LAME TITLE IS LAME. OLOL MPREG. I actually don't like it very much. I can't even picture the two with a child. But I thought I'd give it a whirl anyways. Though I'm sure mine will be...a lot less...serious in nature than your typical mpreg.

Keep in mind this is supposed to be a modern, post Season 2.

Warnings; Mpreg obviously, which automatically makes this an M-rated story. Yaoi, obviously implied sex, a transgender reaper, fluffy OOC Sebastians and Ciels, a distasteful abortion joke, obscene language, obscene amounts of dialogue, and the use of an OC. (Kind of)

Please excuse typos and format fuck-ups. I typed this on my iPhone in my hotel room in Chicago...

His Butler; Breeding

A shitty story by FreedomToRhyme

Demon's do not vomit. They do not get ill, they do not contract viruses. And yet, there Ciel was, leaning over a toilet bowl, retching the contents of his stomach into the white porcelain.

Sebastian stood behind the once-boy, rubbing his back aimlessly.

The younger demon coughed twice, reached up to flush, and leaned back against his eternal butler.

"...what just happened?"

The elder demon did not reply, and instead hoisted one drained Ciel into his arms.

He placed the eternal child on the bed. Gently, Sebastian pressed a hand and ear against his master's stomach.

"...what the hell-"


Ciel rolled his eyes.

"Are the sounds of my digestive system so intriguing?"

"No. But your reproductive system is,"

Before Ciel could respond to what sounded like a very bad pick up line, Sebastian stood up straight.

"...Ciel, do you remember the night where you took on a female form?"


"...I didn't use a condom,"

"Since when does that mat-" Ciel's eyes widened with realization. His mouth formed into a small circle, as if to say "oh,".

"...Shall I get a coat hanger?"

"Sebastian...I want something spicy,"

"Young master, you don't like spicy foods..."

"B-but that's what I want! Why are you yelling at me, Sebastian? Please don't yell at me!"

"I wasn't-"

"And besides, this is all YOUR fault! YOU put this THING in me! All because you couldn't BOTHER to put on a goddamn condom! I bet you don't even know how to use those, do you?"

Ciel sobbed uncharacteristically. Sebastian did not reply, but remained seated on the couch.

Ciel let out a hefty sigh and whimper, seating himself on the couch as well. Slowly, the younger demon sidled closer to his male partner.

"...I love you," the once-child muttered, snuggling into the elder demon's chest. Sebastian sighed, looping am arm around Ciel's back.

"I love you, too,"

"...Yes, yes of course. But, you see-" The voice on the opposite end of the receiver was deafening. Sebastian held the phone several inches from his ear. Once the bickering ceased, Sebastian replied,

"Of course not, what made you assume tha-" Bickering once more.

"...yes of course you can visit...What? No, now is not a g-" The line went dead, leaving Sebastian to pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation.


The younger demon in question padded into the kitchen. Sebastian glanced down at his mate's stomach, growing rounder with each coming day.

"What's the matter, Sebastian?"

"My mother's coming to visit,"

"Oh? When?"

A knock sounded at the door.

"My darling Ciel! It's been too long!" The once-child was scooped up into the bossom of a certain fearsome fallen angel.

"A-ah, Your Majesty, welcome,"

"Ciel, there is no need for formality! You are my son, after all! Tannie is fine!"

The thought of Satan having a nickname such as "Tannie" would be humorous. If either Sebastian or Ciel had the time to laugh.

Tannie's hands hovered hesitantly over Ciel's stomach.

"May I?" Ciel nodded simply. Tannie squealed briefly and flattened her palms against Ciel's rounded stomach.

"How precious! Are you going to raise it as a girl? Or a boy?"


"I think a girl would be fantastic! After all, I had two sons. And Sebastian here killed the other, though I do say Claude had it coming. A name, do you have a name picked out?"

Sebastian and Ciel opened their mouths to reply, but were given no chance.

"You know, I read this book the other day. They named their daughter by combining the names of their mothers! Isn't that just clever? I believe they named her...Renes-"

"No!" Ciel and Sebastian spat simultaneously. Tannie blinked.

