Disclaimer: Durarara! Isn't my creation nor are the characters of Orihara Izaya and Heiwajima Shizuo

Warnings: Contains malexmale relationships (Shizaya!). Some readers may find content disturbing due to gore-based themes.

Summary: Izaya requests Shizuo meet him atop of a roof in Ikebukuro for a confession that has been nagging at him for a while now. Izaya loses control of the situation and things don't turn out the way he had originally suspected.

Would he come?

It didn't make a significant difference. At least, that's what Izaya told himself. For such a state of panic, he felt the calmest he had ever felt his whole life.

A storm had just passed over Ikebukuro, leaving the skies dark and the streets wet. The air still felt heavy with moisture and it was too warm for him to be wearing his infamous jacket. It didn't stop him. If this was going to happen, he wanted to be brand himself in Shizuo's mind as he had been known for the past few years.

The stars were never really visible in Ikebukuro, but for once, Izaya wished that they were. If only just one star, then maybe he wouldn't feel so alone in this world so full of humans. Even as he stared down, he could see the small dots moving about- oblivious to their most passionate observer.

Izaya forgot how high up the sky scraper was. It was tall enough to look over a grand majority of Tokyo- or at least that's exactly what it felt like. He was balanced on a thin, wet railing, and anyone else would have fallen by now. Not Orihara Izaya- not even as the wind licked his back, making his whole body shift back and forth.

His jacket whipped around him and as he spread his arms out on either side of him, he truly felt like God.

"This isn't some fucked up moment where you decide to kill yourself, is it? Cause if it is, I'd rather leave right now then have to sit through your bullshit, flea."

Shizuo had decided to come after all. Izaya looked over his shoulder at the leering blond and smirked at him.

"Shizu-chan, I'm so glad you could make it out tonight. And nya~, what a stupid question for you to ask. Don't you know me better than that?"

Izaya would never jump to his own death. He cherished his life far too much to ruin his existence in such a philosophically disgracing way. Who did Shizuo think he was?

He spun around gracefully on the railing and took pleasure in the way Shizuo actually jerked forward. Like he had to save Izaya. Like he was going to lose his balance or something.

The rooftop wasn't enormous by architectural standards, but to Izaya, it felt like it was the very face of the world flattened out. Was this how Columbus felt? Like everything was a finite expanse of space that just..dropped off? And at what point did one realize when they were falling?

Heiwajima Shizuo had been Izaya's point of climatic conclusion. The blond monster looked murderous, annoyed, infuriated that his peaceful schedule had been interrupted by a request from Orihara Izaya. The informant had called Shizuo earlier in the day, giving him a short order that he meet him upon this very roof top at this very time.

Although, Izaya had never once suspected Shizuo would be the punctual type. Then again, Izaya never really expected anything from Shizuo. So why did he feel so utterly surprised to this very day by some of the things Shizuo did?

"Do you have any clue as to why I asked you to meet me?" Izaya questioned the protozoan. He knew the answer before Shizuo even shook his head.

Why would Shizuo know? Even Izaya would be perplexed over such a strange, outlandish request. He swung his arms back and forth before leaping off of the railing. He landed onto the rooftop evenly, arms still held out as though he were still balancing. As a matter of fact, Izaya really did feel as though he would fall any moment now.

Shizuo had taken a threatening step forward. He shoved up his sunglasses (which amused Izaya endlessly, considering it was night) and scoffed.

"Are you just going to prattle about shit or can I leave already?"

"Patience, Shizu-chan, patience. You're twenty-three and still haven't learned one of the greatest gifts of humanity? Then again, you are a monster, so why should you understand what patience even amounts to? Heh, funny of me to be so fooled-."

"Would you get to the point already? Damn it, flea, I've got shit to do."

"No you don't."

It was the truth and the two men knew that much. Izaya knew Shizuo's work schedule almost better than he knew his own. He knew when and where Shizuo would be while working for Tom and Shizuo should know that by now as well. He was off tonight- which was one of the reasons that Izaya had picked out tonight above all other nights.

