Princess Tiaras and Voting Ballots
It was ironic that Darren was New York at the same time as Chris because he wasn't filming in New York with the rest of the cast. But when Darren realized he was going to be in New York at the same time as Chris, he had demanded that they get a hotel room together. During their time in the hotel together, they watched reruns of "Whose Line is it Anyway?" and dreamed up grand ideas to change the world. And when it was time for Chris to fly to Washington DC for the White House Correspondent's Dinner, Darren had taken him to the airport before flying back to LA himself.
DC was fun. Chris had only been to DC a couple of times before, so everything seemed glorious and new. Chris had texted Darren picture updates, too, to keep the man from worrying. First was a picture of Chris posing with the DC airport security man, to convince Darren that he had actually landed safely in DC and no one had stolen his phone and tried to falsely convince Darren of his safety. Next came a picture of Chris brushing his teeth at the nice hotel, and then a series of picture of Chris posing in front of monuments because Darren was a history nerd too. But it wasn't until after an encounter with fans after the Time's dinner that Chris deemed a call necessary.
Darren picked up on the first ring, with an overly cheery, "Hey, Chris! How's it going, man? Mr. Influential struttin' around the nation's capital! I watched a live stream of the dinner! It looked awesome!"
Chris laughed. "Yeah it was pretty cool. So umm… I ran into a couple of fans tonight and… Well. I thought you might know why—"
"Well, apparently voting is now a pseudonym for sex, and I thought that sounded like something you might be responsible for," Chris said, smirking
Darren roared with laughter. "Oh my god! They told you about that! That's hilarious!"
Chris laughed too. "Care to explain?"
"Oh my god, that's too funny," Darren said, breathless from laughing. "Remember when I did that livestream last week?"
"Well I called some people, and this one girl, when I called her—" He laughed again. "She told me, she was like, 'I'm 18 and legal, you know.' And I mean, of course I knew what she was implying, but I can't just say that. So I was like, 'Oh, that means you can vote now, right? We should vote together sometime.'" He broke off again laughing.
Chris was now roaring with laughter too. "Oh my god, that's hilarious. Yeah 'cuz she was from tumblr and—"
"Tumblr!" Darren roared, laughing even harder. "That place is nutso! But god do I love 'em!"
"Yeah," Chris agreed, snorting. "She wanted me to tell everyone to go vote. So I did."
"Oh god, Chris," Darren laughed. "We are never going to live this down, neither one of us."
"Oh the joys of being a celebrity," Chris said dryly.
Darren sighed happily. "Hey, so on a different note. Do you have any royal wedding plans?"
"Royal wedding plans?"
"Yeah, you know, like plans to watch it with people and stuff." Chris could practically hear Darren grinning through the phone.
"People make royal wedding plans?" he asked.
Darren laughed. "So I'll take that as a no, you do not have any plans."
"I was just going to watch the kiss or something on youtube, yeah. I presume you're going to have a huge fiesta and invite everyone you know and demand that they wear traditional British attire, right?" He smirked.
"Well, uh, actually." Darren inhaled. "Well, Chris, I sort of wanted to—well I mean I was just wondering if you would want to—"
"Spit it out, Darren."
Darren sighed. "I wanted to watch it with you, Chris."
Chris let out a breath, but then giggled. "Darren. I'm in Washington DC right now. And you're back in Los Angeles."
"That is over 2000 miles."
"I know. I just…" Darren sighed. "I just really want to watch it with you."
Chris smiled fondly because Darren's simple sweetness was too adorable sometimes. "What if I told you that I wanted to grab my video camera from my apartment before my tour of the White House?"
Darren shrieked excitedly. "I would tell you that I would pay for your round trip plane ride!"
"Then I will see you at Friday morning, Mr. Criss," Chris said, smiling.
The knock came at 12:12 a.m., exactly twelve minutes after had been planned. Chris smirked at the microwave clock and got up from the kitchen table. He smoothed down his black t-shirt and walked swiftly towards the door, batman pajama pants hanging loosely from his hips. "You're late," he said snidely when he opened the door.
Darren's eyes were barely visible above the three pastel-colored boxes he was holding, but his eyes were dancing with laughter. "What time is it?"
"12:12," Chris replied, wriggling his finger at Darren.
Darren's laugh was muffled behind the boxes. "Well that's a luckier number anyway. Help me with the boxes?"
Chris took the two top boxes from Darren, leaving Darren to carry the largest box, a pale pink cardboard one. He led Darren into the kitchen and they set the boxes down on the table. Chris began rifling through the boxes and he was about to comment on the sheer amount of crepe paper streamers when he fully noticed Darren.
