Rating: PG-13, for language
Word count: 1.167
Warnings: It's fluff, it's slash. There might be some swearing, but it won't be worse than 'damn'.
Disclaimer: I do not own the BBT series, characters (geez, wish I did!), plotlines or scripts. I like to steal them, every now and then. The last line belongs to Taylor Swift's "Long Live".
Notes of mine: Pfew, it's been a while since I actually wrote something in proper English. I do not claim to be a good writer at all, but I'll try to get better. Thank you, CountryGrl for beta reading!
This fluffy oneshot takes place directly after the episode in which Leonard's mom visits Leonard (and Sheldon) ("The Maternal Capacitance"), in which she thinks Raj and Howard are in a 'ersatz homosexual relationship'. Little did they know, she played the right string. Little did they know how right she was.
In my story, Raj reacted more fiercely than in the actual episode, but I like to exaggerate things. Besides, this makes my plotline work out. (: Tell me what you think about it.
"Sit down, Raj," Howard commanded, as if it were his own apartment.
Raj obeyed like a poor little puppy with shiny eyes. The edges of his mouth were curled downwards extremely dramatically and he looked as if he were going to burst into tears any moment.
"Listen, Raj," Howard sighed, pacing back and forth along the small room. "We've talked about this before. It seems you just don't listen. I told you not to embarrass me in public when everybody's looking!" He didn't catch the redundancy. "You just keep acting gay. You say gay stuff, you make gay moves. Everybody thinks we're gay. And there isn't even a 'we' in you and I. 'You', 'I' and 'gay' just don't fit in one sentence."
"But you just…" Raj started to struggle.
"Alright!" cried Howard. "But you know what I mean. Don't you realize you make people think 'we' are 'gay' with every little thing you say? Every word is gay, every time you put your hand up, it's a gay hand. Raj, you are damn gay and I don't want you to take me into your damn stupid gayness!"
"But Howard…" tried Raj once again, but he seemed unstoppable. His words came and went like Flash: appearing and disappearing at the speed of light, leaving one flabbergasted. Howard's face had become pretty strawberry-red in the meantime. His Flash-words came out yelling, which wasn't a good thing at 00:30 AM. His endless stream of troubling words went on and on.
"You know what? The word 'gay' itself is gay. It is so gay and it disgusts me. Gays are greedy, disgusting animals. Please, Raj. Couldn't you even see? That woman just made one single random comment. Why did you have to react so badly? It made your gayness pretty damn obvious. It even made me seem gay."
Howard took a moment of silence, but before Raj realized this, the one-second breathing break was over already.
"I say the word 'gay' a lot, don't I? It starts to sound weird. It start to sound gayer than gay. But you know, Raj, I'm not gay. I am not gay. I have no sexuality issues. I am destined to live my life with a woman, or women. I am completely certain. I have absolutely no doubts. And I am definitely not gay!"
Howard screamed the last few words at the top of his longs.
"And you know what the worst part is?" Howard continued his monologue in a lower voice register. "You. You sit there and listen and… I feel so gay right now and that's all your fault."
Raj couldn't handle any more. He stood up in the middle of Howard's "if it wasn't for you…" and interrupted his endless insults with a kiss.
A flawless kiss.
Raj didn't need much more. He drew back and fell back on the couch, while Howard stood there in total disbelief.
He had just been kissed. It was a gay kiss. A gay kiss. And it tasted like heaven. Howard had kissed girls before, who just didn't seem to have the 'flow' and he had 'patiently' waited for the right girl to come into his life and prove with a kiss she was the right one.
But there he was, standing in front of the man that gave him the feeling that he had only been able to hope for, that he had expected to get from the most beautiful girls on high heels. Raj definitely wasn't wearing high heels, nor was he a girl. But as if the kiss had opened his eyes, he saw the beauty.
The dark glittering eyes, the chocolate brown skin. His flower-like smell and his ever-so-clever brain. His full lips and his Indian passion. It was as if he looked at Raj for the first time in his life.
Now he looked at a crying Raj on the couch. A broken man, insulted and offended. He did not look at Howard, but at the ground, as if it would get up and comfort him. It didn't. Howard did instead. He sat next to the sobbing boy and put an arm around him, conscious of everything.
"There, there," he said, lacking any comfy words at the moment. It did not help.
"Raj, I'm sorry," Howard said eventually. His voice was low and soft. The words came out almost whispered, as if no one was supposed to hear it. No one was, in fact, except for Raj.
Raj looked up at Howard. The tears were dripping from his cheeks and Howard realized that Raj was gay. Really gay. When he dried the tears with his thumbs and looked into Raj' eyes, that were shining even more than before because of the diamond-shaped teardrops, he knew – heart beating at Flash-speed – that he was gay, too.
Raj' eyes were confused and asking thousands of silent questions. Howard's eyes were full of doubt. Oh, how he hated Leonard's mother, but what if she was right? What if they were unconsciously a gay couple in denial? It seemed to be logical. Howard's desperate tries to hit on girls and Raj, hopeless, never hitting on girls; they both had a fear of girls, secretly, and were both trying to make up for that in an ersatz homosexual relationship. A body that was well-known for them, because they had to live with it every day and drag it along, wherever they went. Merely logical, but unconscious, if even existent. The only way to find out whether they were unconsciously in a relationship or not, was right in front of him.
The puppy face showed strange hope now, and the other's face was more certain. He did not know what result he should hope for, so he tried to let the possible outcome go. There were only two faces, moving nearer and nearer. The touch of lips was soft. Slightly wet, but just right.
Raj was a bit surprised. Neither wanted to push anything, so mouths kept close. Their lips fit perfectly, like they were made to go in one.
Now Howard was feeling the consciousness. He drew back a little to see if Raj was feeling it too, but Raj didn't let him. He put his arm on Howard's shoulder and they got all tangled up in each other.
After a while they let go, but their eyes remained closed, as if the big cruel world outside their darkness would hurt them if they opened up. Eventually they looked at each other.
"Howard, I'm gay," said Raj, not laughing, smiling or taking his eyes off of Howard.
"Me too, Raj," replied Howard, his face mirroring Raj'. It was enough said.
For the first time in his life, Howard realized he could be attracted to men. He thought butterflies were a man-man thing, too. Most of all, he realized consciously he was in a homosexual relationship with Rajesh Koothrappali and out of denial to himself.
It was the end of decade, but the start of an age.
© Crazy Chicken.