I do not own Twilight, SM does but I love playing with the characters so enjoy!
A/N The first chapter was an entry for the Just a Kiss Contest and I've decided to continue the story. I just wanted to let you know that I will be changing the pairing though. When I originally thought about continuing the story I thought I would just go until Quil imprints on Claire but I feel a different direction coming from this story so I will be bringing a Cullen back into Bella's life. So for now I will change this to a Bella story since we will have Quil, Jacob and a mystery Cullen. I'm not even sure where this will go so please join me for the ride and feel free to share any and all comments and suggestions.
That's Not What I Expected!
The rain came down hard as I sped away from Jacob's house, tears streaming down my cheeks. How could he turn his back on me like this…I thought we were friends…I thought he loved me. Sam. The Cullen's. What did it all mean and why couldn't Jake still be my friend? My breathing became labored as I started to have a panic attack. I pulled my truck to the side of the road and laid my head on the steering wheel. I could feel the hole in my chest ripping open at the thought of the Cullen's. As I gasped for air I felt another hole being ripped open in my chest…Jacob…gone.
Time became nonexistent as I sat there full of holes with tears streaming down my cheeks. Memories flooded my mind…Jacob in his garage smiling at me…Edward kissing me goodnight…Jacob holding my hand at the movies…Edward holding me close while I slept…Jacobs eyes when he told me we couldn't be friends anymore…Jacob looking at Sam for guidance…Jacobs black eyes full of anger.
My head snapped up towards the window where I saw Quil standing there looking at me. I rolled my window down without really thinking. My mind was still focused on the shards of my shattered heart but his kind eyes reminded me of my Jacob, and his warm eyes.
"Bella are you okay?"
I shook my head automatically not really even registering what he was saying. He frowned and sighed quietly, opening the door.
"Move over." he said gently.
I slid over enough for him to get behind the wheel not really sure why or where we were going. All I could think about was Jacob. Quil looked at me with sad brown eyes as I clutched my knees to my chest trying desperately to hold myself together. He moved the truck back onto the road and headed towards First Beach. When he'd parked the truck in the lot he finally looked over at me again. I could see him scrutinizing me, calculating what he wanted to say. I hugged my knees closer to my chest and turned my eyes down.
He sighed quietly and stretched his arm over the back of the seat. I looked at him tentatively as he motioned for me to move closer. I slid into the spot next to him as his arm squeezed my shoulders gently. I relaxed my body into his and let his warmth envelope me as I laid my head against his chest. My eyes closed automatically as I inhaled his scent, it was like being deep in the woods after a hard rain. The warmth of his breath in my hair made me sigh lightly as I felt his lips gently kiss the top of my head. For just an instant I felt unbroken; I felt free for the first time in so long.
I opened my eyes and turned my face up to his questioningly. His eyes still held so much pain and sorrow and I longed to make it go away, to see the light that was there when we'd first met in Jacob's garage. My hand moved without thought to touch him. I let my fingers trail slowly down his cheek and I felt his body relax as his eyes closed briefly.
"What are we doing here Quil?" I asked quietly as I let my hand fall back to my knees. He exhaled deeply and ran his other hand through his hair looking out to the ocean.
"When I got home Grandpa asked what was wrong, and I told him about seeing Jake and Embry this morning and trying to follow them." He turned his eyes back to me and they were filled with anger and frustration.
"He said I needed to stay away from them for now and that soon enough things would get back to normal…NORMAL!" He spit angrily, than closed his eyes breathing deeply to calm down.
"I'm sorry Bella." He said quietly looking down into my eyes sorrowfully.
He ran his fingers gently down my cheek pushing a strand of hair behind my ear letting his hand linger there. I tilted my head into his hand closing my eyes so I could focus on the feel of his touch. Again the pain was gone momentarily and I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. I turned my head slightly and let my lips brush the palm of his hand. I heard his breath catch. I turned away from his hand looking into his eyes as he pulled his hand back and looked out to the ocean.
