Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Twilight. SM holds all rights to it. I just corrupt her characters with promises of cookies. Turns out they'll do just about anything for double chocolate chip.


While you're waiting for me to finish the next chapter of Forever is a Promise You Keep, here's the one shot I contributed to the Fandom Fights the Tsunami compilation. Enjoy

"So, man, what was the problem with Tanya's computer?" Ben Cheney asked.

"Oh, it was just the usual. PEBKAC error," I said with a sigh.

I sat down in my chair at my poor excuse for a desk. Ben, the guy I've been stuck with in my cramped cubicle for the last five years, chuckled. I smiled slightly—even though the man irritated me on a daily basis, one thing that we both found amusing was the fact that the people who worked with us were idiots. The company that employed me was one of the major financial firms in Seattle, but you wouldn't know it by the lack of common sense of its employees.

Every day, like fucking clockwork, the president of the company's secretary would call down and ask us to send someone to fix her computer. It was always something stupid we'd have to repair. One time, she'd downloaded a toolbar for one of her Facebook games and had successfully installed a virus on her hard drive. Or there was the time she thought it would be neat to change her display settings, and had messed them up so bad, her desktop was unreadable. I hated her and wished she would get fired. However, word around the office was that her job was secure. I also heard she gave spectacular blow jobs, not that I would know.

I, Edward Cullen, was your typical nerd, loser, geek, and resident spazz. Girls did not give me the time of day, especially girls like Tanya Denali. I was that kid in high school everyone cheated off during a test and was teased because I was awkward. College wasn't any better, because I wasn't smooth or any of the other adjectives that people associated with the cool guys.

My weird reddish colored hair that stuck up everywhere, standard black-rimmed nerd glasses, and skinny frame made sure that at twenty-seven years old, I was still a pathetic virgin. The fact that living in my parents' basement didn't help my sexual status wasn't lost on me, but I was past the point of caring. I figured since I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell of ever getting a girlfriend, let alone a wife, letting my mother cook for me and do my laundry was as good as it was going to get. Yes, I felt like a bastard for thinking that way, but I'd been a spoiled mamma's boy—still was—and I couldn't stand the thought of eating Hot Pockets every night and ruining my laundry weekly. Honestly, I had no shame anymore.

"So, we should go out tonight. Angela said this new restaurant is supposed to be really good, and she wants you to come along. She worries that you don't get out enough," Ben said, getting my attention.

I imagined his head in a word press, squeezing his brains out of his ears. I only tolerated him at work, but he was always trying to get me to hang out with him and his girlfriend, Angela. I had no idea how a guy like him had landed a girl, but he did. Just listening to him reminded me of the loser I was, and I tried to get out of it every time. I hated to make Angela feel bad, but if Ben could get a girl, then what did it say about me that I couldn't? He still collected Pokemon cards, thought the Force was a real religion, and checked in with his mother every day at lunch. I wasn't that bad, and yet, I couldn't get a girl to look at me with anything but pity. I sighed.

"She shouldn't. I just…I have some things I have to do tonight," I answered.

"Edward, you're always busy. You cannot possibly have that much to do. Come on, it's Friday night," he whined. Yes, the man actually whined.

"Maybe next time," I said.

"Whatever," Ben replied.

While it was true, I did have plans for the night, they probably weren't as important as I'd made them out to be. I wasn't going to tell him, though, that I was spending my evening playing World of Warcraft and wanking to internet porn until I was sore. It wasn't something that was polite conversation for work, nor did I want to clue him in on how pathetic I really was.

I spent the rest of the morning immersed in the world of computer code. It helped take my mind off of my lack of a sex life or life in general. We'd managed to get a few calls about computer problems, but Ben took those—much to my relief. Each time I had to deal with the cretins, it took all of my restraint to remain professional as I put up with their stupidity. I was beginning to wonder what had possessed me to take a job in the IT department when I could have had fewer headaches as an independent contractor. I shook my head and sighed, going back to my work.

When I looked at the clock, I noticed it was lunch time. I had been so engrossed in what I was doing that I hadn't realized the hours had flown by. Pleased that half the day was gone, I logged out of my computer and went to the employee break room.

I went over to the refrigerator and took out a brown paper bag. Sitting down, I pulled out the contents and looked over my meal. Apple slices, can of soda, pudding cup, and—what the fuck was this—a turkey sandwich in the shape of a star wrapped in cellophane. Not only was I a loser, but apparently my mother also thought I was five years old. Emmett, from marketing, guffawed as he passed me.


I hated that guy.

Emmett McCarty was the resident lothario, having bedded most of the female staff members. I'd heard them sigh over his baby blue eyes, dark curly hair, and dimples that showed when he smiled. Unfortunately, I also had the horrible pleasure of knowing his butt cheeks were dimpled as well. No amount of denial could erase that image, and I knew from personal experience.

I'd stupidly thought—a month before when the it happened—I could use the copy machine without incident, only to find him screwing Rosalie Hale from HR on top of it. Seeing Rosalie writhing with her breasts exposed had excited me for a moment, until I'd caught sight of Emmett's ass. She'd caught me looking before I could escape, much to my embarrassment and Emmett's amusement. Ever since then, he'd made it his personal mission to make fun of me every time our paths crossed.

"Is it nap time after lunch, Eddie?" Emmett called out as he sat down in his seat.

I scowled and ignored him, tearing into my pre-school food. It was no use trying to defend myself, because guys resembling Emmett ate guys similar to me for breakfast. There was no way I'd be able to convince my mom when I got home that I'd tripped and blacked my own eye. Again.