Shizuo straightened up and shoved his hands into his pockets. He had tilted his head back and had this aggravated expression on his face.

At least he was staying.

"I have something very important to say. Now, I know that your mind can only retain and evaluate so much information at a time, but please try and keep up. I have thought very long and very hard about what I am about to say but I would like you to know that it is the complete truth."

"Yeah? Since when can I trust you?"

"You'll just have to." It was the only choice Izaya really had. If Shizuo didn't want to trust him, then it was the blond who was at fault, not Izaya. Besides, it really didn't matter, not by the end of tonight anyway.

Izaya slipped his hands into his pockets and turned his back on the blond. Now, Izaya had never once been a shy man. He had always been very practical and blunt with his social skills. He was capable of approaching anyone and starting a conversation. He had no trouble with telling people the truth that they never seemed to want to accept. So why was it suddenly so difficult for him to get out what needed to be get out?

Simple. It was personal. Never before had Izaya had to tell someone something so personal. He was a private man, despite his social antics, and he kept most personal information exclusive to himself and himself alone. Even his younger sisters hardly knew who he was. If anything, ironically enough, Shizuo was probably the man who knew him above all else.

Not that it was saying all that much.

"Humans," he started, approaching the railing he had recently perched himself on. This time, he placed his hands around the damp metal and gripped tightly, "are so interesting. In a way, I am in love with them. This one-sided love affair has been present since day one. It isn't uncommon for them to hate me. I don't hold it against them, as it is in their natural psychosis to respond to a person like myself in such a way. I've only ever wanted them to love me back though. To appreciate me for all I do for them…"

Izaya could hear Shizuo scoff. He knew that the man wouldn't understand and he honestly never expected him to.

"There is something beautiful about the death of a tragic human. When they become so entirely predictable, it's almost sickening. At times, I question the purpose I serve in this life of mine. Is it really to test the edges of humanity? Why bother when the edges are so foreseeable and so easily ripped up? When I think about it, why do humans serve me such pleasure?" Izaya knew that he was rambling. He knew that he wasn't making the point that he had to make but this was his comfortably with the situation. He had to spare himself that much at least.

"Do you think I have ever had a lover, Shizu-chan?"

"Eh…? What's that got to do with me?"'

"It doesn't. Not really at least. It's just a question. Do you think I've ever had a lover?"


Izaya could tell that Shizuo was being honest rather than cruel. He didn't blame him. The simple-minded debt collector really was sometimes smarter than he looked. He doesn't over evaluate things like some humans. In the end, that occasionally makes him more intelligent than the humans that Izaya so passionately involves himself with.

"You're right. I haven't. Despite my love for humanity, I've discovered that loving an individual human is, for me, impossible. I cannot focus my attention onto one. It is really so simple that even you'll be able to understand. So many humans are predictable. Annoyingly so that I would never wish to waste my time fawning over one. Not when I can predict every single step that will come next. I've come to the conclusion, long ago, that I will never take a human as a lover. I simply have no interest, as they have no interest in me. I'm not naïve to that fact. It's never really bothered me, as I have much more interesting things to keep myself busy with."

Izaya turned around so that he could actually look at Shizuo. The man is attentive, but not looking at Izaya. At that, Izaya smirked. The man was beginning to understand that Izaya actually had something to say that warranted his attention.

"And I've realized, a long time ago, that I love every single human. Every single human except…for you."

"Tsk, what's news about that?"

"Ah, yes, there is nothing new nor fascinating about that. But then I began to think about that the other day. You want to know why? I was at Shinra's. I had to drop something off for Celty when we got onto the discussion of love. You know what he said to me? He said, 'Sometimes, I think you might love Shizu-kun.' Now, what do you make out of that, Shizu-chan? What do you think I said?"

Izaya could tell that Shizuo was uncomfortable. The way his shoulders were hunched together, the way that he was officially refusing to look at Izaya. Izaya didn't blame him. It was a disturbing subject.

"I asked him, 'What do you mean, Shinra?' and so he goes on to tell me that I'm much too obsessed with you. So after a while, I said, without even thinking, 'Maybe I do love Shizu-chan'."