"Um…I stormed out of the house and was headed to the beach when I saw your truck on the side of the road. I'm sorry I didn't stop you from going to Jake's. I guess I hoped that since he loves you maybe you'd get the answers that I couldn't." He looked back at me.
"I'm sorry if he hurt you Bella." he said quietly. I tried to smile at him but images of Jake's face as he told me to leave and never come back filled my head. Tears began streaming down my cheeks again as I let my head drop and the grief overtake me.
Quil's arm tightened around my shoulders as his hand ran up and down my arm tenderly. His breath was warm in my hair as he kissed my head softly and whispered sweetly. "It's okay Bella…I'm right here…I won't let you go sweetheart…let it all out…it's okay."
I don't know how long we sat there, but when my tears began to subside Quil placed a finger under my chin, lifting my face to his. His thumb wiped at my cheeks tenderly and I smiled shyly. The tenderness and concern in his eyes overwhelmed me and again my heart stopped hurting.
"Hey do you want to take a walk on the beach? I'm a really good listener if you want to talk." He said quietly, smiling at me sweetly. I wasn't sure if my voice would even work, so I just nodded in agreement.
He opened the door and got out of the truck holding his hand out to help me. After closing the door he led me towards the beach still holding my hand gently. I smiled a little to myself thinking about how comfortable I felt with Quil. It was comforting in a way that reminded me how safe I felt with Jacob. As we walked down the beach towards the cliffs in silence I couldn't help but look at Quil out of the corner of my eye. His well-defined features were different from Jacobs, but still breathtaking. His face was rounder, his lips were fuller and his hair was shorter yet the skin and eye color matched Jacobs almost perfectly.
When we reached the base of the cliffs he led me to some flat rocks where he sat leaning against the cliff. He stretched his legs out and spread them apart indicating I could sit there. I hesitated momentarily and he tugged gently on my hand with a warm smile on his lips. I couldn't help but smile back and situate myself between his legs facing the ocean. His arms wrapped gently around my waist as I let my body relax into his.
"I come here a lot when I need time to think and be alone. The sound of the surf against the rocks is relaxing to me." He said quietly at my ear.
"It's beautiful." I whispered as I inhaled the sweet smell of the ocean and closed my eyes.
"Jacob said everything that's going on with him and Embry and the others is because of the Cullen's. What do you think he meant?" I asked quietly.
"The Cullen's left didn't they?" He asked. I nodded, in reply; the hole in my chest opening again, releasing the pain I'd been holding in. My breathing became staggered and I tightened my grip on Quil's arms around my waist trying to hold myself together.
"Bella…I'm sorry." He whispered running the tip of his nose along the shell of my ear as he spoke. I squeezed my eyes closed trying to focus on his breath on my neck searching for the comfort I'd felt earlier. Almost like he knew what I needed his lips brushed down my neck slowly. The hole began to close slowly so I tilted my head to the side opening my neck to his touch. His lips pressed firmly against my neck as he kissed from my ear down to my collar bone and back.
"Better?" He whispered as my body relaxed against him. I nodded, releasing the breath I'd been holding.
"Thank you Quil." I breathed. We sat quietly staring out at the ocean for several minutes before I spoke again.
"Yes the Cullen's have left but Jacob said things had already been set in motion and no one could change it now. I don't understand how they could have anything to do with Sam and his cult. They've never even been to the reservation." I sighed in exasperation.
"I don't know Bella." He whispered shaking his head. The silence between us was comfortable and the sound of the surf relaxing.
"Bella…do you still love Edward…or has Jacob taken his place?" Quil asked hesitantly looking at my profile for a reaction. I inhaled deeply and sighed keeping my eyes forward not wanting him to see the pain his question brought me.
"I don't know…yes to both. I think I still love Edward, it still hurts to think about him and I still want to be with him." I paused for a minute trying to put my thoughts in order.
