To whom this may concern, if anybody at all:
I want to let you know a couple of things, so I wrote this letter.
I'm strong. Or so I thought I was. Not once in my entire life had I truly lost all faith in myself, all hope. Who would have thought that the boy that I had stricken down those many years ago could cause me to fall into such a state?
Not me. Well, not until recently.
Is it just the way life works? Like the life of a bee? One tiny creature may work so diligently for its special person. But then again, it's one in a million. And then when it feels threatened, the only thing for the small soul to do is sting the oncoming danger. But what good is that? What good is it to live a life where you know all your work will be left unnoticed and you're doomed to die using the only protection for yourself that you have?
I'm not the type of girl to let it get to me. I'm the "cheerful" and "bright" girl that everyone looks up to. So how can I wallow in despair over some boy? How?
Because that's not allowed.
So I'll continue to act like nothing's wrong. Like my heart doesn't turn a shade darker every time I see him come out of the many hotels with different women clinging onto him. Like I don't fall a little deeper when he protects me and holds me. Every time he would catch me when I was falling and lift me gently through the air back to safety. It hurt. There was so much pain.
I won't let it get to me because I'm the forever burning fire! Right?
I may be the heir to the Kannagi name, but that doesn't mean I'm invincible. I'm not superwoman. No matter how hard I try to forget the feelings that churn inside me, I can't. I may be above average in the prospect that I can summon fire spirits, but what good are they when I can't even summon up the strength to keep going? What good are they when I find it hard to get up in the morning, only to go and watch him be with other women?
What good are they when I have no motivation to keep living?
The answer? No good.
After all, a girl can only take so much.
I want to say that I'm not a strong as you think. Hell, I'm not as strong as I thought. And if I let you down. I'm sorry. Because I let myself down, too.
So, while you read this, I want you to think about your impression of me. Do you see me as someone who's strong? Courageous? Fierce? Tough?
If you do, than you don't know me at all.
If that's what you expected, sorry to disappoint.
One of you always protected me, and I'm grateful for that. Really and truly, from the bottom of my heart, thanks. But you won't be able to protect me this time.
So while you're probably enjoying your night with some beautiful girl, I want you to know that this is what I thought about every night. And I want you to know how much it hurt me.
How much it killed me.
Regretfully, I've fallen way to deep to ever come back up again. So let me take the initiative and take the last plunge myself.
I'm only a meager worker bee, anyway. My death won't mean anything. So I'll use the only protection I have to save my life. Even if it will kill me in the end. Just like all those stupid bees.
So, if this is the end, I'm going to say what I've always wanted to say, but didn't because I knew it would bother you.
I love you, Kazuma.
And I hate myself for it.
From the extinguished fire: Ayano.