AN: Wrote this long time ago - It's just a random rap about Twilight :)

EDIT: Approaching the two year anniversary, I decided to revamp this, fix typos and such - and replace all of my censored curse words, lol. I was so young when I wrote this, I was hella reluctant to post anything vulgar, so I bleeped out everything with asteisks, lol. But now I don't give a shit. Haha, enjoy. ~ Aly


Bella was a stuck-up, conceited girl

When she stumbled into the Cullen's world

She met Edward Cullen and that was it

She loved him even he's full of shit

Along came Jacob, who acts like a fag

With no shirt on, makes you wanna gag

Bella loved them both, what a whore

Had all this attention but wanted more

This crazy love triangle begins to mold

At least, that's what we were told

But there is one detail that is clear

Both guys are insanely queer

One's a dog who is oh-so-dire

While the other is a gay vampire

Who will win Bella's heart?

Well, the shit's about to start

Here comes James with his coven of friends

There to kill Bella, hoping its the end

But there goes Edward, saving the day

The whole rescue scene was so cliche

Next in the story Edward leaves

Bella whines and pouts, what a baby

Her heart is aching, she is hurt

Jacob refuses to wear a shirt

Now there are all these damn werewolves

It's all because Forks is in peril

Bella like the piece of shit she is

Breaks Jake's heart, no goodbye kiss

Cuz it's off to save Edward in Italy

He wants to die, with the Volturi

Duh, Bella helps him out in time

But the Volturi won't forget his crime

So once again people wanna kill Bella

Or maybe just her vampire fella?

But seriously, who the hell cares

Just throw this book down the goddamn stairs

Things start to heat up back at home

Jacob won't leave Bella alone

Edward gets jealous, they start to fight

Bella doesn't know who is right

She still loves them both, still a slut

Just pick one - the leech or the mutt

The only thing this chick is good for

Is breaking her ass on the hardwood floor

And now the creepy newborns are here

Bella of course needs to disappear

Running from them, she trips over a ditch

Really, she's such a clumsy bitch

Soon the newborns leave, all is swell

I swear, Bella needs to rot in hell

She and Edward decide to elope

Jacob is upset, starts to emo mope

On their honeymoon, they play in the water

And end up with a strange mutant daughter

Jacob loves her with all his heart

That's when the crap began to start

The Volturi gather to kill the bad asset

Bella goes all psycho bitch on their asses

The Volturi leave, beaten fair and square

Bella flips them off, jumps in the air

The meadow fills with hysterical laughter

Everyone has their fucking happily ever after


AN: Epic, right? xD Review, pleaze? ~Aly