DISCLAIMER - This story is in no way true; in whole or in part. Characters belong to WWE and TNA, all OC's belong to me. I am making no monery gain from this piece of work, it is written solely for entertainment purposes, and is in no way meant to offend people. I have rated it 18+ or 'R' for the sexual content. If offended by such, please turn back now.
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HERE IS GONE!
Written By; HarleyMac. Date Started; 12th June 2011.
Cameron, North Carolina;
Sitting down on the sofa, I held the glass of red wine to my lips; savouring every last drop of it. It had been a long day; Shannon Amber had been having a tantram day and I had only just finally managed to get her to fall asleep after coaxing her for almost 2 hours.
Now all I wanted to do was relax and watch my shows that I had tv-od while I was on the road. Supernatural, Leverage, Grey's Anatomy and Criminal Minds. It was a welcome break to get home for 2 nights. Being in the WWE was a huge dream, that still made me proud when I think of all that I had done within the company, and I wouldn't change it for the world. The only thing was – I missed Jeff now that he was at TNA. Trying to get matching days off was like trying to get blood from a stone.
I missed being on the road with him, I missed sleeping next to him every night and I missed having his support there when I needed it, or when I was having a really bad day. Calling him just wasn't the same as having his unquestionning support at my side, but ultimately he was happier with TNA and I had to support that; just like he had supported my decision to stay with the WWE.
However, this weekend was supposed to be great ; he had the weekend off and I had hoped that it would mean that we'd get to spend some much needed time together but it seemed like I had been fooling myself – he was out with the boys filming and generally fooling around. It wasn't the I begrudged him that; because I didn't; I had known coming into this relationship that his friends and family were a huge part of his life. My problem was – that since we had Shannon Amber; I had done a Hell of a lot of growing up; I didn't partake in the Hardy Show anymore, I spent my time with Shannon and CT. I was trying to become a better mother – I had 2 children by 2 different men, one was dead and the other – well I may as well have 3 children.
Somewhere along the line; I had become lonely, I had become an after thought to the man that I had vowed to remain with for the rest of my life. In my mind, it felt almost like – he wanted to ensure that he didn't have anything to do with the boys before committing himself to me and spending time with me. I didn't understand why he was suddenly acting like he didn't care whether or not we survived as a couple. That was the impression that I got, and because of that – I had become lonely, withdrawn and aimless. Without Jeff; I didn't know who I was.
I had done it again – I had allowed my life to be moulded around another person. I had promised myself that after Steven I would never let another man have that much control over me and I had – what the Hell was wrong with me?
Grabbing my phone as it started ringing, I answered without checking the caller ID – everyone that I knew, knew that I would never answer the phone to a withheld number, and I only gave my number to the people I liked and cared about.
"Hey it's just me," Randy's voice reached me. Ever since Jeff had left the WWE – Randy had been there for me, he supported me and he never tried anything on with me – something that Jeff had been worried about.
"Hey mate, what's the news?" I asked placing my glass on the coffee table.
"Well remember the other night when we were talking about 5 finger death punch?"
"I got us tickets to a show," he told me, "I even got one for Jeff,"
"Jeff won't want it," I told him, "but damn mate, thank you so much!"
Lately, it was like Randy and I were getting along much better than Jeff and I. That scared me; Jeff was supposed to be the love of my life, he was the man that I had chosen – then why did it feel like I had made the wrong choice?
Where had I gone? When had my relationship turned into this shambles? I felt sick at the realization that things weren't as great as I tried to make everyone think that they were. I had done the same thing with Steven, not that I was saying that Jeff was in anyway like Steven – but Jeff was ignoring me – I thought that as a couple we were solid, but then it was as if; he came to the conclusion that he didn't need to try anymore.
"Are you ok Cam?" Randy asked me.
"Yeah I'm fine," I told him as CT came into the house as quiet as a mouse, knowing that his little sister was probably asleep – he wondered into the front room, noticed that I was in the middle of watching Leverage and parked his ass on the other sofa, he was so grown up now and I couldn't be more proud of him, "so when is this show?"
"In a month in LA," Randy explained, knowing me well enough to know that if he pushed me to talk before I was ready, then it wouldn't get him anywhere. "That will be ok right?"
"Yeah that should be fine, Shifty should be able to put us up," I informed my friend, "I have to motor mate, I will see you in Raleigh in a couple of days,"
"Ok, if you need me, just call," he offered and I bid him goodnight after thanking him.
"Hey big man," I smiled at CT as I placed my phone on the table.
"Who was that on the phone?"
"Randy," I watched his face scrunch up – he had never completely forgiven Randy for bringing Steven back into our lives, and I had to respect that, "so what were you up to?"
"Just hanging with Dad and the guys, Dad said he'll be home in an hour," my son explained.
Great so now he was sending me messages through my son instead of calling me – was I really over reacting to this? Was I making a big deal out of it all? Maybe I am just feeling irritable – that had to be it; I had been on the road for the past 3 weeks straight; I was coming down from that high, surely. I had made the right choice when I had picked Jeff.
