A/N: Hallo. That's right. The X-Men fandom has had it's wicked way with my brain. I am not responsible for any of this. It's BAD (caps necessary). Anywho, these are just oneshots/drabbles/ficlets and unless stated otherwise, they are not interconnected. There is some chane of OOC (or you know, a LOT of OOC) and whatnot. IDK. It's late _ I can't think. Just, if you read, please R and R? And don't be mean? Please and thank you. Ooh, also, this IS slash, eventually. There WILL be a buildup. And there will be warnings accordingly.
Warnings: Cursing. Also, at the very end (you'll see) there may be something is not my mindset or anything; it's also not anything serious. Don't make it as such. Also, this hasn't been betaed :/ so there are bound to be lots of mistakes. SOWWY. :D
Disclaimer: GOD I wish I owned. If I did, then Charles would have stopped Erik from his destructive rampage by KISSING him out of it. Who else agrees that THAT would have been WAAAYYY more affective?
Side Note:This chapter is pre-everything going to shit. So Erik is still the 'good guy' (the phrase being loosely used of course) and is teaming up with Charles. So basically, this is like...that training sequence where it's like the calm before the storm. :D ENJOY and again, R AND R.
Just for Reference: Sean - Banshee
Erik - Magneto
Charles - Professor X
Hank - Beast
YES I'm aware that most people would know this, but I thought I'd add it in just incase~
When Erik first realizes that he's somehow been slotted to be the 'Daddy' of the household, it's a Sunday morning; he's trying to read the newspaper while valiantly battling against Sean's puppy face and pleading.
He's even mostly succeeding and, hell, he even manages to maintain composure at his sudden fatherhood. The key word, of course, being mostly, which implies that while he's putting up one hell of a fight, unless some guardian angel swoops down to save his ass, it's a battle he can't hope to win. As for being a dad, he completely chooses to ignore the thought altogether because let's face it, the very thought it ludicrous. Ignoring it would just be easier.
"Pllleeaasssseeeeeeeee! Please! Pretty please!"
Too bad he can't say the same about Sean, who's beginning to reach pitches that Erik is convinced even dogs can't emulate.
So, he utters a long-suffering sigh and puts his paper down; and he proceeds to make the biggest mistake a parent can make: he addresses Sean like a regular person.
In his defense, he doesn't have the training that even a rookie parent would have, which makes him most unsuitable for a situation where even the most veteran parents have trouble.
"Alright Sean, what is it?"
Fuck, he doesn't even realize his mistake until Sean is chattering at him at what has to be the speed of light because Erik doesn't understand a fucking word that's coming out of the kid's mouth other than the occasional 'right?' 'totally have to' and what has to be the umpteenth 'pretty, pretty please?'
Erik is left to dazedly wonder about where the kid's off button is located and with the knowledge that if he doesn't get out of there that instant, hell would befall him and he would die a pathetic death at the hands of a teenage boys voice.
Just as he's about to swallow his pride and run for it, probably with an incredibly flimsy excuse (or no excuse at all), Charles walks in and Erik believes, for just one second, that there is a god because his guardian angel has arrived.
But when he turns a pleading glance at the other man, he realizes that Charles looks a lot like he's laughing and any faith that may have slipped into Erik's psyche disappears and gets replaced by a nearly uncontrollable urge to beat the telepath in front of him.
But he can't actually do anything, as it turns out, because he now has a lap full of Sean who's now spewing what sounds like an extremely warped version of Erik's name and has turned eyes reminiscent of an over-eager puppy on him.
"So what do you say da- Erik? It'll be totally awesome, right da-Erik? And it'll be great and amazing and please…."
The boy seems full of energy and hope and Erik, despite being a hardened veteran to pain and disappointment, can't find it in himself to deny the boy anything. But he's also smart and atleast knows better than to agree with anything with knowing what it is to begin with.
So, rather intelligently (all things considered), he replies with a slightly confused, "Huh?"
Sean levels him with a pouting glare and starts to jabber again and Charles is practically convulsing from restrained laughter.
Erik almost wishes that the unhelpful man's lungs would collapse or something, except not really because that's supposed to be his best friend, his allegedly kind, wonderful, patient, helpful best friend.
The very same best friend who is currently falling off the chair while laughing at Erik's plight and is fully intent on letting him flounder.
Erik can't help but glare.
Sean, meanwhile, is starting to get annoyed, "Dad! Are you even listening? Pay attention to meeeeeee!"
And it's like the kid doesn't even realize what he's just said because he's too busy pouting up at the person he views as the 'Dad' of their motley little family. His teen angst is clouding his brain apparently, because seriously, there isn't even a reaction to what has just come out of his mouth.