The silence between them extended further than Izaya felt comfortable with. So, he tilted his head back and laughed. He swung his arms out and skipped over to Shizuo to remove his sunglasses. Shizuo's amber eyes rolled up and he instantly sneered.

"What the hell is so funny about that?"

"The fact that it's the truth! I do love Shizu-chan! That's hilarious. That's what's so funny!"

Izaya didn't bother to stick around to see his expression. Instead, he turned abruptly and headed to the railing yet again. This is where he released Shizuo's glasses over the edge and watched as they fell from the top of the sky scraper. The moment he lost sight of them is the moment he turned back around to give Shizuo his attention yet again.

"I went home that night and began to think to myself. 'Do I love Shizu-chan?' The answer came pretty quickly. Of course I do. Hate and love share the same house and after a while, it gets pretty confusing as to which room belongs to which partner. Hate and love are lovers, they're enemies, they're brothers, and they're friends. Obsession, passion, addiction…Hatred and love. Ah but you see, something is very disturbing about that concept. Hating you has come to be as naturally as breathing. It is the law of the world you and I share. So love, love is a contradiction to everything that I have come to known about you. Naturally, I wanted to refuse the idea.

Then I began to think. I am so incapable of loving humans but I have never once considered you a human. Ironically, Shizu-chan, you are the most applicable lover that I can take. You strike me neither as human or divine creature but instead a monster. A monster…like myself. I cannot love another human, not individually. But loving a monster? It's practical when I think about it."

Izaya then pulled out something that he had never used before. A gun.

"Have you ever heard of the Laelaps and the Teumessian fox? It's a Greek mythology about a monster fox that was created to destroy a village for the sins that it had committed in the past. The fox had been destined to never once be caught. Laelaps, on the other hand, was a dog in which was destined to catch everything that it chased. I think you see where I'm going with this. Anyway, Laelaps was sent to catch the Teumessian fox. Alas, since the fox could not be caught and Laelaps had to catch everything in which it chased…This created a paradox.

Zeus, the god of gods, could not stand for this paradox and cast both creatures into stone and sent them to the skies to remain eternally there as constellations. Don't you see, Shizu-chan? You're the dog and I'm the fox. We were destined to never catch each other, but funnily enough, it'll be our love that creates the paradox in our lives. Because Shizu-chan, I have come to the conclusion that you love me as much as I love you. Do you want to know why, Shizu-chan? Simple: since whenever has 'hate at first sight' existed? You also know, and I know that you know, that I am the one person who will never be afraid of you."

Izaya turned around entirely by now and faced Shizuo. The blond monster was stiff and his gaze unfocused. There was an expression on his face that Izaya didn't like very much. He rose the gun and aimed it directly at Shizuo.

"I love you, Shizu-chan, but that in and of itself is a paradox that I cannot allow to exist within this world. My existence without hatred towards you is illogical. Even if my hatred co-exists with my love. It just doesn't make sense. I could have had you murdered several times by now. I have the connections. And you could have killed me just as easily with your strength. This chase must end here.

We have vowed to kill one another yet we constantly hesitate and I cannot allow that to continue. You will die tonight, Shizu-chan, by none other than my own hand, as I have promised. Because it would be unfit of me as your enemy, and as your lover, to let anyone else kill you. Yes, Shizu-chan. I declare myself as your lover. Because truly, what is more romantic than death itself?"

With that, Izaya pulled the trigger. Shizuo must not have expected it so suddenly because the beast didn't move the slightest except for flinching back from the impact as the bullet hit him square in the chest. Izaya wasn't finished. He rapidly pumped the trigger, the gunfire lighting up his brilliant face, his brown eyes scarlet from the blood shed of his beloved beast. Every single bullet was pummeled into that massive body. Blood splattered the air and the stench of lead and blood masked over the rain that had fallen hours ago.

The gunshots echoed well into the night, and when Shizuo's body fell down, Izaya knew that he would never forget the sickening thud of his body making contact with the wet concrete. Izaya stomped over to Shizuo, having saved one final bullet. He rolled Shizuo onto his back and looked down into that handsome face. It was twisted up in pain, flesh paled from the nearness of his own death.