"Jacob helped me start to feel whole again. He's been a good friend…" I cut off as the second hole in my chest ripped open. I tightened my arms reflexively and squinted to hold back the tears that threatened to fall.
"He's crazy in love with you Bella. I don't know what's going on but I know he still loves you." Quil whispered in my ear holding me tight against his chest.
"I know Quil but I don't have anything left to give now. Edward took all of my love…Jacob's taken what was left…there's nothing now, just holes." I finished in a whisper. The sun was setting on the horizon as a light drizzle began. Quil buried his face in my hair breathing deeply. The rise and fall of his chest was comforting to me as I relaxed against him.
"You should probably head home before the rain gets too bad." he said quietly preparing to stand up. I held tighter to his arms not wanting to let go yet…afraid of falling apart again.
He stood up lifting me with him and turned me around in his arms. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled his scent while his hands trailed up and down my back lightly. He pulled back slightly to look down into my eyes. The concern and compassion I saw there made me drop my eyes from his intense gaze.
"Don't hide your eyes Bella…I promise I won't hurt you...I won't leave you." Quil gently assured me.
I tilted my head to look back at him and my heart stuttered in my chest. His fingers grazed my cheek leaving a trail of warmth I wasn't used to as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. Before I even realized what was happening his full, tender lips where pressed gently against mine and just as quickly they were gone. My breath caught in my throat as his dark eyes held mine captive. He smiled slightly as his thumb ran down my cheek one more time before he took my hand and helped me off the rocks.
Our walk back to my truck was silent as my mind replayed the tender kiss we'd just shared. The feel of his strong arms wrapped around my waist; the hurt and desperation that was still evident in his eyes. Each image and touch burned into my mind like a hot iron.
The rain picked up slightly as we walked. Quil opened the driver's door for me and stepped back for me to get in. I stopped in front of him still holding his hand and looked up into his eyes.
"I don't want to be alone tonight." I whispered.
"What about Charlie?" He asked studying my face. I looked down for a minute trying to decide exactly what I was asking and what I wanted.
"It's still kind of early…you could have dinner with us…then take my truck home later tonight and bring it back to me in the morning." I offered hopefully. A beautiful smile spread across his face as he looked down at me.
"That sounds great Bella. Let's go!" He said helping me into the truck and sliding in after me to drive. I stayed close by his side with his arm around my shoulders the whole ride home. I was surprised Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driveway when we got to the house.
Quil helped me out of the truck again and I led the way to the house unlocking the door quickly. We kicked our shoes off by the front door and I went to the kitchen hoping Charlie had left a note. Sure enough when I turned on the light I saw the notepad on the table. I picked up the note and read it quickly. My shoulders dropped as the realization of the note hit me. I felt Quil's arms snake around my waist gently as he whispered in my ear.
"What's wrong Bella?" I sighed lightly holding the note up for him to see.
"Charlie had to go to Seattle unexpectedly and won't be back until tomorrow night…something to do with these strange animal sightings and missing campers." I said sadly thinking about the long night ahead.
"I could stay if you want me to." He suggested. My breath caught in my chest at the thought and my voice refused to work.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He exhaled, pulling away from me. I held tightly onto his arms.
"No…I'd like that…very much." I blushed feeling my cheeks heat up. I turned towards him and looked into his eyes.
"I could use a friend tonight." I said quietly searching his eyes for understanding.
"Me too." He replied, slowly leaning towards me our eyes locked together. My eyes drifted closed as his hand cupped my face and his lips brushed mine gently. I could feel the electricity pass between us and I slipped my hands around his neck. His lips came back to mine firmly this time as his tongue traced my bottom lip. An uncomfortable knot formed in my stomach as a shiver of desire ran through my body. I hesitated slightly which caused Quil to pull away and drop his hand from my face.
"I'm sorry Bella." He said searching my eyes for forgiveness.
