Chapter 5: Crazy Us
Is it crazy all that makes sense is you? ~ Kat Dalia
I didn't want to go to school today. Yesterday I'd just kind of avoided everyone, but I didn't want to go through with it again. I hated dodging the others in hallways, and I did not enjoy having lunch in the girl's bathroom.
Nope, not even in the slightest.
I was going to just stay in bed, tell my parents I'm sick with the stomach flu, and watch reruns of Gossip Girl until I've stuffed my face with enough rocky road ice cream and blocked cheeses until I passed out and woke up in a new, parallel universe where things were normal again. It was honestly a genius, under appreciated plan.
Of course though, I couldn't. I woke up early to tell my parents I wasn't feeling well, but of course Trina came in my room blaring that I had to show up today so I could run some bars of a song with her during study hall. I have no idea what she was auditioning for, but I already know she wasn't going to get the part.
"You're going to school!" Trina yelled. Why did she like yelling in the morning.
"No! I don't feel good." It wasn't completely a lie. Jade was making me sick. Or confused… or both… I wasn't sure but I didn't want to deal with any of it today.
"You're fine!" I still shook my head. "Tori, you promised!"
"When the hell did I promise anything?"
"When we were kids you promised me you'd help me realize my dreams!"
I rolled my eyes. "You seriously aren't holding that against me are you?"
She crossed her arms. "A promise is a promise."
~Recommended Song is Crazy by Kat Dahlia~
Is it crazy that I want you to stay
When I tell you to leave,
When I tell you go?
I shouldn't take so much in satisfaction in my ability to dodge my friends, but I was actually getting pretty good at it. All morning I took quick trips to my locker and when classes were over, I was the first one out of the door. I think I could write a book on this, for anyone who didn't want a social life I guess.
I think the only person really taking a concern with my absence was Andre, for the simple fact I'd dodged all his questions and ignored him in class. He's my best friend after all, and I expected him to be worried over me. I just wish he wasn't. Beck on the other hand was trying really hard to mend his relationship with Jade, and Robbie seemed pretty preoccupied with something I was completely unaware of, and Cat was well… being Cat. You know, that oblivious and sort of cute verging on annoying kind of attitude she had.
I knew Jade wasn't going to show any outward concern over me staying away from everyone. I'm sure she played it up like she loved it. Still, she had called me last night, three times actually, and I honestly couldn't imagine why, but I didn't want to talk to her. I couldn't. And I noticed the extra-long glances she was giving me, but I just turned my head and kept walking.
I think I was handling this all quite well.
Is it crazy that I say your own name
More times a day
Than I say my own?
Tell me, baby, is it crazy?
Still, I had half a day to go. I'm getting anxious, and the anxiety was driving me crazy, and what's making it worse is that I'm sitting next to Andre in Theatre Tech while Robbie and Cat sit across from us, helping us tape up some 2x4's that were going to be painted later for the set of the play I still hadn't studied my lines for, because, of course I hadn't. Andre keeps trying to start conversation, and I'm replying with syllables that, under any other circumstances, were only acceptable to use with telemarketers and strangers who stood too close in the elevator.
Robbie and Cat were busy arguing over how to mix Steak and Cake to make an ultimate dinner dessert combo and I was finishing taping up my last board when Andre nudged me for the tenth time.
"Hmm?" I don't give him eye contact. I know it bothers him.
"Hey Tori, can we talk after class," he asks. "I'm worried about you."
"Yeah, sure, if we have time."
I need to make sure we don't have time.
I haphazardly tape the last board and mark it ready for painting then I grab my bag and tell the teacher I'm going to use the bathroom. I don't wait for her response before I leave. I need some space. And I know Andre thinks I'm losing my mind, and he just wants confirmation I'm not. But I wasn't going to talk to him about it, not now.
So, my plan was to spend the last ten minutes of class in the Janitor's closest. I'm honestly surprised this man hasn't decided to lock this place up, but he probably doesn't get paid enough to care.
I'm pacing now, and my stomach is in knots. I use the scrunchy on my wrist to put my hair up into a bun just to stop thinking for a second. Why am I even here? I could just leave. Trina would just have to blow out someone else's ears. I didn't want to deal with Andre's questions, or Jade's stares. I just wanted some air.
Yeah, I need to know if it's crazy.
Making my decision, I turn to leave but the door opens for me. It's Jade, because, of course it is. She sees me and closes the door behind her. She lets her purse fall to the floor. It's completely silent for a minute that could last a full six seasons of Gossip Girl I regrettably wasn't at home watching. I think the world stopped turning just so whoever controlled time and space could focus solely on my torture.
I take a shaky breath, being the first one to break the silence that was clearly suffocating us both. "Jade, I'm, just going to head ho-"
"Sorry about the other day," she says quickly, almost too fast to register. I'm never going to get used to her apologizing, ever. "The other day was, a little too much I guess."
