Summary: Questioning Dumbledore in his first year Harry decided to investigate into the Dark Arts. Soon he was trying to learn all spells he could get his hands on and starts turning towards the Dark. Now after the Death of Sirius and the abandonment of Remus Harry snaps and joins The Dark Lord. Powerful!Dark!Harry Eventual HPLV
Author Note: Well Hey there guys! Okay so this is my first attempt at a Harry Potter Fanfic. I've been working on this for a while now so I have a couple chapters all ready to upload today. This is still a work in progress but I wanted to write a few chapters first. Yes this will be Slash! If you don't like that well... it's not really my problem, you're the one who found you're way here. Any questions will be answered so don't hesitate to ask.
Warnings for this chapter:None so far... surprising for me really.
As I sat in Grimmauld Place after my fifth year at Hogwarts, I gazed around the kitchen I was sat in. I had been allowed to stay here for a couple of weeks but I have to go back to Dursley's tomorrow. No matter how much I begged I was still being forced to go back because of the blood wards. I looked at the face of each person who sat at the dinner table with me. I analysed them as they talked without a care in the world, as if I wasn't even there.
I hated them.
I could see their magic pulsing around there bodies and I could see the hatred and disgust they all felt for me. If only they knew I could see their feelings all the time through their magic. The amount of times I've been able to see their true feelings as they've lied though their teeth to me is countless.
I always used to think the way I could see magic was normal for a wizard but after a lot of research and coming up with nothing at all I figured it couldn't be normal. Of course it's not. Nothing could be normal for me could it?
It just somehow built up my hatred for them more. It was all plain and simple in my mind, but I couldn't let them know anything. I couldn't let anyone know that they had lost their precious little weapon to the very thing that they wanted him to fight against.
Yeah that's right. The great Harry Potter, Boy-Who-Lived, Dumbledore's little weapon of the light has turned towards the dark. Ever since my first year I was questioning everything and then after my second even more. I started learning spells as fast as I could in any spare time I could come across where I could sneak off to the chamber of secrets.
I would use the chamber to hide away from Dumbledore's watching eyes as I taught myself all the spells I could get my hands on whether they were light or dark. It didn't take me long to figure out that the chamber wasn't covered by the wards the rest of the castle was covered by, that's how I learnt how to cast the unforgivables without the headmaster or the ministry knowing any better.
I was a lot more powerful then I let on. I kept all of my power and knowledge to myself, I even had to teach myself how to cloak my aura as it had started to become visible and not only that but it was very dark, much too dark for the supposed 'saviour of the light'. And I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't have appreciated that.
I was forced to act behind an impenetrable mask when I was around everyone, even when I was alone just out of caution. I was quite happy with my facade until I was in my third year. I think that was when I was coming very close to having enough and had decided that I was going to the dark when I found the opportunity, although I kept up my appearance as the golden boy just to make things easier.
The reason I was abruptly changed was that I found someone who really cared for me. Actually I found two. Sirius and Remus, my godfathers. I knew Remus wasn't really my godfather and no one knew that I saw him as one but honestly how couldn't I?
Even though they truly cared for me all I could do was stand by as they were treated like dirt and scum by the rest of the wizarding world. Remus, for the simple fact that he was something that he could not control becoming. How is he at fault for being bitten? Why should he have no rights as the wizard he truly is just for that simple fact?
I believe his wolf to be a beautiful and magnificent creature that should be looked upon with awe, not some bloodthirsty bringer of death and devastation that everyone seems to think. It was because of that that he couldn't control his wolf. He was being forced to keep him away without even having the knowledge of how it could be if he just embraced his true nature. He could be in control and go through it all without the pain but no one informed him of that.
Then there was Sirius. Convicted for a crime everyone should have known he would never even think of committing. It just shows how quick the light is to start pointing the finger. The years he was locked away in Azkaban with the dementors making him relive his worst memories, trying to steal all of his most treasured ones, along with small parts of his soul, I was amazed with the fact that he could still smile. The true joy on his face when he found me and told me the truth warmed my heart, which up to that point I think must have been still and cold and without love.
However, as soon as they were with me they were gone again. Sirius was killed earlier this year. He fell through the veil in the department of mysteries. I never thought something so simple would kill him. I thought that if he was ever going to be killed in battle it would be honourable and much more magnificent then just being knocked through a veil, of all things. The look on his face when he slipped away still haunts me.
What held me together was Remus. He was the one of the only ones who really tried to comfort me. But soon, just days after Sirius' death, he left me as well. He didn't even give me a little warning or reason for leaving. He just disappeared. Then as another stab in the back, everyone started to pretend he never existed, just like they had when Sirius died.