And then…she entered the room. I watched her walk over to the microwave as all the cheesy romance novel descriptions ran through my head. Her hair was the color of mocha. Her big, brown doe eyes sparkled, and her skin was the color of porcelain.


I blushed like the pussy I was, averting my eyes. Such a beautiful creature didn't need a lowlife staring at her, or her ass. Not that I was looking. Nope, not at all.

Bella Swan was the new girl in the HR department and worked alongside the she-devil Rosalie. While Rosalie had a magnificent set of tits, her personality was something entirely different. She thought that people should bow down to her perfection and give her anything she wanted. McCarty was stupid enough to fall for it, but I wasn't. Every time I found myself in her office, I managed to break something. What she didn't know was that, most times, it was on purpose. Being a clumsy moron did have its advantages, it seemed.

Not Bella, though. Her demeanor was quite different. The few times we'd interacted, she'd been polite and managed to make me feel like a human being. Unlike the rest of our co-workers, she had not called down to the IT department with any computer issues, and it upset me more than I wanted to admit. I had entertained elaborate fantasies that starred the both of us in compromising positions as thanks for fixing whatever mundane problem she'd had. I knew that I was perverted for having these thoughts, but I was a horny virgin. I couldn't help it.

I picked up my trash as I chewed the last apple slice and walked over to the trash can. As I threw it away, I could hear Emmett making more comments about my lack of manliness. Ignoring it, I left the break room, looking over at Bella one last time. My eyes widened and I tripped when I realized she was staring back at me. Emmett loved that, laughing so hard…he turned purple.

My fists were balled at my side when I reached my desk. Of course I would make a complete and utter fool of myself in front of Bella. Fate hated me, so it was only fair I'd show her that my loser qualities knew no bounds. Deciding to take my mind off of the lunch incident, I threw myself into my work. Computers never laughed at me or made me feel worthless. Maybe I should just stick with machines.

Around four, the phone rang. I had been concentrating so hard, the shrill sound made me jump. Looking around, I noticed that Ben wasn't at his desk. It figured—I knew that my luck wouldn't last. On the third ring, I picked it up.

"IT department, Edward Cullen speaking," I said.

"Uh, yeah, this is Bella…Bella Swan in HR," Bella said in a soft voice.

Closing my eyes, I fought the wave of nausea rolling in my stomach. After two months, Bella had finally called. I felt like dancing for joy, humping my desk, and puking all at the same time. I cleared my throat, hoping it would push the raging panic inside me down.

"H-how can I help y-you?" I stuttered. Great. Now she will really think I'm a dork, and my fantasies will only ever be spanking material.

"My computer froze up, and I have no idea how to fix it," she said.

"Um, well…" I started to say, but Bella cut me off.

"I have no idea what I'm doing. Could you just come up and take a look? I would appreciate it," she pleaded.

I smiled. Even if it was only my knowledge about computers, she needed me. After her plea, there was no way I was going to tell her a simple restart would probably fix her problem. She'd asked for me to come to her. I was going to milk this opportunity for all it was worth.

"Sure, I'll be up in a few minutes," I promised.

"Okay. Thanks so much. Goodbye."

"Goodbye," I said.

I sat back in my chair and tried to calm my breathing. Since I'd hung up the phone, I'd gone into full panic mode. Ben chose that moment to enter the cubicle, and he had a perplexed expression on his face.

"You okay? You look like you're about ready to throw up," he stated in observation.

"Bella called and said she needed someone to look at her computer," I stated dumbly.

Ben's confusion turned into a sly grin. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go up there and impress her," he said.

I had stupidly told Ben about my infatuation with Bella one day to shut him up. He'd noticed that every time she was around, I went from a clumsy dork to a stuttering glob of nerdy-ness. After being badgered for an hour, I confessed my feelings, only to have Ben laugh at me. I think in that moment, I hated him most of all. I decided then and there, I would never tell that asshole anything ever again.

And I just told him about Bella and the phone call. So much for keeping promises to myself.

Rubbing my hand over my face, I tried to muster up the courage to get out of my seat and go to Bella. For whatever reason, I'd been the one to answer the call, so she was expecting me. Not Ben or any of the other random guys in our department.


And now I feel like throwing up again.

It took a trip to the bathroom to splash water on my face, and a pep talk in the mirror, before I made it up to Bella's floor.

"So much for being here in a few minutes," I muttered under my breath as I shuffled through the HR department. Swiveling my head back and forth, I looked for Bella. I was not going to look like a jerk by having to consult the clipboard for her location again. I peered around a couple of corners, realizing I had no idea where she was. Mother Fucker. I wanted to give the appearance that I knew my job inside and out. Instead, I'd been reduced to looking like a jackass—okay, so I was acting pretty normal. Fuck me.

When I had checked the paper and found where she was, the clouds parted, letting the sun shine through. She was sitting there, in a small cubicle to the left. Bella looked like an angel with her hair billowing behind her. Reaching up, she ran her hands through the silken strands, making it flow like water down her back.

Oh fucking hell. Mom was going to have to find someone else to watch her chick flicks with, because I was starting to sound like a giant pussy.

I shook off the girly inner monologue, walking toward her. My hands were sweaty, but I pressed on.

I will not fuck this up. I will not fuck this up. I will not fuck this up…

I kept chanting the mantra over and over again, hoping that it would be enough to stop me from making a fool of myself. The girl I'd fantasized about—on more than one occasion—was less than ten feet away from me, and I was going to impress her, damn it. I was not going to be typical Edward and fall on my face.