"Don't Quil. I'm not…I just wasn't expecting it that's all." I smiled shyly and dropped my head turning away to make dinner.
I retrieved some things out of the refrigerator and began working at the stove preparing spaghetti. My mind was running a mile a minute. I needed Quil tonight there was no doubt about that. Every whisper, every touch, every kiss drove my messed up life a million miles away. One night…after all the pain of the past months and everything with Jacob today…just one night to forget. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice Quil standing next to me until he reached out and touched my hand.
"Bella…" He cut off as I looked up at him.
"Tell me about your life Quil." I said smiling reassuringly. He hesitated before stealing a piece of the green pepper I was chopping for the sauce and popped it into his mouth.
"Well I've been on the reservation my whole life. It's always been me, Embry and Jake. We've done everything together, shared everything." He smiled in remembrance.
"I remember the first time you came to visit for the summer. Jake complained for the whole first week about having an extra girl around the house. He said it was bad enough with Rachel and Rebecca picking on him, now there was someone else he didn't even know picking on him." He grinned and shook his head.
"It took Embry and me two days to talk him into letting us come over to his house so we could see you. When we did finally come over you guys never came out of the bedroom. We sat in the living room for hours listening to the three of you giggle over something you were looking at." He chuckled to himself at the memory.
"By the second week we still hadn't seen you and Jacob had suddenly stopped talking about you. When Embry asked him if you'd gone home he said no, but refused to talk about it. Two more days of torture and we found out why he'd gotten so quiet." He paused and looked over at me as I was rinsing the noodles for dinner. I looked at him curiously waiting for him to speak.
"Why?" I asked.
"You don't remember?" He asked curiously. I stopped and thought for a minute back to the first summer I'd spent at Billy's. My breath caught, I remembered. I looked at Quil with acknowledgement.
"Rachel and Rebecca talked me into playing truth or dare with them…I'd never played before. They thought it would be funny if I kissed Jacob so they dared me to sneak into his room after he'd gone to sleep." My heart ached at the memory and I paused trying to compose myself.
"They said it wouldn't count if the kiss didn't last for at least fifteen seconds so they followed me with a stop watch. He was asleep when we entered the room…at least I thought he was. I snuck over to the bed and kissed him. As soon as our lips touched his eyes flew open and he stared at me the whole time. I knew I'd never forget those deep, dark eyes." I smiled sadly thinking about how innocent Jacob's eyes had been that night. I set the table and started putting the food out while Quil spoke.
"He finally told us what'd happened and that he was in love with you. We spent the rest of the summer avoiding you and his sisters because every time he'd see you his sisters would start laughing at him. They teased him for months after you left that summer." He chuckled more to himself then anything and continued.
"He finally convinced himself he didn't like you anymore and things were pretty quiet for a couple of months…then you came back the next summer. From the first day you got back he was a lost cause. He tried all summer to get you to notice him and every summer after that until you stopped coming back." He paused and looked at me intently.
"You never knew how he felt?" He asked still searching my face for something but I wasn't sure what. I shook my head sadly.
"I've never been one to attract a guy's attention. When I was with Rachel and Rebecca they were always the center of attention and I just followed along." I answered quietly looking down at the table I'd just set.
I felt Quil next to me before his finger gently lifted my chin forcing me to look at him. His eyes were burning with desire as they locked onto mine. He pushed a stray piece of hair behind my ear, never taking his eyes off of me. His hand moved behind my neck as he drew me closer.
"You've always been the most beautiful girl Bella…always." He whispered as he leaned in to kiss me.
My heart fluttered when his lips gently began moving against mine. This time when his tongue moved along my lower lip I opened my mouth slightly allowing him the access he wanted. His arms tightened around me crushing my body to his as I wound my fingers into his hair. The feel of his tongue as it slipped between my lips sent a shiver of excitement down my spine. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth for just a second before he pulled away and looked into my eyes. For a brief second I saw something other than desire flash in his eyes but before I could comprehend what it was he placed a gentle kiss on my lips and turned away from me. My body ached from the loss of his touch and my knees almost gave out beneath me.
