A/N: You have a right to shoot me for this super-late update. I'm sorry. The Muses abandoned me for some time, and the story is coming more slowly than I would have liked. :/ There is a plot, but we won't get to it til ... Well, to not spoil anything, I'll just say later.
"'Dirty little secret?'" Deidara asked.
Sasori's smirk broke into something of a grin. "She's my boss's girlfriend."
Deidara gaped stupidly. "Excuse me?"
"I'm doing my boss's girlfriend," Sasori stated bluntly. "Hence the hair – "
"Holy shit man!" Deidara laughed. He reached out to pat Sasori on the shoulder, but the redhead pulled back like the snob he truly was. Still, Deidara could not believe this juicy tidbit. "Oh God, un. Sasori? You? Sasori, my man, that's just … " Deidara shook his head. "And here I thought you had a stick up your ass, un."
Sasori hnned. "Don't ever call me 'your man' ever again. Oh, and you'll meet my boss later tonight when you come to work with me." He sat himself on one end of his brown plush sofa; Deidara plopped down right next to him, disregarding the concept of "personal space." Sasori raised a slim eyebrow at this but ignored it and proceeded to file his manicured nails.
"I forgot I was supposed to work with you," Deidara said. "What do you do anyway, my man?"
Sasori was preoccupying himself with filing his nails and thus (pretended he) didn't hear the blond's question.
"Hey! You, ginger, hm! What do you do?"
"You'll see," he replied vaguely, not taking his eyes off his nails.
Deidara rolled his eyes. He stretched out and rested his feet on the wooden coffee table that was littered with magazines of all sorts, kicking several off.
With his hands in his lap and his feet stretched out, Deidara let his head loll to the side so he could look at Sasori. Sasori twitched because he could feel Deidara's breathing. "So, where am I supposed to sleep?" Deidara realized Sasori had neglected to tell him any such important details.
"Haruna is making the finishing touches to your room. It will be on the third floor, and you will have a television. It will be far superior to your previous … arrangement."
Deidara stared ahead. Two armchairs and one small table with a large lamp were placed directly in front of a wide window with cream drapes drawn. On the mantel were several trophies and what appeared to be old holiday cards; a painting of a harbour was hung above it.
The wide screen plasma TV to their left suddenly turned on.
"Hey, haven't watched TV in a while," Deidara grinned.
Sasori tuned in to Spongebob Squarepants.
"Psst! Hey, Patrick?"
"Wanna know what's funnier than 24?"
"You watch this crap?" Deidara questioned.
"No," Sasori sighed. He was now flipping through the pages of People magazine. "But I need something that will keep your little mind entertained while we wait til your room is finished."
"You think you're more sophisticated than me, hm?"
Sasori looked over at Deidara. "Yes."
No matter how many murderous thoughts had flooded the blond's mind at that moment, he ended up distracted by the antics in Spongebob for two whole episodes before he remembered there was someone next to him.
"I told you," Sasori muttered under his breath.
"Huh? Oh, hey."
Sasori checked his wrist watch. 4:30. Two more hours before he had to leave for work.
"Excuse me, Deidara?" Haruna's voice called out.
"You're room is ready!"
Deidara and Sasori exchanged a glance before jumping up and having a sort of race up the spiral stairs.
"Brat, why are you running? You don't even know where it is!"
Deidara beat Sasori up the stairs, although it was because the redhead stopped running in favour of taking his time. Haruna stood outside Deidara's room with a weary smile on her face. "Right in here, Deidara, sir." She stepped aside and motioned him inside.
Deidara casually stepped into the room to take in the details. He nodded in approval when he saw that he had his own kitchenette equipped with a microwave and refrigerator. A glass sliding door separated the room from a spacious deck that looked out over grassy hills and what appeared to be a stable some distance away. Deidara did not care much for horses but the thought of being able to see them roaming freely from his window pleased him. He also had a neatly made king-sized bed with red sheets – red was his favourite colour. A flat screen TV hung on the wall opposite the bed. An antique wardrobe was put in the corner.
Deidara leaped onto his bed and rolled around on the sheets. This was exactly what he'd been wishing for for so long. A bed. A home.
Sasori and Haruna leaned in the doorway and watched the idiot roll around.
Deidara looked around the room one more time. He almost had a heart attack when he noticed the thing in the corner.
"Holy shit!" he exclaimed. "What the fuck is that?"
Haruna gave Sasori a confused look. Sasori gave Deidara a death glare. "It's a puppet, you moron."
