I don't own Harry Potter…T-T
She stared through the tears clouding her vision and the black veil covering her face at the single coffin being lowered into the ground. He was gone. After only four short years of marriage, he was gone…
They were alone now. Their son and her. Harry was only a year old, to young to remember him when he was older. She had to raise him on her own now. And it was all Pettigrew's fault.
They had put their trust in him, made him their secret keeper. He was suppose to keep them safe, suppose to be their friend…but he betrayed them. He had been the snitch to Voldemort all this time.
The Dark Lord had come for them on Halloween night. James had tried to hold him off as long as he could, but he was thrown out of the way. He came after her next, after she had barricaded herself and Harry into the nursery. He had forced the door open, casting aside the few articles of furniture she'd managed to stack in front of it with a wave of his wand. Desperately, she dropped her son into his crib and flung her arms out to try and protect him. She'd begged… but it had done no good. He'd raised his wand to cast the curse that would have ended her life…
But she was saved. Her husband, left alone because it was thought he was unconscious and therefore unable to do anything, was suddenly in front of her. Green light illuminated the room…and he fell. Not even batting an eye, the wand was next pointed at her. She felt herself being pulled away from the crib and flung against the wall…
Harry began to cry.
Looking back, she saw him point the wand that had cast so many deaths into her child's face… heard the mouth that had spoken so many curses speak the dreaded words…
And watched as he broke… the most feared dark wizard in history simply disappear with a flash of light, and her vision explode. Then nothing but black…
And it had all been Pettigrew's fault. That had been three days ago, and so far she would not have made it without Padfoot's help. He'd taken care of the funeral arrangements, as well as having the old Potter Manor cleaned up. He forced her to stay there for now… He had shown up not long after it had happen. He'd been led to the nursery by Harry's crying. He'd found James's lifeless body… and had been shocked to find out she was still alive.
She'd woken up in St. Mungo's, Sirius asleep by her bed with her baby in his arms. Hagrid and Professors' Dumbledore and McGonagall were also sitting at her bedside. They'd gotten out of her what had happen, as well as got the reporters to leave them alone. The Healers checked them both out, and pronounced them healthy. They were no worse for wear after the encounter…except for the scar. The still slightly bleeding lightning shaped scar her son would have for the rest of his life.
She looked down at her son now, who was in her arms. The eyes that looked back may have been her's, but his looks were all his father's. They could have been twins…
Around her were so many mourners. School friends, old Professors, family, other Order members… Three days since James's death, and a single one since she'd received the news about Alice, her best friend, and Frank Longbottom's torture at the hands of Death eaters.
"Lils? It's time to go now," she heard. Looking up, she met the silver eyes of Sirius. Although usually vibrantly happy and carefree… now they held the weight of the world. She wasn't the only one who'd lost someone with James's passing. He had lost his best friend. His brother in all but blood.
"Alright Siri…" she whispered, looking away. Once more her gaze drifted to her husband's grave. He was gone.
"Well Mrs. Potter, you have some things to decide now," Albus Dumbledore said, his voice grave. "You and James put your faith in the wrong person with Peter… and very little good has come of it. Only that Voldemort is momentarily defeated."
That got her attention, as well as Sirius. The dog Animagus had basically moved in with her ever since the funeral to make sure she was ok. She was thankful for him. He was the only reason she had been able to make it this far.
"What? But he's gone! I saw him disappear myself!"
"I believe," the old man began, "that he has been temporarily weakened. He has most likely gone into hiding until he can regain his strength. I think it best that you lay low for awhile, until things calm down. The Minister of Magic himself has asked me several time already for you to give an interview to the Daily Prophet. So far, I have managed to steer him away. But if you would like to…" he trailed off.
She should have known this was coming.
"Professor, I appreciate all you've done for me…but right now it's to painful. I just want to focus on raising Harry and trying to move on from my husband's death," she said in a low voice, devoid of any motion but grief.
"Very well Lily. I'll leave you three alone then…" With that, the long haired man stood up and walked toward the fireplace. He drew his want and pointed it, causing the hearth to burst into flames. Next, he drew a small bag out of his robes. Out of it, he pulled a hand full of a full colored powder which he threw into the fire causing them to flash bright green.
"Good day to you," he said pleasantly before stepping into the emerald colored flames and turning on the spot. He soon disappeared, and she remembered nothing else for some time.
Memories are a fickly thing. They enjoy sneaking up on you when you least want them, and fleeing from you when you reach for them. To her, the memories of her late husband plagued her waking days. She lost track of time. All emotion seemed to desert her except for self pity and grief.
