Living in a quiet suburban area had its perks…like having neighbors that will always lend you a cup of sugar when needed or seeing houses the same exact color as your favorite flavor of Laffy Taffy. Some may say it's a peaceful place to ride your bike without having to worry about gangs of hooded people mugging you when all you were trying to do was take a relaxing stroll, but see…I wouldn't know about that one. I'm not allotted enough time to go out and ride my bicycle. Heck, I don't even own a bicycle! But, it's not so bad. I still have the peace and quiet that thousands of people long for day after day.
"AAAHH!" I stand corrected. I knew that as soon as I had a moment to sit and chill for a second, the noise that I hear the least would be gone. The silence dissipated when a car door slammed shut and a very familiar voice screamed, using every ounce of strength, it seemed. My guess is that Gretchin and Opal discovered their photo shoot was for a facial blemish removal crème, and that I (I mean…Donna) had ordered that they be altered to fit the ideal pizza face.
The door swung open and all I could do was stare at…well...two terrifyingly ugly acne covered faces.
"Look! Look at this! What did they do to our faces?" Gretchen questioned me, probably already knowing the answer. Of course, it is Gretch. She might not actually know what happened to her face!
"Awe, Gretch! They made you pretty!" I blurted out sarcastically, making my way past the two dimwits toward the kitchen to get their dinner out of the oven. Tonight, they will be having a delicious (and I'm not just saying that because I made it) vegetable casserole and chicken cordon bleu topped with a sprig of mint and a drizzle of orange tang sauce. It used to be one of my mom's favorite meals…she left the recipe in this little locked booklet that Donna surprisingly let me keep. It turned out to be my mother's diary that she wrote in clear into her late thirties.
"Kaylee, I think your definition of pretty is like so totally the opposite of my definition. Gretchen and I look like so gross right now," Opal stated, being the blond that she tends to be.
"Opal, what did we talk about the other day?" Gretchen wondered.
"Uhm…not talking?" She answered hesitantly.
"Bingo! Now, shut up. If you know who did this, you better tell us, Kaylee. Because we…will…ruin…them." She paused, "Thanks to whoever it was, we now have permanent fake blemishes on our faces! No amount of facial cleanser is going to get this to come off!" She pointed to their super red dotted heads. Well…that was an unexpected twist! And I like where this is going!
"Dinner's ready! Don't worry, it's not pizza. I can see that you two have had enough of that already today."
I pulled their dinner out and set it on the pre-set table for them. They sat down and tried to eat, but the moment they saw their reflections in the silverware they charged up the stairs like a pair of angry rhinos. Which, at that moment, they sort of were. I usually can't eat those extravagant types of meals at that table with them, but technically they weren't there at the moment so there was nothing wrong with me making myself a plate.
Once I finished the dishes, I called Jenna to fill her in on how awful the flying monkeys looked when they came in. I chose to pretend like I gave it up to Gretchen and Opal that Jenna was the one that called and had the photo shoot changed, because nothing is funnier than hearing her freak out about something that is definitely not true.
"I don't know how to tell you this, Jenna," I stated, a sad tone grasping the edge of each word I spoke.
"Tell me what?" she asked.
"I know I have to tell you sooner or later, but I just don't want to lose you as a friend…a best friend at that." At that moment, I was almost unable to contain my laughter. The feeling of an oncoming outburst was gone in a second, so I chose to continue to mess with her.
"Bud, ya know you can tell me anything. Besides, I'm like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe…I'ma stick with ya whether ya like it or not!" I could already hear some hurt in her fragile voice. Should I continue?
"I…I told them that you made the phone."
"You…you what? Kay, why?" She seemed pretty upset.
"I was tired of being blamed for everything in this house, so I just…I let it all out!"
"I don't understand. I thought we were friends."
"We are, sis! That's why I'm totally pulling your leg!" I cracked up as soon as I got the words out and listened to her join me.
"So, on a scale of 1 to 10…?"
"Oh, easily a 9.5!"
"We should do this a lot more often, dudette!" she exclaimed.
"We should! Let's plan our next evil-people-life-ruining-plan!"