Blaine didn't know what to do.
After Kurt had calmed down enough to rationalize the situation in his head he had begged Blaine not to tell anyone. Of course the first thing Blaine wanted to do was go and tell Burt, but his and Kurt's relationship was in a precarious enough position. He just couldn't risk it. These past couple of weeks with Kurt meant the world to him. To see Kurt in that much pain, hyperventilating and scared, Blaine felt something deep within the recesses of his heart break. Here was Kurt who was so strong and independent broken on the ground with only Blaine's cautious arms to anchor him.
This was not what Blaine was accustomed to.
They left the garage that Friday having done no work to the car and had barely spoken in the past two hours. Blaine looked over at Kurt unlocking his Navigator with a longing to follow him. Kurt's eyes were still puffy and he was sniffling every now and then to try and clear his nose. Before Kurt got into his car and Blaine lost him for two days he called out, "Kurt, you know if you need anything you can text me or call me. You don't have to be alone in all this."
Kurt was seated with one hand on the door handle. He looked contemplative for a moment before, "That's very kind of you Blaine, but I've been dealing with this for years. I'll find some new way to deal." He paused then, "Besides, here, at the garage, we have an excuse for being around each other. What excuse will you have if somebody finds out you've been calling and texting the resident homo. You wouldn't want your reputation ruined like that." Kurt then chose to meet Blaine's eyes. He had never seen them such an icy blue. There was chill that struck him through his chest and settled somewhere low in his belly. "Now would you?"
Blaine didn't have a chance to answer because Kurt then shut the door and pealed out the parking lot leaving him standing stunned.
Being covered in sweat, grease, and grim had never once made Blaine feel dirty. In fact he always embraced becoming disheveled and loving the physicality that came with the sweaty work.
But, Kurt's words made Blaine feel like dirt had settled within the joints of his bones and mud was pumping through his veins. He twitched trying to make the feeling go away, but it was still there. Kurt's words were bouncing around through his head. Did he mean that to be malicious? Blaine wanted to call Kurt… but what if someone did find out? Would he give them an excuse? Why the hell should he be explaining himself to anyone?
Blaine's head was pounding. His hands twitched and restlessness completely overtook his body. Which was why he had made his way over to the McKinley High football field and was now repeatedly kicking field goal after field goal.
His body was aching with the force that he was kicking. His leg snapped and a sharp pain twisted underneath his knee. There were pinpricks in his feet and behind his knees that were there probably because he wasn't wearing adequate shoes. He hadn't eaten since lunch at eleven that morning, and yet he didn't care. There was nothing his could do to make himself feel less dirty or for Kurt's tone of malice to leave him.
He had kicked yet another field goal when she spoke to him.
"Hey hobbit." He snapped his head towards to his left to find Santana Lopez standing in her Cheerios uniform with Brittany Pierce standing a couple yards back. Brittany seemed to be focused on looking at the sky, but Santana's eyes were narrowed on him.
"Can a help you with something?" he asked exasperatedly. Just standing there doing nothing was making him start twitching again.
"Not really. Unless you want to tell me what you fucked up badly enough that you had to come out here to blow off steam?" She cocked her manicured eyebrow with an all-knowing smirk.
Damn Santana Lopez.
"I didn't do anything." He turned back towards the field goal.
"I'm sure. Have fun working yourself up. But, it's not going to fix anything." With that she turned on her heel to walk back towards Brittany. But, before they walked off the field she called over to him, "You know, emotional suppression causes stunted growth and I'd hate for you to get even shorter. So, if you ever want to talk you can come to Britt and me. We're pretty good at keeping secrets."
They left then. Blaine stood for a moment with a furrowed brow considering her offer and then turned back to kicking the ever-living shit out of the footballs.
The weekend came and went with no word from Kurt. Blaine had spent a good part of Saturday in the bath trying to relax his sore muscles, but there was still a dull throb in his legs when he walked into school on Monday.
The first thing he wanted to do, or course, was to go find Kurt and make sure he was okay. But, a second of quick thinking reminded him that, no, this was McKinley and that he and Kurt weren't supposed to talk here. So, instead, he marched over to his locker and mechanically opened it, busying himself until the bell rang for class.
He just wanted to know if Kurt was okay, but he had no way of finding out until French class later that day.