She jumped when I set my clipboard and small bag on her desk, making her turn toward me. I felt my cheeks redden, and when I looked at her, I noticed that hers were slightly pink, too. Seeing them made me pause for a moment, because really, what was she embarrassed about?

"So, what seems to be the problem?" I muttered as I looked at my clipboard.

"Oh, uh, I have no idea. I was looking up some employee information, and then this," she said, pointing to the screen.

"Well, if you'd, uh…what I mean is, if I could get to the keyboard, I could see what is going on," I said.

"Sorry! Here, let me get out of your way," Bella offered.

She rose from her seat and moved to the corner of the enclosed space. I sat down in her chair and unplugged the power cord. I turned toward her after plugging it back in.

"You can leave if you want. It would be a free break for you. Give me half an hour and I'll be out of your way," I said softly. I didn't want her to think she had to stick around. In all honesty, everyone disappeared when I came to do repairs. They used it as an excuse to socialize, so I didn't want her to think, since this was her first time using IT's services, that she was obligated to stay. I may have wanted her more than anything, but as I thought about it, I wasn't going to force her to spend time with me.

"No, that's okay. I'm fine," she murmured.

I nodded and turned the power back on, silently overjoyed that she wasn't leaving me. I watched as the machine came to life and booted itself while I tried to think of something witty or clever to say. A few seconds was all it took for me to remember that I was too much of a geek to come up with something that would interest a girl such as Bella. I shifted in the chair, turning my focus back to the computer screen.

As I loaded it into safe mode, I felt a presence behind me. A wonderful scent swept across me, and I could feel the heat of a body on my back. I turned around and saw that she was standing right behind me.

Holy shit, she is…Standing. Right. Behind. Me.

The combination of her scent and warmth caused my cock to stir. Mortified, I pleaded with him to go back to sleep. Getting a hard on with Bella next to me would not work in my favor. She would think I was a pervert and would never speak to me again.

"Why are you doing that?" she asked in a curious tone.

"Well, um…" I cleared my throat. My voice had cracked, and I didn't want to sound like a teenager going through puberty. "In this mode, most programs are turned off. It's easier for me to check for problems."

I mentally gave myself a high five for keeping my voice at a normal pitch that time. She scrunched her eyebrows together and looked at the screen. I pulled a CD case out of the bag and took it out of its jewel case. I inserted it into the disk drive, waiting for it to load.

The entire time, Bella watched me with fascination. It was nerve-wracking and arousing all at once. No one had ever bothered to show any interest in what I was doing before, and it made me feel important. Closing my eyes, I tried to rein in my emotions. Clearly, I needed to get out more if Bella just standing behind me made me act like a girl.

She watched as I worked on her computer, messing with my mind. I wasn't sure if she knew what kind of effect she had on me, but her very presence was making it hard to concentrate. Every once in a while, she would ask a question about this or that, and I tried to answer her as best I could. We eventually fell into an easy conversation about trivial things—the weather, things we had always wanted to do, and general likes and dislikes. In the course of the half hour it took to fix her problem, I learned so much about Bella Swan, making me like her even more…if that was possible.

"Um, Edward," Bella said.

I turned toward her. She was standing by the cubicle wall, twirling the end of her hair around her finger nervously. I wrinkled my brow and was confused by her actions.

"Yes, Bella?" I asked.

"I was, uh, wondering if you had any plans this weekend," she mumbled.

My heart crashed into my chest, threatening to break free. Bella Swan had just asked me, the biggest dork in the company, what I was doing for the weekend. I took deep breaths and fought the black spots forming in my vision. Fainting would not make me look any better.

"No, not really," I said.

"Well, maybe you could show me that vast collection of music you mentioned. I always wanted to see a vintage Beatles album," she said.

A huge smile crossed my face. "Sure, just give me your number and we can decide what time and stuff," I said.

She walked over to her desk and wrote it down on a Post It note. Handing it to me, her fingers lightly grazed mine, sending a shiver down my body. She smiled and told me she'd talk to me later.

I went back down to my floor with a confidence in my step that hadn't been there before. I played the events of the short encounter through my mind, smiling the entire time. Bella Swan had asked me out—she wanted to spend time with me.

Shit! Bella Swan asked me out. Not the other way around. God, I really am a loser.

That thought brought me out of my glorious Bella haze, and the self-doubt crept back in. I was really stupid to think that she had actually asked me out in the first place. Really, she'd only said she wanted to see my music collection, not make out with me. A blush crept up on my face, and I silently berated myself. Just because she was nice to me didn't mean that she saw me as anything other than a friend or, God forbid, an acquaintance.

When I returned to my cubicle, the spring had vanished from my step and had been replaced with a timid shuffle. Ben looked up at me with pity in his eyes, silently guessing that things had not gone well with Bella's repair. He started to speak, but I shook my head. I didn't get into how I had misread things and gotten excited over nothing. I sat down and turned to my work, ready for the distraction.

I hung my jacket up in the closet by the front door. It had been a long, hard day at work, and I was glad to be home. A wonderful smell permeated my senses, making me walk toward the kitchen. Leave it to my mother to cook something that would brighten my mood, even if she had no idea what a craptastic day I'd had.

"Hello, dear," my mother said when I entered the kitchen.

"Hi, Mom," I said, walking over to the stove to see what was cooking. I lifted the lid off the pot, leaning down to smell the food. My mother smacked my arm, though, when I dipped a wooden spoon into the pan and tasted it. Oh well, it was worth it, because I knew then that I was in for a good meal.

