Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I just write for them.
A/N: I was reading through this chapter and it was literally too painful to finish. I remember when I first started writing this fiction. I was younger and more naive, but now I think I can do this story some justice.
I will never understand why I bothered to waste my time trying to talk James out of feeding off humans. I should have known it was going to go in one ear and right out the other. Something told me Laurent and I shouldn't have left him alone, but we thought we could trust James to behave while we went hunting. We were so terribly wrong.
Laurent and I had just return from our hunt. We both decided to turn over a new leaf and try an alternative lifestyle by drinking from animals instead of humans. They're not as good or filling, but I feel like I'm becoming a better vampire for it.
We knew James would be able to hear our return just fine since he is still on the fence about his choice of meal, but when we reached the house we couldn't hear any kind of movement. We quickly rushed inside and searched every room in a matter of seconds. We both knew without a doubt that if he wasn't here we knew where to find him.
We were able to track him down within an hour outside a city in Canada. He must have been hungry because he had a pile of bodies staking up and those are just the ones that were around him now. Who knows how many others he could have gotten to in the meantime? He has always been a greedy bastard when he feed. Honestly though the excessive amount of blood he takes isn't even the part of this that's bothering me. The part that I'm really pissed off about is the fact that I specifically asked him to keep it to a minimum until it was time to move, and then he runs off and pulls this bullshit! I am beyond livid there isn't a word to even begin to describe how I fell right now.
"You are one selfish ass son of a bitch did you know that?" I say in a normal tone too pissed off to yell. "I asked you nicely to keep your feeding to a minimum while we are still living in this area, and you seriously couldn't even do that for me?!" I say feeling my anger beginning to take over.
"You know Vicky just because you decided you wanted to be a goody goody two shoes with a permanent stick up her ass don't mean I have to be. If you want to feed off animals by all means be my guest, but I was hungry and bored. Besides you left me alone what did you expect me to do?" He says trying to actually put all of the blame on me and Laurent. How in the hell did he manage to spin that in his twisted ass mind.
"Keeping talking James I mean really please because I will have no problem shoving my foot up your ass. How in the hell is this in any way mine or Laurent's fault? You're the one with no self-control! Besides what's so wrong with me trying to be a better person?" I'm seriously considering shoving my foot up his ass just because I can right now.
"Where's the fun in having self-control? And don't give me that bullshit better person speech again please I don't think I would be about to survive through another one. Ever since we came back state side almost two years ago you've been on this whole 'no more humans' only animals' crusade. Just because you were able to sucker Laurent into doing it with you don't mean I'm stupid enough to do it too. We're vampires act like it dammit." He shouts at me clearly losing control of his temper.
"I honestly don't know or care what the hell your malfunction is right now, but I'm about 5 seconds away from ripping your head off your shoulders. You have shown today that the one thing that is important to me doesn't mean a damn thing to you which is fine. But keep in mind I have never asked you for anything especially not something as important to me after this don't you dare ever fix your mouth to call yourself my brother. I don't even know what to say to you anymore." I say as I turn my back on him and take off back to the house. I don't know or care about how he plans to clean up his mess as long as he gets it done and leaves me the hell alone.
I have honestly never been so disappointed in James than I am right now. Ever since we realized we weren't mates he and I have had a bit of a strained relationship. Don't get me wrong he and I are closer now that we were back when we thought we were mates, but in a different way. He and I actually talk now but now that I think about it I wonder how much he actually listened to what I had to say.
I lean on the wall next to my window looking out into the forest. I feel bad for being so harsh to James, but how dare he try and blame me and James because he's a selfish bastard with no self-control. I probably shouldn't have said that part about him calling himself my brother, but what he said really hurt me. Just because I live off animals it doesn't make me any less of a vampire than he is.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I hear somebody knocking on my door. I can tell by the smell that it's James on the other end.
"Go away James. I have nothing left to say to you." I sigh as I continue to look at the forest.
"Victoria will you please let me come in I just want to talk. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. You didn't deserve that I just let my anger at myself get the best of me and you just happened to be an innocent bystander." I can hear the sincerity in his tone of voice. I really don't want to talk to him right now, but I will give him the opportunity to apologize face to face.
"Come in," I sigh as I push off the wall and walk to my bed to sit down.
He quickly opens my door and peaks his head through as if to make sure I wasn't planning a sneak again. When he sees the coast is clear he quickly walks in and closes the door behind him. He looks at my bed for a second thinking about sitting next to me but decides against it and instead grabs the extra chair I keep in my room for when Laurent and I have out late night talks. He places the chair in front of me and sits down sighing. "What I said outside the door was all I had prepared honestly. I never thought you would actually let me in your room." He says as he looks down at his hands sadly.
"James just say what you have to say so you can leave. I really just can't with you right now." I say looking everywhere in my room but at him.
"Victoria please look at me. I'm sorry for what I said you didn't deserve such disrespect especially after working so hard to do something I don't think I'm strong enough to do." What he says catches my attention as I finally look at him. "I shouldn't have basically called you a fake vampire. I was just really angry with myself for going too overboard with my feeding I mean hell I was acting like a damn newborn instead of an almost 400 year old vampire. I shouldn't have been acted like an ass and trying to blame you and Laurent for something that totally wasn't your fault." The fact that he called me a fake vampire isn't what bothered me. The fact that he has no respect for what I say or what I'm trying to do is my biggest problem.
"I don't really care about that all that much. The fact that you disregard everything I say and treat it as if it's nothing or unimportant to you is what I'm really upset about. You know that I have been making all of the changing in my life because I feel like it's necessary. Every day since I started feeling this mysteries pull on my subconscious I have been making strides to better myself. We both know I don't know why, but you know that and still don't seem to care about any of it." I say as I feel myself starting to get upset, but not at James but because I don't know what any of this means and I spend so much time thinking about it. Laurent and I have talked about it and he thinks it's caused by me being close to my mate. Laurent is far older than both James and I combined so I rely on him for information like this and trust what he has to say.
"I know you are Victoria and I didn't mean to make it seem like I didn't care about what you have to say because I do honestly. I didn't mean to make it seem like what your feeling isn't important to me because it is, and I know how much this pull worries you and I don't mean to add on. You're my sister and what you say really does mean something to me, and I'm sorry my actions don't back up my words. You deserve people in your life who are going to support you and help you instead of try and bring you down like I have. So from this day forward I'm going to adopt your diet and I will truly try this time I swear. I know I really messed up today, but I would like to try and make it up to you if you'll let me." I smile as I stand up and pull him into a hug. I'm still mad at him for what he did earlier, but what he said has helped improve my mood.
"Thank you for saying that it really means a lot to me, but you are so not off the hook yet. I'm holding you to what you said about being a vegetarian vampire." I smile as I release him from my hug and start pushing him towards my door. "Now leave I want to be left alone to think for a while."
"I'm going. I'm going." He says as he opens my door. He stops and looks at me over his shoulder. "Oh and Vicky, thank you for giving me another chance even though I was a complete ass." He says as he walks out of my room closing the door behind him.
I sigh as I crawl into bed underneath the covers. I get comfortable on my back as I stare up at my ceiling lost in thought about how much my life has change since returning to America. I really hope that whoever is causing me to feel so much confusion in my head and in my heart is truly worth all of it.
A/N 2: I finally got around to redoing these first 11 chapters because I read through them and they were painfully terrible. I have grammar errors and some places not even I know what the hell I'm trying to say. I'll keep y'all updating as I redo every chapter and when I'm done be looking out for new ones! FINALLY!