The following is supposed to be what might happen if the characters of "The Great Mouse Detective" were to act out a parody of "Peter Pan" (the Disney version, could Disney characters do any other kind?). Whether or not I will actually try writing out that parody or not is up to the reader's reviews; for now, it's just focusing on the characters receiving their parts. Here is the first chapter.
(Disney studios. The characters of "The Great Mouse Detective" are to participate in a parody of "Peter Pan", and a debate is going on about who will get what role.)
Director/producer: I've decided that Basil of Baker Street will be given the main role of the film. (Basil smiles snobbishly at the others.)
Ratigan: (Looks angry) What! Basil? (Trying to seem calmer) But my dear, Peter Pan is a mere boy, and Basil is an adult. How will you pass that one off?
Director/producer: Remember, this is supposed to be a parody. The joke is that Peter Pan is a boy who refuses to grow up. Basil's parody of him will be a man who does not realize he's grown up, and still sees himself as a boy. Basil, will you give us your boyish face? (Basil manages to capture the childish insecurity of a young boy perfectly. Everyone except Ratigan looks deeply impressed.)
Ratigan: Yes yes, that is all very well, but you'll admit the expression does not match the character's personality very well?
Director/producer: True, but we're working on that. Remember, this is supposed to be a parody. (Pause) Ratigan, I can tell you're upset about Basil being the lead protagonist for more than just that. (Incredulously) Did you want the part?
Ratigan: (Laughs) Oh please! Such a silly remark does not become you at all. Very well, I shall enlighten the rest of you. Basil and I are mortal enemies, as you all know. I therefore fear that it would seem too obvious and cliché for him to be the Pan to my Hook.
Director/producer: Whoa, steady on there! What gave you the idea you're playing the parody to Captain Hook?
Ratigan: (Looks baffled, then smiles assuringly) Oh come now, don't tell me you had anyone else in mind? Who could pull such an evil, dastardly, cunning, suave and uh, handsome lead villain off better than moi?
Fidget: (Raises his hand) I can, boss!
Ratigan: (Mortified) WHAT!
Director/producer: You see, Ratigan, though it was a tough decision, as we all agreed your suaveness and general nefariousness matches the real Captain Hook extremely well, it was felt that Fidget had more, uh, reason to be cast as the captain.
Ratigan: (Skeptical) Oh, indeed? And would you care to explain how you arrived at that conclusion? (Muttering) Idiots.
Director/producer: Well, (walks over to Fidget and motions towards him while speaking) you see, Ratigan, we initially had it planned that you would indeed be cast as the captain, and that Fidget could play Smee. But he wouldn't hear of it; in his words, 'you'd never get him to play an old fatty like Smee', whether their personalities met up in any way or not. (Fidget visibly shudders at the thought of being cast in that role) Besides, we discovered that Dawson here (motions towards him) pulls off the costume rather well, so he received the part. (Dawson blushes.) Next, we considered the Indian Chief, on the basis that the original Chief and Fidget had the same voice actor, Candy Candido. But again, Fidget didn't want to play anyone fat, so we ruled that one out. Then we considered him as Mr. Starkey, because in the original film, when he annoys Captain Hook with the comment, "No splash," Hook throws him overboard, yelling, "I'll give you a splash!" Sound familiar?
Ratigan: Yes, it does ring a bell. (Glares at Fidget, who gulps.)
Director/producer: Anyway, Fidget pleaded with us to give him a more meaningful part than that, so we thought things over. You see, Captain Hook's identifying trait is that his left hand is missing. Now, none of you is missing a hand, so we had to go for the next best thing.
Ratigan: Oh? And is it so hard to hide one's hand with a hook overtop?
Director/producer: Perhaps not, but remember that we are parodying the film, so the two concepts are only supposed to loosely tie in with each other, and the result is supposed to be funny. As I was saying, we decided therefore to go for the next best thing. And young Fidget here is missing one of his legs, from the knee down, ergo! (Fidget shrugs at Ratigan and smiles) So, our idea was this: In this parody, the captain's named "Captain Peg", (laughter follows) and Peter Basil as our Pan parody is called, (more laughter) chopped the lower half of his right leg off in a fight, then tossed it to the crocodile. Plus, he also crippled his wing, giving him another reason to hate him; Peter Basil can fly due to magic, and Captain Peg has been denied of his natural ability to do so!
Fidget: Heheheheh! (Looks up at the sky, as though Peter Pan is flying around up there) Hey! That should be me up there! (The others laugh.)
Ratigan: Hmmph. You do realize that when it comes to being suave, eloquent, handsome and menacingly evil, Fidget is anything but.
Director/producer: Yes, there is that setback. (Fidget's face falls, and the director pats him on the head) But, he does the more comical parts of the character's role beautifully. Fidget, will you give us an example?
Fidget: Yes boss! (Ratigan glares at him) Uh, well, here goes! (in character) Did Peter Basil show good form when he did this to me? (Motions down the length of his leg) Aye! But throwing it to the crocodile! That cursed beast liked the taste of me so well she's followed me ever since, licking her chops for the rest of me. (Fidget curls up and wraps his wings around himself, hiding his face. He then gets up and takes a bow when finished. Everyone except a still unimpressed Ratigan claps.)
Dawson: Jolly good! Jolly good!
Basil: Splendid job, ol' chap!
Olivia: Oh, that was wonderful!
Director/producer: It's settled. Fidget will play Captain Peg, as a parody of Captain Hook.
