Title: What Goes Unsaid (Doesn't Always Go Unnoticed)
Fandom: D. Gray-Man
Summary: When Allen agreed to a short trip to the mountains for their summer vacation, he absolutely didn't expect to have this not-so-little problem. Or solving said problem with Kanda, for that matter. Curse the thin walls.
Warning: AU, lime.
Disclaimer: Hoshino owns them all. Rawr.
A/N:This is a super-belated b'day fic for Kanda! As well as an apology fic for you readers of Days Passing By for the lateness of the last chapter. I'm so sorry! I'll try to get around to write it soon :(. This also serves as an early kind-of-bday-giftie for Nherizu, whose birthday will be on Sunday, June 26. :D
I meant this to be a PWP but apparently my muse refused to write something without plot at all XD; and well, it's my first time writing something kinda graphic (outside of RPs, but I have a partner in RPs XD) so comment will be loved!
Special thanks to Salmonellagogo and Harmony283 for looking this over.
What Goes Unsaid (doesn't always go Unnoticed)
When Allen agreed to a short trip to the mountains for their summer vacation, he absolutely did not. Expect. This.
By this, he meant waking up in the middle of the night—he'd found out after consulting his digital watch he'd placed on the nightstand earlier—to the creaking sound coming from the other bedroom, along with some hushed conversations and the noises that were more than just a little sexual.
Dear Lord, who knew the walls were not soundproofed?
Shifting uncomfortably in bed, Allen tried to ignore the growing heat slowly flowing down to his lower abdomen. No, he thought to himself. He shouldn't even think about it, because they were his friends and it was inappropriate and—
Bloody hell, he thought, more than a little horrified with the mental image of what the redhead was doing with Lenalee, of all people. Yes, they've been dating for a while, and maybe due to Komui, they didn't get a lot of quality time, but really?
Another thumping sound, followed by more moaning and the sound of the bed creaking. By the sound of it, the wooden headboard was probably hitting the wall from the sheer force of—of—
Ignore, ignore, ignore—just go back to sleep. Think about something else—or that was the plan anyway. Much to Allen dismay, his drawstring pants were already getting tighter with the growing heat. At this rate, his attempt to ignore what was going on behind that wall wasn't going to work, and—
"Oh god! Oh go-"
"Oh my god," Allen whispered to the silent air of his shared room, shifting uncomfortably in his bed. He didn't need to hear this. Who knew the girl could be so loud? Komui would certainly faint if he ever heard his baby sister making such a noise, and then Lavi would die a horrible death by his hands.
A soft curse was heard from the bed at the other side of the room, alerting Allen that his roommate was probably awake. Slowly, he turned to his other side, peering through the darkness to a lump on the other bed, then tentatively calls out, "Kanda?"
No responds, but that lump under the thin blanket definitely shifted, so Allen tried again and this time, Kanda turned around to face him and growled, "What?"
"Umm," well, he didn't know what he wanted by calling his friend, but the noises those two were making in the other room was making him really uncomfortable, and he just—"Uhm. You're awake?"
Dumb question, Allen Walker.
"Of course I'm fucking awake," Kanda hissed, still having the sense to keep his voice low, "How can I fucking sleep when they're being so fucking loud—"
"—ly," Allen finished for him, and at Kanda's annoyed and confused look, he elaborated, "Loudly. Uhm. They're fucking loudly?"
Okay, that was a really, really bad joke. Not to mention lame as heck. It only served to make the atmosphere a lot more awkward than it had the right to be. The sole fact that Kanda had used the F-word three times in one go was a proof of the older male's discomfort of knowing how their closest friends sounded during sex—a knowledge that the both of them could live without—and Allen's stupid comment certainly didn't help.
"Oh, please don't sto—nnn…"
Oh dear god! Allen inwardly exclaimed in frustration. This was so wrong, he couldn't—he shouldn't listen to them. That was an intrusion of their privacy, and—and—
Allen looked down to the traitorous bulge in his pants, hidden under the blanket.
Groaning, he thought enough was enough. He was ridding himself off of that little problem down there. He needed the bathroom.