Darren was wearing light pink flannel pajamas that looked at least two sizes too big for him. The silk cuffs of the arms hung to the end of his fingers and the pants bunched up on top of a pair of fluffy, pink bunny slippers. Phrases like "my daddy says I'm a princess" and "someday I'll meet my Prince Charming" were scrawled in white cursive writing all over the pajamas and there were silver tiaras of all sizes everywhere. Darren had left the top two buttons (that, Chris later noted, each had a sparkly tiara on it) of the top undone, so a little bit of dark chest hair peeked out, creating a humorous contrast to the princess PJs.
Chris opened his mouth several times, each time unable to speak. He looked Darren up and down once more, gawking. "Where did you buy that?" he finally asked.
Darren smiled widely. "Women's department." He tugged on one of the sleeves and then added, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. "It's an extra-large."
Chris laughed loudly. "And it's way too big for you, Darren. Next time go with the medium."
"Hey now," said Darren, mocking hurt. "It fits me perfectly. And besides, this is meant for women with large breasts. Since, sadly, I am not blessed with that aspect of female anatomy, I think this outfit speaks volumes about my toned shoulder muscles."
Chris rolled his eyes, laughing. "Sure it does. But 'my daddy says I'm a princess'? Really, Darren?"
"You're just jealous," Darren huffed, lips twitching towards a smile. "Jealous that my jim-jams are far more fabulous than yours. Batman for a wedding, Chris?"
"You can never go wrong with batman," Chris retorted, shaking his head gravely.
Darren laughed. "You may not get the Kate Middleton stamp of approval, but I suppose I'll let it slide. And besides… Look what I brought!" He dug through the smallest box, a lilac one with sides about a foot in length. Finally he pulled out a golden crown, adorned with plastic gems. "Perfect for Prince Chris!"
Chris laughed and took the crown from Darren. He glanced at his reflection in the shiny gold plastic and then put the crown on his head, adjusting it slightly. "How do I look?" he asked Darren, arms crossed over the batman sign on his t-shirt.
"Awesome!" grinned Darren. "Sexiest prince in the world."
Chris smirked and looked back in the lilac box. He pulled out a sparkly silver tiara. "I see that you, ah, weren't planning on being a prince."
Darren grabbed the tiara from Chris, shoving it on his head and smiling madly. "Nope! You may call me Princess Darren from now on. Or just Princess. Or actually you can call me Kate Middleton too."
Chris raised his eyebrows. "And will you be marrying a certain Prince William within the next hour, Miss Middleton?"
"Ew, gross, no," said Darren, making a face. "He's balding." He took Chris's crown off and ran his hands through Chris's hair, causing Chris to raise his eyebrows again. "But you, Prince Chris, have beautiful, thick, luscious hair." He put Chris's crown back on and proclaimed in a chipper, cheery voice, "I want to marry Prince Chris!"
Chris bit his lip, trying to hold in a laugh. He walked around the kitchen table, a smile on his face, unable, as always, to resist Darren's charm. "What's in this one?" he asked, nodding to the large pink box.
"Food!" Darren cried. "I've been baking all night!" He stood next to Chris and opened the box, revealing rows of pastries and cakes.
"Oh my god," Chris breathed, inhaling the desserts. "Those smell amazing."
"And they're delicious, too," Darren added. "I made red velvet cookies and British pound cake and a weird kind of pudding I found the recipe for online… A lot of strawberry stuff because I think Brits like strawberries… And a million different chocolate things because I can't live without chocolate."
Chris blinked a couple of times, face close to the box full of yumminess and an awestruck smile on his face. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"
Darren beamed and winked. "Not in so many ways, but I could always tell."
Chris felt a blush begin to creep up his neck, but he suppressed it by smirking and rolling his eyes. Moving to the largest box, a baby blue one, Chris picked up a roll of pale green streamers and a bag of light pink balloons. "Shall we?" he asked, his eyes twinkling.
Darren grinned and grabbed a bag of pastel confetti and a balloon blower upper before darting into the living room, Chris running after him with the balloons and streamers.
Forty-five minutes later, Chris's living room had been transformed into a myriad of pale blues, yellows, purples, greens, pinks, and oranges, all swirling about one another seamlessly in a mixture of balloons, streamers, and confetti. Chris had hung the streamers from the ceiling ("I'm taller!" "Only by like an inch… or two…" "Three or four, Darren, but you can dream."), while Darren had taped balloons to every surface he could find. Then, after five rolls of streamers and two bags of balloons had been depleted, they together pulled apart the bag of confetti and threw it everywhere, giggling when it fell in their hair.