It was five minutes after he heard the bell go off when Kurt decided to make his way into the school building. This seemed like the safest thing to do when Karofsky could be looming in the halls waiting to pounce on him at any moment.
He was at his locker feeling confident that he would make it to class in the clear, but when he shut it he saw Karofsky waiting for him. He was trapped like an animal being hunted.
"There you are." Karofsky seemed… almost relieved?
"I don't want you near me." Kurt managed to splutter out pressing himself as close to the lockers as physics would allow.
"Look, you didn't tell any one did you?" There was that subtle rage that Kurt knew so well.
"No." It was an easy lie. Within these walls Blaine was no one to him. He was no one to Blaine.
"Good, because if you tell anyone… I'm going to kill you."
With that Karofsky left and Kurt was still pressed up against his locker with his heart hammering in his throat.
There was no need for an excuse when Kurt dropped his books and ran out of the school. The only thing screaming inside his head was 'getoutgetoutgetoutgetout.'
Blaine arrived anxiously early for French with his eyes locked on the door. His heart leapt and fell every time the door opened and his realized Kurt hadn't walked through. Then, class started and horrid disappointment and dread creeped over Blaine and seeped into his skin. He didn't pay attention to the lecture, instead his hands twitched with the ache to leave and find Kurt.
Mercifully, the bell rang and Blaine ran through his options only to find that his best choice was in the room down the hall and to the left.
Blaine awkwardly walked into the choir room, quickly scanning it for the person he was looking for.
Finn was seated in the first row of chairs staring blankly at Rachel as she shuffled through a binder full of sheet music. There were a few others in the room as well. Mike Chang and his girlfriend, Tina, were waltzing around the piano while a tiny bearded man with glasses played the music. Quinn Fabray chose that moment to walk into the room and was the first to take notice of Blaine's foreign stance.
"What are you doing here?" she asked with that tone that always implied that she was secretly judging you are.
"I-I'm looking for Finn." Blaine stammered under her gaze, shifting over to glance at Finn hoping he would notice.
Finn looked up, saw Blaine, and his normally already confused face just grew the more so.
"Yeah, dude, what's up?"
"I just need to talk to you about something…" Blaine was now painfully away that every eye in the room was now scrutinizing him "… alone, just for a second, please."
Finn got up and followed Blaine into the hallway. The latter taking a deep breath before asking, "Do you know where Kurt's at?"
Finn blinked before shaking his head. "No, we drove separately this morning. He said something about needing extra time for a routine… or something, but yeah, he left later than usual. We don't have any classes together either. Why? What's going on?"
"Dammit." Blaine murmured before saying, "Kurt wasn't in French today. I'm… worried."
"No offense, man, but why should you be concerned about Kurt at all. You basically shun him every day."
There it was again, the mud seeping in, the fine layer of dirt that he could feel resting amongst the hairs of his skin. Blaine was beginning to think he might never feel clean again.
"Kurt's been helping me with my car… we've been talking outside of school and he's really nice, but…"
"But what, Blaine?" Finn was started to do that scary football player thing when they tend to puff up when they felt the need to hit something… or someone.
"But, something's happened and now Kurt's not here!" Blaine was just begging Finn with his mind to calm down and just understand.
"What happened? What did you do?"
"Nothing! I did nothing! It's up to Kurt to tell you what happened or not. It's his business and not mine! Now, can you just tell me where you think he might be so I can go find him?" Blaine pleaded.
Finn seemed to calm down some, but his anger was now replaced with worry. "I don't know… the mall? At home? We can look. I can come with you."
"No, I'll find him. I don't need the rest of the Glee club trying to kill me when they don't understand. Are you sure those are the places of where he might be?"
Finn opened his mouth, but a soft, airy voice answered instead with, "Cedar Creek Cemetery."
Blaine looked around Finn to find Brittany standing in the doorway with wide blue eyes. "You'll find my dolphin there."
"Brittany! I don't have time for this!" Blaine nearly screamed. Why couldn't he just get a straight answer?
"No, Blaine. She means Kurt." Finn explained. "It's like… her nickname for him."
Blaine blinked and glanced back at Brittany. "Are you sure?"
"As positive as Quinn's pregnancy test. Come on Finn you still need to learn how to not knock things over when you pivot step." She grabbed his hand and with a flick of her ponytail they were both gone.