With that in mind, Allen threw his blanket away and dashed to the bathroom—except that he was not the only one who thought that way, because Kanda was racing him to the bathroom door and now both of their hands were at the knob.
"Move, beansprout," Kanda growled lowly.
"No way. I need to use the bathroom so I can—"
"Get rid of your problem? You're not the only one with a fucking problem," Allen's eyes flicked down at that, and with his excellent night vision, he could see the visible bulge in Kanda's sleeping pants. He cursed as the sight sent heat up his cheeks and down his groin, and the boy could barely catch Kanda's next words, "So go away and wait for your turn," Kanda hissed again.
"What? No, I can't—"
A loud thump; followed by even louder half-scream and long, low groans. Both college students froze, waiting in anticipation as the air went silent. Seconds ticked by, but no voices were heard. Allen exhaled slowly, his hand twitching over Kanda's on the door knob.
"Uhh. You think they're done?" he asked in a whisper, eyes glued to the wall separating this room with the other bedroom.
Kanda didn't answer for a while, but as soon as he opened his mouth to answer, he was interrupted by the sound of giggles—then some kissing noises, causing his face to warm up considerably. Hushed conversation soon followed—Allen had to strain his ear, but he thought he heard 'only foreplay'?—and then suddenly, there was a series of moans, followed by the creaking sound of the bed frame. One particularly high-pitched mewl sent blood rushing up to both boys' rather horrified faces and made their not-so-little problems more pronounced.
For a long moment, Allen and Kanda stared at each other, coming to an agreement that—yes, they both definitely needed the bathroom.
His hardness was stroked once, then twice in a swift, quick motion aimed for a fast release. This was how he was used to do it, when the need actually came to visit. But right now—it wasn't working. Not really. He was still hard, but his own hand didn't help like it usually would.
Kanda heard rustling noises behind him, then soft exhales of breath, before eventually, the bean spoke up. "You know, this is really…kind of awkward."
Growling, Kanda hurriedly pulled up his boxers and pants before whirling around. "I knew this was fucking stupid!" he hissed, earning a yelp from the bean who was still standing with his back to him.
He watched as Allen hurriedly pulled his hand away from his erection and pulled his pants up again, before turning around with a flushed face, "Then what do you propose us to do? Sit here and wait for us to go limp?"
That did not sound appealing either. So yes, the bean had thought it was brilliant to share the bathroom and just mind their own business. But standing there in the small bathroom with their backs facing each other while jerking themselves off had been too fucking weird.
"Dammit, just forget it, I'm going back." With that Kanda reached for the door and—
"Wait, don't open—"
"Don't slam the door," Kanda heard Allen's warning a moment before his hand moved to slam the door shut in awkward embarrassment. But then the boy made it in time to hold the wooden door before it could slam against the frame and possibly alert the couple in the other room—if they even had it in them to pay attention at the moment.
Allen slowly pushed the door until it was closed with a soft click, and Kanda let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He heard a similar exhale so close to his ear, and suddenly realized that Allen was—too close.
From this distance, he could hear the soft pants from the boy's mouth. And when he turned his face to look, Kanda could see the lone bead of sweat forming on that pale forehead, before it rolled down his flushed cheek. The scent of apple mixed with musk filled his nostrils and—
Fuck, the bean was staring.
It made Kanda jerk away, meaning to give them some proper distance, but he made the mistake of stepping backwards when Allen was kind of standing behind him. It ended with his left thigh brushing against something hard, and the brat let out a small, "Hahh—"
Allen's red, deformed hand immediately flew up to cover his mouth as he took a few steps back, face burning up. Kanda's eyes involuntarily trailed downwards to the quite visible bulge in the grey drawstring pants the bean was wearing, before they shift down to the tent inside of his own pants.
They could still hear faint moaning sounds that were (thankfully) barely audible from inside the bathroom, but they only served to remind the boys of their unsolved problems.
"Umm," the brat spoke again, lowering his left hand until it completely fell to his side. Those grey eyes shifted uncertainly, before finally catching Kanda's eyes. "I—might have an idea?"
"What is it?"