That's when I had finally had enough. I took my mask of the happy little golden Gryffindor boy-wonder and changed it drastically into an unemotional empty shell, in effect I stopped being human. I hid all my true thoughts and feelings of hate and sadistic malice to myself. I guess it means it will hit them harder when I finally ditch them and reveal my true thoughts and personality. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces.
The order and my so called 'friends' tried for a few days to try and get me back to what they thought was 'normal' for me. It didn't really take them long to stop their efforts and give up. That hurt, even though I expected it from them all.
The only ones who kept trying and managed to get some sort of reaction out of me were Fred and George. I didn't expect it from them. But they stayed with me. They told me how they had no idea what I was going through or even how they could help me but they told me that they were always there for me. I never speak to them but I sit with them and spend most of my time in their presence.
However, at the moment they weren't at the table. I guess they must be upstairs with another one of their experiments for the shop. I swear they will die from one of their stupid experiments. I looked down at my food that I had only taken a few small bites out of and stood up excusing myself from the table. I walked upstairs and across the hall to the room the twins shared.
I knocked on the door quietly and didn't even wait for answer as I walked in. I stopped dead in my tracks when I caught sight of the cauldron that they were both sitting around. Whatever was in there was about to blow at any second. I flicked my wrist just in time to put a shield around myself as it exploded covering the room in a slimy baby pink substance.
I watched as everything the slime touched changed to a baby pink colour. As I saw the twin's hair change to pink in odd patches and the looks on their faces and I couldn't help but laugh. A real laugh. They looked up at me in surprise and shock then looked at each other. They jumped up and I suddenly felt two pairs of arms circling me touching the bare skin on my arms. I stopped laughing and shot back against the door. They looked at me with apologetic faces as they started to talk in their usual way.
"Sorry mate, but-"
"-That's the first time-"
"-You've actually smiled,-"
"- Let alone laughed, -"
"- since we've been here!"
"We were just excited, sorry Harry." George said as he started to wipe away the pink goo from his wand then cast a cleaning spell. Fred did the same and then looked seriously at his brother then me.
"Look Harry, we know you don't like to talk but we wish you'd tell us why you don't like physical contact." My eyes shot down to the ground in anger, not only with the fact that they thought it was all for the wrong reasons and were pitying me but also for the fact that it had to be brought up with the people I could forget about it the most with. I shook my head, I couldn't tell them.
The reason was actually the beating I get from Vernon during the Summer Holidays and the glamours I had to use to hide the countless scars and wounds on my body and what I really looked like. The glamour for the scars hid everything from sight but most of them could still be felt if you brushed your hands across my skin. It also didn't stop wounds being hurt if they were accidentally touched. It was a real pain.
Usually I was fine with contact as I took the precaution of wearing long sleeved t-shirts or jumpers but as today was quite warm I risked it and now wished I never did. I knew if they were holding onto my arms for much longer then they would have noticed the rises and dips all over my skin.
If they forced me to remove the glamours then the one hiding my looks would be removed as well and that was a very bad move. I had to hide my looks because of Dumbledore, for some stupid reason he had attempted to put a freezing spell on my body so I wouldn't grow as fast, probably because he wanted me keeping the image of a young innocent looking boy. He just wanted to keep the boy-who-lived for as long as he could. It could also of been to stop my magical core from developing to be too powerful, Dumbledore had never make much sense so I never looked into it much more than that and just countered the spell and started using complex glamours.
Because of all this I was forced to look like I was panicked by the interaction and it made me feel weak, something I never wanted to feel in front of anyone. As I looked back up they were looking at each other warily and I could see on their faces that they were wondering if it was just them that I was afraid of. Looks like my acting skills are needed yet again. I held in a sigh by frowning instead as I opened my mouth to speak.
"It's not you. I just can't be enclosed like that." As they heard my voice they looked at me in shock. I walked closer to them and took one of their hands in each of mine. Luckily I had no deep scars on my palms so I was confident they couldn't feel anything. I intertwined my fingers with theirs.
We stayed like that for a few seconds. Then I let go of their hands and hugged them both separately before heading towards the exit. I opened the door and just before I closed it again I whispered.
"I'm going to miss you." I heard two sharp intakes of breath and I quickly walked to my room. I no longer shared with Ron because of the nightmares. Ron had started to moan about me waking him up by screaming and he didn't stop until his mother had finally gave in and let him have a room further down the corridor.
I got undressed and pulled on a pair of pyjama bottoms before curling up under the covers. This is probably the most comfortable I'm going to be sleeping for the rest of the summer so I might as well make the most of it. I felt the sweet bliss of a dreamless sleep pulling at me in the back of my head. I felt myself drift towards it and soon I was gone to the world.