"So, how was work?" she asked in a conversational tone.

"Uh, it was work," I replied. I was waiting for her to say whatever she was holding back. If one thing was for sure, it was that Esme Cullen didn't do idle chit chat. She always had a point to make.

"Oh, I ran into Mrs. Mallory at the grocery store today. Apparently, Lauren has moved back, and she thought it would be nice if you took her out. She doesn't have many friends, you know," she said.

And there it was. I'd wondered why she was making one of my favorite meals, and I had my answer. She was trying to butter me up into going along with her idea of dating Lauren Mallory.

Lauren and I went to high school together, and she was just as unpopular as I was. The fact that she had horrible acne didn't help either. Both of our mothers—after my mom had finally realized that I wasn't the type of guy that could land the head cheerleader—tried their hardest to set us up. Lauren was always happy to oblige, but I just couldn't do it. Even though I was a virgin, and she would have been a guaranteed lay, her pizza face, greasy hair, and slightly overweight form did nothing for me. Just thinking about her in that moment made my dick want to crawl inside my body and never come back out.

"I don't think that would be a good idea," I protested.

"And why not? She's a lovely girl and would be perfect for you!" she exclaimed. The glare on her face made me want to hide under my bed—my mother was out for blood.

I backtracked slightly. "Well, you see, I have this new project at work coming up, and I won't have any extra time to spare…" I said.

She eyed me, making me feel like a child. "Edward, you need to get out there and find a girl. You're not getting any younger, you know. Besides, Lauren has child-bearing hips. She would have no trouble…" Mom argued.

"Whoa!" I yelled. "I haven't even agreed to a date, and you have her pregnant? Hasn't Jazz given you enough grandkids already?"

"You know I love those kids, but I want my baby boy to have some of his own, too."

I rolled my eyes. I had thought when my brother Jasper, and his wife Alice, had started having children, my mother's obsession with marrying me off would fade. However, I had no such luck. My brother and his wife had six kids, with Alice about to deliver her seventh. It seemed each addition to my brother's brood caused my mother to become more determined to find me a girl.

Jasper was the favorite—there was no question about it. Having all of those children had cemented his place. The fact that Alice was a good Catholic girl who didn't believe in birth control had probably contributed to it, too. All I knew was Mom celebrated each baby they had like it was the second coming, and Alice's clown car vagina was the Holy Grail.

"Uh, I'll just go downstairs until supper is done," I muttered, inching toward the basement door. I was dying to get to my room so I could shake my crazy mother.

"Just think about it, honey," she said with a smile.

"Uh, sure," I lied and made my exit.

I pulled my wallet, keys, and cell phone out of my pants pockets and set them on my dresser when I entered my room. Flopping down on my bed, I tried to let go of all the stress from the day. I was still pretty upset at myself for making assumptions with Bella. How I had ever thought she was interested in me, I had no clue. She hadn't been anything more than polite and friendly, and in my lust-addled brain, I had interpreted that as attraction.

Sighing, I figured that I'd call Bella and find out when she wanted to come over. The way I felt about her was my problem, and if I was being honest with myself, I preferred a friendship with her than nothing at all. I went over to the desk and pulled the paper with her number on it out of my wallet. After looking at the numbers, I dialed and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello," Bella said in a curious tone after the third ring.

"Uh, yeah, it's Edward," I said in a small voice.

"Oh, hi, Edward," she said. "I was hoping you'd call."

I gulped. "Really?"

"Yes, silly. You promised you would, and I'm excited to hear the Beatles on vinyl."

Oh, right—the Beatles album. Of course she wasn't excited to see me. I'm so stupid.

"Well, it's here when you're ready. When did you want to come over?" I asked.

"Um, I'm not doing anything later tonight. Would that be okay?" she questioned.

"Uh, sure. What time?"

"How about ten. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes, that's fine," I said.

I gave her directions to my house and told her to come to the back door. I figured that my parents would be asleep by then, and she could sneak in undetected. My mother seeing her go downstairs would give her all kinds of ideas, and every one of them would be wrong. I didn't need that kind of headache.

"See you then," I said.

"Bye, Edward. See you then," she replied.

"Bye," I said.

I looked over at the alarm clock by my bed and noticed it was six o'clock. In four hours, Bella would be in my house. Panicking slightly, I looked around my room and began frantically cleaning. I didn't want her to walk in and see my dirty underwear on the floor. When I was satisfied, I went back upstairs, hoping dinner was finished.

Walking into the room, I saw my father standing behind my mother at the stove. His arms were wrapped around her waist, and her back was facing his front. They were laughing and whispering to each other, and I felt a pang of sadness watching them. For all the complaining when the subject was brought up, in truth, I wanted someone of my own.

I coveted someone who would melt into my embrace when I pulled her against me, sighing as I held her. I yearned for a girlfriend that would be happy that I was home from a long day at work, just because she missed me. I also longed for a wife that would carry my children, loving them as only a mother could.

I backed up a couple of steps and then stomped up them, signaling I was making an entrance. My parents backed away from each other quickly, and my father turned toward me with a smile.

"Edward," he said. "How was your day?"

"Um, fine I guess," I said as I walked over to the table.

"Oh, Carlisle, I was just talking to Edward earlier about Lauren. Don't you think they would make a cute couple?" my mother said as we all sat at the table.

My father choked on his drink and gave me a look of horror. He felt the same way I did about that girl.

