Notes: AU / OOC Blaine. This is based off of a fanfiction I read years ago, and I couldn't even tell you the fandom, the ship, or anything. All I remember is the darkness of the story and how it moved me. So, here you go.
Summary: "I have an envelope to give to Blaine, and I desperately wish things didn't have to come to this." -Kurt Hummel
Kurt Hummel shivered as the crisp, winter air flew harshly past his face. In his hand was a plain, white envelope, concealing words he had failed to say over the years. Scrawled in his delicate handwriting was a name he had grown accustomed to saying—a name that stung at his heart whenever it was spoken.
Kurt looked up at the now wretched apartment, shaking his head at the happy memories he once had there with Warbler.
Oh, where did those memories go? He wondered sadly.
Kurt went not up the cracked concrete stairs of the apartment building, but to the dark and lonely alley way directly parallel from the building, where he knew he would be.
He walked slowly, afraid the sound of his heeled boots on the gravel would cause some agitation from Blaine. But he wouldn't be surprised if that were the case.
As he walked down the alley, he noticed a single lamppost at the end of the narrow way, and he was surprised to see the shining light illuminating from it. He was more surprised however, to see Blaine standing underneath the light, flicking his lighter at the end of his cigarette. To be frank, this sight really shouldn't surprise Kurt—he had been seeing it for years now, even in the late years of their marriage. And they grew more frequent in their separation.
But the sight of the once innocent and dapper Blaine Anderson lighting a cigarette would always startle the nicotine-free countertenor. The Blaine Kurt once knew in high school would not have been dead lighting a cigarette.
"You need air to breathe—and you need it to sing. So clearly, smoking it out for me." Blaine would have said, referring to his dream of being a famous singer who traveled the world. Kurt missed the driven, enthusiastic Blaine, and he always hoped, with each visit, that Blaine would turn around and smile at him again. And tell him he was only joking, that he still loved him, and that everything was just like things were back at Dalton all those years ago.
Kurt sighed sadly. He really needed to stop living in the past.
By now, Kurt had gotten closer to Blaine, and when Kurt accidentally stepped on a piece of broken bottle glass, Blaine jerked in surprise, coughing puffs of smoke as he acknowledge him,
"Kurt." He nodded.
Blaine nodded and stuck his lighter into the front pocket of his washed out jeans. And Kurt sighed as he looked at Blaine's outfit—a single white t-shirt and outdated jeans, sported with Nike sneakers that had holes in the soles. He noticed that Blaine also didn't care for his personal hygiene either, as his unshaved beard and unkempt, wild curly hair was a testament to that. Kurt couldn't believe Blaine had let himself get this way, especially after the way he kept up his appearance at Dalton.
But after today, he wouldn't have to worry about that, or Blaine, anymore.
"You have my money?" Blaine said in a low, dark tone. The only level Kurt heard these days.
Kurt nodded and pulled out the money, his pale fingers grazing Blaine's as he did so.
Blaine leafed through the bills quickly and stuck them in his pocket. "Thanks." He grunted, throwing the cigarette he was smoking on the ground and searching his pockets for another one. Once he found the pack of Marlboro's, he quickly pulled one out, and gave the box a confused look before looking up,
"Want the last one?" He said in that low tone, handing the box over to Kurt. Kurt peered inside the box and saw the last cigarette was turned over.
He scrunched his nose, "Why is it upside down?"
Blaine looked into the box, and then back at Kurt, smiling weakly, "It's supposed to be good luck."
Kurt felt his heart leap at the smile he gave him, and he automatically felt things go back to how they used to be in their first few years of marriage. It was as if all of the fighting, yelling, tears, and pain that had occurred during their marriage had never happened. That they were back at the beginning.
Kurt looked at Blaine curiously as he denied the cigarette. Blaine shrugged and took it for himself, "You don't smoke. Right. Well, I probably need the luck more than you do, anyways."
Kurt nodded, but silently disagreed, wishing he had taken the cigarette. He was never fond of superstition, but if one lucky cigarette gave him Blaine back, he would smoke them all.
Kurt caught Blaine staring at him, and he shrugged as he blew out smoke from his hit, "You look good, Kurt."
