I'm Marrying your Imaginary Boyfriend

Hermione Granger is getting married and her cousins have never met her fiancé. A day before the wedding, Tamara Granger tells Hermione that she is dating Draco Malfoy and that he is a lot more charming than Hermione's "ugly" fiancé. ONESHOT


"HOLY BLOODY HELL," A raven haired woman screeched as she grabbed Hermione Granger's hand. "THAT IS ONE ROCK!"

The once bushy haired, buckteeth woman smirked meticulously at her beloved cousin. Smirking was an art her fiancé had taught her throughout their seven years in wizarding school together. The now gorgeous young woman of nineteen, with pearly white perfect teeth and long soft tendrils yanked her hand away from her cousin.

"I know," Hermione was never great at modesty. "He only gives me the best."

Tamara Granger, Hermione's paternal cousin, exchanged nasty looks with her younger sister, Samara. "How come we've never met this amazing fiancé of yours, Her-my-on-knee?" Samara pronounced each syllable of her cousin's name. "You two have been engaged since how long now?"

"Graduation," Hermione shrugged as she continued packing her clothes. She was getting married the next day and her father-in-law-to-be had told her to have her things packed as he was going to send his butler to retrieve her things- just so she wouldn't be clothless the next day after his son brings her home.

"And how come we've never seen him?" Tamara sneered. "Is it because he's a gremlin like creature with a crooked nose, deformed teeth, a hunchback, with an underdeveloped penis?"

Hermione raised an eyebrow as she paused for a split second from her packing. "His penis is probably overdeveloped. Lord only knows how beastly that thing is."

Tamara and Samara's jaw dropped before they both burst into laughter. "Overdeveloped? Oh lord Hermione," Tamara wiped her tear away, "your fiancé has nothing on my boyfriend's penis..."

Hermione stopped backing. "Really? I didn't know you had a boyfriend..."

Samara glanced at her sister. "Neither did I... who is he?"

Tamara looked between the two girls. "Well... we wanted to keep it a secret but I guess we can't anymore! His name's Draco Malfoy, he's the owner of Cobra Enterprises..."

Hermione bit her lower lip. "Really? How long have you two been dating for?"

Samara nodded as her cousin stated the question. She wasn't aware her sister was dating the sexiest man alive... that wasn't fair! How did Tamara snag a beast like him...? Samara wanted one; maybe Draco Malfoy had a cousin that Tamara could introduce her to!

"A year and a half," Tamara said through her smug grin, "he showers and lavishes me with expensive gifts and I bet Drakie-poo could afford a much bigger rock than yours."

Hermione snorted. "My rock has sentimental value. Perhaps Mister Malfoy is with you because you spread your legs so easily?"

"At least I get action. You've been a freakin' nun our entire childhood. And then you think you're all that because you go to this fucking private school that nobody's ever heard of. I Googled Hogwarts and nothing came up."

Hermione shrugged. "It's prestigious."

"AUGH!" Tamara snarled. "You're just jealous I'm dating Draco!"

"Yes," Hermione absentmindedly went back to packing her things, "I'm so jealous Tam..."


"Lord, you are giving me a headache," Hermione rubbed her temples, "will you shut up? If you can't then please leave, I don't need a migraine the night before my wedding."

Tamara muttered some incoherent words before grabbing her sister's arm and dragging her out of her cousin's bedroom. "She's just jealous I have this hot, sexy, smart, rich boyfriend and she's marrying the goddamned hunchback of Notre Dame."


"Today's the big day," Hermione breathed as she sat in the limo beside her maid of honour, Ginny Weasley and her two bridesmaids, Tamara and Samara Granger (courtesy of her mother chiding her).

"You'll do fine," Ginny hugged her friend, "all of us are right there up front. Somehow they managed to convince your fiancé to have Harry and Ron as his groomsmen."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I think he was forced to do it- your clan probably ganged up on him."

Ginny giggled. "Probably..." Then she turned to Tamara. Ginny had heard how Tamara was dating Draco Malfoy, her ex-schoolmate from her best friend Hermione. She had a good laugh when she heard it. "Is your mate coming?"

Tamara jumped. "Huh?"

"Draco," Ginny repeated impatiently, "is the bloke coming?"