Puppet or not, it was the creepiest thing Deidara had ever seen in a long time. The thing was human-sized and had long, tangled-looking dark brown hair, wide eyes with no irises, four arms and one leg, a toothless grin … The worst thing about it was that it faced Deidara's bed. Deidara shuddered.
"It's disgusting, un," he said finally.
Sasori stiffened and his face darkened. "Are you insulting my art?" he growled dangerously. Haruna was smart enough to find an excuse to hurry down the stairs and away from Sasori before things got out of hand.
Deidara looked at him weirdly. He calls that thing art? Deidara thought in confusion. He thought paintings were Sasori's art, not freaky-ass puppet things that belonged in horror movies.
"You think that's art?" Deidara asked. He got up and hastily pushed the puppet under his bed, holding it only by the hair and refusing to look down at it like it.
"Don't you dare do that!" Sasori snapped. He ran over and retrieved his precious art. He held it like it was his child or something. "You better not insult any of my puppets unless you want a foot up your ass."
Deidara raised an eyebrow. "Oho, first you think you're more sophisticated than me, hm, then you dare compare true art to a piece of shit like that, and now you think you can kick my–"
Even Deidara found what happened next to be surprising. Sasori made a sudden move to punch the blond with his free arm, which moved too fast to be caught by most people, yet somehow Deidara caught it anyway without thinking, as though his body had subconsciously prepared for that in advance.
Sasori blinked, slightly surprised as no one before had managed to block any of his hits. He jerked his arm back and readjusted the puppet in his arms. "Meet me in my bedroom on the fourth floor when you're ready," he said. He backed up and walked out, leaving Deidara alone to mull over how wrong that sentence sounded.
"Wait! I don't know where your room is, hm!" Deidara yelled. When no response came, he rolled his eyes and walked over to his fridge.
He was surprised to find it stocked with most of his favourite treats – basic water bottles, bottled fruit smoothies, Kit Kats, Snickers, plums, string cheese. Everything except beer, but of course Deidara wasn't the legal age to drink that anyway. He grabbed a smoothie and turned on the TV to Spongebob Squarepants – not that he liked it, it just put his mind at ease.
Deidara woke up. The sky was dark blue and the only light came from the television. He remembered Sasori telling him to see him when he was ready, and after taking a nap, Deidara felt ready for anything – even Sasori. He glanced at the clock beside him. 5:40.
"Ugh." He dragged his hand through his hair and tightened his ponytail before leaving his beloved room and trudging up the stairs.
The fourth floor did not look significantly different from the third floor except for the different paintings. Deidara walked up and down the corridor, opening doors to see which one led to Sasori's room. Common sense told him that Sasori's room would be the master bedroom, yet when Deidara looked in there, he only came face to face with even more creepy puppets. He abruptly shut the door.
"Sasori?" He tried opening one of the doors but it was locked. He banged on it. "Hey, you in there?"
"Wait," came Sasori's slightly muffled voice.
A split second later the door flung open, revealing a bare-chested Sasori with black dress pants and a dress shirt in his arm. His hair looked dark and damp like he had just taken a shower. "Hurry," he said, pulling the blond in and pushing him onto the bed.
"Whoah, whoah, man, slow down!" Deidara said, his face warm. "I'm not like that, un!"
Sasori wanted to tell Deidara how stupid he was, but he decided against it and only stood in front of the full-body mirror with his back to Deidara,.
"Konan will measure you in just a little bit," he said, putting the shirt on. "I – we need to leave for work in half an hour."
Just as he said that, Konan, with her blue hair now in a neat bun, stepped into the room with measuring tape. This time she was wearing a sparkly black cocktail dress and high heels as well as ultramarine eyeshadow, making her all the more stunning. Sasori gave her a disinterested glance as he adjusted his tuxedo. He grabbed a black tie that was on the dresser.
"Deidara, I apologize for what happened earlier today," Konan said softly.
"Uh, sure," Deidara said as Konan made him hold his arms out so she could measure them. She smelt of vanilla, to his pleasure.
Konan wrapped the tape around his chest and asked him to stand so she could measure his height.
"What size is he?" Sasori asked. In his tuxedo, Deidara had to admit Sasori truly was a good-looking guy.
Konan didn't answer him. She only looked inside the wardrobe and pulled out a suit. She held it up to Deidara and nodded.
"Put this on," she said, pushing him towards the bathroom that was connected to the room.
Deidara kept his back to the toilet the entire time. Sasori needs to get over his puppet fetish, he thought.