"...What we mean to say, mother..." Sebastian said meekly. "I don't believe "Rachel" and...your name will mesh together well,"

Ciel ran the possible combinations of "Rachel" and "Satan" through his kind. Ratan...Satchel...

"Nonsense!" Tannie said, interrupting Ciel's thoughts. "Rachellatan is a gorgeous name!"

After finally convincing Sebastian's mother that "Rachellatan" was an even worse name than "Rennesme", the fallen angel took her leave.

"Don't be strangers, you two!" Annie has said. "Sebastian, you know very well you are my favorite son,"

"...I am your only son...Now, at least,"

"Exactly. Be good, I'll drop by again some time!"

And with that, the zealous demon left.

Sebastian let out a hefty sigh.

"Your mother is...something, isn't she?"

Ciel stated absentmindedly.

"My mother is the most feared demon in Hell. She's a monster. Do you know why there are no cats in Hell?"

"...pray tell,"

"When I was a child, I let our dog, Cerberus, out by accident. I was distracted by a cat that had wandered into our yard. As punishment, she banished cats from Hell," Sebastian made a face, a cross between a pout and a scowl.

Ciel snorted.

"I guess that explains why you dislike dogs as well," Sebastian nodded, pulling Ciel into his lap. He wrapped his arms around the petite demon, albeit larger than he once was. Snuggling into the once-child's shoulder, Sebastian said,

"I'm happy, you know. About this whole...child ordeal," He placed his hands on Ciel's stomach.

"Touchy-feely today, aren't we? This is unlike you,"

"'re ruining it, Young Master," Ciel chuckled.

"Sorry," He placed his hands on top of Sebastian's.

"I am, too,"


"Happy. I'm happy. The happiest I've been in a long time," Sebastian chuckled.

"That isn't saying much, Young Master. With all due respect, you were not the happiest twelve-year-old spoiled earl I had met,"

"Hush, you," Sebastian placed a kiss upon Ciel's temple.

"Yes, My Lord,"

"How about Elizabeth?" Ciel scoffed.

"After the one who was supposed to bear MY children? I think not. Victoria?"

"...After the queen who ordered the death of your parents?"

"...nngh, good point,"

The two soon-to-be parents flipped through baby-name books.

"Matilda. Hmm, that's a nice name," Sebastian said absentmindedly. Ciel threw the book at his mate's head.

"You dolt! Don't you remember who that is?" Sebastian gave the little demon a blank look.

"I remember everyone we encountered, and that certainly does not ring a bell,"

"That's the nun you fucked! Remember? I swear to god, your hormones were everywhere that day!" Ciel recalled the event. He wondered if, back then, he had felt any jealousy towards the nun. Begrudgingly, Ciel recalled it as a yes.

"...she had a name? I never asked her,"

Ciel remained silent, realizing that he really disliked that nun.

Sebastian placed the book on the coffee table.

"Oh dear, is my baby bird* jealous?" He cooed, leaning towards his young master.

"Perhaps a litt-" Baby bird?

"Robin," Ciel said. "Her name should be Robin,"

"...While that is a nice name, isn't that what Viscount Druitt nicknamed you?"

Ciel smirked

"Do I sense some jealousy, Sebastian?" Ciel countered with a smirk. "Did you want to be the first person to give me a pet name?"

"Robin Michaelis..." Sebastian pondered, ignoring Ciel's snarky remark.

"Hey, wait a moment. Why does she get your last name?" Sebastian chuckled, pulling his rounded baby bird close.

"Children always take the name of the father,"

"I'm a father, too!"

"Says the one carrying a child,"

"And who's fault is that?"

"Exactly why I'm the father," Ciel pouted half-heartedly.

"Fine then. But on one condition," Ciel turned to face his mate. "I also get the last name 'Michaelis'," Sebastian blinked.

"…I don't have a ring, you know,"


"You're getting rather close, brat. I'd say about a week, give or take,"

Ciel tugged his shirt down. He couldn't help but scowl at how obviously feminine the article of clothing was. Sebastian did his best to purchase plain clothing, but apparently, no one sold men's maternity wear. Let alone for the stature of a thirteen year old boy.