"Dinner looks great Bella. Thanks for inviting me over tonight." He said cheerfully as he took a seat across the table. I stood dazed for a second before smiling and sitting down across from him.
"Thanks, I hope you like spaghetti." I replied softly still a little dizzy from our kiss.
We ate quietly as I let my mind wander down memory lane. I thought about all the summers I'd spent here with Charlie, and Quil's admission that Jake had liked me from the beginning. I thought about our first meeting when I'd come back this time, the legends he told me that led me to the truth about Edward. I couldn't help but wonder if Jacob's comments about the Cullen's had something to do with the old legends. As I sat there, not really eating my food, I felt a warm hand on mine. I looked up to see Quil's concerned eyes watching me. I tried to smile but apparently failed when he frowned at me.
"Bella what's wrong?" He asked quietly. I shook my head and stood to take my plate to the sink. The holes in my chest began festering at the memories and thoughts I was having. I gripped the side of the sink to keep myself upright as my legs shook beneath me.
"Nothing Quil, I'm fine, just a little tired I guess." My voice broke at the end. I turned and smiled at him before putting my things in the sink. He came up behind me as I was filling the sink and set his plate on the counter.
"Let me help." He said wrapping his arms around my waist holding me close to him. My arms closed reflexively over his as he placed a kiss on the top of my head. His nose slid down along my temple to my ear where his lips gently brushed against the shell.
"I'm here for you Bella…always." He whispered squeezing me gently until my body relaxed against his.
"Thank you." I breathed almost silently, closing my eyes letting the pain fall away for a little while.
When I finally felt in control of my body and voice I patted his hand and smiled up at him. His warm and understanding smile enveloped me like the bandage I'd needed for so long.
"Let me help you with the dishes." Quil said releasing me.
"You don't have to; it'll only take a second." I smiled up at him. He sighed and walked back to the table and began gathering the leftovers and setting them on the counter for me.
"Can I ask you a question Bella?" He hesitated.
"Sure anything," I answered.
"What happened between you and Edward? I mean I understand if you don't want to talk about it but I don't get how he could cause you to fall apart so completely." He finished quietly.
I worked quietly gathering my thoughts as I finished the dishes and put away the leftovers from the counter. Within a few minutes I was done and I wiped my hands on a towel, hung it up and turned to where he sat at the kitchen table. I sat across from him and looked into his dark eyes wondering if just his gaze could hold me together while I answered his question
"I'm not sure if I have the right words to describe my relationship with Edward. I'd never been noticed by boys in Phoenix and when I came here I couldn't seem to get away from them." I hesitated at the thought of my first days in school here.
"I knew from the first time I saw Edward he was different. We had a rocky start…some days he acted like he hated me and other days he seemed really interested in me. After he saved my life…the first time…he started to consume my thoughts. I couldn't figure him out and I wanted to…like one of those mind bender puzzles where once you know the secret it makes perfect sense." I sighed heavily and looked into Quil's still curious and confused eyes.
"After he saved my life the second time we became almost inseparable. He told me I was a danger magnet. Not long after that I figured out what was different about him…that's when I became totally consumed. He was my air, my life, my destiny, my future…everything I thought I wanted and needed to be happy." I finished quietly.
"So he saved your life twice and you basically walked away from everything else in your life to focus on him?" He asked hesitantly. I thought about his words and nodded slowly feeling the hole in my chest burn slightly. He took my hands in his and held them firmly while he spoke.
"Why did he leave Bella? The truth…not what everyone says." He asked. I inhaled and looked into his eyes.
"Quil…Edward and his family aren't like the rest of us. I can't tell you about them, but I can tell you why they left." I paused to gather my courage.