It took some navigation, but fifteen minutes later Blaine found himself searching through the rows of tombstones at Cedar Creek Cemetery.
He found him far back. The grave was located close to the trees and when he walked closer the bubbling from the creek grew gently louder.
Under Elizabeth Hummel's tombstone slept her son. He was curled into the fetal position with a bouquet of blue flowers clutched in his hand. Blaine could tell he had been crying. His cheeks were faintly red and blotchy and his eyes looked swollen.
Blaine's first instinct was to wake him, but this was probably the most sleep Kurt had gotten in a couple of days, and he just couldn't find the heart to wake him up.
So, instead, Blaine lay down next to Kurt and affixed his eyes upwards to watch the clouds lolling by. They would need to leave soon since the nights were starting to get colder. But, even in this gravesite surrounded by nothing but the dead, Blaine still felt warm.
"Blaine?" Kurt's voice croaked, calling Blaine's attention.
"Hey. Brittany told me you'd be here. Wanna talk?"
Blaine took a moment to consider before, "You're going to have to sometime Kurt. Why weren't you in class? Was it because of the kiss?"
"Yes." It was only a partial lie to Kurt. It was what had started this whole ordeal anyway.
Blaine considered this for a moment. His hazel eyes focused on clouds that Kurt could see reflected in their depths.
"Kurt, I know that that was not exactly how you planned on your first kiss going. But, it's up to you whether or not you truly consider that to be it. You can still have your real first kiss since you didn't want Karofsky to kiss you. What he did wasn't what you want or need… It's up to you."
There was silence for a little bit when all that was heard was the gentle tones of the creek and the rustling of the trees.
Kurt's voice was low when he spoke. "It doesn't realty matter what I think of it. It won't change the fact that that will more than likely be the only kiss I'll ever get from a guy."
Blaine knew what he was talking about. He knew he shouldn't say it, but in true form it slipped out, "What do you mean?"
"Don't be an idiot, Blaine. We both know you know what I meant."
"Kurt…" he managed to speak.
"My first and only kiss was supposed to be you. Call me foolish, but I was willing to wait for Blaine Anderson. He was supposed to be mine and I was supposed to be his. However, I get a boy who doesn't even want to talk to me in school, much less ever kiss me." Kurt seemed to be talking to himself now.
"Who said I didn't want to kiss you?" Blaine was so quiet he barely heard the words coming out of his mouth, but he knew they were true. Blaine very much wanted to kiss Kurt. He had since that first encounter in the shop. Right now though, Blaine couldn't even meet the other boy's eyes.
"There's… so much, Kurt. That you don't know. I have my reasons, I swear. But, not everyone is as strong as you are. I'm sorry I can't be that knight that comes in and sweeps you off your feet, but I… I just can't right now. I can't…" Blaine didn't realize until the end that there were tears threatening to spill onto his face.
A soft, warm hand reached across for his and Blaine was finally able to meet those orbs. They were shining with a hundred different emotions that each had a name, but all Blaine could do was put a name to the person these eyes belonged to.
They met in the middle and when their lips touched it was like both of them had been consumed by other. Everything Kurt and everything was Blaine. Their lips moved naturally, made for this moment. Imaginary sparks being set off with each little movement. Blaine reached up and gently clasped Kurt's cheek while Kurt's fingers found their way to the curls at the top of Blaine's neck. Kurt deepened the kiss by sucking Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth and brushing his tongue against it.
Blaine let out the softest groan as their tongues gently tangled together. His head was swimming, but this couldn't stop. It was much too good to stop. Slowly Blaine pressed Kurt onto his back and settled halfway on top of him, gripping him closer. Their bodies pressed together creating all new sensations that Blaine desperately wanted to memorize.
This was the first kiss Kurt needed.
When it finally broke, Blaine pulled away to search Kurt's eyes. They were twinkling with awe and hope that Blaine had yet seen. He needed that. He needed to see the light shining in Kurt's eyes. He never wanted it to fade.
"Will you wait for me?" He found himself asking, never once looking away from Kurt's eyes. "For me to be what you need me to."
Out, courageous, proud, devoted, independent, those were some of the things Kurt needed Blaine to be. Those were some of the things that Blaine wanted to be.
"I never stopped waiting for you." Kurt stated with a smile. It didn't matter how long it took. The Fates had decided that Kurt needed Blaine, and who was he to question that?