His nurse flipped her red hair over her shoulders.

"You're one lucky kid, you know that? I'd give up an arm, a leg, a kidney, hell, even these," Grell fondled her fake breasts. "To bear Sebastian's children. I swear, the demon even said he wasn't into men! Demons never lie, what bull-"

"Grell, I believe that's enough,"

Sebastian crossed the living room to Ciel.

"Hello," the younger demon said. Sebastian placed a kiss on his mate's lips.

"Greetings, young master," Grell made more than audible gagging noises, to which Ciel threw a half-hearted glare.

"And, to answer you, Grell. I never stated I did not like men. I said I dislike older men. I do not lie," Grell's face reddened with rage, turning to a shade that complimented her hair.

"I am NOT old! I daresay you are FAR older than me, Sebastian!"

Ciel coughed.

"Enough, both of you," He turned to Grell. "Within a week, you say this thing will finally be out of me?"

"Mhm, more or less. Hell, it could even be tomorrow." Ciel paled.

" does it come out? I mean...It's not like I"

"The same way it got in," Sebastian coughed.

"...what?" Ciel said, expression blank.

Grell sighed, pressing her palm to her forehead.

"The same way Sebastian got inside,"

Ciel's already light skin paled to a sickly shade of white. Grell smirked.

"If you think Sebastian hurts- I'm sure he is well endowed in that area, oh dear LOOK at me, I'm fantasizing!- imagine, oh, about ten of those coming out all at once,"

Ciel froze. Sebastian's eye twitched.

"...I think the young master would prefer a C-section,"

"Sebastian, you look more-ouch, fuck!- nervous than- For the love of Satan, ow!- I do. What's the matter?"

Sebastian looked down on his child-bearing mate with a look of anxiety, something that looked very unaccustomed to being displayed on the elder demon's face.

"It's just...well,"

"For the love of christ- fucking DAMMIT, this hurts!- Sebastian! What have you?"

Sebastian's eyes shifted from side to side uncharacteristically.

Ciel ripped his eyepatch off.

"I order you to tell me, you oaf!"

"I'm worried she won't like me, my lord!"

The smacking of skin against skin rang through-out the living room. (Ciel had chosen to deliver at home. There was no way in heaven they could explain what a thirteen year old BOY was doing with a child in his stomach)

"You. Are an idiot,"

"Oh dear, what DID I miss?" said the red-head nurse that had eagerly walked in. Upon hearing the tell-tale smacking noise from the kitchen, Grell had ran (as fast as she could in 4 inch heels) into the living room.

"This-ffffft, shit!- one is being an intolerable idiot who needs to SHUT the FUCK up!" Ciel's face contorted in pain.

"But young mast-"

"Sebastian, shut the FUCK UP!"

"...yes, My Lord..."

Grell rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Such a dirty mouth on such a little brat,"

"Try having-" A piercing shriek. "YOUR ass ripped in half!" Grell scowled.

"Alright, that's enough," The nurse held up Sebastian's meat cleaver.

"W-what are you doing with that?" The little demon managed between contractions.

"Getting this thing out, since you are obviously incapable of doing so yourself,"

"Wait! No!"

A/N TROLOL NO YOU DON'T GET TO SEE THE KID. I just couldn't get myself to do it. What I really wanted to do was depict Ciel being all mood swingy, and Sebastian being all cuddly. Oh yeah, and give Sebastian a mother. And make Grell a nurse. I tried to think of some stories of the Robin, Ciel, and Sebastian, but I COULDN'T. DO. IT. Sebastian showing affection for something other than a cat or Ciel just wasn't allowed to manifest in my head.

Sorry this story was lame.

*the nickname "baby bird" is not mine. I stole/borrowed it from Maiden of the Moon's Bicentennial series, which, along with Akiru-chan/Disgruntled Minion's Devil's Canvas, is my favorite Kuroshitsuji fanfic(s). I only wish I could write a fanfiction as good as those. Not shit like the shit above. FFNT.