"Edward saved my life more than twice. His sister, Alice, planned a party for me with their family for my birthday and there was an accident during the party. I got hurt and Edward blamed himself. He withdrew from me then. A couple of days later he told me he was tired of pretending to be something he wasn't. He told me he didn't want me anymore…that he didn't love me anymore." My voice broke as the pain of that night raged through me and I crumpled in my seat. The tears flowed unbidden down my cheeks as I struggled to catch my breath.
Quil lifted me gently in his arms and carried me to the living room. He sat on the couch and held me in his lap rubbing small, soothing circles up and down my back. I curled into his chest and focused on breathing in his scent and the feel of his fingers on my back. After a while my breathing evened out and the tears retreated yet again. I turned my head up into Quil's neck and placed a soft kiss at the base of his throat. His fingers stopped moving and his breath caught in his chest. The hole in my chest closed slightly with the kiss and I felt relief from my pain. I continued to place small kisses up his neck, stretching against his body as I went, moving my hand to twist in his hair. When I reached his ear I let my lips brush against his earlobe and took it into my mouth for just a second. The taste of his skin was so sweet against my tongue I closed my eyes to savor it. His hands tightened on my waist as a soft moan escaped his lips. When I looked at him his eyes were closed and a peaceful look spread across his face. I laid my head on his shoulder and snuggled into his neck continuing to let his scent consume me.
"Bella…" His voice cracked as he spoke my name.
"Thank you…I'm sorry that caused you so much pain." He whispered letting his fingers run up and down my spine.
I sat up and gave him the warmest smile I could. My fingers found their way to the side of his face and trailed down his cheek. He leaned his head into my touch and I smiled again.
"What would you like to do now?" I asked trying to sound upbeat, pushing the pain of my life away.
Quil looked at me with furrowed brows studying my face. I began to fidget under his scrutiny and dropped my eyes from his gaze. I knew he was waiting for me to look at him again before he would speak. When I finally worked up enough courage to look at him again my heart nearly broke. The anguish I saw in his eyes clawed at my heart and threatened to rip me apart.
"Bella…neither one of us is okay tonight, let's not pretend…please." His words were soft and pleading as his hands gripped my waist. His eyes bore into mine begging for me to be honest with him.
"It's just too much Quil…" My voice broke as a tear streamed down my cheek.
"Then talk to me, let me help…because you're not the only one feeling abandoned right now…I lost both of my best friends." He whispered. My heart ached because of his pain, and I tried to smile as I let my thumb trace over his lips.
"Everything disappears for a while when you're near me Quil…the pain…the hurt…the loss." I dropped my eyes from his face as I continued, too embarrassed to see his reaction.
"No one's ever held me or kissed me the way you do." I whispered. He sighed lightly and wrapped his arms around me pulling our bodies together. He held me quietly for a minute before speaking.
"Are you tired? Would you like to go to bed Bella?" I nodded against his chest and he released me, running his thumb down my cheek. He lifted me off his lap and stood up following me to the stairs.
"Good night Bella. I'll see you in the morning." he smiled weakly and turned back towards the living room. I stopped on the first step looking back at him.
"Quil…" I called reaching for his hand as he walked away. He stopped and looked at my hand reaching for him before looking into my eyes. The sorrow and longing in his eyes confirmed my actions.
"Bella…are you sure?" he asked softly. I smiled and nodded knowing I needed him tonight.
"I have nightmares almost every night since Edward left, and they've gotten worse this past week since Jacob's been ignoring me. Maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight if you're next to me." I said shyly, avoiding his eyes as I led him upstairs to my room. I dropped his hand to gather my things for bed. He stood still just inside the door watching me. I smiled reassuringly as I walked past him towards the bathroom.
I sighed heavily to myself as I looked in the bathroom mirror, the image staring back almost unrecognizable. I changed quickly, brushing my hair and teeth carefully before going back to my bedroom. Quil had settled himself into my rocking chair and was watching me carefully as I put my things away. I pulled the blankets back on my small bed and climbed in facing Quil.