The brat's mouth opened up and formed the words, but said idea only earned Allen an incredulous stare from him. Kanda would have said something, but the brat was already looking like he wanted to smack himself, so.
Well, it wasn't like he had any better suggestions, and it was only the beansprout, so, "Fine."
When Allen looked up with a flushed face and an almost disbelieving look, Kanda wondered what he'd gotten himself into.
Soft pants and heavy exhalation echoed within the tiled walls, accompanied by occasional grunts that helped in drowning out the noises from outside. At least right now, all Allen could hear is Kanda's heavy breathing mingled with his own.
Allen could feel the heat radiating from that toned body which was almost pressed against his own, contrasting with the cold tile wall on his back. Hands braced on either side of Allen's head, Kanda rolled his hips forward, grinding their clothed erections together and eliciting a gasp from Allen.
"You called this," Kanda started as he drove his hips forward, "A brilliant idea?"
Allen almost chuckled to himself. His hand fisted the material of Kanda's shirt over his sides as a leverage to grind his hips forward. "Never said it was brilliant," a gasp, "But at least it's working."
A soft snort was heard, but otherwise Kanda said nothing to negate his statement, choosing instead to grind his need against Allen's own. Yes, this definitely worked better than earlier. With the proximity, they could only concentrate on each other, blocking the sounds of pleasure from the outside.
Pressed together like this, they also didn't have time to be awkward before their needs took over and now they were grinding against each other. Allen almost laughed at how surreal this felt—he was grinding against Yuu Kanda, the stupid prick that fought with him more than half the time.
It had been four years since Allen had met him in his second year of high school, with the majority of their acquaintance spent getting at each other's throat. And now, four years into their non-friendship, they had come to the point of getting each other off. Allen snorted to himself, feeling somewhat amused by the notion.
But this—this didn't really mean anything, did it? Even if it kind of hurt to think that way.
"If—if you want, we don't—" Allen gasped as their hardness brushed against each other, "We don't have to talk about this. In the morn—a-ahh!" he couldn't help the moan when Kanda jerked particularly hard right then, and continued with the same force and increased speed. Allen's head fell forward, forehead pressed against Kanda's shoulder as his hips started bucking on their own, matching Kanda in terms of speed and force.
He didn't know when his hands had slid from the older male's sides to his back, or when Kanda's hands had moved to squeeze his hips just so, guiding their movement and making Allen squirm and gasp and let out some embarrassing moans which he would deny later, just as Kanda would deny having made those throaty groans.
"Fuck," Kanda hissed into Allen ear, "This is too slow."
Then those hands disappeared from his hips, and Kanda ceased moving against him. Allen let out a confused whine, hips bucking slightly into empty air in search of friction. He barely registered the rustling sounds, before hands were pulling at the strings drawing his pants together and Allen yelped, pulling his head off of Kanda's shoulder. "H-hey!"
"Pants, bean sprout," Kanda simply said, though his hands stilled as Allen's own hands gripped at them.
It was also then that Allen realized Kanda had already pulled his own pants and boxers down, just enough to free his—his—
Oh god, oh shit, oh bloody—
Allen froze, feeling his face impossibly hot at the sight of Kanda's private part. In the far corner of his mind which still had an ounce of sense, Allen knew that he was staring. That same part of his mind also helpfully informed him that staring was rude and improper, especially when the object he was staring at was someone else's d-di—
"Oi, you want to get this over with or not?" Kanda asked impatiently, a hint of annoyance in his voice. It snapped Allen back to reality, hard enough to at least slacken his grip on Kanda's hand. Right. This was nothing but a means to relieve them of their problems, wasn't it?
Kanda wasted no time in pulling Allen's pants and undergarments down, only enough to expose his straining erection. A relieved sigh made its way out of Allen's parted lips as his hardness was freed, but he barely had enough time to breathe before something was pressed against his own need, followed by a warm hand wrapping them together.
The boy jolted and hissed at the sudden contact, squeezing his eyes shut at the new sensation of having someone else's—Kanda's—hand on him, along with Kanda's own erection, and when that hand started moving—slowly, just slowly—Allen cried out, more than a little surprised.