His bartender suit was completely destroyed, covered in bloodied bullet holes. As Shizuo bled out, Izaya sat down onto his waist, straddling his body, and placed his hand flat on Shizuo's weakly rising chest.

"I love you, Shizu-chan," Izaya promised and cocked the gun forcefully into Shizuo's mouth. Izaya couldn't even register the fact that he himself was crying. All he could feel was the rush of blood, the excitement that came with killing the one man he had always wanted to end. He shoved the gun as far in as it would go and when he smiled, it was the most sincere expression that he had ever given anyone.

When he pulled the trigger….Nothing happened but an empty resounding click.

Izaya's hand began to tremble. The gun clattered against Shizuo's teeth and Izaya ripped it out of his mouth.

He whipped it away, listening to the metal casing clatter against the concrete. How could he have miscalculated the amount of bullets inside the gun? How could he have been so stupid? He grabbed a fistful of that bloody shirt and leered down at Shizuo.

"This means nothing."

He whipped out his ever present flick blade, the blade catching the light of the advertisements on far-off skyscrapers. He brought down the knife but something stopped him. The blade hovered just between Shizuo's eyes, promising the one thing that Izaya was trying to convince himself that he wanted.

The blond had closed his eyes long by now, but at the moment of hesitation, opened them yet again. What Izaya was met with had the informant yanking himself away from the monster entirely. He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it.

He snapped his flick blade shut and shoved it into his pocket. He ran from Shizuo, he ran from the monster that haunted his dreams, he ran from everything that he never thought that he, Orihara Izaya, would ever have to deal with.

Izaya would leave Shizuo to bleed out. He would leave that monster to die. He was disappointed that he would not have the satisfaction of personally ending his life right then and there, but there was something gratifying nonetheless about knowing that he would be the cause regardless.

Izaya didn't know that he was trembling until he got home and tried to make himself a pot of tea. He didn't know that he was covered in Shizuo's blood until he had stripped off of his clothes to take a shower. He didn't know that he even knew how to cry until he tasted something salty on his lips. Not that he cried for long. He couldn't cry for Shizuo. Not like this.

It was disgusting, to be frank. It was hilarious, to be honest.

Everything was a god damn joke and Izaya was the punch line.

What was this? What was this?

"Compose yourself."

The monster was not allowed to have control in his life anymore. Izaya clenched his fists together and took in a deep breath. The fact that Shizuo had managed to get him to react so humanely without even intending to was what had Izaya so furious. The blond had no rights to make him feel like this, to make his cowardice be known.

What Izaya hated the most was the fact that he knew that Shizuo was not dead. He knew that he would somehow live through the enormous amount of gunshot wounds. Izaya had known that beforehand but he had wanted to cause Shizuo the pain of living. He knew that he would had to of shot Shizuo in the head to kill him for good.

No, he had to stop thinking about it. Izaya managed to bring himself together and decided to get ready for bed. It was late enough as is and he had had a long night. After dressing into his pajamas of black shorts and a gray hoodie, he got comfortable in the large bed that he had claimed his own with a colossal amount of pillows.

Good. Namie had done her job for once and actually cleaned his bed sheets. They still smelled like the lilac detergent he used. No matter how tightly he curled up, he just couldn't seem to get comfortable. An hour passed- or maybe it was two. He still felt tense. It wasn't until the edge of his bed sank that he began to grow at ease. He didn't need to look up to know who had intruded his bed space. The reek of blood was enough to alert him.

"So instead of going to Shinra's, you wasted your time going all the way out to Shinjuku? Honestly, Shizu-chan, you're going to kill yourself that way."

Irony. Izaya rolled over onto his back and looked up. The monster himself was kneeling over him, drenched in his own blood and looking as though he had been zombified specifically for some B-rated American film. The only thing was; it was real. As Shizuo opened his mouth, instead of words coming out, blood popped and bubbled down along his defined chin.

"You're going to bleed out and die."


