Welcome to Chapter 2. What the hell you ask? There's even Room for Chapter 2? Why yes there is! So here's the deal...I'm doing an experiment by NOT proofreading any of this, therefore it will be completely cracktastic and most likely not even be consistent or make sense! Hope you like it!
The second half to the experiment is that this chapter is written sober. SO I thought I'd alternate..drunk,sober,drunk,sober..Why the hell not! Anyway..Enjoy. Don't be ashamed to leave me a review, even if it is to say, What the HELL are you ON!

Read On!


"Hey baby, some of the wolf boys are coming over and we're going to have a cookout. I'm going to pop down to the Piggly Wiggly and grab some things. Is there anything you want?"

Oh Jacob, he was so thoughtful, asking if I wanted something. Well, because I'm so gifted, all I had to do was lean over and touch him and he could see everything I wanted.

*flash image – chocolate, chocolate, more chocolate and some chocolate*

"Right, so I'll just grab you some chocolate then. Be back soon love."

Jacob tied his shorts around his ankles and I got a nice look at his cute tight tush before he phased into his wolf self. I had to admit, there were some nights that I just loved a good snuggle and I made him change into the fur ball and cuddle by the fireplace, a girl has needs and sometimes all they involved was a good bear skin rug (thanks Uncle Emmett) and a husband who turns into a wolf to lie on.

I was sitting in the garden reading a book when I spotted Jacob walking up the driveway with his Piggly Wiggly bags. Placing my book, "How to raise Vampire & Wolf babies successfully– a fiction tail" on the table I went to greet him, by whooshing down the long windy road using my super fast hybrid skills.

In the kitchen I emptied the bags onto the counter. "Oh Jake, you got the good stuff, great job!" Placing the Bright Leaf hotdogs, Carolina Treat BBQ sauce and Duke's mayo in the fridge, I grabbed the tongs and ran after him trying to catch him with them.

"Nessie what the hell is wrong with you?" Jake said running away. It was always fun playing cat and mouse with Jake. Hah, get it, cat and mouse. Yeah, I know. It even makes me shake my head.

Just as I was round the living room I ran smack bang into my Sam, the leader of the pack vroom vroom vroom. Whoopsie.

"Wow there, Renesmee. What's hurry?" Sam asked me.

"I was just trying to get it on with mah man before the gang came over" I huffed, mad I'd been interrupted.

"Ness, we're not a gang, we're a PACK. How many times do we have to tell you?" Jake corrected me.

"Yeah yeah whatevs. Anyway, while you guys get your BBQ on I'm just gonna pop up and visit with Aunty Alice. I need me a waxin. You now with my awesome hybrid body I seem to continually grow hair..down there" I said pointing to 'you know where.'

"Whoa there lil lady, that's a little T-M-I for my liking. We already get all sorts of crazy shit from Jakes head when he's in wolf form. Do NOT need to hear it out of the mouth of the babe." Sam said to me blushing.

"Oh Sam, ya big prude. I'll have to have words with Emily! I'll be back before you finish cooking dinner."

"Kiss Kiss Hug Hug" I said as I zoomed off to my grandparents awesome mansion on the hill.


bahahahahhaaaaa - and this one is all me... *shifty eyes*