Fan Fiction, Sex Gods and Single Girls

A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I just had a crazy idea involving Twilight fan fiction, the people who read them, and those who write. You know... All of us.

C-1: The Story Has to Start Somewhere

Bella sat in her bedroom, looking at her laptop screen, quietly reading the ending of the story she'd just finished, proofreading one more time.

...and as Ethan stood on that craggy cliff above the sea, gazing down at Stella's tear-stained cheeks, smiling lips, and warm brown eyes, he knew in his heart that this was forever. She...would be his...forever.

The End

Author's note: Thank you for reading, reviewing, following, and favoriting "Beyond the Hills So Green." Obviously Stella and Ethan will have a long and happy life together! Thanks also to my beta, angelbaby. And a special shout out to Star-A-Holic for another awesome banner!

I have a lot going on in RL right now but I'm hoping to start another story as soon as things settle. Keep me on author alert for a heads-up!

Cyberhugs to you all!


It was always a little bit of a letdown to finish up a story but it only meant that another one would follow on its heels before long. She would miss the characters; they always became like friends to her as the story progressed, filling a small void in her life, just like the characters in every book she'd ever read and loved. But this version of Ethan and Stella were well on their way to their happiness and it was time to let them go. They would be back, in some new incarnation, in her next creation.

She sighed as she logged onto the fan-fiction website to upload the final chapter of her most recent story, "Beyond the Hills So Green." It was another story based on the wildly popular "Written in the Stars" saga of best-sellers and blockbuster movies. The stories featured the unlikeliest of couples, destined to be together, despite all odds and warnings from friends and family alike.

A cup of tea would be nice, Bella decided. And then one final read-through of the entire chapter before she posted the update.

It didn't matter that she had already read and re-read, proofed and spell-checked, and sent the whole damn thing to Angela for her meticulous eye. Nor did it matter that Angela had emailed it back with minor adjustments and a smiley face. Something always got past them. Heaven forbid it would be a misused word. She was an English teacher for goodness' sake! But an errant comma or lack of one, a semi-colon where a period would have been a better could all be so irritating!

Yes, a cup of hot tea right now would be just the thing. Bella stood and stretched and left her room, headed for the kitchen.

"You almost done?" Charlie asked as she descended the stairs.

"Yeah, I'm pretty set. Everything's packed to go. Got my clothes into three large boxes and filled a rolling suitcase with shoes, belts and purses. I set them in the hall. I'm not taking everything. I'll be back again soon, you know? I can get anything else I need then.

He smiled at her from his chair in front of the TV. "You're always welcome to come back, Bells. The door's always open."

She grinned as she walked into the kitchen to fill the teakettle with water and put it on the stovetop to boil.

"Now what kind of a policeman leaves his door always open?" she called out to him over the volume of the TV show he was watching. "You sure about the safety factor of that policy, Dad?"

She couldn't see him as she got out the cup and teabag but she heard the wry humor in his voice when he replied.

"The kind of policeman who doesn't want to worry about perpetrators breaking and entering? Lot less damage if you have an open door policy." His voice got louder as he came into the kitchen.

"I'll have a cup of tea, too," he said as he watched her from the doorway. "I'll load those things into the truck for you in a bit. Might as well get as much done tonight as possible. Don't want to worry about it early in the morning. Should all be fine overnight in the garage. I'll put a tarp over everything and tie it down for your drive to Seattle tomorrow. I just wish you could have waited until Sunday, when Jacob brings the truck with your other furniture."

"I know, Dad. I screwed up with the furniture delivery time but if I'm not there tomorrow, the next available day isn't until Thursday. I want to be moved in and organized as much as possible before I start work next week. I need a few days to find my center so I'll be in a Zen state when I start with my freshmen classes."

The kettle began whistling and Bella turned back to the stove, lifting the kettle and pouring the hot water into the old ceramic mugs. She looked up to see Charlie scratching the back of his neck. It was one of his tells. He was anxious. He tried not to show it but she knew.

"I'll be fine, Dad. I've lived in Seattle every school year I was at U-Dub." She smiled gently at him. She'd known this evening would be hard for him but he would have to come to terms with it. Still, she felt bad; she was finally leaving the nest for good.

Charlie cleared his throat, shifting his stance and bracing his arm against the doorjamb.

"I know. But this is different, Bells. You're starting your career and your life. And you may be an adult now, but you'll always be my little girl. It's my job to worry about you. I'd be a terrible parent if I didn't."

