
Am I just making things up in my head?
I can't tell what's real from what's not.
Why do I sit here and let my life pass me by?
My screams are still so very useless.
I'll keep me being a victim to myself, but I know that the person who was so close to me is now a person I'd rather be without.
My captain… he raped me…
NOTE: Real quick, I'd like to apologize for the fact that whenever I write in first person, that person tends to be OOC. I'd also like to say that this is such an odd way for me to write, so I hope I did alright. Thank you for reading Ryoma's first chapter… even if it might have been weird and confusing…