Beta'd by RbtlSR


"Oh god Reid, oh God no, no!"

"Hello what is your emergency?"

"H-ell-oh God my friend. Spencer come on! Please my friend, he just- oh God Spencer wake up pretty boy."

"Sir, take a deep breath and explain to me what happened."

"Spence…"

"Sir we need you to get out the way so we can help your friend." Calm? How could he sound calm?

Moving fast. Sirens. 'Clear!' Swerve to the left. 'Come on kid don't do this to me.' Morgan can't comprehend what's going on around him, it going to fast, he can't keep up. All he can do is stare at Reid's emotionless face, at his bruised neck, at his still chests.


"Morgan! We got here a soon as we could!" arms were flung around him in a colourful haze. "Please tell me everything's alright, that Reid's alright."

Morgan couldn't answer, for he did not know; he'd been sitting in a waiting room chair, doing just that, waiting. Instead of answering he just clung back at the crying woman sitting on his lap.

"I'm so sorry, we did everything we could…"

"What! No! That's not right! Not Reid! He's just a kid!" Morgan wanted to hit something. To wake from this nightmare. To see Spencer.


Six Months Later…

"Hotch you wished to see me." Morgan said in a tired, robotic voice. Just like everything else that had been said in the last half a year by the once lively, but now emotionless, agent.

"Yes please shut the door and sit down." Hotch replied, pointing at the chair opposite him on the other side of the desk, without looking up from his paper work. Why that man still had paper work was a mystery, it was 8:00 pm, everyone else had left yet Hotch was still here.

Finishing off signing the last paper for the night Hotch looked up at is subordinate across from him. The results were not good; Derek had lost a spark in him when Spencer had passed. The whole team had leaned on each other for help and regained some of the spark, but Derek had exiled himself.

"Derek, I know how hard it is with Spencer gone, we are all going through it. hen Halloween came around and there was no one dressed up as Frankenstein or talking about some creepy puppet show. We all felt that gap, we all still feel that gap in the conference room, that empty chair. We are all going through it." Hotch had decided that he couldn't let another agent of his die because once again he didn't intervene in hopes that if he didn't get involved, none of the higher ups would ever have to find out. He had discovered that that never helps.

"Look is there a point to this other than stating the god damn obvious?" Morgan had crossed his arms and was defiantly looking away from Hotch.

"The point is that you haven't spoken to anyone about Reid, and whenever Reid is mentioned you storm out the room. Morgan I can't lose another agent – hell, another friend, to depression because I didn't step in. You need to talk about this."

Seeing Morgan's defensiveness and still unresponsive face, Hotch sank in his seat, fearing once again he had been too late.

"There's one thing- one thing I didn't get" Hotch sat back up and held his breath, praying that Morgan would continue, that he had stepped in just in time.

"Why did he hang himself? I mean why not overdose, everyone knew about drug addiction, why not go out in the way that he must have been craving. Or why not slit his wrist? H-Hanging..." Derek let out a deep pain filled sigh and ran his hands over his face. "Hanging is a- is a painful way to die. Why didn't he take the simpler option?" Morgan had obviously been very distressed over this question, having it played it over and over in his mind. Losing sleep over that one question: Why did he make it painful for himself?

It was Hotch's turn to let out a deep sigh, he too had had this question plague his nightmares. "Derek." Hotch leaned forward and looked straight at Morgan. "Spencer lived his whole life under the ideology that he always failed, his dad leaving him, having to put his mum in institution, the bullying he experienced, Gideon leaving and all those other so called 'failures' that happened in his life. I think." Hotch closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Although he was dealing with the fact Reid had gone from their lives it was still hard to be able to talk about him and his suicide. "I think when Spencer had decided to- to end his life he wanted to know that if he failed at his attempt there would be not visible lasting damage. No withdrawals to go through. No scars to hide. With hanging there was a higher chance of success."

Morgan and Hotch both knew what that meant but didn't want to voice it. It meant that if Spencer's neck didn't snap and kill him he would slowly lose oxygen and die that way.

There was silence between the two men both thinking about a good friend that they had lost. "Do you think I'll forget about him?" Morgan whispered so quietly that Hotch was unsure whether or not he was supposed to hear, however that didn't stop him from answering.

"If you ever think, even for a second, that you are forgetting about him, come to me and I'll help you remember all those unique thing that made Spencer- well, Spencer."

At that moment an understanding came over both the agents. Forgetting Spencer would not do, but rather to remember and live with him in memory was the best way forward for both of them.

"God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December"J.M. Barrie

The End

So that' that hope you liked it, thanks to everyone who has reviewed. And a big warm thank you once again to RbtlSR.

Bye xoxo