Tamara growled. "He is not a bloke and no he won't be! I invited him but he has to go to Switzerland for an emergency business meeting with his father."

"Oh," Ginny smirked, "what a shame huh?"

"Yeah!" Tamara's voice rose, "I would've loved to see the looks on your faces when my sexy boyfriend walked out."

"Too bad," Hermione and Ginny muttered simultaneously. Just then, the limo door was pulled open by Hermione's two best friends and her fiancé's two groomsmen: Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley, behind them was the best man, Blaise Zabini.

"You ladies ready?" Harry inquired as Hermione nodded. She pulled her veil over her head and one by one, Harry helped the ladies out of the limo.

"Did you hear Hermione's cousin is dating Draco Malfoy?" Ginny stated loudly as she walked over to Blaise, her long time boyfriend that would be walking up with her to the altar just before Hermione made her grand entrance.

Ron raised an eyebrow as Samara took her place beside him. "Really? The bloke?"

Harry snickered. "We all called him the ferret in school... it was a ball..."

Tamara twitched. "WHY would you call my boyfriend a FERRET of all things?"

Ron shrugged. "Perhaps because he is one? Rude little bastard he is- how did you get him hitched?"

Tamara flipped her hair, "I am just amazing."

"Oh yes," Blaise muttered dryly, "for years I've heard the chap say how amazing his girlfriend is." He winked at Hermione. "I'm so glad I get to finally meet her today. Pleasure... really, Miss. Granger."

Harry coughed and Ginny had to hold back her laughter. "The bridal march is beginning!" Ginny cried. "Hermione, where's your father?"

As if like magic, John Granger appeared out of nowhere, clad in his tuxedo. "Are we ready? Pumpkin, you look beautiful."

Hermione smiled as she kissed her father's cheek. "Thank you daddy... let's go!"


It had been told to Draco Malfoy that he was refused to turn around at all during the bridal march and it killed him inside. He heard the music playing, he felt his mates approach behind him and the bridesmaids take their spots just two steps from where the podium was and he could see his fiance's white dress from the corner of his eye as she made to the platform but he was refused to look at her. As per Malfoy family tradition, the bridesmaids were to shift and stand behind the groom and the groomsmen were to stand behind the bride: to signify union and sharing amongst the future husband and wife.

Finally, after the parties swapped, Draco finally turned to see his beautiful blushing bride.

"You're beautiful," he whispered...

Hermione smiled shyly. "Thank you..." From the corner of her eye, she could see Tamara smiling smugly. I guess she hasn't seen the face of my husband yet... Hermione thought dryly...

"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of this man," the priest turned to Draco, "and this woman," he turned to Hermione, "in the home of God under holy matrimony. At this moment, should anyone wish to object this sacred binding, speak up now for forever hold your peace..."

And the ten second wait began. Draco could only watch Hermione stare up at him, biting her lips teasingly. He wanted to ravish her right then and there but he knew there was a time for that. He waited seven years to have her and two more years after that to marry her and now it was finally happening: Hermione Jean Granger was finally going to become Hermione Jean Malfoy- and the world would know her as Mrs. Draconis Lucius Malfoy...

That has a sexy ring to it. He thought smugly. Batting her eyelids, Hermione licked her lower lip.

'I want you,' she mouthed sexily to him and he raised an eyebrow.

'Tonight...' he mouthed back to her.

"And the rings?"

Draco snapped out of his reverie and looked at the priest. "Pardon me?" That was fast... Draco thought.

The minister's voice was flat. "The rings, sir..."

"Ah... yes..." Draco blushed in embarrassment as he took a step past Hermione to get the rings from Blaise who had them. The church laughed good-heartedly.

The minister smiled. "Do you, Miss. Hermione Jean Granger take this man here to be your lawfully wedded husband? To hold and to cherish him though sickness and in health, through better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

Hermione smiled tenderly at Draco. "I do..."

"And do you, Mr. Draconis Lucius Malfoy-" A gasp was heard and all eyes turned to Tamara. Draco slowly turned his head around to look at where the sound came from and missed the superior grin his wife shot at her cousin. The minister raised an eyebrow before continuing on with what he said, "do you, Mr. Draconis Lucius Malfoy take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To hold and to cherish her through sickness and in health, through better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do you part?"