It was embarrassing—there was nothing to be surprised about, was there?—and Allen hated how fast his heart was beating, feeling like it was going to explode. Kanda was just jerking them off… or was it because this was—Kanda?
There was a hand on his back, moving in small, soothing circles, accompanied by the shushing noises in his ear, which probably meant to shut him up. Allen found the noises comforting nonetheless, and he was gradually calming down. Distantly, he noticed that Kanda's hand had stilled, despite the throbbing desire against his own. So he took a deep, if a little shaky breath, opened his eyes, then mumbled, "Sorry, go on."
Kanda grunted in his ear, before that hand resumed its duty, picking up the still rather slow pace and stroking them together.
Allen gasped as Kanda's thumb ran over the leaking heads, smearing pre-cum to help with the stroking. He felt his hips start to buck in need as the hand went a little faster, a little harder, and he was suddenly hyper aware of Kanda's hot breath in his ear, along with the little, barely audible noises he was making.
His hands twitched at his sides, needing something to hold on to, to clutch at, so Allen raised them to Kanda's back, resting them close to his shoulder blades and pressing their bodies closer. Shutting his eyes, Allen breathed in the scent of rain and mint and the heady, musky scent in Kanda's neck as he whispered a plea of faster, faster.
Kanda did just that, and Allen jolted, hips bucking even faster, meeting Kanda halfway as Kanda's hand pumped them harder. "Ha-ahh…ahh…" he moaned into the crook of that pale neck, feeling the heat rushing down and pooling in his lower abdomen. But no, not yet. He needed more, he needed—
Slowly, his left hand went from Kanda's back and moved closer to where he needed it most. He barely registered his own action, but as soon as the rough, wrinkled skin brushed his throbbing erection, Allen gasped louder, reveling in the feeling. It was only when he felt Kanda jolt and tense against him that Allen's eyes flew open in realization, and—oh shit, oh shit, he'd touched Kanda too with that hand, didn't he?
"S-sorry, I didn't—" bloody hell, what were you thinking, Allen Walker?
He immediately pulled that hand away, just as he pulled himself off of Kanda's warmth, mentally cursing himself. But he didn't get very far before Kanda's free hand was around his waist and his voice in his ear, saying, "Don't—it's fine. Use your left hand."
Allen turned his head just enough to search Kanda's face. "Erm. Are you sure?"
"Yes, just hurry up, dammit."
And really? Allen almost smiled at how needy Kanda's voice was, as well as the look in his eyes. So he placed his hand there again, over Kanda's own hand and started to move, stroking and pumping their needs together.
Slowly, Kanda removed his hand, bracing it against the wall behind Allen and letting the boy do the work. The rough texture of his deformed hand gave them a new feeling, and Allen was pleased to know that Kanda seemed to like it, judging by the more frequent little noises he was making in his ear.
As he brought them closer to release, Allen realized that—this wasn't about solving their problems anymore. This was about him and Kanda, doing this together, and he was happy for the closeness, for the intimacy, even if he was the only one feeling that way.
Yes, it'd been four years since they'd met, two since the attraction had grown on Allen's part and almost a year since it had developed into something deeper, something more than Allen would have liked, but not regretted. Something that Allen chose not to say for fear of losing what they had had so far, but—
But he could be selfish just this once, right? He could be selfish and get away with it, because Kanda wouldn't know anyway. So he turned his head, pressing kiss after kiss to the side of Kanda's neck, trailing them up his jaw until the older man eventually turned his head, questioning with half-lidded eyes. But Allen just pressed their lips together, working their mouths to mold with each other. The kiss was chaste compared to their bucking hips and throbbing needs, because Allen just wanted to say what he couldn't say in words through the kiss. It was okay, right? Kanda was dense so he probably wouldn't get it anyway.
It still made him happy when the kiss was returned, probably more out of instinct rather than having any real meaning behind it, but it was enough for now.
Allen worked his hand faster, harder, and in a few pumps, they had to break the kiss to gasp for the much needed air. The pace was getting frantic, and Allen hid his face in Kanda's neck, just as he felt the other's head dropped onto his shoulder. With the last jolt of his hips, Allen found his peak with a strangled moan, whispering, Kanda, Kanda, Kanda…
He'd never come so hard in his life.