I sigh. "Yeah, I think it was, for… the both of us." What are we doing? What am I doing? I don't understand what's going on here, between… us. She is literally driving me crazy. And for some reason, I'm letting her do it.
I been up all night long
In my head,
Tryna figure out what I want, what I do,
What I don't.
I step closer to her. These knots in my stomach are making me sick. "I, uh…" What am I supposed to say here? I need to tell her I can't do this. That, I just can't deal with what's going on here. We should just go back to just putting up with each other. Let's go back to something comfortable. Why keep sleeping on a bed of nails when we could go back to cushioned furniture?
She is still staring at the ground. "Maybe I thought, I could get it out of my system, or something… I don't know, I mess everything up."
"You're not the only one."
She's looking at me now, and I realize how close in proximity we are, a closeness that should be made illegal in every country. The door is right behind her and I should leave. But the air in here has changed. Its suddenly went from a foggy cloud to almost an unbearably heat wave. Her eyes, those beautiful freaking eyes, they're making my head spin. I don't think I could walk in a straight line if my life depended on it.
I'm going absolutely insane. I know I am.
And it's all because of her.
Is it crazy all them answers is you?
Tell me 'cause it's blowing my mind,
Tell me 'cause I don't understand,
How someone just can walk into your life,
And everything before them you forget.
Then, to my surprise, Jade's arm moved. I felt her hand slide up the back of my neck, into my hair. I can't control the shiver that runs up my spine as she pulls on the scrunchy, making my hair fall down around my shoulders.
"Did you?" The words fall from my trembling lips before I could stop them. It's a question that seals my fate.
Jade blinks. "Did I what?"
"Get it…. Out your system?"
"What do you think?"
The words are harsh, almost menacing, but I can't respond because the millisecond after they were said, her lips were on mine, and something of what happened the other day starts all over again. I kiss her back immediately this time, not questioning it. I don't know what changed in that single moment between me ready to abandon everything and suddenly wanting Jade right now more than I've ever wanted anyone in my life, but it's happened.
And I'm enjoying it.
Baby, tell me the truth,
I need to know.
Is it crazy?
Baby, is it crazy?
Jade presses me up against the wall, kissing me roughly as her hands roam up my sides under my shirt. I use my arms to pull her closer, parting my lip and stating a tongue battle I was blatantly losing. But I didn't mind in the slightest.
My hands roamed up her stomach as we kissed, and I smiled, feeling a rush in me as I felt the buttons of her blouse under my fingers. I began unbuttoning her shirt and paused for a second where when I reached her breasts. Jade realized the hesitation and pulled her hands away, unbuttoning the rest of her shirt and throwing it to the floor in almost one swift motion, all while kissing me.
I see myself falling, and I don't want to get up.
Is it crazy that I keep your shirt right here, just to smell your cologne?
Damn that sounds crazy.
Tell me is it crazy?
Her kisses are making me dizzy, and I almost want to stop just so I can think again, but thinking hadn't done anything lately but make me anxious and anti-social. Right now, I wanted this, her, and I couldn't pull myself away. She took a second to pull away for air and pulls my shirt off while she's at it. I knew Jade liked control, and I realized that if she couldn't control her feelings for me, she'd direct her need for control somewhere else, and she was exercising it right here. I liked giving her the control. She knew how to use it.
Well if it is, I'll just be crazy for you.
Baby, 'cause it's blowing my mind.
Tell me, 'cause I don't understand,
How someone just can walk into your life,
And everything before them you forget.
The sad part is I think we both forgot where we were, and how vulnerable we had made ourselves. For a minute it's nothing but Jade, just us. I honestly believed the world had stopped for a second, or that we had ended up somewhere else. But we hadn't. That was our first mistake.
We don't even notice until the door opens and shuts. We both jump and break to stare out our intruder.
I cover myself with my arms. He is just standing, staring at us wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open for one of those full, regrettable Gossip Girl minutes. He's looked like he's seen a ghost, or two ghost female's making out.
Jade looks absolutely furious. I don't know how to feel anything right now other than horrified.
"Sinjin," she hisses, pulling the scissors I hadn't even noticed out of her back pocket. "What the hell are you doing here?"
He looked around, absolutely terrified now. "I..I… just… wanted to smell the Clorox!"
"What?" I asked, confused. "Why?"
"It relaxes me. Opens up my pores."
"I don't care," Jade says, pushing him back against the wall, waving the scissors menacingly.
"Jade, calm down." Jade might honestly kill him. I didn't need to witness a murder on top of everything else.
Jade pauses to look at me for a second, then glares back at Sinjin. "Don't you dare, say anything, I mean anything of what you saw." She puts the tip of the scissors right on his nose, and I see sweat bead down his forehead. "If I even think you did, I'm going to make thousands of tiny cuts on you and then dunk you in a tub full of your favorite 'pore opener', understand?"
Geez, even I was a little scared.
Jade put the scissors back in her pocket and put her shirt back on. "I'm going to leave first. You two leave after the bell rings, okay?"
