When the Camera isn't Filming...

Beep Beep the Roadrunner and Wile E Coyote are not my creations nor do I claim any rights over them (at all), and are being used in acknowledgment of that.


Riding on the enormous ACME rocket, the coyote gives chase to the Roadrunner. The rocket is slowly gaining on the roadrunner until the roadrunner suddenly moves to the side of the road and stops. He watches as the coyote sails over the edge of a cliff, pancakes on the other side, and falls several hundred feet to the bottom of the canyon stuck to the remains of the rocket. The rocket, which is really a giant fireworks rocket, explodes in a flurry of colored sparks. Back above, the cliff where the coyote hit shatters into huge boulders which careen down. The burnt and crispy coyote holds up a small umbrella and a sign that reads "Mommy!" just before getting hit by the tons and tons of rock. The rocks are followed by an ocean liner, an intercontinental ballistic missile, and caricatures of the entire cast of Gone with the Wind. The roadrunner zips up to the scene of carnage, turns to the screen, and says "Beep beep!"

An off-screen voice says "CUT! THAT'S A WRAP, FOLKS! LET'S CALL IT A DAY!"

Wile E crawls out from under the pile of debris as as Warner Brothers crew move in to clean up. He stands up, brushes himself off, and looks as good as new in a matter of seconds.

Another off-screen voice says, "It's Friday, boys! Come and get your paychecks!"

The coyote and the roadrunner walk off the road past several cameras mounted on dollies, and the associated crew attending them. They continue walking until they get to a group of trailers parked off the side of the road, and then up to one marked 'Payroll' on the door.

The coyote knocks on the door and waits. He begins tapping his foot, then finally turns around and holds up a sign reading, 'So, buddy, how's Matilda and the boys?'

The roadrunner holds up a sign reading, 'Excellent. The boys are growing like weeds.'

He holds up another sign that reads, 'When the boys leave the nest, me and the misses are taking a nice long vacation to the Bahamas.'

Coyote holds up a sign that reads, 'I envy you.'

'You do?'

'Sure. You have a family that loves you.'

'I'm sure you'll find someone to love someday.'


'Great pratfalls today'


'You're the best stuntman in toon history'

'Oh g'wan, I'm blushing over here'

'This show would be nothing without you'

'Don't sell yourself short, Beep Beep', and another sign 'You are my co-star after all'


The trailer door finally opens, and a hand sticks out holding a pair of checks.

The Coyote takes the checks, and then sticks one under Beep Beep's wing. He sighs and turns to walk away.

'Whassa matter, buddy?' signs the roadrunner.

'Huh?' Another sign, 'It's nothing'

'You can tell me'

'I'm going to my trailer for a frozen dinner'

'Have a dinner with my family' Another sign, 'We're having Kansas Fake Chicken' Another sign, 'with all the side dishes'

A subtitles message appears at the bottom of the screen, pausing the action for a few seconds. It reads 'ROADRUNNERS ARE OMNIVORES WHO MAINLY LIVE ON A DIET OF INSECTS, LIZARDS, REALLY SMALL RODENTS, AND OF COURSE – KANSAS FAKE CHICKEN! Mr. Science'

'It won't be a bother?' signs coyote.

'Not a bit' Another sign, 'My sons adore your stunt work'

'Should I bring anything?'

'Bring soda if you want' Another sign, 'All we have is caffeine-free soda' Another sign, 'Matilda says I'm too hyper with regular soda'

'Caffeine-free? YUCK!' Another sign, 'If regular soda is a problem' Another sign, 'I'll just bring a gallon of sun tea'

'That's cool'

'What time?'

'5 pm?'

'Great, see you then'

The two part ways.