"This is awesome!" Darren proclaimed, stepping into the kitchen to observe their handiwork. "I feel like I've just stepped onto one of those Lucky Charms rainbows!"
Chris wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, realizing that maybe putting up streamers was more work than he had thought it would be, and fell back onto the couch with a groan. "I hate you, Darren. I'm tired. It's 12:58 a.m. and I have to catch a plane to DC at 8:30. Why did I let you talk me into this? I hate you." Chris closed his eyes to try to block out the light of the lamp and he heard Darren chuckle from the kitchen. "Get me food. Now."
Chris heard Darren's musical laughter again, but soon footsteps were walking towards him, and then Darren was sitting on the couch next to him, his right thigh pressing into Chris's hip, and there was a cold spoon being pressed to his lips. "Open up, Chris," Darren cooed, nudging the spoon against Chris's lips.
Chris obliged and his mouth was filled with the delicious taste of strawberries, strawberries and pastry and chocolate and maybe whipped cream. He swallowed quickly and opened his mouth again, relishing the taste of whatever delicious dish Darren was feeding him. He opened his eyes after the third bite to watch the way he knew Darren's eyes would be dancing. "I love you and your amazing cooking skills," Chris whispered.
Darren smiled and his eyes danced even more, light from the lamp flickering in his pupils. "You've sure changed your tune."
Chris shrugged. "I'm a sucker for good food." He closed his eyes again and sunk back into the couch "Feed me."
Chris felt Darren shaking from laughter as he fed Chris. Chris heard the sound of a metal spoon scraping against the bottom of a glass dish and he smiled a little and let out a contented sigh. "That was delicious. Thank you."
"Mmm, anytime," Darren murmured before leaning on top of Chris and pressing a swift kiss to the corner of Chris's mouth. Then Darren stood up swiftly and walked over to the TV to turn it on. "But wake up, Prince Chris! We've got a royal wedding to watch!"
"Mrghhh," Chris groaned, shielding his arms over his face. "I liked it better when you were feeding me."
"I'll still feed you," Darren said sweetly. "Three minutes till it starts. I'll go get the rest of the food."
Chris nodded and rolled over, burying his face in the cushions of the couch. The corner of his mouth still tingled from where Darren had kissed him and he could still taste the strawberries on his tongue and he really loved Darren a whole lot, but he was tired and he actually hated British accents and he should have never let Darren convince him to fly to LA just to watch a wedding on TV.
All too soon Darren was shuffling back towards the couch and placing the pink box of food down on the floor. Darren's hands were warm on Chris's shoulders and Chris felt limp and pliable in Darren's hands as Darren pulled him onto his lap. Darren leaned back against the couch, bringing Chris with him. His arms wrapped snugly around Chris's waist and he ran his hands up and down Chris's sides. Chris let his head fall back onto Darren's shoulder and Darren's breath was hot and tickly in Chris's ear as he whispered, "It's about to start, Chris."
Chris groaned and turned to bury his face in Darren's neck, fisting his hands in the material of Darren's ridiculous pajamas. "Wanna sleep," he mumbled.
Darren laughed lightly and he kissed the top of Chris's head fondly. "We can sleep later. But the wedding's about to start now."
"Later," Chris mumbled into Darren's neck. "We can record it."
"But we worked so hard to decorate," Darren urged, tickling Chris's side affectionately. Chris didn't budge. Darren frowned and then said, "I made the good kind of fudge."
Chris finally pulled away from Darren's neck and looked at Darren seriously. "The kind you made for Valentine's Day?"
Darren smiled. "The very same. Do you want some, Prince Chris?"
Chris nodded eagerly, his eyes darting toward the pink box on the ground.
"And you'll be a good little Prince and watch the wedding with me?" Darren asked, leaning a little away from Chris so he could reach down into the box and clumsily grab the fudge.
Chris eyed the fudge in Darren's hand and nodded. He vaguely noticed that the TV had begun to show images of England leading up to the wedding.
Darren opened the fudge with a smile and placed one generously-cut piece into Chris's mouth. "What are you looking forward to the most?"
"About what?" Chris asked through a mouthful of fudge.
Darren rolled his eyes and poked Chris's side. "About the wedding, silly."
"Oh," said Chris, swallowing. "Making fun of all the goofy hats there are bound to be, definitely."