Izaya's eyes narrowed.

"Why did you come here? You're bleeding all over my sheets."

"….s'cause…you're..you're right..Damn..Flea."

It didn't take a genius to know that it was difficult for Shizuo to speak. Izaya didn't ask him to stop. Instead, he sneered at the blond as a particularly thick drip of blood landed on his own cheek. He had just taken a shower.

"You Neanderthal…"

He grabbed a fistful of Shizuo's soaked hair and yanked his head down brutally, not caring for the other man's injuries. When their lips collided, Izaya tasted nothing but the metallic blood in Shizuo's mouth. It seeped into his own mouth and nearly made him gag. When he broke the kiss, spluttering, he tried hard to ignore Shizuo's growling laughter.

"Serves…ya right…bastard."

Izaya wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, his eyes attached to the figure who had decided to make himself comfortable by laying down in the bed next to him, one heavy arm thrown around Izaya's waist. At first, Izaya was about to protest, but then he snorted.

"I guess it would only make sense for you to die in bed with me. It fits, don't you think?"

The only answer was Shizuo's ragged breathing. He laid back down entirely and turned on his side to watch Shizuo through the weak light coming into his room through the shades over his windows. Izaya hated to admit it, but for once, Shizuo looked like he fit the meaning of his name. Peaceful man. Why did he look so peaceful at the gates of death? If Izaya were in his place, he would have looked horrified.

Izaya knew that Shizuo would've had this energy, but why had he wasted it being an idiot and not going to Shinra? He could have saved himself but he came to the one place where he knew he wouldn't be treated. Izaya had to wonder; did Shizuo want to die?

And if Izaya let him die, would Izaya be indirectly granting Shizuo's greatest wish.

"Never…never wanted to be…a monster."

"Yes, Shizu-chan, I think I've figured that out by now. You have quite the heart of gold, for a beast."

"Never…I never….wanted to hurt…anyone."

"What is this, last minute confessions? I'm not a priest, Shizu-chan, you don't need to pray to me for forgiveness."

"Don't wanna..be forgived…Ain't religious or anything."

"What do you suspect will happen to you when you pass away?"

"Dunno. S'why I came here though."


"Thought…thought maybe..if I died next to you…Dunno..would be reborn..with you or..som-somethin' like that."

"Jeez, that's really stupid of you."

"Since when was I..smart?"

"Fabulous point to make, Shizu-chan, absolutely fabulous. Have any other secrets you would like to divulge me in?"

For a long moment, Izaya thought that Shizuo had finally passed away. But then the man gave a great heave of a breath and exhaled.

"Love you."

While Izaya had thought for a few days about his own feelings about Shizuo and the feelings that he had suspected Shizuo of having, it was much different to actually hear the blond confess to him like that. It was much different to hear the sincerity in his voice. The fact that he was possibly using his very last breath to let Orihara Izaya know that he was loved by at least one person- even if that person was technically a monster.

"Our love is horrifying."


"You disgust me and I'll never stop hating you."

"Heh..me too."

"Do you think you're going to die soon?"


"How soon?"

"Maybe… 'nother hour?"

An hour. Orihara Izaya had one hour left of his life with Heiwajima Shizuo.

"Well then, I guess we'll just have to make the most of our time. I saved this for you," Izaya said, and removed the silver ring from his left hand. He grabbed one of Shizuo's hands and held it up. After a bit of forceful shoving, he managed to get the finger to fit onto Shizuo's ring finger. It looked perfect. Like it had always been there.

Maybe it had been and the two of them had always just been too stupid to notice…..


Shizuo even laughed, but managed the strength to lift up his hand and check out the ring anyway. He rolled his eyes and dropped the hand heavily against Izaya's cheek.

"Looks dumb."

"You look idiotic, shut up. With your blood soaked clothes- so messy. Wouldn't your brother be upset if he saw how ruined your clothes are that he got you?"

Even so near death, Shizuo managed the strength to grab Izaya by the neck. It wasn't nearly as crushing as it could have been and if Izaya knew that Shizuo wasn't about to die, he would've laughed at him for the pitiful attempt.

