Title: Roller Coaster
Spoilers: Season 7, Episode 1: Bags
A/N: I originally wrote this off a spoiler clip and then added to it after the episode aired. I really like the idea that maybe Nancy can't help who she is and that people can't help falling in love with her because Nancy is like a Roller Coaster.
When Nancy first met Zoya, she hadn't expected things to go as they did. Then again, Nancy never really expected things to end up the way they ended up. She had never actively planned to end up married to both a DEA agent and a mobster. She never actively planned to avoid getting wacked by said mobster with "Plan C." And yet here she is; and here Zoya was.
Zoya who was everything Esteban wasn't. She was kind where Esteban was cruel. She was soft, where Esteban was hard. Even here in prison where everything had a hard edge to it Zoya kissed her with a softness that Nancy had never known before. The Russian woman's fingers touched her breast with possessiveness that was endearing and not commanding. She made love to Nancy and didn't just fuck her.
Nancy wasn't sure if she liked it or hated it.
Every time she pushed Zoya against the wall of their cell and kissed her hard working her way for a quick fuck, Zoya switched their positions and slowed the kiss down and turned it into something Nancy had never really had before. Not even with Judah; Judah who loved her with all he had and built roller coasters for her. What a perfect metaphor for their relationship, one fucking big roller coaster. Its all fun and games until someone has a heart attack and dies on the street in front of their barely teenage son.
Nancy figured that was a good metaphor for her life. Fun and games until someone got hurt. Nancy knew she left a trail of bodies in her wake, both metaphorically speaking and real; and she knew that Zoya would eventually be one of those bodies as well, whether she meant it to be that way or not. It was just the way it was. No one survived her for long. Not really anyway. Even her own children were damaged goods now; but she tried to never think of that. She was like a shark. A shark on a roller coaster. She had to keep moving or she would die.
Nancy liked Zoya, she really did.
But she liked Peter and Esteban too and look what she did to them.
She doesn't want to ruin Zoya so she pushed or tried to but they live in a small cell and Zoya is so kind and so loving Nancy just can't say no to her.
Nancy sometimes wonders if that is her real punishment, her real sentence. Because if she isn't careful she could fall in love with Zoya and Nancy can't let that happen, because when Nancy falls in love with someone only bad things happen.
Because Nancy isn't really capable of love, and anyone who falls in love with her will learn that the hard way. They will learn that with Nancy it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt.
And that someone is never Nancy Botwin.