She removed the teabags and stirred a little honey into each mug. She shrugged.

"I wish you wouldn't worry. I'm moving into a really nice, gated condominium complex. It seems very safe. You said so yourself when we looked at them."

He nodded as she handed him his tea. "Yeah. That was nice of Renee and Phil to give you the down payment for that place. I wish I'd been able to contribute more than just some money for a few pieces of furniture." He frowned into his tea, blowing on the steaming beverage.

"You put me through school, Dad. You've paid your dues, I'd say. And Mom wasn't in a place to help financially then. With Phil's job now she is, and it's so very generous of him that he wanted to help. Besides, they've said they'll plan on staying there when they come to visit."

Charlie nodded absently. "Yeah, Phil's a good guy. And he takes good care of your mother." He took a careful, noisy sip of the hot liquid.

"I just hope you're not going to be lonesome, Bella. It's not like moving into a dormitory or apartment with roommates or neighbors sort of watching over each other. You'll be alone." His dark brown eyes looked at her worriedly.

She was tempted to roll her eyes but refrained.

"I'll get to know my neighbors and people at work. Once the school year starts up I'll be busy organizing curriculum, planning classes and correcting papers. I probably won't even have much time for a social life anyway until things get settled. And I promise…I'll always keep my trusty pepper spray handy." She said it with a wink and Charlie finally managed a reluctant smile.

Bella headed back upstairs to re-read her chapter and post the update.

Once she had finished with the computer she gathered her pajamas and padded off to the bathroom to shower. She realized afterward that she had already packed her blow dryer so she would be forced to let her unruly hair air dry. It didn't matter. Tomorrow she would be driving and moving in and organizing. It wouldn't matter if she wasn't looking her best. Who would care?

When she returned to her room she checked her email and saw two review alerts in her inbox. She opened the first one.

Review alert from: FRANfiction

Message: Gah! Oh bellybeans, you have made my day! I was so certain they wouldn't wind up together but you outdid yourself this time, girlfriend! Ethan! And Stella! Gah! Well, really it's Ethan that I'm gah-ing about. I'm tempted to push Stella right over that craggy cliff and into the sea, and keep ruggedly handsome Ethan all to myself! But oh well…it's only fiction.

Thanks for the HEA and for continuing to write and keep me from my laundry, housework, hubby and small children, etc. etc.

Looking forward to your next story. I'll be waiting…*taps foot impatiently*



Bella smiled to herself. Franny, aka FRANfiction, was one of her earliest readers. They had been through five stories together. She adored Franny's sense of humor and she hit the reply link immediately.

Reply from: bellybeans

Message: Oh Franny! We made it! Well, Stella and Ethan made it! And when Stella isn't looking, I'll snatch Ethan up and mail him off to you! I know you'll take good care of him. Besides, you'll have a ruggedly handsome helper to assist with your laundry, housework and etc. etc! (Hmmm…the etc. etc. sounds interesting!) Just make sure your hubby takes the little ones to the park while you and Ethan are working on the etc. etc. :)

Thank you for all your kind words and for sticking with me. Until next time!



The second review was from a reader Bella heard from only occasionally.

Review alert from: MetHimInMyDreams

Message: WOW! I couldn't stop reading long enough to review! I felt like I knew your characters personally. Every chapter was just perfect. I laughed and cried and somehow they made it through all that UST to their HEA. They're together…forever. You are an awesome writer! Thank you for sharing!


Bella smiled. She'd gotten similar reviews before. She knew what it was like to be so caught up in a story that you just couldn't stop reading to comment.

Reply from: bellybeans

Message: Hi Stephenie! I'm delighted you enjoyed it, and I appreciate you letting me know you were lurking about. I do the same sometimes. Thank you for the kind words and compliments. I'm glad the story touched you.



Bella closed her email and laptop, got up from her bed, and walked over to her door. Opening it, she called a goodnight to Charlie, listened for his response, turned out the light, and crawled into bed.

Tomorrow was going to be a big day. Isabella Swan would begin a new chapter in her life tomorrow.


The following morning...


It's good to be Edward Cullen these days…

Edward stretched out on the cool satin sheet beneath his body. The top sheet was crumpled and pushed down toward the foot of the bed. His head and shoulders rested on plump down-filled pillows. The scent in the room was redolent of sex and the sandalwood candles he'd lit the previous evening. And the only sounds he heard, and sensations he felt, came from a pair of lips and a warm wet mouth, midway down his body.