I woke to a knocking at my door. I glanced up to see the twins heads peering around the frame and I sent them a small smile. They grinned back before they frowned. Fred opened his mouth to speak but George beat him to it.
"They say that you've got half an hour to pack and then you're leaving mate." I nodded my head and watched as they disappeared from behind the door and before long I could hear them walking down the stairs. I got out of bed and walked over to the wardrobe that held what little amount of clothes that I owned and pulled out something for the day.
I returned from the bathroom, now fully dressed, and looked over to the trunk that I never even bothered to unpack anything but the few items of clothing that were in the wardrobe. I opened it and wandlessly summoned my clothes that folded neatly into place. I then removed anything of value, as I knew as I walked through the door of my relative's house the trunk would be taken away from me and locked up somewhere.
The main thing I wanted out of the trunk was the bottomless bag that Remus had given me back in my third year, I used it to keep all the books that I wanted to read and teach myself spells from over the summer. Usually it was filled with books I had snuck from the school library, mainly all from the restricted section.
However this time it was filled with books I had to order by owl from Knockturn Ally as I had already managed to purge the school library of all books that were of any use to me. It was difficult to order all the books without being caught but I managed it and now have a very large amount of very dark spells to learn that will help me prove my worth to the dark when I need to, plus dull my curiosity and thirst for knowledge of more dangerous and lethal curses and hexes.
I still don't really have a plan of how to go to the dark or even when I will. I know it has to be soon because I can see in Dumbledore's twinkling eyes that he has something big planned for me next year. That's why I have brought a book which is dedicated to mind connections, it was the only book I could find which had a reference to theories on human and animal horcruxes, and the possible mind connections between them and how they might work.
I'm not as stupid as Dumbledore thinks I am. I have known I'm a horcrux since the holiday between my second and third year. After what happened with the diary I had put a lot of research into discovering what exactly it was and I realised that it meant there was a very high chance of me being a horcrux as well. All my questions were answered in my third year when I discovered the connection of mine and Voldemort's minds.
I know that if I can maybe speak to Voldemort through the connection then I might be able to join his side. The only thing I'm really unsure of is the terms I will ask of him. I didn't want become one of his death eaters and there is no way I would take the mark. I want to be his equal overall, but I have no idea how he would react to that. I would probably have to prove myself in some way...
I shook my head to rid the thoughts that I could think about later when I'm locked in my room at the Dursley's. I hate that place. I swear I will kill them when that stupid blood ward is gone... I wonder if I would even have to wait that long, since it's meant to protect me and not them... It's probably best not to chance it... Hmm...This time I really was taken away from my thoughts when I heard a voice from my door.
"Mr Potter it is time to leave and I would rather not have to spend much more time than is necessary with this task." I span around to see Professor Snape standing at the door his arms crossed in his usual fashion. I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn't even sense his magic until he spoke. That's something that could become very dangerous for me if I don't fix it somehow.
"Sorry Professor, I was lost in thought." I turned around and closed my trunk while placing the small bag in my pocket, not even thinking about the fact I just spoke, let alone to a man I claimed to hate. I picked up my trunk and walked over to my Professor who seemed to be analysing me and holding back a question or comment of some sort. He quickly whirled round, his cloak following his movements as he stalked down the corridor and stairs and finally out the door.
I followed him out without even looking back. There probably wasn't anyone waiting to see me off anyway, their probably glad to be rid of me. Snape stopped when he reached the pavement and grabbed my shoulder a bit too forcefully but I didn't comment.
Suddenly I felt like I was being forced through a small tube and my stomach felt like it was doing flips while trying to break free of my body. As soon as all the feelings were there they were gone and I was staring at number 4 Privet Drive. I could already feel the punches and kicks that were going to be thrown as soon as I was inside. Why can't I just be able to use magic on them? I wouldn't have to put up with them then. They would be scared of me, like they should be!
I sighed then looked up at Snape with pleading eyes. He gazed down at me as if he knew exactly what I had just been thinking. There was no way he could because I managed to learn occlumency on my own while I had been sitting with Fred and George, but the feeling was still there. I could see something passing behind his dark coal eyes but as quickly as it had appeared it was gone along with the rest of his body. I turned back towards the house as I didn't expect anything more form him. I walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
Questioning Dumbledore in his first year Harry decided to investigate into the Dark Arts. Soon starts turning towards the Dark. Now after the Death of Sirius and the abandonment of Remus Harry snaps and joins The Dark Lord. Powerful!Dark!Harry