Jeff was the love of my life, he was my soul mate – and we were meant to be together for the rest of our lives. Then why did it feel like I was trying to convince myself more than anything?
Downing my drink, I paused Leverage and made my way back to the kitchen to refill my glass. Randy got me better than Jeff did these days – I felt sick at the thought of that. I had hated Randy when I had first met him, I had hated him for a long time – especially after he had brought Steven back into our lives, he had put a condition in my contract with him that stated that I had to have nothing to do with the Hardy's, he had tried to cause problems at every turn that Jeff and I made. Then when he had realized what a psycho Steven was – he had begged us to forgive him, I hadn't forgiven him easily, it had taken a long time for me to be truly comfortable around him.
Since Jeff had left WWE – Randy and I had gotten much closer, we travelled together all the time, we took rooms next to one another – and in many ways; he had become my best friend especially when we were on the road.
However upon thinking that, there was no one that I felt comfortable enough with to tell about how I was feeling about my relationship. Amber was in LA with Shifty, so I hardly saw her anymore, we had drifted apart and I was ok with that, life tends to take people in different directions. Matt was Jeff's brother so he would no likely run back to his brother and tell him what I said, and it was the same for Shannon. Jericho had taken time out from the company to do his band thing and just relax – although relaxing to Jericho was to keep himself busy. Punk, was on a completely different brand to me now, so we didn't get the chance to talk. It was like I had been pushed together with Randy and that he was the only person that I could possibly tell my troubles too, but I was worried about that.
I had known that Randy had a crush on me, and I was worried that if I confided in him, it would just open that can of worms again, and I didn't want to complicate our friendship with all of that again. We were finally in a good place with one another and I didn't want that to change.
Gulping another glass of red wine, I stared out into the back yard – all of Jeff's 'toys' were scattered around the lawn, discarded whenever he got something new, or another activity lured him away. My boyfriend; was easily swayed, maybe that was where things had gone wrong with us – maybe he had used up his interest in me but didn't know how to tell me it was over.
Was I clinging to something that he had already bailed on?
Now that was a worrying thought. Steven had always told me that I wasn't worthy of being happy with one man. Was it really me? Had I done something? Was I not interesting enough for him anymore?
I felt sick – just the thought of Jeff not wanting me, made me feel sick. Yes I was mad at him, I was livid at the fact that he refused to grow up – but that didn't mean that I didn't love him anymore. A huge part of me would always love him, even if we did split up – I don't think that I could stopping loving him, he was the Father of my child, he had been an excellent step Dad to CT – and he had saved me. How could I not love him? I didn't know how to not love him. For so long he had been a huge part of my life and even now, he was still a huge part of me and who he had helped me become.
Just at that the front door flew open and the guys came stumbling inside noisely.
I raced to the front room just as they fell into the living room, laughing and literally causing a ruckuss. Glaring at Jeff, he instantly stopped in his tracks and looked at me.
"What?" he asked.
"What? I just got 'our' daughter to sleep after begging her to go to sleep for 2 fucking hours, and you come in..." just as I said that, the sound of Shannon Amber crying filtered down to where we were.
"I'll go Mom," CT said sensing the atmosphere in here between me and Jeff. Marty 'Champagne' being the last to come in slammed the door behind him.
The others seemed to have the good sense to retreat, telling Jeff they would see him the following day – and here I was hoping that today would have been it and that me and my man, would have gotten some alone time together tomorrow, apparently not. I turned away from them and ran my hand through my hair in sheer frustration. I couldn't believe the magnitude of the rage that was flowing through my veins right now. It was like the catalyst to everything else that I had been thinking about.
I strode into the kitchen and grabbed my cigarettes, stepping out onto the back decking and lit up; inhaling deeply. Needless to say I never heard one of them leaving.
Ron had been moody lately, she had been withdrawn for the longest time and I didn't know why. We had seemed to have lost our communication when I made the jump to TNA. I knew that it had disappointed her to see me move; since she had gotten into this business at my request; but still – I had needed the change, WWE were never going to forgive me for the mistakes I had made. That had been obvious when they had made a complete ass of me with the whole belt fiasco.
TNA were much more lax about things – yes there was the whole drugs deal, but I could take pain pills without having to worry about stupid wellness programs.
I was constantly in pain – WWE hadn't understood that, TNA were willing to at least consider the fact that I needed to take pain pills. For years I had pushed myself – made myself go out there in the WWE to earn them money, and to give the fans what they wanted. In the end it had all become too frustrating to deal with. I had made the decision to leave – at first it was perfect, being at home with the kids, being the one to keep the house clean tidy.
"What the Hell Ron?"
"What the Hell? Did you seriously just ask me what the Hell?"
"What is wrong with you?"
"Where to fucking start!" she threw her hands in the air, her cigarette hanging from her lips as she paced. Right now, she reminded me of a caged tiger – stalking back and forth in desperate need to get freedom.
"At the beginning?"
"You don't want me to do this Jeff..."
"Because I might just say something that we will both regret," she raged; the emotion in her voice hitting the volume that her pitch didn't.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"You're never here Jeff," she spat at me. "I come home for 2 whole days, when we haven't seen one another in almost a month, and the first thing you do...dump Shannon Amber on me, and go off to 'play' with the boys..."