She did not move from her bed. She didn't take care of her child, he who needed her. Nightmares of that night haunted her dreams…his flinging of himself in front of the curse…and the slumping of his body like a marionette with its strings cut. Over and over she was forced to watch.
She must have screamed out at some point because a pair of strong arms wrapped partially around her. She felt herself being pulled into something ward and hard…a man's chest. It wasn't the body she wanted to be up against…but it worked. Slowly looking up, she met the familiar silvery eyes. Then, she buried her face into Sirius' muscled chest and wept. His arms came around her completely. He held her for a long time. He held her when the tears turned into hysterics, when they turned into gasping sobs, and when the crying finally stopped, still he held her to him. It was one of the few comforts he could give.
"You think you'll be OK for right now?" he asked gently, stroking the back of her head softly. She should her head.
"Sirius, please stay," she whispered urgently, fearing being alone. If she were alone, the darkness that had temporarily abated would come rushing back to capture her again.
He sighed and nodded, crawling into bed next to her. He sat up for a moment and leaned over her curled form. "It'll be OK Lily-flower. I promise," he whispered in her ear, then kissed her forehead. Then he laid back down besides me. Soon after the redhead fell asleep, thankful for the breathing next to her. Sometime in the night, her body had found it's way to him, because when they awoke, they were still intertwined.
After that first night, Sirius had basically moved in. The one night he hadn't been there, she had woken up screaming yet again from the memories... Since he was there every night lending comfort, the nightmares barely happened. But without him there to shield her…they had returned in force, much worse than it had ever been before. After that, she hadn't been able to let herself fall back asleep for fear of being forced to watch again. She'd ended up brewing a pot of tea and sipping it while watching her son sleep. It had helped her calm down enough that when he returned, she'd been able to get some rest. He was there every night after that.
He was quickly becoming her best friend and confidant. They leaned on each other for support. Who else could help them? The best friend and the widow, the brother in all but blood and the mother of his child. They didn't talk much at home, but attempted to fill the silence. She cooked, he attempted to clean. They shared the duty of watching Harry.
Christmas was a quiet affair, nowhere near joyousness of the past holidays they had shared together. Without James there, and the wounds of Wormtail's betrayal… Only Remus came over, and together they watched the toddler open his presents. He had no idea they sadness the adults around him felt.
Slowly, time passed. Winter turned to Spring, and Spring to Summer. Her birthday passed without the small celebration that had become tradition in her short life with her husband. His birthday passed without the huge party his mates had thrown him every years since they had all become friends. Both days were sad ones for her and she spent them in bed, not even bothering to get up to eat.
Harry's second birthday arrived, and they threw him a small party. There were many more people in attendance at this one that the first, with Remus, the Professors Flitwick, McGonagall, and Dumbledore, Hagrid, and Madame Pomfrey. It was all she could do not to cry, seeing him play with the small plushy versions of the Quidditch balls that James had bought him so long ago for this day…
More time passed, and slowly she began to heal. Slowly the vast void that had appeared inside her at her husband's death began to close. She was always aware that he was gone… but slowly the thought became easier to bare for her.
Many years passed, and before she knew it Harry was already four. By then, she'd ceased needing Sirius's presence around to help ward off the nightmares…but he still stayed around. He'd originally stayed on for her sake, and just never drifted on. She was happy for that, having finally gotten used to the dog Animagus's presences and habits…
Currently, she was in the middle of trying to figure out what to fix for supper. Moony had just left from one of his rare visits. It wasn't that he was angry at them for not trusting him for a time…but that it was to hard to be with them. After all, how does one try and recreate something with just two people when once there was twice that many? One of the members being dead because of the other that is missing?
"Sirius, what would you like for supper?" she called out softly, trying to keep her voice loud enough to reach her roommate but low enough to not wake her napping son. No answer was forthcoming…but a familiar sound was heard. The quiet sound of someone sobbing…but trying to hide it. As it wasn't the squeakish sounds Harry made…it could only be Sirius. Wasn't he the only other one in the house?
"Sirius?" she called again, walking into the living room. He wasn't there. She called out his name several times, never receiving an answer. She hadn't really been expecting one.
She found him on the back sun porch. His back was to the glass French doors.
"Sirius?" she asked cautiously, unsure of how to approach him. She'd never seen him like this.
He looked over his shoulder at her, and for the first time in the ten years she known him there were tears in his eyes. Wordlessly, she did the only thing she could think of. She did for him what he had done for her so long ago. And it proved to be the right thing to do.