Kurt nodded, "Thanks. You do, too…considering."
Kurt saw Blaine's eyes narrow and darken, and he suddenly felt as if nothing had changed at all, "I thought we weren't going to talk about it."
"I'm sorry—" Kurt stuttered.
"Do you know how much it sucks –to lose everything like I did?" Blaine snapped, and Kurt winced with every word.
Blaine laughed coldly, taking another hit, "No you don't. You have everything I wish I had." He muttered.
"That's not true—" Kurt said, closing his eyes, wishing this conversation wasn't happening.
"Yes it is!" Blaine growled, "You have everything. You still have your job. You still have money. You don't have to borrow money from whomever you can. I have nothing. I lost my job, I lost my friends, and I lost you—"
"I lost you too, Blaine!" Kurt was shaking now, his fists clenching and his blood boiling, "Don't think you have is so much worse than I do. I had to sit there and watch you break. I had to pick you up, I had to—"
"—You didn't stick around long enough to do that, Kurt. Do you think if we were still together, we'd be in this situation right now?"
"We wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't starting getting into trouble—"
"You didn't fight for me—"
"—Of course I did, you were just too high to see that!"
That was it. Kurt flinched as Blaine advanced on him, and before Kurt had time to even blink, he was pushed up against the brick wall of the apartment building. Blaine's hands roughly pushed his shoulders deeper into the wall, and Kurt had to bite his lip to keep from crying out in pain. Kurt was scared, and he wished his husband of all people didn't make him feel that way.
Kurt opened his mouth to speak—to get him out of this mess, when he felt Blaine's chapped, cold lips on his own, forcing him into a deep kiss.
Kurt didn't know why he did it, but he started kissing him back, letting the kiss speak the words he has wanted to say for the years he never got the chance to. For the years Blaine wouldn't talk to him, or even look at him.
You're everything to me.
Stop acting this way.
I will always love you.
He felt Blaine's hands work their way to his face, and he cupped his cheeks lightly, causing Kurt to moan. He wished this moment could last forever; that Blaine's tongue would always trace lightly around his lip, that his hands would touch him everywhere.
Kurt's heart was exploding, but Blaine's roughness was new to him. Blaine had always been kind and gentle, even in the off years of their marriage. Something was different, and it made Kurt uneasy.
The single envelope in his hand became heavier and heavier with every second that passed, with every kiss that burned onto his skin. He knew he needed to do this. He had to.
He pushed Blaine away from him forcibly, his delicate hands shoving Blaine's broad chest. Blaine gave him a look of surprise, and it was then he noticed the envelope.
"What's that?" He breathed.
Kurt heaved, trying to catch his breath, and handed it to him, his hands shaking and his voice cracking, "Divorce papers."
Blaine eye's widened at his words, and he took the envelope curiously, a sad look coming across his face.
"But we just—"
"—You didn't kiss me because you loved me," He shook his head, "You kissed me to see if it was still the same. If we were the same. You didn't feel anything, I did."
Blaine stood, jaw slacked and eyes wide as he gazed at Kurt. He looked at him in disbelief, "This is how you want to end things?"
Kurt nodded, "You ended things years ago. I'm just sealing the deal." He walked up to Blaine and put his hand over Blaine's heart, "Goodbye, Blaine."
Before he gave in a looked at Blaine, Kurt took off, storming out of the alley way as fast as he could, ignoring Blaine calling after him.
He knew Blaine would call after him.
He also knew he wouldn't go after him. Because Blaine knew just as well as Kurt did that things between them were over.
Once out of the alley way and in front of the apartment, Kurt clutched at his chest, catching his breath and breathing deeply to calm him down.
The second he exited the alley, he felt different –as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders forever. He moved to look back down the alley but immediately stopped himself. He didn't want to go back to Blaine, as much as he loved him. He knew it would only lead to more misery.
He stood straight and walked to his car. He couldn't describe the mixture of emotions he felt, but the everlasting pain in his heart was no longer there. He smiled to himself as he started his car.
He was free.
Thank you for reading! Please read and review!
Raven x ~