Darren chuckled. "Yeah there probably will be a number of those."
"How about you?" Chris asked.
"Hmm…" Darren pondered, looking at the TV screen. "I want to see Kate Middleton's dress. There've been speculations, but I think only Sarah Burton knows what it really looks like. I hope she goes Grace Kelly style. Her dress was gorgeous, with the lace and the train…" Chris snickered, but Darren continued, his eyes lit up and dancing merrily. "Or! Or, I'm most looking forward to seeing Prince William's face when he sees her. That's one of the best parts of weddings, the look on the groom's face when he sees the bride."
Chris tugged gently at Darren's curls, laughing softly. "Sometimes I forget that I'm the gay one, you know." Darren smiled, leaning his head into Chris's hands. "You're a cheese ball," Chris continued. "And you're lame, too, because I know you stole that last idea from 27 Dresses."
"And the fact that you know it was from 27 Dresses means you're a cheese ball too," Darren commented, laughing. "Now shush, it's starting!"
Chris and Darren sat cuddled together for the next four hours, feeding each other delicious desserts, laughing at the outrageous hats, and making fun of the commentators. Darren actually cried during the wedding vows ("It's just so precious and beautiful, Chris! She's becoming a princess!"), and Chris found himself smiling goofily when Kate and William finally kissed ("Ugh, okay, yeah, I'll admit they're cute."). By the time the TV coverage for the wedding ended, everything from the pink sweets box had been eaten (except for the odd-looking British pudding Darren had attempted to make edible), and both men were exhausted from hours of eating and laughing. Somehow in the span of four hours, they had switched positions, and Darren was now sitting contentedly between Chris's legs, his head resting on Chris's left collarbone.
"Do I have to go back to DC?" Chris whined from behind Darren. "Can't we just stay here?"
"But you're one of Time's 100 most influential people," Darren said, laughing softly. "You get to tour DC with the big shots, babe."
Chris groaned, his head falling back into the sofa. "Can't you go with me? Or, better yet, for me? You're influential."
Darren snorted and squeezed Chris's leg. "Are you kidding me? I'm not influential. But you…" Darren cleared his throat before continuing. "Chris, I feel lucky every day just to know you. Not just because you're famous... Your voice, your acting, although those are amazing and influential too, that's not it. Your personality though... You're influential because you're so kind and generous. You went through so much and yet you never lost your confidence or your ability to love. And... Fuck, Chris. You influence my life every day."
Chris tightened his arms around Darren's waist and pressed a kiss to his neck. "You're sweet to me," Chris whispered breathily, his words tickling Darren's ear. "I love you."
Darren smiled and hummed happily. "Mmm, love you more," he murmured. "Let's sleep."
"But—" Chris yawned. "Gotta plane... Too early... Security... Tired."
Darren laughed sleepily. "I set an alarm for 7:15. Airport's not far away, your stuff's packed, and you're Chris freaking Colfer... Security guards love you... Security guards think you're hot..." Yawn. "Security guards are your slaves... They bow down to you..."
Chris giggled and pulled Darren closer. He was too tired to argue and Darren had made a good point and he was really warm and the airport wasn't far away and sleep sounded really good. So they slept.
Although Darren's alarm didn't end up going off until 7:45, Chris made his flight on time, thanks to Darren's speedy driving ("I'm more awake than you are and you drive like a grandma anyway.") and accommodating security guards ("This is Chris Colfer. He's on his way to DC to have a personal tour of the White House with the 99 other most influential people."). Darren had hugged him tightly at the security gate, fervently whispering reminders to be safe and exclamations of how proud he was of Chris. When Darren had finally let him go, Chris had winked and said, "I'll text you and tell you everything that happens," before running to his gate.
When Darren got a text from Chris saying, "Got to tour DC with a bunch of people I care less about than you, but our White House tour was cancelled. Fuck Bin Laden," he laughed and began to compose a reply with a fond smile on his face. It had been a good week.
So I started writing this back when the Royal Wedding was still new and happening and people wanted to hear about it. Now it is semi-lame to publish this, but oh well! I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you liked writing it. Also, this is supposed to be part of "Chris Colfer's Dream Guy," and I may or may not add this to that story when the timeline reaches this point.
Now that it's summer for me, I plan on updating my other stories a lot more often! And by that, I mean more than never, and probably closer to two updates a week (total, not per story...). I hope this works for everyone and I apologize that I've been missing in action! Thank you for reading and I adore you all! :)