A jolt of Kanda's hips, followed by a deep growl in Allen's ear told him that Kanda had followed suit, releasing in his hand and against their stomach.
For a long moment, only the sounds of harsh breathing echoed in the room. Allen felt his heart still thumping against his chest, and his knees were about to give up. He wobbled, almost falling with a yelp, but Kanda slid his other hand around Allen's waist to keep him up. "Th-thanks," he whispered into the silence, feeling embarrassed for getting weak just because of—well.
Oh, right. They had been in here for a while, and the last time Allen checked the time, it was a little before midnight, so now it must have been past twelve already, right? The day had changed now, and this day was the reason they had gone on this trip in the first place, wasn't it? In a small, nice hotel at the countryside (that turned out to have thin walls) after convincing Komui it was to celebrate Kanda's birthday.
Said birthday boy slowly lifted his head off of Allen's shoulder, looking as calm and composed as he always had. Like what they had done never took place. But his arms were still around Allen, and the rosy tint was still there on his cheeks. So Allen smiled up at him, a tad bitterly at first, but he wiped that away and replaced it with a smaller but more genuine half-smile.
"Hey," he called, nudging Kanda with the hand still on the man's back until Kanda turned his attention to him, "Happy aging day, BaKanda."
Kanda raised an eyebrow at that, but then the left corner of his lips quirked up in a smirk. "Dork," he retorted.
"Jer—huh? Oh. Umm. You're welcome."
Silence took over.
They didn't talk about it in the morning, as the bean had promised before. But ever since he'd woken up to an empty bed across his own, Kanda couldn't help the nagging feeling in his chest.
He'd gone to sleep almost immediately as soon as he hit the bed last night, having been sated and tired and the noises from the other room had been no more. But after he was awake, he could remember almost clearly about last night. It wasn't that he was bothered by what they had done—after all it had been a mutual agreement, just to find their relief.
But there was just—something. Something that Kanda felt like he should have known, should have caught from the way Allen had—
He remembered the proximity, the touch, the kisses and the whispers as Allen met his completion and that was—oh.
Wait. A fucking. Second.
"Hey birthday boy, you're zoning out," came the familiar voice and Kanda looked up to see Lenalee giggling across the dining table of the small diner in the hostel they were currently staying. "Come on, finish your breakfast."
"Even if it's not soba," Lavi added, grinning like the idiot that he was.
Kanda just snorted and continued digging into his omelet. It was only after he had another bite in his mouth that he noticed—the bean sprout was oddly quiet. Normally, he wouldn't have passed up such an opportunity to make a smartass comment and started a fight, but—
"Oi, bean," he finally called, giving the boy a curious look.
"It's Allen," said bean replied without fail, complete with that smile Kanda knew that Allen knew he hated. "What?"
"What do you mean 'what'—" Kanda frowned, but then he noticed the way Allen seemed to be putting a distance, not in the literal sense, but in the way his shoulders were squared ever so slightly, or in the way he wore that smile like a barrier.
It was a little unnerving and a lot more annoying. If this was about last night—
"Alright, you guys, finish your breakfast first. We still have a long day ahead, so," Lenalee said in that sweetly authoritative manner only she could manage, "Finish up and go get ready! We're going sightseeing, 'kay?"
"Of course," Allen replied easily smiling like everything was right in the world.
Kanda stabs at his omelet.
When they finally finished with breakfast, Allen walked ahead upstairs with Lenalee, and Kanda stalled a few steps behind, contemplating. It was when Allen and Lenalee turned a corner that he felt a tug on his elbow, and before Kanda could snap, Lavi was already grinning at him.
"So, something happened last night?" he asked.
Kanda frowned. "Nothing."
"Reeaaally now?" Lavi pressed, blinking his single eye. It was only after Kanda saw the teasing grin on his face that he figured Lavi must have been winking. "You know you can tell me, neh?"
"That you were too fucking loud?" Kanda retorted, raising an amused eyebrow when Lavi's face turned considerably redder.