"Well, Esme, don't you think Edward should choose who he dates?" he asked.

"Oh, please," Esme said with a scoff. "If we leave it up to him, I'll never see any bronze-haired babies running around."

"Mother!" I shouted.

"Oh, hush, Edward. You know it's true. I'm not saying you have to marry this girl, but it would be nice if you lost your virginity before you turn 30. Lord knows sometimes the best things come out of accidents," she said.

Carlisle looked at me and laughed as my face turned bright red. I didn't even want to think about how my mom knew I was still a virgin.

"Um, uh, are you sure? I mean, I did go to college, you know,"

Esme rolled her eyes. "I doubt you changed that much in those four years. Before you left, you acted like girls were the scariest things on the planet," she said with a smug smile.

"Did you find some cute girl in college? Come on, you can tell your old man," Carlisle said with too much enthusiasm.

I sighed and hung my head. "Not that my sex life is any of your business," I said, looking pointedly at my mother. "But no. I didn't."

God, I wanted to kick my own ass for not having the balls to lie to my father.

"Oh," my dad muttered. The disappointment was clear in his voice.

"Well, Lauren could help with that," my mom said.

"I am not sleeping with Lauren Mallory," I said sternly. "I'd have to put a paper bag over her head to do it, and I don't even want to think about what she'd push out if…just no."

"Esme, think of the children," Carlisle pleaded. "No child should have to live with being that ugly."

"Both of you are horrible men. That poor girl went through so much when she was in high school. You should be ashamed of yourselves," she scolded.

Properly chastised, my father and I lowered our heads and began to eat. I didn't raise my head for the rest of my meal. Sure, I'd felt bad saying those things about the poor girl, but I had to say something. I knew that she was probably the best I could do, and I might have caved eventually if I'd never met Bella.

Damn it.

No one said another word during dinner, and I took my plate and other utensils from the table when I was finished. Dad patted me on the shoulder as I passed him, and I offered him a weak smile. I'm sure he pitied his youngest son because of his inability to bed a woman.

Trudging down the stairs, I decided that I'd play some video games until it was time for Bella to get there. If I was bolder, I would have set up my room for the perfect seduction and tried to woo her. However, I was about as suave as Bill Gates, so I sat on my bed and started up the game system.

I was so into my game, I didn't realize that Bella had arrived until she laid her hand on my shoulder. I jumped, dropping the controller with a thud. Wide eyed, I looked at her with surprise while I willed my heart to calm down.

"Sorry," she said. "I knocked on the back door like you said, but when you didn't come, I decided to come in. It was cold out and…"

"Oh, no," I said as I stood. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to open it for you."

I could feel the blush creeping up my neck. Stupid Edward. Now she's going to think that you're rude—on top of her already thinking you're the king of dorks. Nice, idiot.

I shook off the ridicule in my head and motioned toward my music collection. My records were housed in a large wooden bookcase. I had a wide variety on vinyl, and toward the top were the ones I had promised—the Beatles.

I pulled Abbey Road down and removed the large disk from its case. Walking over to the record player, I was careful to keep my fingers on the very edge of it. I had just cleaned it yesterday with non-ammonia glass cleaner and didn't want to mess up my care schedule by putting finger prints on it. My OCD would have had me running around like a crazy person if I did.

After it was set, and I had gently put the needle on it, the beginning beat of Come Together filled the room. I turned, seeing Bella sitting on my bed.

Oh holy fuck—Bella is sitting on my bed!

Damn it, Edward. Now is not the time for your inner teenage boy to come out. Shut that fucker up…you're a twenty-seven year old man.

I cleared my throat and tried to act cool as I walked over to sit down beside her. A small smile was on her lips, and her eyes were closed. I watched her like the pervy stalker I was because, hey, she couldn't see me. I was going to take advantage of it, even though it was probably wrong.

She started humming when the song changed, and I swore she sounded like heaven itself. Really, Something had never sounded so sweet. Her face looked calm and serene, and the notes came out perfectly.

Why did my mother have such power over me, making my internal voice sound like such a pussy? Shouldn't I be able to tell the woman I didn't want to watch those sappy movies with her? Maybe it was time to rid her of the demons that compelled her to ruin my life, Exorcist style.

A moment later, Bella opened her eyes and caught me staring at her, but the smile never left her face. I ducked my head, embarrassed by my actions. She laid her hand on mine, and I looked back up.

"Edward, I've never noticed before, but you're eyes are really green. The glasses magnify the color," she mused.

"Uh…" I was dumbstruck and couldn't think of one thing to say.

She raised the hand not trapping my mine, running it through the hair on top of my head. I shuddered, relishing in the contact of the first time a woman to ever touched me in that way. Never could I have ever dreamed it would feel like that.

"You're hair is so soft," she whispered.

"Y-yeah," I stammered. I had been reduced to a gooey clump of geeky-ness beside her.

Bella pushed herself up and settled closer to me. In my lulled state, I barely noticed. The warmth was nice, and her smell was even nicer. I just sat there and waited for whatever was going to happen. My brain barely registered that she was most likely about to play some kind of horrible trick on me, but I was so relaxed, I didn't give a damn.

Let the mortification of Edward Cullen commence.

She leaned in close, and I could feel her breath slide across my ear. It was hot, slightly wet, and erotic. Bella's long brown hair hung down and brushed against my chest and hands. I curled my fingers around the locks and registered the silkiness of the strands. A brief though of how the memory would be perfect for my alone time flitted through my mind before I felt her mouth against my neck. Her damp, warm tongue caressed my skin, making me close my eyes. My senses were overloaded, and I had lost the ability to focus.