Erik, despite realizing early on in the 'conversation' that he's been slotted for the father role, is still caught completely unaware. Vaguely knowing, he realizes, is completely different from having it blatantly said.
On one hand, a feeling of epiphany hits: so that's what the odd mangling of his name is! The da-Erik thing! All the damned kids have been doing it recently and, up until now, Erik just thought they were mucking about and trying to irritate him.
No comment, of course, about whether or not they had been succeeding in their alleged endeavors.
On the other hand, the very idea terrifies the shit out of him because of all the damned emotions it evokes.
For a man whose entire life has been dictated by fury, vengeance and a heavy dose of pain, suddenly being a father is just…too weird.
Having a house full of kids looking to him for guidance, rules and, gods help him, love and affection and belonging…
The very thought of it leaves him feeling oddly warm and there are butterflies swarming his stomach and he's pretty sure he's starting to panic and, 'Fuck Charles!' he thinks as loudly as he can, 'Get him off me! I'm starting to lose feeling in my legs!'
Erik's pride won't let him say that he's losing it and that he really needs to go and think. But he figures that Charles, being a perceptive bastard with telepathic capabilities, and being Erik's best friend on top of that, would simply understand and help him out.
Of course, when he turns to said best friend with a pathetic look on his face that he'll deny later, he's on the floor and is possibly having seizures from trying not to laugh out loud.
What the hell! Erik sort of wants to do something juvenile, like stomping his foot or growling.
'Charles!' Erik thinks desperately, 'Seriously! Get him off me! For the love of god, get him away!' The panic is probably coming off him in waves by this point and the metal-bender can't help but think that if his friend values him at all, he'll get up and get Sean away so Erik can go and hole up in his room.
But Charles, the bastard, is too busy laughing and only sends him one mental message in return, 'Oh come on, dad,' he sends, 'Don't tell me you can't handle one measly little teenager!' And then he collapses again.
Erik can't help but growl this time around.
Erik's mind is quick to adjust to the situation now that vengeance is to be had. Sudden fatherhood or not, years of conditioning as an avenger kicks right in and whirs into full gear. This is something he can do.
Granted, he can't cause any actual harm because, let's face it, rat bastard or not, Charles is his still his best (and only) friend. So anything permanent is out of the question. But he's pretty sure his mind can come up with something that will make Charles wish he were dead.
And now that he's calm, he's quick to realize that that if he gets the supposed joy in being a father, then he damned well gets to use the tricks fathers use against their children.
So, he does something that he rarely wants to do and delves into his past when his father was alive and Erik had been like Sean. He remembers what his father used to do.
He proceeds to put on his most regretful face, tries his best to quell the smug smirk that threatens to break out and deflects by using the oldest trick in the book.
"Sean," he says in a slight monotone, "why don't you go and ask your mother."
And just like that, Erik knows that he has exacted retribution because in the Xavier household, there are two designated adults and a multitude of children who look up to said adults. These adults happen to be himself and Charles. So, if Erik is the dad then, by process of elimination, Charles is the mom.
And apparently he isn't the only one with that train of thought because Sean lights up like a Christmas tree at the suggestion and is suddenly attached to Charles like a burr.
'Suck on that!' he thinks at his friend, radiating smugness before gloatingly folding his newspaper up and starting to make his way out and to his room.
Sean has already started his rapid-fire speech, aimed at Charles this time and again, he seems to have forgotten how to actually address the professor.
"So mom, I was thinking, what if we did…please?...totally have to…."
Erik can't help but feel relieved at his narrow escape.
As he passes a now irate looking Charles and his armful, Erik, completely unable to help himself, smacks Charles' ass and cheerfully says, "Call me down when dinners ready, mom."
He adds a mental 'HA!' right before he walks out.
He's pretty sure that Charles is going to find a way to get back at him for this. Hell, he wouldn't respect his friend if retribution wasn't extracted at some point. But for now, Erik's happy to say that he's won the battle, if not the war.
As for this fatherhood thing, well, Erik doesn't plan to change; he'll still push Sean out windows and prod at Hank and act like a general ass. But, he figures he can handle it. After all, he does love the kids, even though he wouldn't admit under the worst kinds of torture. And adding a title doesn't really affect anything anyway.
Besides, if being the official 'Dad' makes Charles the official 'Mom,' then Erik figures that it doesn't matter because in the end, at the very least, teasing Charles will be that much easier now. And the kids will be helping without even realizing it.
End A/N: Haha~ I hope that amused! Also, I need words, in sets of three preferably. Leave a review with it. The more outlandish/amusing/gut-busting/meaningful/attention-capturing-on-my-end/etc, the higher the chance that I'll use the set as a premise for the next chapters~~ :D So leave em with the review if you're interested~