I had no idea where this was coming from – I knew that since she had Shannon Amber, things had been tough for her – she felt the need to be more serious and not get involved with the show, or the other things that me and my friends and family did. But that was of her own accord.
"You know that you are welcome to come..."
"That is so not the point right now," she snarled angrily, "we had a baby Jeff – a life that we are responsible for, and I don't mind you doing stuff for the show – but you have to grow up...I can't keep this relationship afloat on my own,"
"No one is asking you too,"
"Oh really? Where were you tonight?" she demanded, "doing stuff for the show? Or just hanging out?"
"Just hanging out,"
"EXACTLY my point," she hissed. "I am so sick of feeling like a God damned fucking after thought to you,"
"You have 'never' been an after thought to me," I bit back, "you know that!"
"Do I? Because lately, all I have felt is the fact that there seems to be a huge space between us and when I try to make 2 steps toward you – you back off 2 steps,"
Now I was feeling my anger settling in – she was pushing my buttons, and I had no idea why she felt like this or what I had done to make her feel like this. From the moment that we had gotten together, she had fully embraced my life and the people in it. It's not like this was coming from nowhere. I had always had my friends and family around, we were always up to something or another – she had always embraced that part of my life.
"I just can't do this anymore Jeff,"
"Well if you weren't so arrogant to think that my life revolves around you then..."
"I HAVE NEVER THOUGHT THAT!" she yelled at me angrily, "I have never...you know I think that we need some space,"
"Why?" I was astounded – I couldn't get my head around this. It was coming from nowhere.
"Because if you think that I think the world has to revolve around me, that you think I am so arrogant that I assume all attention has to be on me all the time, then you don't understand what this is about, and you won't get it until you've had time on your own,"
"I don't want you to leave,"
"I know you don't," she sighed inhaling the last of her cigarette before throwing it out onto the lawn, "and that's part of the problem,"
"I don't understand,"
"That's the point – if I don't go, things will end up getting worse, because you can't see what I am talking about and if things get worse, I am going to end up hating you and I don't want that,"
"I don't want that either," I agreed with her, "I just don't understand why you..."
"You will baby," she nodded her head as she moved to me, and it was in this moment that I saw the tears sliding down her face, "just really think about what I have said, I know that it seems to have come out of the blue, but it hasn't – I have done everything that I can think of to make this work, but I just can't do it alone anymore,"
Resting her forehead against mine, she looked into my eyes – and I could see the same frustration mirrored back at me – she was truly at the end of her rope, and I realized that it was serious, she wanted me to really think about things while she was gone.
Of course I wanted to strap her down and tell her that she couldn't leave but that would have made me no better than Steven, and if there was one thing that I wasn't – that was an abusive bastard who tried to reign control over her entire life. It had taken her an extremely long time to get over the way he had treated her and even now, when he was dead, she'd still have nightmares sometimes and wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and out of breath. She never told me what she dreamt; she had said that she didn't want him tainting things with me and her and I could understand that.
But it was extremely frustrating for me to know that my woman was still dealing with the after shocks of what that fucker had done to her. I just didn't know how to make it better for her. It was almost like she could go for months without it touching her and then one tiny little thing will remind her and take her over completely for the following month.
"Where are you going to go?"
"I might go stay with Kristina in Missouri, she and Jay have time off from work too,"
"Not Randy then?"
"Why would you ask that?"
"'Cos I know that you 2 have become close since I left WWE,"
"Yeah we have, I'm not going to lie about that, he got us tickets to go see 5 Finger Death Punch..." she explained, she knew that I wasn't into the heavier stuff that she was into, "he even got you a ticket, but I told him that it's not your scene,"
Jay had been the one who called me – he usually called every few months just to catch up, we had been pretty tight the first time he was in WWE as Edge's brother, and we had remained close even after he jumped to TNA and then came back to WWE. My friend hadn't been ratting, he had just mentioned that Ron and Randy were hanging out a lot on the road.
"Randy has been by my side since you left, he sort of took the role as my travel buddy since you weren't there anymore, and he looks out for me like a big brother, there is nothing more than that between us...you know that! I made my choice,"
"You seem to be regretting it now though,"
"I don't regret a thing," she insisted, "I just need help...I need you to grow up and start acting like an adult in this relationship and not like one of the kids," she pulled away from me.
I nodded, I knew her well enough to know that just agreeing with her wouldn't suffice, she would need to see that I could change, I didn't want to change, I liked my life the way it was. I had everything that I had ever wanted and I had thought that she had felt the same way about me. Obviously I was wrong.
"You're taking the kids?"
"Yes," she nodded, "I will leave in the morning though, it's too late to be disturbing them now,"
Maybe if I was lucky, she'd come to her senses during the night. Hopefully, she just needed a good night's sleep to clear whatever it was that was going on in her head. I just had to pray that it would sort it out.
I don't know what I would really do if she just took the kids and left. Would I be able to survive? Did we really belong together anymore? I was plagued by the ideas, long after I had crawled into the empty bed (she had insisted on sleeping on the sofa).