I grasped the ends of her hair tighter when I felt her smooth fingers run across the skin above the waistband of my pants. My breath came out in pants when she opened the button on my trousers and dragged the zipper down. Sweat ran down my temple when I felt her nudge me and softly asked me to lift up.

The muscles in my arms were shaking when she pulled my pants and boxers down, gently pushing me so I was laying on the bed. Pounding ears caught I Want You (She's So Heavy), but the music was distorted, as if I was underwater. The moment her hand wrapped around my erection, I lost the ability to speak.

Loud sounds came from somewhere, and I could feel her hand moving up and down my shaft. The pressure of her body met my chest, causing me to moan. A second later, her hand left my throbbing cock, returning with a slickness that…Felt. So. Damn. Good.

Her hand pried open the fingers wrapped around her hair, and then she leaned down. Bella's lips pressed against mine in a gentle brush—her hand moved faster. I opened my mouth, and her tongue swept across the roof of my mouth. I pushed mine forward, meeting hers, and we tangled our tongues together. It was wet, awkward, and oh so good.

"Edward, your father won't watch the Notebook with me, will you…oh," my mother said as she opened my door.

I jumped up—my head colliding with Bella's as I moved. Pulling my pants up, I grabbed my head and turned toward the girl on my bed. Her own head was cradled in her hands, and I moved to see if she was okay.

"I'm fine," Bella mumbled, not moving from her half sitting position on the bed.

"Mother!" I shouted, turning toward her.

She looked at me with a smug smile. "I can see you're busy. I'll leave you two alone."

Esme left the room and closed the door behind her. Closing my eyes, I willed a black hole to form so it could suck me in. Nothingness was better than the situation I was in at the moment. I heard a rustling—I opened my lids and watched as Bella straightened her clothes.

"Um, uh…I'm going to go. Thanks, Edward," she whispered and then opened the door.

"Wait!" I yelled as I followed her out of the room. She ran up the steps and out the back door. When I finally caught up to her, she was in her car driving off.

"Goddamn it!" I screamed into the night air. I had no idea what had caused Bella to do what she'd done, but I did know that having it end like that wasn't good. How could I have been such an idiot? I knew that my mother didn't respect my privacy, coming into my room whenever she felt like it. Hell, I had to keep the door locked most times so she wouldn't catch me jerking off. The one time I have a girl in my room with willing sexual contact involved…I leave the damn door unlocked. Fuck me.

Entering the house again, I met my parents in the kitchen. My mother was bouncing with barely contained glee, and my father looked…proud?

"So, how was it?" Carlisle asked.

"What?" I asked.

"You know, how was it?" he questioned and waggled his eyebrows.

"It wasn't," I said, walking toward the basement steps. My mother grabbed my arm, stopping me.

"So, who is she?" she asked with a smile.

"Just some girl from work. Can I go now? I'm embarrassed enough as it is," I mumbled.

"Oh, I'm so happy. My son has finally found a girl. Don't worry, sweetie. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Your first time never lasts very long. Now that that's out of the way, you can work on lasting longer…" Esme said.

"Hold on. You think that…" I said. Nervous laughter escaped me, and I kept going until I was hunched over. Both of my parents looked at me with shock and worry.

"It's okay, son. Your mother is right. No man lasts more than a few minutes the first time," Carlisle informed.

"Oh, and how would I have accomplished even a humiliating fuck with her, huh?" I asked. "This one can't even leave me alone for five minutes before she's dragging me off to watch some ridiculously sappy movie." I pointed toward my mother.

"Edward Anthony!" she scolded. "I make you watch those ridiculously sappy movies so you can learn how to be the type of man girls want. Good gracious, you'd never figure it out on your own. I'm just helping you."

"Yeah, you've been really helpful," I said sarcastically.

"What is with you?" she asked. "Why are you snapping at me? You should be much happier. Unless…um, do you have an erectile problem? Oh no! I shouldn't have interrupted you. You were fine before I left, but I'm sure my presence didn't help."

"Oh my God," I muttered.

"Son, now I can give you some Viagra if this persists. You're not quite old enough yet, but I don't want that to stop you from…"

"Please stop," I begged. "I'm leaving now, and hopefully I'll be killed by carbon monoxide poisoning in my sleep."

With that, I trudged downstairs and entered my room. Slamming and locking the door, I fell onto my bed. I had no idea how I was ever going to face Bella again, or go back to work.

The weekend went by at warp speed, and before I knew it, it was Monday. For most of the day, I was able to talk Ben into going out and doing computer repairs while I hid in the cubicle. I made up work, and I'm sure he was convinced it was all bullshit, but he didn't question it. I'm sure he figured that it would benefit him in the long run, and he would have been right. I managed to put us ahead at least a few weeks.

When lunch time came, I begged one of the other IT guys to go get my food for me. That had cost me my afternoon break, but hell, I didn't care. It was worth dodging the humiliation of seeing a certain brunette beauty that had enough embarrassing knowledge about me to ruin any standing I had at the company.

I was patting myself on the back for managing to successfully hide all day when the phone rang an hour before it ended. Ben, of course, had left to do God knows what, and everyone else was busy with other things. I wanted to cry. Why, God? Why now?

"Edward Cullen, IT department," I said in the most professional tone I could muster.

"Hi, Edward," Bella replied.