Instead, he just stared at him. This monster was being reduced to nothing. He was being reduced to a near-human creature.

That's when it hit Izaya.

No. The monster, the strongest man in Ikebukuro, didn't deserve to die like this. He didn't deserve to be reduced to this weak, quiet mess that was so human that it made Orihara Izaya cringe. It was repulsive, to say the least, and Izaya would not stand for it.

Izaya shoved Shizuo's hand away easily enough (and that too was disturbing) and crawled over Shizuo somewhat to get his cell phone off of his bedside table. He laid back down and flipped it open. The first number he dialed was Celty's.

"Hello~ Celty-san! I hope I didn't wake you but I have quite the interesting delivery for you to make! You really won't believe who I have in my bed with me- ah not like that, mind you. You see, I've decided that I wanted to shoot Shizu-chan. And shoot him I did. I filled him to the brim with lead! It was quite the spectacular show, I must say, but unfortunately, I did not have a final bullet to put into his brain. There for, he's still alive and currently bleeding out in my bed. Not only is he ruining my sheets, but he looks so human right now that I can't really stand it. Would you mind coming by to pick him up? Also, tell Shinra that if he can't save his life, that I will personally end his. Thank you, Celty! Good night! Oh and please do hurry up. Shizuo estimated that he only has an hour and I feel like Shizu-chan isn't very good with numbers so we could have less than that."

He didn't wait for a response but instead hung up.

"Wha-what're you doing?"

"Shush, Shizu-chan!"

Izaya didn't want to explain himself. He didn't want to exploit his feelings any further than he already had. The only reason he had told Shizuo that he loved him was because he had thought that the blond would be dead by now. The fact that he wasn't only further proved to put Izaya in a dilemma. And now he was saving his life?

This night was not turning out according to plan whatsoever. Shizuo had never been the unpredictable one- it was Izaya's feelings towards him that had always been unpredictable. It only made sense that this were to happen- it was just something that Izaya didn't much care to think about.

He got out of bed quickly so that he wouldn't have to deal with looking at Shizuo any longer and went to his closet. He didn't have many clothes, never having been materialistic, but the clothes that he did have he rather cherished. Such as his small collection of parkas with the different styles but same enough theme: fur trim. He pulled out his most common one and brought it over to the bed where the dying beast lay.

He helped Shizuo into the jacket and zipped up the front, yanking the man's dead weight up on the bed so that he was sitting up.

"I apologize for the inconvenience but I've changed my mind- I don't feel like having you dead after all! Celty should be here soon."

Izaya had placed one of Shizuo's arms around his shoulders to keep him up. He was heavier than he looked but Izaya was strong enough not to care too much.

"Di-did you mean what you said earl-earlier?"

"About what, Shizu-chan? I said quite a lot earlier."

"About being..my lover."

"Heh, why Shizu-chan, you're going to make me blush~!"

"I'm serious!"

Izaya ignored the heated sensation creeping up along his neck. He had never blushed in his life and he was not about to start. He shifted under Shizuo's weight and propped him up further.

"Such a stupid question for you to ask, Shizuo.."

"Hah, you call- called me.."

"You're going to kill yourself quicker if you keep talking you know."

After that, Shizuo remained silent. Izaya didn't want to look at him. He knew that the protozoan was smiling. Over what, Izaya didn't want to know. He didn't care, that's all. He really, really didn't. He lifted his chin and tried to ignore the other man's presence.

Next time, he would plan it much more accurately, but for now, he didn't mind holding Shizuo up.

When Celty came, he was grateful that she had been smart enough not to bother with texting him. Instead, she had come up and must've come through the door that Shizuo probably broke when he initially came in. Izaya had to get better locks. Then again, he wasn't usually worried about monsters coming into his home during the night.

"Thank God you're here," Izaya said, watching as the woman walked into the room. Her body visibly tensed at the sight of such a battered Shizuo and she warped her cell phone before typing a quick message.

Is he dead?