He nodded at Draco who positioned the ring by Hermione's left ring finger:

"The wedding ring is the outward sign of an inward and spiritual grace, signifying to all the uniting of this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Let us pray. Bless, O Lord, the giving of these rings that they who wear them may abide in peace, and continue in thy favour. Amen..."

Draco smiled lovingly at his wife, "In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring I thee wed..." He slid the ring onto her finger and looked into her eyes, awaiting her response.

Hermione's eyes twinkled, "May it keep you ever in my heart and mind when we are absent from the other. Amen."

The minister nodded at Hermione who did exactly what Draco did.

"In token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love, with this ring, I thee wed..."

Draco felt the cool wedding band slip onto his finger, and he felt his life become complete. "May it keep you ever in my heart and mind when we are absent each from the other. Amen."

"Now repeat after me," The minister turned his head from Draco and then to Hermione, "Take and wear this ring as a sign of our marriage vows..."

Draco was first, "Take and wear this ring as a sign of our marriage vows..."

Hermione's heart was racing, "Take and wear this ring as a sign of our marriage vows..."

The minister continued, "And our faithful love for each other."

"And our faithful love for each other."

"And our faithful love for each other."

"With this ring I wed you; with my body I honour you; and with all my worldly goods I endow you." The minister finished and waited for the bride and groom to finish the prayers.

"With this ring I wed you; with my body I honour you; and with all my worldly goods I endow you." Draco's eyes bore into Hermione's.

"With this ring I wed you; with my body I honour you; and with all my worldly goods I endow you. Amen..." Hermione whispered. The minister raised his arms.

"And now, by the power vested in me and in the home of the father, the son and the Holy Spirit, I pronounce you man and wife!" The minister smiled at Draco. "You may kiss your bride."

The entire hall burst into applause as Draco lifted his wife's veil and planted his lips firmly onto hers.


"So," Hermione smirked at Tamara later that evening at the reception. "I see your boyfriend did manage to come to my wedding?"

Tamara's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. "Uh... well... you see..."

"It's a shame," Hermione tapped her chin, "In the past nine years that I've known him, he never once told me that he knew you." The Gryffindor girl shrugged. "Why is that?"

Samara was seething as she glared at her sister. "You lied to me?"

"Hey guys!" Ginny ran over. "Today was amazing! I love how Tamara's boyfriend really did show up!"

Tamara snarled. "Will you all shut it?"

Ginny's eyes twinkled in evilness. "But it's so hard... who would've thought your boyfriend came back from Switzerland so early to be at the wedding of your cousin!"

Hermione burst into laughter and missed the shocked look that crossed Tamara's eyes. Strong arms slithered around her waist and a soft kiss was placed on her cheek. "Hey beautiful," Draco's voice was like liquid gold. "What's so funny?"

Hermione's eyes flashed dangerously. "You never told me you were dating my cousin here? She told me you weren't gonna make it to my wedding because you were at a business meeting in Switzerland?"

"SHUT UP!" Tamara shrieked.

Ginny pat Draco's arm. "I'm glad you picked the better Granger."

Draco raised an eyebrow at Tamara. "When did I ever go out with you?"

"I HATE YOU ALL!" Tamara roared and left with a huff, Samara hot on her trail. The trio exploded into laughter and Hermione had to hold onto her sides because they hurt so much.

"She told me yesterday you were dating her. I wanted to laugh in her face but god I wanted to see her expression when she saw you at the ceremony even more." Hermione wheezed out.

Draco rolled his eyes. "There's not a Granger in the world that doesn't want me."

Hermione stopped laughing and Ginny took it has a hint to leave. "Is that so?" Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I am not-a-Granger that wants you."

"Oh really?"

Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm a Malfoy that wants you- Mrs. Malfoy that is."

Leaning forward, Draco's eyes twinkled devilishly as he pulled her body close. "I'll have you screaming my name tonight, Mrs. Malfoy."

Hermione leaned forward and licked his lips. "Not if I get you to scream first..."

And outside the reception hall was Tamara Granger, screaming and cursing at how the world was unfair.