I must be cursed. Why…why is this happening to me? Isn't it enough she tried to give me a pity hand job, only to be interrupted by my crazy, boundary-challenged mother? Maybe you could make this day complete, and a bus could hit me on the way to the parking lot. Thanks, fate. You are a horrible, ugly bitch.

"Uh, hey, what can I do for you?" I asked. My voice squeaked, highlighting what a loser I was.

"My computer is frozen again. Can you come look at it?" she asked shyly.

Of course, because I'd almost managed to avoid her all day. Can't have that, now, can we? Damn it.

"Um, sure. As soon as Ben comes back, I'll send him up," I answered.

"I hate to ask, but could you come up now? I have some work that needs to be done today, and I'm already going to be staying late. I'd really appreciate it."

I banged my head on my desk a few times, hating myself. The pleading in her voice was more than I could take, and I ended up agreeing to help her. Oh, why was I such a pushover? It was going to be a disaster, and I was certain Bella was going to laugh at me.

On my way up, I passed Ben on his way back to our cubicle. I flipped him off, and he had the audacity to look upset. Yeah, fucker, you left me hanging. You deserved it.

Bella was standing in the entrance of her cubicle when I made it up there. She straightened up when she saw me and blocked my path.

"Before you get started, could you help me with something else?" she asked. "I need some printer paper, and it's on the top shelf where I can't reach it. Everyone else is busy, so…"

I sighed. "Sure, where's the supply closet?"

I followed behind her as she led me to where the paper was stored. After she unlocked and opened the door, I entered the small space, reaching up to take a ream off the top shelf. The sound of the door slamming shut caused me to drop it, and I spun around. Bella was standing with her back to the door—a wide smile plastered on her face. I gulped and had no idea what was going on.

"I'm positive that we won't be interrupted this time, especially since I swiped the only key to the supply closet," she admitted in a sexy voice.

"What…you…why…" I sputtered.

"You see, I've noticed you for quite a while, and I've always been too scared to approach you. I mean, you're a really smart guy, and why would you want a girl that's not mentally your equal? I only went to community college, and you probably have, like, a master's degree or something," she said.

I stood there, in a stupor, as she made her confession.

"Yet, I can't help myself. I've wanted you from the moment I first saw you. I'm tired of my shyness keeping me away from you. I'm going to be the bold one," she admitted.

"I, uh..um," I stated dumbly.

"It's those black-rimmed glasses, the sex hair, the fact that you're polite and treat women with respect that makes me want you," she continued, motioning to each part. "And now that your mother won't walk in on us, I'm going to take full advantage of our privacy."

She pushed off of the door and grabbed my head, pulling me down to her. Her lips attached to mine roughly, and she shoved her tongue in my mouth. I froze for a second, and then when my brain started working again, reciprocated. My hands attached themselves to her hips, and her hands clutched my shirt as she pushed me backwards.

My back hit the wall with a thud. I detached my mouth from Bella, trying to replenish the air she'd knocked out of me during that move.

"A-are you sure? I mean, um, I'm just a geek…" I started, but she cut me off.

"Shut it. I love it when you speak geek, it turns me on. So, if you're a geek, you're my hot geek," Bella declared.

The last of my self-doubt had been smashed by her words, and I crashed my lips to hers, causing her to moan. The sound awoke something dark and primal within me, and it wasn't long until I had her shirt off, massaging her cloth-covered breasts. I shifted our positions and pressed my body against hers, trapping my hands between us. My hips thrust into her stomach when I felt her hands cup and squeeze my ass. Oh, God, please don't let me come in my pants.

"I want you. Please, Edward, I can't wait any longer," she pleaded.

"What do you want, Bella?" I asked, trying to channel all of those cheesy guys in the chick flicks I'd been forced to watch over the years.

"Get naked, baby, and fuck me," she begged.

I took a deep breath and implored my dick to behave. I was about to lose my virginity to the girl I had daydreamed about for months, and I was not going to fuck it up. Backing away, I began to remove my clothes, watching as Bella did the same. As I was pushing my pants down, I couldn't figure out why they wouldn't come off my legs. Bella giggled as she watched me struggle with them.

"Um, it might be a good idea to take off your shoes first. My pants always come off better when I do," she advised with a snort.

Well, so much for being suave, I thought as I bent down to untie and remove my shoes. However, I had to fight with my pant legs because I was in such a hurry to get them off. In my precarious position, I lost my balance and crashed into the wall, hitting my head.

"Fuck!' I yelled, holding my head as I stood back up.

"Are you all right?" Bella asked with concern.

"Yeah, remember I'm a dork? Shit like this happens all the time," I responded.

"We're in a supply closet. Do you really think I expect perfection?" she pointed out.

"Um, yeah," I answered.

She bent down and helped me remove my shoes, underwear, and pants. "I don't. I just expect to get off. Think you can help me out with that, Edward?" she asked.

I shuddered. "Um, I've never…" I started to say. I thought it was only fair that she should know it would officially be my first time, and I might let her down. Fuck, this was embarrassing.

"Really?" she asked. I nodded my head.

She jumped on me, causing me to fall to the floor with her on top of me. Bella rose up and pulled her panties off, making me whimper. I couldn't believe after all the shit that had happened to me…she was still willing to sleep with me.

I take it all back. Fate, you are a wonderful, beautiful being. I will never doubt you again.

Still leaning away from my chest, she unhooked her bra and took it off, flinging it across the small enclosed space. Seeing her bare breasts for the first time had me mesmerized, and I moved my hands in what seemed like slow motion to them. Impatiently, she took my hands and placed them on those wonderful mounds, guiding them in the way she liked to be touched.