"Do you really think I'd still be holding him up if he was? Tsk, no. He's fine..Just sleepy." Izaya could feel Shizuo's breathing, harsh and lighter than before.

"You might want to hurry up."

After that, Celty didn't bother with words. Instead, she put away her cell phone and cast her hand out. A black shadow reached up around Shizuo, taking him from Izaya. When the weight of his body was gone, that was when it truly registered in Izaya's mind how much Shizuo had been depending on him.

He sat where he was on the bed and didn't move until he heard the door close after Celty.

Orihara Izaya didn't think about that night for a long time. The day after, he went along his business. He met with his clients and called up Shiki to check if he needed anything done for him. He wanted to be overloaded with work. Shiki was surprised by his willingness to be so choked out by the work he had for him.

Izaya was quickly burrowed in files, researching a variety of ten people that Shiki had a hit on due to some troublesome situations that he had managed to get involved with. It was no problem for Izaya. He worked straight through the night and even Namie was starting to question Izaya's well-being.

"How are you going to pay me if you die?"

Well, she was concerned enough. It wasn't until about a month later that Izaya's schedule finally began to die down. He hadn't so much as neared Ikebukuro unless he had to. Fortunately for him, most of his research could be done from his computer. Shinra had called him a few times, but Izaya didn't want to pick up and hear what it was that he had to say. He even avoided the chat rooms online.

Whatever the world had to say about Heiwajima Shizuo, Izaya wanted to hear none of it. He didn't want to know that it even existed.

Finally, he decided that it had been too long and he was tired of being such a coward. There were certain things he could be comfortable with being afraid of, but this was too much. So, on this particular evening, he got dressed and left his apartment. Unfortunately, Shizuo had his favored jacket, leaving Izaya to wear the one with the least amount of fur trim on it.

Oh the sacrifices Izaya had to make sometimes for his own kindness. How had the world survived without him?

He had no business in Ikebukuro tonight but maybe he could stop by Russia Sushi and pick up some ootoro. It had been a whole month since he had had it and as far as Izaya was concerned, that's a month too long. He took the train to Ikebukuro, the weather outside a bit colder than he felt like tolerating for the evening.

It seemed as though the rest of the city had the same idea. As he walked through the streets of Ikebukuro, it was considerably less crowded than usual. There was still quite the bustle of people, but it was nothing compared to well-tempered evenings.

He wasn't looking for Shizuo. He convinced himself of that much as he walked through the streets. He kept his eyes forward and didn't so much as glance at the people who walked around him. Not that he would need to in order to see a man like Shizuo.

Every face was a gray blurr, everybody, every soul…No one mattered. No one really mattered-

Wait. What was he saying? The infamous informant, Orihara Izaya, was declaring humanity as irrelevant? Was he claiming them to be trivial, insignificant, unimportant?

Man, he really did need to get his hands on some fresh ootoro. Maybe he had become a bit of a basket case from closing himself up so much in the past month. What had he been thinking?

He cut through the crowd quickly then and ran across the street, barely avoiding a collision with a foreign car. As he made it to the other side, he caught the deep grumble of Simon's voice over the low chatter of the crowd. Sure enough, a few yards ahead was the massive black Russian at his usual post outside of the sushi shop.

No blond in sight. Not that Izaya was looking, mind you.

"Yo, Simon!" Izaya called out, feigning excitement at seeing the man.

"Ah, Izaya! Long time, no see. Been busy?"

"You could say that. I think I'll have some ootoro.."

"Ootoro good. Sushi good. Shiz-."

"Right then, later, Simon!" Izaya quickly cut in, ducking into the shop before Simon could complete that sentence. He didn't want to know where he had been going with it.

Izaya left the store a few minutes later with a bag with a box sitting neatly at the bottom. He could smell it from above and that alone was enough to make his stomach growl. There was still no sign of the body guard, nor the man he worked for. Now that Izaya thought about it, there wasn't even any sign of those three Raira students.

Where was everyone? No. Izaya knew he was thinking too much. He had been thinking too much these past few months. He had to wonder when that had started anyway.