"You can sleep here if you'd like." I offered patting the spot next to me. He smiled widely getting out of the chair and taking his shirt off before climbing into the bed. I had to force my mouth to stay closed as I took in his toned chest and abs. Thoughts of Jacob came flooding back into my mind. Why had he pushed me away when he knew how much I needed him? I shook my head to dislodge the thoughts. Quil was here with me now; I wouldn't let thoughts of Jake hurt me anymore. We lay on our sides looking at each other for a long time before he spoke.
"I don't understand how anyone could ever walk away from your love Bella." He whispered as he brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
"You're so beautiful…" His fingers trailed down my cheek.
"You're so giving and kind…" His fingers moved tenderly down my arm and back up.
"You don't deserve to be hurt…" His fingers lifted my chin slightly and all I could see were his full, tender lips moving towards me. The knot in my stomach returned as a rush of heat flooded my body.
His eyes stayed locked on me as his lips pressed firmly against mine. My heart beat uncontrollably as his hand moved to my back, his fingers finding the exposed flesh there, pulling me closer to him. The heat from his body consumed me as we pressed closer together. His fingers left a trail of heat as they ran over my bare flesh. His tongue again searched my lips for access which I willingly gave him. He pushed me gently to the bed with his body as his tongue searched eagerly for mine. I closed my eyes and let the desire take over and control my actions. My tongue found his and the taste was like sea spray on a stormy day. My mind lost all sense of focus as desire coursed through my veins sending waves of heat through my body.
My lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen but the desire to feel his lips on mine was too strong for me to pull away. Almost as if he could read my mind Quil pulled back, moving his lips up my jaw line to my ear. His teeth scraped lightly at my earlobe as I struggled to calm my ragged breathing. A low moan escaped my lips as he whispered in my ear.
"You're an amazing woman Bella." My heart began beating frantically again as his lips continued to move down my neck and across my shoulder. I let my hand travel up his arm feeling every muscle under his smooth skin.
"Quil…" I breathed out quietly.
His lips came back to mine instantly as his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me even closer to his body. I let my tongue trace his bottom lip this time before sucking it into my mouth momentarily. I tangled my fingers in his hair holding him closer as our lips moved eagerly together and our tongues danced passionately. I pulled away slightly moving my lips down his neck eagerly placing opened mouth kisses down to his breastbone.
"Bella…" He moaned pulling me yet closer as he tried to catch his breath. I trailed my tongue back up his neck to his ear where I sucked gently until he pulled away suddenly. I looked up in shock before turning my face away from him and closing my eyes to hold back the tears threatening to fall. I inhaled deeply trying to calm my ragged breathing.
"Bella…" Quil said softly turning my face back to him. I kept my eyes closed not wanting to see the rejection in his eyes…I just couldn't face it again.
"Bella…look at me sweetheart." He said firmly. I opened my eyes slowly and saw his warm brown eyes were full of desire and compassion, not rejection and hate. He brushed my hair away from my face as he spoke.
"Bella, I don't want to take advantage of you, and if we don't stop I'm afraid things will get out of hand." He said quietly stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers.
"I want this…I want you…but now is not the right time…not because we feel alone…not because we need to forget…" He leaned down and let his lips press firmly yet gently against mine. "If it happens, I want it to be because we want to be together…just us…no Edward…no Jacob."
I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair and down his cheek pausing to touch his soft lips. I gave him an understanding smile before dropping my hand to the bed between us.
"You look tired. Can I hold you tonight?" He asked softly. I nodded and smiled while snuggling close to his chest. His arms moved around my waist securely while I fit my body as close to his as I could.
"Thank you Quil." I whispered into his chest as he stroked my hair gently.
"Anything for you Bella…anything." He whispered back as I drifted off to sleep.