A/N: This is a reposting of Chapter 1, a chapter I kept meaning to fix and never did. Thanks to a reviewer who called me on it, it now reads like it should thank you. And thanks to all of you who took a chance on this story. Its been a labor of love. This was my first Rizzoli and Isles fanfic attempt and has not been my last.
Disclaimer:-R and I does not belong to me, damn.
Dr Maura Isles had experienced fear before albeit not like normal people but she had, she knew she had. And in her mind she was always able to rationalize that feeling before it overwhelmed her, as she knew fear could. Control, it was all about control. If she did not let the fear take hold then she could control it and make it subside. In all her life there had been brief moments where she thought she would lose control and experience the fear that she had seen in other people's eyes, that uncontrollable, heart stopping, no breathing panic that could overwhelm a person, but she never had, until today.
She yelled Jane's name just a fraction of a second before the gunshot rang out. At first Maura thought she must have been hallucinating and that the adrenaline shooting through her body was making her see something that wasn't happening. That wasn't so… Maura watched as Jane struggled with Bobby and forced the gun against her abdomen before pulling the trigger. Maura watched as both Jane and Bobby were lifted off the ground by the concussive blast and velocity of the large caliber bullet going through Jane's body and into Bobby's. For a split second Maura felt her breath hitch in her chest as she watched them both fall to the ground. She couldn't recall how she got to Jane so quickly since everything around had seemed to stop in that moment of tragic gunfire. She quickly placed her hand against Jane's abdomen and screamed for help, she was an ME not a regular doctor and she knew she couldn't save Jane. Korsak fell down beside Jane and before he could say a word, Maura took his larger hand and pressed it against the much larger exit wound on Jane's back. They looked each other in the eye and felt the same thought, Jane's dying. Bellowing to Frost he was yelling for an ambulance and talking to Maura. "Is she breathing?"
Maura looked at him and nodded her head. Reaching down she felt for a pulse and could feel the life beneath her fingers, barely. Feeling the beat skip, pick up again and skip., she can only wonder "MyGodwhereistheambulance." Jane's eyes flutter and she looks up at Maura. She whispers but Maura can't hear her.
"Stay still Jane help is coming…" Jane smiles that crooked grin and whisper to Maura as she bends closer " I…screwed up…" As her eyes close, she stops breathing. Panicking Maura immediately moves to start CPR fighting the hands that are pulling at her, not realizing the ambulance has arrived and the EMT's are trying to help.
"Ma'am you have to let go, we need to stop the bleeding." Korsak grabbed her and pulled her away while they work on her. Both of them racing behind them as they place Jane in the ambulance, no one questions Maura as she gets in with them. Korsak and Frost watch and listen as Jane flat lines just as the ambulances shuts its doors and races to Boston Hospital.
Maura watches, whispering "don't die, don't die" The EMT's are able to get a pulse but Jane is no longer breathing on her own and she flat lines one more time before they reach the hospital. Maura tries to think of all the damage the trajectory of the bullet did to Jane, she tries to rationalize her fear as she has always done to control it, but this one time in her life, she can't. Her fear is not for her it's for Jane, and she finds that when it comes to Jane Rizzoli, she can't control any of the feelings she experiences.
As they approach the ambulance entrance of Boston Hospital, Maura looks down and realizes that she is covered in blood, Jane's blood, only in some spots it is starting to dry, with a sad wistful smile, she can hear Jane saying " can't you just say it's blood Maur?" "No, I cannot assume all reddish brown stains are blood!"
The back of the ambulance is flung open and Jane is rushed into the trauma unit. Maura gets out to follow and as her legs give out strong hands reach out to grab her. Looking up she realizes that Frost and Korsak followed the ambulance and as Korsak prevents her from falling, she sees her fear reflected in his eyes.
She refuses to give in to her fear, not yet. Straightening herself up she takes a deep breath and follows the EMTs into the trauma center with Korsak and Frost running to keep up.
Three hours so far and nothing from the doctor's except that Frankie would be okay. The emergency field operation Maura performed saved his life. Angela and Frank Rizzoli looked from the doctor to Maura and called her over to hear the news herself. Angela put an arm around her and said huskily said "thank you Dr. Isles". Maura could only nod and like an automaton, sat back down to wait for news of Jane. Jane's parents had arrived within 20 minutes of their arrival. A police cruiser had been sent to pick them up and initially, Angela not only couldn't stop crying but she also couldn't stop fighting to get in to see her babies. Exhausted she finally sat down to wait like everyone else. Frost elected himself to get food and drinks for everyone and after the news about Frankie, Maura just wanted a chance to talk to Jane and let her know her baby brother was all right.
Korsak looked over at Maura and realized something wasn't right. They were all upset about Jane and Frankie but Dr. Isles response to everything seemed off. He could see that she was barely holding herself together and whenever anyone asked her something she looked like she would jump out of her skin. She refused to go home to get clothes and was wearing scrubs that the nurses had provided for her. Seeing her covered in Jane's blood had freaked out the Rizzoli's and had snapped her out of this "state" that she was in but other than the brief starts, she seemed emotionless and calm, but off. Four hours after getting the news about Frankie the doctor finally came out to talk to them about Jane.
As they all stood up, the surgeon raised his hand "family only please" Looking confused, Maura looked at Angela Rizzoli with a look that prompted Angela to immediately say "they are family, what you have to say to us you can say to them." Not realizing she was holding her breath, Maura waited for the Doctor to speak. In her mind she had come up with 18 different ways that the bullet could have killed Jane outright, 9 that had her as an invalid, 6 that had her with a long recovery, and none that would let her be the Jane she once was.
Maura listened as the surgeon laid out the list of Jane's injuries. Jane had managed to shoot herself immediately under her ribcage. The bullet had pierced her diaphragm and right lung and had barely missed nicking any major artery or her spine and had broken three ribs. Unfortunately they had been unable to remove all of the bone shards at this time and her right lung had collapsed. She was currently in a medically induced coma and unable to breathe on her own due to the damage of the diaphragm and lung. The next 24 hours would be critical to her survival and it was expected that we will remove the intubation tube within the next seven days or as soon as the tear in her diaphragm has partially healed. She would be moved to ICU within the next hour and they could visit then. "If you …" the Doctor continued.
Maura never finished hearing what he would say. With the words "the next 24 hours, Dr Maura Isles M.E. for the first time in her life let true fear into her heart. Her breath caught in her chest, a roaring filled her ears and darkness took its place.
Hope you enjoyed it and take a chance with the rest of the story. Trust me you will enjoy the ride.