He seemed to sink gratefully into her embrace. Although not strong enough to lift his arms to hug her back, but resting his head on her shoulder… He was unable to hold in the sobs that were beginning to wrack through his body. She drew him nearer as he sobbed harder, and he hid his face in her neck. She seldom saw him show emotion, but now she was kind of relieved. How do you truly comfort someone who didn't grieve? Without asking, that's what she knew he was so upset about. When James had died, he'd never let himself grieve while taking care of her.
The two had been brothers, and brothers should never be separated from each other no matter what. She knew that that fact was true as she was holding the consequence in her arms. When his tears began to slow, she was still holding him. Stroking his hair and hushing him, just as he had done for her so many years ago. He hiccupped. She felt helpless, there was nothing she could do to truly help him. What she didn't know is that she'd already helped him. He hardly noticed the pain anymore, the overwhelming feelings of warmth and protection now coursing threw him.
Picking his head up from her shoulder, he looked wordlessly at her…It was Sirius that leaned forward slowly, his eyes peering questioningly into hers. Not really knowing what she was doing, she had begun shutting her eyes and leaning forward close enough for their lips to touch. And oh did they touch…
An electric flame seemed to run through her at his touch. His lips were warm and soft, and for one long moment, she had forgotten her own name. How long had it been since she kissed someone? Two years… not since James's death.
It was at this moment that what she was doing. She was in the process of kissing Sirius. SIRIUS! Her best friend! Her dead husband's best friend/brother! That fact in itself was a little weird for her. Before she could think of anything else, she had broken the kiss and pushed him away. He looked at her, shock in his face that was mirrored in her emerald green eyes.
"S-s-sorry," she forced out, stuttering so badly she was surprised she could still talk. She was shaking badly. Wordlessly, he stretched out a hand to comfort her. But before he could touch her skin, she had fled back into the house.
He stared wordlessly at his godson. For the last few years, he'd watched over Lily and this little guy… While he had the shape and color of Lily's eyes, there was no disagreeing that he wasn't James's son. It was impossible not to know, with the same unruly wildness that was the Potter family's trademark. Every male in the Potter family had the same hair, that which started off as dark as dark as midnight and ended up the color of snow.
He knew how badly his friend had wanted to raise Harry, to teach him about Quidditch and how to flirt with girls… but it hadn't been meant to be. He'd died before his time, and it was his fault. Wasn't he the one who had convinced them to use Peter as the Secret Keeper?
What a great idea that turned out to be. Now James was dead and Pettigrew on the run. He would have gone after the rat, except Lily and Harry had needed him that night. It was actually a pretty good thing that he didn't pursue him. He'd been cornered the next morning by about twenty Aurors in Muggle London, although they hadn't done much good. The whole street had been blown apart by the traitor, and he had escaped into the sewers. Eleven Muggles had been killed.
At least he'd been able to help Lily though…
This particular train of thought brought his mind back to the matter at hand. He'd just kissed Lily Evans-Potter. A woman that had lately been married to his best friend and brother. He thought of her as a sister for Merlin's sake! …didn't he?
He'd never thought about it before. While at Hogwarts, he'd always been a lady's man. James had staked claims on Lily early on in their school career, so he hadn't so much as looked at her. To now be faced with this… he didn't know anymore. Maybe it was because he hadn't been with a girl in a little over two years. For a playboy, that was a little long.
Guess this was a Moony question…
She tried to busy herself chopping potatoes for stew, but it was a task that only busied her hands…not her mind. How do you get over something like this? Being kissed by someone you'd lived with for two years? Who was your best friend?
She sighed and pushed her hair out of her face.
For nearly three years, she had put James's memory before anything. She still wore her wedding rings for Merlin's sake! She wasn't ready for something like this…and even if she was, Sirius? Never! It would just be to weird…
"Um…Lils?" she heard behind her.
Turning slowly, she saw the very person currently occupying her thoughts. He was scratching his shaggy black hair awkwardly, blushing slightly and being careful not to look at her.
"About what happened earlier… I'm really sorry," he muttered, his blush deepening. "I don't know what came over me, but I didn't mean to do it."
"It's alright Padfoot," she said with a sigh, "If you hadn't notice, I did kiss back."
He nodded and asked, "So can we forget this ever happened?"
"Yeah, we can," she said with a smile. Her first true one since her husband's death.
So they agreed to forget… easier said than done.
AN: Please keep in mind that this is my first attempt at a Harry Potter fan fiction. I don't particularly like the Lily/Sirius pairing, but I got an idea for the story and I couldn't resist writing it. If I've written something wrong, please let me know. Let me know what you think anyways.
Thanks for reading anyway!