Ratigan: (Seethes for a moment, then looks puzzled) Fidget, you referred to the crocodile as a "she", when it is common knowledge that the beast is male!
Director/producer: Yes, about that. We've decided to give Felicia the part of the crocodile ol' Peg is so afraid of.
Fidget: Gah! (Cowers in fright, upon her looking at him) SMEEEEEE! (Jumps into Dawson's arms and swaddles up in his wings, shivering.)
Director/producer: Look at that, Ratigan! See how well he does it? (Ratigan's lips remain pursed in a frown.) Ah, you're wondering how we'll make Felicia look like a crocodile! It's easy. We'll start by painting her green.
Felicia: MEEEOOWWWW! (Scampers away with surprising haste.)
Ratigan: (Menacing) What! Never! No one is going to tarnish my precious baby Felicia with any green paint!
Director/producer: Would someone get ahold of that cat? Now, Ratigan, we're not really going to paint her, we're only going to dye her fur the colour green; no sloppy paint jobs or anything. It will be quite harmless, I assure you, and it'd beat her having to wear a hot, sweaty skinsuit, after all.
Ratigan: (Grumbling; eyes red) My attorney shall hear about this! (Goes over to a desk and begins penning a letter. After a few moments, he gets a sensation, and looks to his right at the surprised glances he's receiving) Oh blast it all! Of course every criminal mastermind has his own lawyer!
Director/producer: And while Ratigan attends to that, we shall attend to this. Felicia! (Felicia is dragged back against her will) If you will bear with us on this one, I'll…say, what would you say to a nice, big, fat, juicy salmon every day?
Felicia: Meow? (Holds up her paw, indicating 4.)
Director/producer: You want four every day? (Felicia holds up her other paw, emphasizing another 4) You want four salmon, four times a day?
Felicia: Meow! (Nods)
Director/producer: (Muttering) Not low-maintenance, is she? (Out loud) Alright, that'll be done. (Shakes Felicia's paw in an agreement) And let working for peanuts and working for salmon never be compared! And now, we shall need something to parody the clock which is inside the crocodile, and this is where your bell comes in handy! (Goes over to Ratigan and takes the bell from his breast pocket, while he looks on, astonished.)
Ratigan: (Enraged) What! How dare you?
Director/producer: Don't worry, Professor, we aren't going to actually make Felicia eat it; it will be part of the sound effects. Every time she's about to make her entrance, we just ring it, like this: (begins ringing it to the tune "Never Smile at a Crocodile") And it goes "Ding-aling ding ding, ding-aling ding ding, ding-aling, ding-aling-aling-aling, ding, ding, ding-aling, ding, ding, ding-aling, ding-aling-aling-aling… and so forth. (All the while Fidget's been reacting to the sound the way Captain Hook reacts to the sound of the clock, while Dawson's ear swells in and out like Smee's, as he takes it in) And now, with that being done, let's move on. The role of Wendy Darling -
Olivia: Oh please! (Comes running over to the director and grabs them eagerly, smiling) Can I be Wendy? Please?
Director/producer: (Ruffles her fur) Of course, Olivia! I wouldn't have it any other way.
Olivia: Oh, thank you! (Hugs the director tight, then pulls away) And can Daddy play Mr. Darling?
Hiram: Ach, well Olivia, I don't know if I'm much up to that part. You see, he is such an overbearing father, and I -
Director/producer: Are not, yes. Well, let us see. How will we solve this dilemma? (A moment.) I know! (sweetly) Oh, Ratigan?
Ratigan: (Massaging his temple) What is it now?
Director/producer: Since you won't be playing the lead villain, how would you like to parody George Darling?
Ratigan: You mean the father of those little brats? My dear, I am far too above that! (Draws himself up and inflates his chest.)
Director/producer: But look at it this way: In the original film, Captain Hook and George Darling had the same voice actor, right? Well, in that case, this role would be close to parodying Captain Hook! How about that? (Ratigan snorts) Plus, he has his own harsh moments. There's even some mild animal cruelty mixed in.
Ratigan: (Thinks it over, then sighs) Very well, I suppose it could have been worse. (Muttering) They might have tried to get me to play the dog! Oooh, how I despise not being in control of anything here!
Director/producer: Not to worry about that. Obviously the best choice we have for Nana's portrayer is Toby!
Olivia: But Toby is a boy dog!
Basil: A mere technicality. I assisted the director on this one. I have plenty of disguise materials at home, and we were able to select more than enough to make Toby here look sufficiently female!
Director/producer: But we'll leave that part as a surprise for later.
Fidget: Wait, wait! The cat's playing the crocodile, and the character's gender's been changed for her. Why does the dog have to be in drag?
Director: Simple! (At the same moment, Basil says, "Elementary!")
Basil: (They both look at each other) No, no, you explain.
Director: (A little weary) Thank you, Basil. Well Fidget, we just figured it'd be funnier that way. (Exasperated) Can't anyone other that me grasp the fact that this is a parody? Nevermind, we'll work the rest of this out tomorrow. Let's call it a night! Everybody out!
Author's notes: Well, now the problem of casting is half solved! I'm still working out which GMD characters would best fit into the other roles, bearing in mind, as that director/producer keeps pointing out, that it's a parody! I've got some ideas worked out, but I'm open to suggestions as well. How does the idea of Miss Kitty as the parody of Tinkerbell sound, for instance?
I haven't watched Disney's adaptation of Peter Pan in years now; I'll have to look into it a great deal for this idea. Anyway, RandR, and that's about it!