Authors Note: Well, this was completly unplanned. I've had P&F on the brain lately and this just popped out today. Like I literally have 3 otber oneshots that I'm working on and this just came out of nowhere today. I'm not completly satisfied with it, especailly the ending, but I'm still happy to have written it. I'm also not for sure on how well I like my characterization of Phineas in this one. Also, this is my 50th story! Yeah! Anyway review and tell me what you think!
Fifteen is by far the low point of my life thus far. There are plenty of things that I could probably name to explain why it's so horrible, but I think there's only one word I need to say to really sum it up: Puberty.
It's been Hell. I know most guys going through it don't overly like it, but it's been the worst thing that has ever happened to me!
See I first noticed it one day when I was talking to Isabella. I don't know what happened, but one minute we were talking about our science projects, and the next minute it just hit me. Isabella liked me. Like, she really liked me.
I had never noticed before that moment. But as she continued to talk I realized that nothing about the way she acted toward me had really changed over the years. I was just finally realizing her feelings for me.
It was like a bomb went off, and my shield of ignorance got torn away.
I didn't like her back. Not like that. But it wasn't like I could just tell her that. I could see that conversation going over well 'Hey Isabella, so I just realized you liked me, after nearly ten years of obvious flirting, and I wanted to let you know I don't like you back. Sorry you wasted two thirds of your life because of me.'
Yeah, not gonna have that conversation just yet.
Ferb's the only one who knows I don't like her. He's tried to steer her towards other people, but it's not really working.
And see Ferb is part of another one of my problems.
Girls love Ferb, hell, boys love Ferb! Everyone just loves Ferb! He's like a 6'1 British god. I blame the accent. That's what gets most girls hooked on him. At first they just think he's hot, but then he talks and they go crazy. Hell, at fifteen he dated Vanessa Doofenshmirtz! They didn't last, but how many fifteen year old guys get the chance to date a nineteen year old girl? A hot, nineteen year old girl? Not many, but Ferb did. And at seventeen he's even better looking, not to mention smarter, funnier, and just better. He really does get better with age. He's like fine wine, or something!
The thing about Ferb is that my fifteen year old body tends to see him in the exact same way that everyone else does. The word brother means absolutely nothing when I see him. My body just doesn't care that our parents are married.
And honestly it's not just when Ferb is around that my body acts up. Girls can say puberty is bad for them all they want, but until they've gotten a boner in the middle of their English presentation I don't want to hear it.
And it's in this moment, while I'm thinking of boners, that Ferb walks into our shared room with nothing but his boxers on. It's typical Ferb really. I mean Candace is away at college and our parents rarely come up to the second floor, and it's not like I haven't seen him in boxers before.
Of course that was before puberty. Now seeing him in boxers tends to send a tingle down to Phineas Jr.
"Hey." He says, before using the towel on his shoulder to dry his wet hair.
I watch in fascination. This same scene plays out most days. Ferb comes in from his shower, finishes drying his hair, and then finishes getting dressed. Of course ever since I turned fifteen I've created a fantasy in my head of how this event turns out.
See in my version, Ferb comes into the room with just a towel on. And once he's inside, he shuts and locks the door before taking his towel off and drying his hair, all while staring me in the eyes as I watch. Then he usually says something to the extent of 'Like what you see?' in his thick English accent before coming over to my bed, lying on top of me, and kissing me senseless.
As you can tell my body has taken over control of my mind, so now even my mind ignores that we're brothers. It's like my mind says 'You're just stepbrothers, no biggy.' Yeah, because we haven't grown up together or anything.
I watch as Ferb turns to grab clothes out of his top drawer. The muscles on his back seem to beckon to me to come over and touch them. And he's got these broad shoulders that are so perfect, that I just want to kiss them. All of him is so strong, and I can't help but want him.
The things I want to do to him are sick. The things I want him to do to me are even worse.
I try to calm myself and look away, but Phineas Jr. has already deemed it time to play. I silently curse to myself as I try to control my body, which has been an impossible feat since I turned fifteen. Are you seeing this pattern of age fifteen being terrible?
"You're being quiet." Ferb announces as he pulls a t-shirt over his head.
"Yeah, just thinking." I tell him, only to have my voice crack in the middle, because as if all my other problems weren't enough to deal with, my voice is changing.
"What about?" Ferb asks as he slides into a pair of skinny jeans. I can't even keep from looking at him.
"Umm, the dance coming up." There is a dance coming up, and I do need to talk to him about it.
"Okay," he says waiting for me to continue, as he moves to put his towel in our dirty clothes hamper.
"During student council they convinced Mrs. Crenshaw to get a band instead of a DJ; they wanted to know if we'd do it."
"Okay, figure 'Jeet and Buford will do it, Izzy if she wants." Ferb says nodding as he starts moving toward his bed.
"Sounds good." I say, still willing my erection to go down before Ferb notices.
It's only a few seconds later that Ferb sits down on his bed and turns to look at me for the first time since entering our room.
"You have a boner," he says as though I haven't noticed, which is somewhat ridiculous paired with the look on his face, that clearly states 'I just gave you a boner, didn't I?'
"I had one during my English project last week." I declare as though it will somehow make this situation less awkward, and convince him that it's just a coincidence that I got a boner while he was in our room half naked.
"What was your project?" He asks, as though he is actually interested in what type of project led to a hard-on.
"Book report." I say, trying to be brief, while still trying to think of anything that can defuse an erection caused by Ferb.
"What book?" He asks, and I really wish he hadn't.
"…Moby Dick." Park of me is surprised he's not laughing, because believe me everyone in my English class did.
"That's what Vanessa used to call my dick." And with that he picks up the book from his nightstand 'The Prince' by Niccolo Machiavelli, and begins reading, completely ignoring the growing blush on my face.
"Being fifteen sucks."
Ferb just chuckles.