Bakuretsu Hunters still isn't mine and will never be even if I write as many fanfics to cover the world seven times. How I wish I owned Marron though… and Chocolate to keep him company, of course.
This is a fic I thought up in the wee hours of night when I lay awake trying to sleep in vain. It'd be another series, quite dark if you ask me coz it touches a bit on suicidal themes... Okay… it deals a LOT with suicide and depression and all that melancholy stuff… In fact, I drew the PLOT from that. I don't really know why exactly am I posting this up but… well, I am. I'm not used to writing suicide fics and this, in fact, is my first one. Don't flame me for any inappropriate description. I haven't committed suicide yet to know the works… Another product of insomnia, I have this lined for ten depressing chapters, a prologue and an epilogue… Read and enjoy… I hope…
One… Two… Three… Four…
I watch in fascination as crimson fluid began to trickle down my skin, a sharp contrast to its inherent paleness, the gash which was its source still holding the jagged blade that tore through its frailty seconds ago. The old grandfather's clock that adorned the room ticked noisily in the background, as though reminding me that my life was at its mercy.
Five… Six… Seven… Eight…
More drops ooze out of my fresh wound, eliciting a groan from deep within my throat, a sound that echoed through the stillness of the night. And there was silence. Comfortable silence. Blessed silence. Silence that would prove to be the last sound my mortal ears would ever hear. Did it really have to end this way? I sink the blade even deeper, a moan, both from pain as well as pleasure, escaping unheeded from my lips. I could savor its coppery taste distinctly, a taste so intoxicating yet so threatening, as though they had fallen upon my lips instead of unto the rough floor that served as my sanctuary. I could see nothing but my trembling hand, holding the handle of that with which I would finally end all these, waiting in anticipation for a final boost of courage, or was it stupidity, to finish what it had set out to do. Tears drowned the hollowness of my eyes, retracing their paths on my cheeks as I remember HIS words…
I'm sorry, Chocolate, but… I can never love you in the way you want me to.
An uncomfortable pause followed.
Is there somebody else? I had asked then, though deep inside, I already knew the answer.
Is it my sister?
Nine… Ten… Eleven… Twelve…
I lost count. The blood was flowing freely now from the widened gash and in a spur of coherent thought, I removed the offending knife and cast it aside. Futilely, I tried to cover up my wound, trying to suppress the bleeding, logic arguing with feelings, reason battling with emotion.
What am I doing with myself?
I'm sick and tired of living.
Why am I doing this?
I want to end it all.
What do I plan to accomplish with all these?
I want to get rid of all these suffering.
Is death the answer?
Death is my refuge.
Is it even worth it?
It hurts too much.
What would the others say?
Would they even care if I were gone?
What would my sister do?
Would she even mourn?
What would HE think?
Would HE even notice?
My eyes travel from my throbbing pulse to the clock and I sighed. It was nine o'clock. The others must be sleeping now, drifting off into dreamland in each other's arms as I suffered here all alone in the darkness of my room. Alone… I lived my life like that and thus shall I end it. How long have I been sitting here, bleeding to an almost painless death, the last remaining moments of my life ticking slowly with the hands of time? How much time have I spent trying to suppress all these emotions only to give up in the end?
You have the strength of soul, Choco-chan, that few have manifested. Use it wisely.
Apricot-san… I'm sorry. It turns out that I'm not as strong as you thought me to be. I'll be joining you sooner than you expected.
I retrieve the discarded blade with even more trembling fingers but with all the conviction I could muster. This was what I wanted wasn't it? This was how I wanted to die, was it not, all alone, with no one standing in my way? Right? I firmly believed so. Positioning the weapon against the slowly recuperating wound, I choke back a sob. Why do I have to do this?
Just then, a timid knock broke the silence, accompanied by a voice I didn't wish to hear.
"Oneesama, are you still awake?"
"Oneesama… please answer me."
No… Go away! Please… leave me alone…
"Oneesama, please. I want to speak with you. I know you're not sleeping. Please let me in."
Shut up! You have no right to tell me what to do.
"Tira, what's with all the shouting?" another voice called… a voice I knew all too well… a voice that belonged to…
"Carrot, help me. Oneesama locked herself up in her room and she won't let me in… I just hope she isn't…"
Tira trailed off as Carrot suddenly banged his fist continuously on the door.
"Chocolate. Open up. It's me Carrot. Please…Don't do this to yourself…"
"Carrot…" I whisper his name softly, familiar yet so foreign.
"Yes, Chocolate. It's me. Please don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to us. Don't do this to me…"
"I'm sorry, Carrot. I'm tired."
"Oneesama! Oneesama! Please don't say that! Please… don't leave me alone."
Tira's voice quivered and I knew that she was in tears. Carrot stopped his assault.
Probably trying to comfort my hysteric sister…Well, there'd be no one to hinder their relationship any longer…
With greater resolve, I try to steady my fingers, readying them for their final task.
"Chocolate… don't be stupid… Don't throw your life away like this…"
"Oneesama… please…I… I need you…"
I'm sorry, Tira but you'll be on your own from now on. Please take care of Carrot when I'm gone.
Carrot… Though you never have, remember that I'll forever be yours. Please take care of my sister for me.
And with a sudden rush of emotions, I plunge the blade deeper until I feel the fragile vein that guarded my life break and I let out a sob. This was it. I was going to die. I close my eyes as I feel my body fall limply to the floor. I lay there, waiting…waiting for my Time to come… waiting for the Death I so long craved… Just then, the door bursts open and I hear a multitude of voices gasp.
Tira wailed as she gathered my limp form into her arms. I open my eyes to take one last look at my friends, my sister and HIM and I smile weakly. They… He…cared after all.
"Oneesama, why did you do this?"
Marron grabbed my bleeding wrist and began to perform a healing spell on it. I snatch it away forcefully and with one last motion, I placed Carrot's hand upon Tira's and smiled once again.
"Love her, Carrot," I say with a tremor in my voice. "Love her the way I loved you."
I let go of his hand as I felt my breath catch in my throat and all was lost, my sister's mournful cry the last thing I heard before all turned to black.
Okay… .:dabs at eyes with hanky:. Call me pathetic but I was crying while I was writing this one… I felt as though I was writing my own suicide letter of some sort. I've never cried while writing or reading any other fanfic before… Why the heck am I getting so worked up over this? .:sniff:. Oh you are too? Sugoi!!! I'm glad I'm not the only one… (Note to self: Talking to imaginary readers is an indication of insanity.)
Ahemm… Let me remind you though that this is just the beginning of a VERY long story and depression is just starting to settle in… There'd be more of this sort to come if you'd bombard me with reviews demanding for the next chap… which I hope you will… ^ ~ Ja!