We both nod, I want to say something to Jade, but I know not to egg her on when she's pissed. Besides, I didn't want to say anything in front of Sinjin. So I just let her leave, slamming the door behind her.
After she's gone, me and Sinjin just stare at each other for a second. It's awkward, especially with the whole me being shirtless thing.
"Um, can you-" I motion at him awkwardly with my head. He gets red and turns around. I leaned down to pick up my shirt and I hear a creak and suddenly feel something metal hit my head from above. I grabbed the back of my head as I felt the pain intensify and see a paint can roll at my feet.
"Oh, crap, Tori are you okay?" Sinjin walks over to me and helps me regain my balance. I could feel the headache coming on. This could not get any worse.
But it did, because, of course it did.
"Oh my God!" I already knows it's Cat. I see her, standing there, the same look Sinjin had when he walked in.
"Wait, Cat," I wince, the pain clinging to my skull like bubblegum.
Cat turns and leaves. Sinjin gulps, scratching the back of his neck. "Sorry! Crap, should we, uh, call the hospital or…?"
"No!" I say, completely irritated. I put on my shirt and grab my bag. "I gotta get Cat." I leave him in his confused, mortified state. I had full confidence Jade had dealt with Sinjin well enough, but Cat was a loose cannon.
I found Cat, standing near her locker looking worried. I sighed, going up to her and grabbing her shoulder.
Cat blinked at me. "Tori, I'm so sorry!" She says quickly. "I didn't… I mean… are you dating Sinjin?"
She could've asked if I had planted a bomb in the school with the same tone and it would've sounded just as bad, if not slightly worse.
I shake my head. "No, Cat. No, nothing happened."
"B-But, I saw you guys-"
"No," I cut her off, pronouncing each word carefully. "No, Cat, nothing happened. Nothing at all. It was, is, a complete misunderstanding. Sinjin and I are frie- er, well, acquaintances. Okay?" She nods slowly. "And we won't say anything to anyone about this. Okay?"
She nods slowly, her expression a mixture of confusion and displeasure in the situation. I could understand, which is why I was talking to her calmly and not like how Jade had with Sinjin.
"Tori, Cat!" I wince, looking back and seeing Andre wave at us to come over. He's with Beck, Robbie and Jade, standing near the door, ready for lunch. I sigh internally, not willing to go.
"Are we going to lunch?" Cat asked. Did she feel like she needed my permission?
"You go. I'll be there in a second." I just need a few minutes to collect myself, or a few decades. The latter would be better.
Cat nods again, leaving me by her locker to head towards the others. I guess she told them I was coming later as they headed out the door to the outside eating area.
It's official. I'm crazy.
I turn to see the owner of the voice. I'm met with long blonde hair and green eyes.
"Oh, Hey Deana," I say, not really in the mood for talking.
She smiles, bright enough to cause the sun to put in its two week notice. "Hey, so how are you on your lines? I'm having trouble with page seven. It's practically a friggin' monologue!"
I shrug. I haven't thought about the play, and I honestly don't want to. At the moment, I was thinking of dropping out. I already feel like I'm going crazy, and the added stress wasn't helping.
"Well, I haven't really looked at the script…"
"What!" She gasps, her hair bouncing with her expression. This girl was a real life cartoon. "You're not thinking of dropping out are you?"
I clear my throat. "Um, well, maybe. It isn't feeling right. Besides, I think you'd be a great Annie." I was trying to put some enthusiasm behind it, but my emotions had been sucked out of me.
She shook her head. "No way. You got the part because you're amazing!" She says. I didn't think this girl thought so highly of me. Can't say I hated the praise. "Why don't we work on your lines together? We can go in Mr. Sikowitz' room for lunch and do some scenes."
I blink. "Really? Um, I'm not so sure…"
"C'mon! I'd love to get some pointers from the Legendary Tori Vega."
I could tell this girl flattered her way into almost anything. She was good at it, I give her that.
"Sure let's go."
At least I had an excuse to avoid the others now. Maybe throwing myself into the play would keep me from confronting life for a little while. I could put off talking to Andre, hopefully Cat and Sinjin would keep their mouths shut, and maybe I could use this as an excuse to not listen to Trina sing. Time far away from Jade, the one driving me off the deep end, and Andre, the one trying to drag me up for answers. Now that I thought about it more, it sounded almost too good to pass up.
I'm crazy, crazy, crazy for you
I'm crazy, crazy, crazy for you
Ugh, this would've been up two days ago, but of course FF decided to malfunction for a bit. Heard it was a Power Outage in CA? To think, even us on the East coast aren't safe anymore...
Anyways, this was a fun chapter to write. Next chapter is gunna be even more fun, I think. Btw Kat Dahlia is one of my top 5 artists.
Anyway, Review and tell me what you think. I'll see you guys later this week with some other stories and this one within the next two weeks hopefully. ONline classes have opened up my schedule a bit! Thanks for reading.