He made his way to a familiar park and took a seat on the edge of the fountain. Why not enjoy the evening? Sure it was a little cold out but it had been such a long time since he visited this part of Tokyo that he felt like he should owe up to it.

As he dug into the first juicy bite, something caught his eye.

Something he really did not want to see. He could leave. He should leave. Right then and there and pretend as though he had never seen anything at all. It would be so easy. All he had to do was stand up and walk away. Yet Izaya found himself glued to his spot on the fountain.

A few feet away on a bench was Heiwajima Shizuo. Very much alive Heiwajima Shizuo.

The blond was hunched over entirely, smoking a cigarette with his head bowed into one of his hands. He hadn't seen Izaya. Izaya was pretty sure that the blond wasn't even aware of his settings in general.

None of that was what had caught Izaya's eye though. No, it was what Shizuo was wearing.

Above his usual bartender uniform was Orihara Izaya's infamous jacket.

Where it had been loose on Izaya, it fit Shizuo like a glove. Something about that disturbed Izaya. What disturbed him more was the fact that Shizuo was alive and well. Or at least he looked well enough for someone who had been shot multiple rounds and bled out for a few hours.

Izaya couldn't control himself. He was standing in front of Shizuo before he could help it.

"People might get the wrong impression if you wander around in my jacket like this."

Shizuo lifted his head out of his hand and stared at Izaya through periwinkle lenses. New glasses. Not that Izaya was surprised. It seemed as though the man had an endless supply of those glasses as well as his bartender uniforms. What was with that anyway?

A glint flashed as Shizuo lifted his hand to remove the cigarette from his mouth. Izaya didn't need to look to know that it was his ring.

"People are really going to get the wrong impression."

Izaya was now leaning down so that they were eye-to-eye. There was a murderous look behind those glasses but something was different about it this time around.

Something that Izaya didn't really like.

Why wasn't Shizuo screaming after him? He should've had a few dozen street signs thrown at his head by now. Izaya didn't want to admit to it, but everything was different now. Their game, their relationship, hell- even this damn city felt different.

"You know," Shizuo said finally, blowing out smoke directly into Izaya's face, "You really are a parasite."

"Eh, what's this, Shizu-chan has something to say?"

"Shut it. You had your say and now I get mine. I might not be as poetic as you or anythin' like that. I don't care about philosophy but I got a few things I wanna say. You're like a parasite. You ought to be killed for the shit you've done to people- myself included. There's no real reason that I should love you. But that's the thing. You're parasitic and there's nothing I can do about it. You call me a dog, yeah well, you're the flea I have to live with. But I guess it's a scratch that I'd eventually miss—."

"You're really bad at analogies and metaphors, Shizu-chan. It's kind of embarrassing."


"I'm just saying. I can't believe you're not dead."

"Tch. Not like you tried that hard anyway."

"Yeah, you're right. I didn't." It wasn't like Izaya had shot a full round into his body or anything. After a moment, Izaya sat down on the bench next to Shizuo. The two enemies remained there in silence for an extended period of time. Eventually, Shizuo sat back and put one arm up along the back. It was an unspoken invitation.

Izaya peered at him out of the corner of his eyes before he made his own move. It was a steady, hesitant movement if anything. These were rapid waters and Izaya knew that they had to proceed with caution. When his body came into contact with Shizuo, that was when he came to the conclusion that everything really was different.

The debt collector's body was as tense as his own and as Izaya rested against his side, he wasn't sure if this was ever going to make sense. He wasn't sure if he would ever be comfortable with Shizuo like this. But it didn't really matter. He had grown used to the oddities of their relationship. This was just a new shade of color that they'd work with and Izaya was pretty okay with that. It added to their game of chase and that alone was exciting.

Could enemies resolve their world into that of lovers? It was questionable, but Izaya had always been a very adaptive creature by nature. He wanted to conform to his monster- and he wanted their world to be ripped apart from the inside out. Change was crucial to the evolutionary status of existence and Izaya was ready to conquer himself and this blond-haired beast.

"Don't think that this means I ain't gonna kill you someday still, flea."

"I would be disappointed if I left this world any other way."