The True Death of Gollum

Death is but the next great adventure. - Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone

There are many theories concerning the death of the strange creature Gollum, or as some called him, Smeagol. Frodo and Sam had given a, well, watered-down version when describing it. But the true story was much more disturbing.

Gollum tugged awkwardly at the tie that was tied around his neck. He didn't appreciate being forced into a suit to go on a date with someone named Mary-Sue. Who in the precious was this Mary-Sue? He didn't understand. He heard the hobbits always complaining about Mary-Sue, but he just didn't understand who she was. Was she edible? He scowled. This was all that evil hobbit's fault. Stupid hobbitses.

Then, Mary-Sue appeared. She had long, waist length (notice the redundancy) curly, golden hair and glittering cerulean orbs (no, not eyes. We do not call eyes by their proper name) that appeared violet at times. She was more beautiful than Galadriel, and Arwen envied her beautiful gold locks. She was truly a sight to behold. And when she spoke, her tone was more musical than all the Elves' voices could ever be.

"Come, Gollum!" cried Mary-Sue. "We must take the Ring's curse away from you!"

Gollum's eyes widened as she drew near. As she took a step nearer, he scrambled back. "Nooo! Nasty little thing that the hobbitses forced upon me must stay away. Nasty, nasty precious."

"Oh, do not fret, Gollum! I shall save thee!" said Mary-Sue, focusing her glittering cerulean orbs upon him.

Gollum hissed. "Away, away the nasty thing that hobbits sent must go. Away, away!"

Her look turned into concern. "Are you okay, Smeagol? I can help you!"

Gollum let out a piercing scream, and ran. Mary Sue stood and watched as Gollum ran all the way to Mt. Doom and plummeted into the lava to escape the nasty creature. Mary-Sue then shrugged once she was sure he was no more and skipped off gracefully so she could go stare lovingly at Legolas…Little did she know that the elf was sharpening his arrows and emergency knife, awaiting the imminent attack of the being that was more gruesome than even Sauron. Ten minutes there was blood curdling scream and Mary Sue was no more. But there were more of her kind, and they would all have to lay in wait, until they could destroy the next one.

Note: cowritten with mylove2Israel... my dear best friend, who is much crazier than I