"W-well sorry about that, though—" Lavi grinned up again, "At least the UST between you and Allen has been resolved?"
"What the fuck is—"
"Unresolved sexual tension," the redhead nodded wisely, "Seriously it's getting ridiculous between you two. I kept wondering how you two were gonna keep that up, geez."
"I think it's pretty obvious, Yuu," and despite the playful smile on his face, Kanda could tell that his tone was serious.
And as if on cue, Kanda's head replayed once more the memories of last night—not the heat or the passion, but the touch, the kiss, the whispers—and then his mind traced back to all those time he'd spent with Allen, each memory sent something—like a forgotten message, ones that he could only decipher now because—
"So you know what to do about the cold shoulder he's giving you, right?" the question jolted him out of his thoughts, and when he looked down, Lavi was smiling at him just so.
Kanda smirked back. "Yeah."
"Kay, good~ get on with it then, shoo~"
"I fucking know that," he snorted, climbing the stairs with lighter steps now, because he knew what that nagging feeling had been, and now he knew how to deal with it.
It didn't take long for him to reach the room he shared with Allen. When he came in, Allen was putting on his gloves. The boy gave him a glance when Kanda shut the door quietly behind him.
"Oh. Hey," Allen greeted, if a little quieter and with a lot more awkward smile than before.
Kanda sighed and walked further into the room, frowning when Allen turned his back on him and fiddled with the backpack on his bed. Well, "Oi," Kanda made his way over to Allen, stopping only a meter before the boy and watching the side of Allen's profile, who seemed to be increasingly uncomfortable the longer he stared.
"What is it, BaKanda?" he finally turned to face Kanda, attempting to act like his normal, provocative idiot bean sprout. But—well.
"We're going to talk about it."
Kanda could see Allen stiffen slightly at that, a sign that the brat knew what he was talking about—yes, last night. But Allen was quick to recover, smiling that smile that he thought could fool just anyone, but—"We don't have to. It was just—"
"Something we need to talk about," Kanda cut off. Allen seemed unnerved by his persistence, dropping his stupid smile in favor of letting out a long-suffering sigh.
"It's alright. I won't—we can just pretend it didn't happen if you want—"
"Well you certainly don't act like it didn't happen," Kanda stated calmly.
He couldn't really blame Allen for that flicker in his eyes though. Anger? Yes, but more than that—
"Well excuse me but I'm trying here! It's not easy when—"
Kanda didn't let him finish that sentence though. He didn't have to hear the rest of it. And Allen didn't need to say it, because now their lips were pressed together, light but sure. He could feel Allen almost jerking away, so Kanda grabbed his shoulders to keep him in place, pressing a little firmer and moving his lips over Allen's to coax out a response.
Allen made a sound that might be a mix of protest and confusion, but Kanda just—kissed. And kissed. And kissed. Trying to convey his newly-discovered feelings through the contact, much like what Allen had done last night—because that was what those kisses meant, right? That was what he should have heard in the way Allen had whispered his name against his neck, over and over like a mantra.
And that was what he was trying to say now, to relieve the nagging feeling in his chest, say what he couldn't put into words just yet. One hand went up, carding through those silvery strands, and Allen made a small, almost inaudible noise before he finally responded to the kiss and pressed back. Their lips molded together slowly, chastely, with no heat or lust this time, even as Allen's arms found their way around Kanda's back.
They broke away after a moment, warm breaths mingling together in the small space between the two. Allen's eyes remained lowered, as if unsure of what was happening, so Kanda opened his mouth again and said, "We're going to talk about this."
At that, Allen finally raised his eyes. He only stared at Kanda for a moment, assessing, searching—and when he found what he was looking for, Allen smiled.
A/N: Do tell if I should write something like this more or if I should just go back to writing the more innocent fic? :'D and I WILL update that fic, as soon as my workload at the office lets up XD;
Also, ATTENTION PLEASE! YULLEN WEEK 2011 is coming up and we're STILL open for THEMES SUGGESTION and OPEN DISCUSSION! Visit my profile for more info and links to the forum and please do JOIN! :D
Last but not least, REVIEW PLEASE? :3