He stepped out into the hallway, tux on and feeling hot – both figuratively and literally. He tugged at the collar uncomfortably. He went straight down the stairs, this time slowly to avoid overheating.
Sasori and Konan were in the living room, the former sitting in the armchair closest to the stairs, the latter on the sofa. Konan smiled when she saw the blond.
Sasori, however, frowned. "How could we forget to brush your hair?" he grumbled. He grabbed a hairbrush that just happened to be on the table next to him and walked over to Deidara.
"What's wrong with my hair?" Deidara demanded.
Sasori stood behind him, pulled the hair tie out, and brushed out his long golden hair. After each brush stroke he would run his fingers through the hair just to make sure there were no tangles. Deidara thought it felt weird – Sasori was a dude after all - but he said nothing against it.
"Deidara, you have such beautiful hair," Konan commented. "I am jealous."
The blond grinned.
Sasori brushed Deidara's hair back into a high half pony. He then quickly brushed out his bang.
"There, done." He sounded like that was the most tedious task he had ever done.
"Not bad, Sasori, my man," Deidara said, feeling just how soft his hair felt.
The two locked eyes. Sasori suddenly reached into his pocket, pulled out a little bottle that looked like a bottle of cologne, and told Deidara to open wide.
"Just do it. And don't swallow."
Why is it that everything you say sounds wrong? A cool mist tasting strongly of orange filled Deidara's mouth. He scrunched his nose in distaste.
"You couldn't just give me a mint?"
"Masters Sasori and Deidara, Miss Konan!" William entered through the front door. "Are you all ready to go to work?"
"Yes," Sasori and Konan answered simultaneously. Deidara stayed quiet because he was still confused about this whole "work" thing.
"Come on," Sasori said. He walked out with William and looked back to make sure Deidara was following.
William opened the door and the two entered the BMW, except this time Sasori sat himself in the back with Deidara.
"It is polite to let the lady have shotgun," he explained.
"Where is the lady?" Deidara asked. Konan had not followed them outside.
"She might be in the restroom. No worries, Master Deidara, we always arrive a few minutes early," William assured him. He started the car. "Would you two mind waiting in here? I think I need to use the restroom as well."
"Go," Sasori said. His hand propped his chin up and he gazed out the window.
"You're so monotonous, un," Deidara remarked.
Sasori glared at him. "You're so immature. And put your seat belt on."
"At least I'm not a creep! And no!"
"What did you say?"
A thought suddenly crossed his mind. He knew it was a rude and awkward question to ask, but he might as well ask it since the two were alone. "Sasori?"
"You do only like girls, right?"
Sasori raised an eyebrow but looked away. "I'm not picky," he said after a moment of silence.
Deidara felt uncomfortable. "So … you're … "
"I'm not picky," Sasori repeated in a slightly harsher tone.
"Do – do you like Konan?"
"I lose interest after one night."
Deidara's eyebrows almost ripped themselves from his forehead. "That's a little … misogynistic, my man."
Sasori rolled his eyes. "I'm not a misogynist, I just do. And I told you not to call me that."
"Oh, okay." Deidara regretted ever getting into this conversation. He felt relieved when Konan entered the car.
"Hello," she greeted the two. "I'm sorry for keeping you waiting." She was looking at Sasori as she said this.
Sasori lifted his fingers in a dismissive wave of sorts. Deidara gave her a nod. He was annoyed at how badly Sasori treated Konan and made a mental note to tell him off for it later.
A minute later William jogged to the car.
"Everybody ready?" he asked.
"Yeah," Deidara answered. Konan glanced back at him and his eyes immediately averted his eyes, face warm for some reason. His blue eyes fell upon Sasori, who didn't seem to notice.
Maybe I'm getting too comfortable with them? Deidara thought as the BMW pulled through the gates and away from the neighbourhood.
A tiny voice in the back of his mind told him kept repeating the word "family" to him.
Konan is the mother, William is the father, and Haruna is the sister. That thought sped through his mind too fast for him to push it back. It repeated itself a couple times despite his attempts to restrain it.
And Sasori is my l – best fr – brother.
"Brother only," Deidara mumbled under his breath.
More A/N: What is Sasori's job anyway? Does Deidara have feelings for Konan, Haruna, or … ? Will this fic turn into a SasoDei one? What was the first thing Deidara was about to call Sasori? Why am I asking these questions? Find out next time in the Marvelous Misadventures of – Whoops, wrong title. I meant Groceries!