A/N- You guys… have no idea… how sorry I am for just abandoning this so abruptly. I am so fucking sorry. You all were fucking dedicated to this shit and I just suddenly dropped it and moved onto another story. I can't remember half the shit that went on in this story but I remember all of the reviewers. The people who told me what was awesome and what sucked and what they liked and what they wanted to burn in hell, all the while making me a better author and relatively stronger. I started writing this when I was really depressed a year ago and now that I'm happy it's hard to keep writing. But my angsty depressing nature is starting to seep back into my brain so I might be able to finish this.
I'm going to try, though I can't guarantee it'll be worth anything. It may suck, it may be great, or it may fall somewhere in between mediocre and awesome. There were only going to be two chapters left when I dropped this and I plan on keeping it that way so at least I can say I finished something.
I know for sure that I would be pissed as all hell if everyone randomly stopped reviewing everything I did because they were too wrapped up in another story. That would break my poor nonexistent heart, so I hope you guys haven't given up on me yet, because as I said before, I'm going to try.
Disclaimer- No matter what I write, I know one thing will always remain the same- I don't own shit.
Magnus sighed as we walked into the apartment, and I would've done the same except I was too exhausted, emotionally and physically. I think he was about to try and talk to me about something, everything, but I collapsed onto the couch before he could, burying my face in one of our fluffy throw pillows and letting my arm dangle off the couch lifelessly. I wasn't crying though, as I was all out of tears. At least I thought I was.
As I felt my heart clenching out of pain and anger and grief for the second time, I also felt Magnus' hand on my neck, in my hair. He was trying to console me, and his touch alone was almost doing that. I thought I could at least cooperate with him, try to feel better, so I turned my head to look at him and saw my own feelings reflected in his eyes as he crouched in front of me. He was empathizing with me, because he had been through the same emotionally scarring situations and probably knew exactly how I felt.
"I'm sorry baby," he whispered, his voice oddly echoing in the otherwise silent room. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I took a shaky breath. "Can you just hold me instead?" It was a sappy line, one that was used in many so-called romantic comedies, but it was the only thing I really wanted at that moment. I didn't want my mother to try and make things better, I didn't want my dad to suddenly become a person with a heart and apologize, I didn't want to die and have a different life, all I wanted was for Magnus to wrap his arms around me and let me cry into his shoulder.
As soon as his arms were around me and I was lying comfortably against his chest, I let my muscles finally relax after a night of being tense. I realized I was wrong and that I had plenty of tears left to end up sobbing on his shoulder. He just let my tears soak into the fabric of his designer shirt without saying a word about it, simply stroking my hair and softly humming in my ear.
I had been crying more in the last two years than I had in my entire life. Not because of Magnus, but because of the things that led me to eventually find Magnus. Weren't these years supposedly going to be the best of my life? That's what everyone always said, along with 'enjoy it while it lasts,' which means it's supposed to be fun and free, wild and young. So why was it so shitty?
"Are you humming the 'Born This Way' chorus to me?" I muttered thickly. After crying for so long my voice was hoarse.
"Yeah, sorry… I'll stop."
"No," I said quickly, wiping my eyes and sniffling a tiny bit. "I like the sound of your voice."
"I can't sing it like Mother Monster, though," he muttered in my ear.
Call it a gay stereotype, but we both loved Lady GaGa almost as much as we loved Adam Lambert. Yeah, not something you would expect from me, I broke every stereotype around, like how all gay people love colors and are totally out and proud about everything. That's not me at all, and yet I was a lover of pop music along with my usual alternative rock.
Magnus picked up my hands in the way you would when teaching a baby how to walk and moved them around to the beat of the song as he sang quietly in my ear. "I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause god makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way!" He was shaking my arms in a dance that was a mixture of fist-pumping, arm waving, and some sort of noodle type movement. "Don't hide yourself in regret, just love yourself and you're set. I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way."
He was trying to lighten the mood a little, and he was succeeding if you ask me, which I was very grateful for. I'd never met someone who could pull me out of my bad moods just like that, especially when they were the result of something as horrible as what my dad did. It took a lot to get me out of bad mood and yet Magnus was the one person who could do that in just a song chorus.
"Thank you Magnus," I muttered.
"For what, love?"
"Being here," I said quietly. "With me."
"Well, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." He paused. "Wait, yes I would."
My heart stopped for a moment when he started to get up to go to our bedroom. "What?"
"I was going to wait until Christmas morning, but it'll kill me if I do," his voice echoed from the bedroom. He came back with two slips of paper in his hand, which I saw were tickets to Paris when he sat down again. "And maybe it's the perfect time for a vacation."
"Magnus…" I was speechless to say the least. It was a strange time for me to randomly be going off to France, but he was right when he said it was also perfect. I needed to get away from everyone… everyone but my boyfriend.
"We can leave as soon as tomorrow or I can throw them away and forget about them," he said quietly, looking right at me while I stared at the tickets. "It's up to you darling."
"Of… of course I want to go with you… I'm just…"
"I know you're going through a lot of shit right now so I'm not going to pressure you into leaving," he said slowly. "But maybe it'll be good for you to forget about it all, if only for a week or two."
"I'd love to."
Magnus smiled softly and leaned over to kiss me, making my fears melt away for just a few moments. I realized how young we were and how much we had gone through even when we weren't together. It was a lot for two teenagers just trying to survive and going to Paris would be like a break from everything around us. It would just be Magnus and I and a new place filled with opportunities.
A/N- I'm not sure if I'm happy I finally got this up or if I'm upset that it's not very good. I seriously don't know, my mind is in a weird place right now, but the next chapter is going to be the last (I mean it) and I already know how it's going to end- They all die in a freak accident and then turn into bloodthirsty zombies/vampires. No, I'm kidding. I still have my sense of humor, did you notice? No? Me either…
Uhm. Review? Please? I'm kind of really sad about leaving you guys and every time I see a new review pop up for this story I get scared, like someone's gonna flame my ass off and I'll never write again. Here, I'll give you an example- *logs in* *checks legacy story stats* *sees one new review for Innocent* *stops breathing* *review isn't flame* *breathes**cries a little at the fact that there hasn't been an update in Morgan Freeman knows how long* *opens up unfinished Word Document for next chapter* *attempts to finish it* *can't finish it* *cries*
Basically that's my life.
~Ella, who is confused in too many ways to be possible.