I cried out suddenly when she impaled herself on my cock. Oh my God. I had never felt something so wet, tight, and warm wrapped around it. Any control I might have had was gone as I thrust upward, trying unsuccessfully to meet her movements. Trying to be quiet also flew out the window as well, because I couldn't hold in my loud groans and grunts.

"Oh, baby," Bella cried. "Your big, thick cock feels soooo good."

And that did it.

I came with a surprising force, making my toes curl and my back arch upward. It was possible I went blind for a few seconds, too, because everything went black. When I regained the ability to see, I looked up and saw Bella straddling me. She had a smug smile on her face.

"Well, that was nice," she mused, "but I still want mine."

Reaching behind her, Bella grabbed my undershirt and wiped between her legs. I watched as she threw it and crawled over me. She placed her—holy fuck—pussy right above my mouth.

"You still owe me an orgasm, and I intend to collect," she said.

I'd watched enough porn to know I was going to have another first as I ran my tongue across her clit. She tasted good, and I dove right in.

"Use your fingers," she said with a moan.

I was a little stumped, until she reached down and guided them exactly where she wanted them. I ate her with fervor, pumping two fingers inside her and licking her clitoris. By the time she was thrusting into my face, my cock was hard and leaking pre-cum. The hand that wasn't fucking her grabbed a hold of her ass and squeezed.

"Bella, I need…I need," I said in a whimper while my mouth was still attached to her pussy.

She must have understood, because she stopped me and rearranged herself so she was facing the other way. When I started again, she grabbed my dick and started pumping it with her hand. I put all of my focus on my task, trying to ignore the delicious sensations she was creating because—damn it—she was coming first that time.

"Oh, Edward…Oh…God…yes…right there," she demanded, shifting her hips and coming all over my face with a long, drawn out moan. A few more thrusts upward with my cock still in her hand had me coming again, all over that hand and my stomach.

She moved off of me while I tried to calm my breathing. That had been the most erotic experience I'd ever had, and I wished it didn't have to end. However, when Bella handed me my clothes, sans the ruined undershirt, I knew my time with her was up. Regardless of what happened when we left that room, I would always remember that day fondly.

Both of us quickly dressed, and we decided that I would leave first. I figured I'd just circle back around her to cubicle and then fix whatever problem she had called for in the first place. With a smile in place, she unlocked the door and cracked it open. Thank you, my angel. I think I may be in love with you, I said to Bella in my head.

I exited the closet and froze. The entire HR department, plus Emmett was standing outside the door. When Bella came out to see what was going on, a round of applause erupted from the mass of people. Kill me now. Please?

My face burned, and I started to walk off in mortification. Bella grabbed my wrist, pulling me back. I looked at her with confusion, watching as she turned toward the crowd.

"What the hell is this?" Bella asked.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but we had to congratulate you on fucking Cullen. Hell, someone had to relax his uptight ass," Emmett said with barely contained laughter.

"What? How did you know it was us? And, why are you perving outside the door?" she questioned with anger laced in her tone.

"Well, between him yelling 'oh, Bella…oh, Bella' and you screaming 'right there, Edward,' it wasn't hard to guess," he replied in a mocking tone. "You are brave, though, for doing it. Half the women here wouldn't stoop so low."

I hung my head. God, I fucking hate Emmett.

"Jealous, are we?" she said smugly.

My head snapped up in her direction and my mouth hung open.

"Huh?" Emmett asked.

"I asked if you were jealous. I did turn you down the other day when you asked me out," Bella stated.

"Well, whatever. Your loss, baby," he said.

"Oh, yeah…my loss," Bella said with a snort. "I caught you and Rosalie the other day in the copy room, and…uh, I think I'd rather fuck Edward. He has a lot more to offer me," she said cryptically.

"Whoa, wait a minute…" Emmett called out as Bella whipped by him, dragging me by the arm behind her.

"You do know that Emmett is probably going to kill me, or we're going to get fired, right?" I asked.

"Do you like your job that much?" she questioned back.

"No, not really," I admitted.

"Well, then, it doesn't matter. We'll deal with it tomorrow. Tonight, you owe me dinner," she said. Bella left me standing outside her cubicle while she grabbed her purse and jacket.

"Uh, what about your computer?" I asked dumbly.

"Oh, that?" she asked, turning toward it.

"Yeah, that," I replied.

"I lied so you'd come up here," she admitted.

I looked at her wide eyed, trying to process what she had said. So, she had basically lured me up there for the purpose of having sex with me? I started to hyperventilate, because I was in shock. Girls do not call me for a quick fuck in a storage room. Hell, they barely talk to me.

"You coming?" she asked.

I smiled. I would follow the girl anywhere, and I had a feeling that moment was the beginning of something that was going to be beautiful.

"Not yet, but maybe you can help with that later," I said sarcastically.

"You're learning. There might be hope for you yet," Bella said, sassing right back.

I grabbed her hand, interlacing our fingers, and let her take the lead. I had a feeling I would be doing that often.


Not using protection for sexual activities is a big no-no. It can leave you open for all kinds of nasty diseases and pregnancy. However, since this is make-believe, we're going to assume that Edward and Bella are disease-free. For the risk of pregnancy, though, I'm leaving it open for a possible future take of these two. Who knows? Esme may get her wish after all. Oh, and if you don't know what a PEBKAC error is, Google it. You might be surprised what your IT guy really means when he (or she) uses the term.