To Jennie Cow, for teaching me that there is more to life than steak, cookies, and hating French class…
I own nothing, sadly, except for maybe my mind, which I am pretty sure I left in Hawaii next to a coconut but I'm not certain… hehe :P I am stalling, can you tell? Well let's get this show on the road. My first fanfic, EVER, review or flame if that tickles your fancy.
I feel all empty inside when he leaves, Kaname. That one stupid person that I couldn't let go of. So idolized, he was in my mind I would have given the fangirls a run for their money. Yet here I sight, alone, left with the result of poor choices. The walls to my once spacious room seem to be closing in on me. I don't know if it is the thirst or the fear of being alone that gives me this feeling. And I am alone, a lot, more then ever it seems. I used to feel alone when I was human, which was utterly and completely stupid on my part. I had Zero and the headmaster even Yori. That should have been enough, but of course it wasn't. I was too selfish; a parasite that used its host until it was it sucked dry of every last drop. And that is what I did to Zero, used him and than tossed him away as if he was nothing but a rag doll. Used until thrown away and then forgotten. It seems what goes around comes around; I now seem to be the one that is used and then forgotten. It seems that when you are a pureblood nothing seems to matter but your own existence and ones own whims. I am such a creature, yet I play a game that I no not the rules of. I do not know how to play yet it seems that everyone expects me to. Everyone wants to see the pureblood Yuki, but I have long sense forgotten how to be her. I have become someone else, it seems like I am different for each person, a chameleon changing color to fit the scenery. For Kaname I am his little girl, or doll. I smile and grow my hair out long and let him dress me up in lacey frilly (and lets be frank, ridiculous) outfits. I wait around at home for him to return, his perfectly groomed little bird sitting in her golden cage. He and I both know that it is not enough; no matter how much I pretend he isn't there I will always yearn for him. Zero. Kaname will forever be unable to slate my thirst because my heart yearns for another with a burning intensity and almost fierce devotion. I know it is wrong that my body longs to be in his arms even when I am in the arms of another. But no matter how much it kills me to pretend, I know it would kill Kaname if I left. It would be cruel as if I shot him and then left him to slowly bleed and die. Yet staying is killing him too. He senses my restlessness and every thought is like a punch to his gut. I know, for his blood can not lie, and his jealousy can not hide. Every bite, every little taste and I know it's killing him slowly. So very slowly… like rain drops falling I hear the words over and over again. Killing him. Killing him. Killing him….
"Yuki?" I turn my head to the voice, his voice. Killing him. No! My hands rush to my face trying to block out the world. I don't wanna see the look on his face, the disappointment written there. Even more so the pulse in his neck the steady blood flow. Killing him. Please go away, please? I will be good, I promise. Make it stop, make the voices go away. Please, please, please... I moan, deep and animalistic. My finger nails rip into my flesh; little drops of blood make scarlet tears down my cheeks. Blood? My eyes widen and turn a deep maroon; a haunting smile reaches my mouth. I look wild and unstable. Hehehe a throaty insane laugh escapes my lips. I double over and grab my sides. My chest feels like it is about to explode almost as if there are tiny little pieces of glass in my lungs and every gasping breath lodges them further in.
"Ah…" I gasp in pain I collapse onto the floor shaking. I feel strong arms grab me and lift me up, my body twitches and then stills. The world goes red as my body goes limp. Killing him. Killing him killing him killinghimkillinghim.
The last thought that reaches my blood crazed mind is not my lover who I am slowly destroying but the other one… Zero.