His thoughts drifted.

This girl is a real pro…

Full breasts grazing my thighs…

Moaning and humming…though that's probably just for effect.

A little teeth, a lot of tongue, swirling, lapping…

This won't take long.

If she would just speed things up a little.

"Can you work me a little faster, babe?" he asked as he glanced down at the redhead parked between his legs.

She smirked up at him and went to work a little faster, a little harder, a little more viciously. Her red fingernails glinted as her hand gripped and moved in concert with her mouth.

"Oh, yeah…that's it. That's perfect. Just like that." He sighed and folded his arms beneath his head, relaxing into the sensation as it began to build.


What the HELL?

Edward sat bolt upright at the horrendous noise. In the same moment, the redhead had pulled off of him with a "pop" and sat up on her knees. They were both wide-eyed and breathing harshly, startled by the explosive sound from outside a second ago.

"What the fuck was that?!" the redhead asked, pulling the sheet up around her nude body.

Edward rolled his eyes as his hand dragged across his forehead, pushing his hair off his brow.

How should I know? I'm lying here under the business end of a blowjob.

"It sounded like gunshots right out front!" The redhead's hardened, icy blue eyes were wide as she spoke.

Edward knew gunshots were highly unlikely in this gated community. He slid his leg from around her, getting up from the bed and stalking to the window. Pulling the curtain aside, he peered down to the street out front.

"It's just an old truck, pulling into the driveway across the street," he said over his shoulder.


He flinched at the sudden explosive sound.

"Damn!" the redhead yelped.

"It's just backfiring," he said, shaking his head. "There's nobody with a gun. Just some idiot with an old red Chevy pickup."

"Thank God! That scared the shit out of me!"

Edward ignored her as he continued looking out the window. The driver of the truck killed the engine and the truck rattled to a standstill. As the driver's door began to open Edward lost interest and turned back to his...guest. His thoughts were once again on her and their prior activity.

Just climb back in the bed…back to the redhead-head.

So poetic, Cullen. Very flowery. Maybe you should try your hand at writing.

He slid back into place, smirking up at the girl as she unwrapped the sheet from around her body. Smiling suggestively she displayed her wares once again.

"Now where were we?" she asked demurely.

Yeah, "demure" isn't really your thing, babe.

"Well, let's see…I was right about here…" He moved his leg around her so she was once again between his legs. "And you…" he grasped her arms lightly, smirking at her and coaxing her back into position as he lay back. "You were right about…" Her mouth sank back down greedily. "Mmmm…yeah, you were right about there."

Once again she had the grip, the lip, the tongue, and the teeth all working together in tandem. It didn't take long before he was right back where he had been, and he began to move in time to her muffled, excessive, and therefore vaguely annoying, moans and groans.

They might have heard the sudden rumble of a car ignition, but it didn't really enter into their collective consciousness. They were both otherwise occupied. Without a doubt though, they heard the explosive blast when that truck began backfiring once again.


"OW!" Edward yelped. "Shit!"

Holy. Fucking. HELL!

The redhead snorted a laugh as she kneeled up. "Oh my God! I am so sorry!"

Edward pulled the redhead away from his groin. He was furious. He wasn't actually angry with her. Surely it hadn't been intentional. But…as if the interruption itself wasn't bad enough…it wasn't just about the distraction. No…the girl had just bitten him! It was inadvertent, surely. And it wasn't that he didn't enjoy the occasional nip to the dick, but the girl had bitten a tad too hard when the truck had backfired once again. He was angry with the truck and furious with the owner of the truck, not with the redhead. At least not much.

He'd had enough. He was going to see about this fucking truck that was ruining his morning and now also ruining his dick.

"I can't take this anymore. Wait here. I'll be right back."

He shot up out of the bed, stalked to his dresser, and grabbed some pajama pants from a drawer. He yanked them up irritably over his now-irritated, favorite body part. He exited the bedroom swiftly, storming down the flight of stairs to the main floor. On the way to the front door, he heard a distinct and now familiar KA-BLAM from the usually peaceful street in front of his house. The sound reverberated through his home.

His voice could be heard throughout the condo, yelling rather loudly in response as he got to his front door.

"Fuck you, buddy! Just you wait!"

A/N: An awkward meeting approaches. ;)